


Interwoven

by themayqueen



Series: Sweetest Downfall [6]
Category: Hanson
Genre: Alcohol, Attempted Kidnapping, Attempted Murder, Children, College, Drinking to Cope, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Post-Divorce, Sexual Content, Single Parents, Stalking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-26
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 14:22:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 47
Words: 116,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/775202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer accepts a job offer in Tulsa, despite her fears that it is a horrible idea, and it isn’t long before she crosses paths with Zac again. She wants nothing more than to move on with her life, but Zac stubbornly refuses to stay out of her life. Soon, the two of them find that their roles have switched and neither of them know who to trust anymore besides each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Left With No Goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with Cause and Effect, the first story in this series, this first "chapter" is really a prologue.

The road seemed to stretch on forever in front of Spencer. She knew she was getting closer and closer to Tulsa but it hardly felt that way. She checked her rear view mirror for probably the one millionth time, just to be sure that her mother was still keeping close behind. Without fail, the silver pickup truck pulling the U-Haul was still there, and Spencer thought she could almost make out her mother’s figure inside, no doubt talking Abbey’s ear off.

It still seemed almost unbelievable to Spencer that her life had taken this turn, but after the events of three summers ago, she wasn’t really sure that anything was impossible. As the endless interstate stretched on, Spencer thought back on this newest change. It had only happened three months prior – barely enough time for it to all sink in.

Just three weeks shy of her graduation from Vanderbilt University as Dr. Spencer Kerr, she received the letter that changed everything. She had sent out nearly a dozen job applications and a few of them had written back, but most of the offers were unappealing — either the pay was too low, it wasn’t a university she really liked, or it was one of the community colleges she had applied to just in case no one else hired her. Then the last letter came.

 

_“Spence?” Abbey called out as she entered the apartment. “Mail for you! And I think you’ll like this one.”_

_“Oh yeah?” Spencer replied, raising an eyebrow as she looked up from the pasta that simply refused to boil for her. “What is it?”_

_Abbey waved the envelope around in front of her, but Spencer couldn’t read the seal on it. It looked much thicker than the rejection letters she’d received. “See for yourself.”_

_She snatched it out of Abbey’s hand and stared incredulously at the front. In the corner with the return address was the seal of the one college she had not expected to hear back from._

_University of Tulsa._

_She tore open the envelope and scanned the first page. It looked like a standard form letter, but it was certainly not a rejection. In fact, it was the exact opposite. She had been accepted as an associate professor beginning in the fall semester. She quickly flipped through the other documents in the envelope. Several of them were just general brochures and literature about the college and their English department, but the last one contained the information she was most interested in. The words tenure track jumped out at her immediately, as did an estimated salary much _higher than any of the other colleges she had heard from.__

_The sound of water boiling over brought Spencer back to earth. She tossed the papers down and hurried to turn off the stove and remove the offending pot of pasta._

_“Holy shit!” Abbey exclaimed. “You’re taking this job, right?”_

_Spencer turned back around to see that Abbey had picked up the papers. Her eyes were wide and a smile had overtaken her face completely as she looked up at Spencer._

_“I guess so…” Spencer trailed off, trying to sound happier than she was. “I’d be crazy not to, right?”_

_“Why don’t you sound happier about this?” Abbey asked, then answered her own question. “Because Tulsa is where he lives, isn’t it?”_

 

He. She wouldn’t say his name. That was an unspoken agreement the two had come to in the two years since Zac Hanson had walked out of their apartment and Spencer’s life. Spencer knew he had been in Nashville a few times since the last time she saw him, but she had made no attempts to find him, nor had he called or stopped by her apartment. She was certain that meeting would be their last.

That was, until she made the decision to move right into his hometown. In the three months since she accepted the job offer, mailed in the signed contract and negotiated an apartment over the phone, she still couldn’t believe she was going through with it. She had applied for the job on a whim, knowing that even if there was a chance of running into Zac, TU had a great English department and was similar enough to Vanderbilt that it wouldn’t be a huge culture shock to her like a larger university might have been. It seemed like the perfect job.

As she passed by the giant “OKLAHOMA” sign, Spencer could only hope she had made the right decision.


	2. Time Stopped Moving

The apartment wasn’t much, but there was one thing it definitely was – hers.

Spencer hadn’t even set foot in Tulsa when she finalized the rental agreement on the apartment. She had scoured the internet for apartments that were both near the university and in her price range, and when she came up with one that suited her well enough, she placed a phone call and had everything sorted out. She paid the security deposit and the first month’s rent with a large chunk of the graduation money her family had mailed to her, and that was that.

She had nearly a month to get adjusted to Tulsa before her classes started. She couldn’t stop referring to them as her classes, even though this time she was only the teacher, not the student.

Most of that time had been occupied with various campus visits and orientations. Her classes for that semester were only introductory levels and surveys required for several different majors, so the texts and much of the syllabi had been predetermined. That alleviated just a little bit of Spencer’s stress, leaving her more time get everything in her apartment situated and learn her way around the city. It didn’t take her long to discover all manner of cute boutiques, art galleries and – of course – coffee shops within just a short distance from her apartment.

Still, Tulsa felt more like a vacation than a new home, and the first day of classes was so nerve-racking that she might have been an incoming freshman herself. It seemed she had scattered half her wardrobe around her bedroom floor before finally deciding on possibly the most boring combination of white blouse and black skirt that she owned. Her apartment was just a bit too far from the college to walk. Instead, she filled her thermos with coffee, piled all her books and lecture notes into her messenger bag, tossed it into the passenger seat of her brand new Hyundai Tiburon (an expensive, but appreciated, graduation present from her father) and set off for the college.

Thanks to the numerous visits she had had to make before classes started, Spencer was able to find the nearest parking lot to her lecture hall with little trouble at all. She only had to stop once for some confused looking students who didn’t seem to understand the concept of a crosswalk, and was pleased to find that she even had enough time to drop off a few books at her office. The office was little more than a glorified janitor’s closet, but like the apartment, it was hers.

Once she’d piled up the books on her desk and found the schedule that told her which class she would be teaching first – American Literature – she was ready to go. She was still nervous, to be sure, but getting back in the classroom was just a little bit relaxing. It was one place she had always liked to be. It was something she knew she was good at, from either side of the teacher’s desk. In short, it was her comfort zone.

The classroom was the typical theater-style lecture hall, but not overly large like the ones used for most general classes. She knew this particular class was used to fulfill various requirements, so the students would likely be a mixture of all sorts of majors. At least there might be a chance of a few English majors with a genuine interest in the subject, she thought, as she watched the students filter into the room.

Once it looked like all the students who were going to show up had found seats she cleared her throat and began. “Good morning, everyone. I’m Dr. Spencer Kerr; you may call me Dr. Kerr. As you can tell by the coffee cup, I’m not a morning person, so trust me, this is just about as much fun for me as it is for you. The topic of the class might be boring for some of you, but I’m sure we can find something in it for you guys to appreciate. Now, before I get into what we’re actually going to study this semester, I’d like to get to know you all.”

She paused to leaf through the papers on her desk, until she found the printout with the list of the course’s enrollment. With nearly fifty students, she knew there was little chance she would remember all of their names, but it didn’t hurt to make sure that everyone who had registered had indeed turned up for the first session.

“Just raise your hand as I call your name,” Spencer said. “If your name is missing, incorrect, or if you go by something other than what I have listed, please let me know.”

She made her way down the list, checking off each name until she came to one that gave her a moment’s pause.

“Joshua M. Hanson?” Spencer gulped as she glanced up to see who answered to that name.

A boy in the front row with curly brown hair and a disturbingly familiar smile raised his hand. “It’s Mac.”

Spencer nodded dumbly as she scribbled those three letters onto the paper and continued on down the list. She eyed that boy suspiciously for the rest of the lecture, but tried to be discreet about it, only looking up from her copy of the syllabus when she added a comment to what was on the page.

Finally, she reached the last page of her notes. “I think that basically covers the syllabus. I’ll spend the rest of this week’s classes getting you guys acquainted with the timeline of American literature and some basic terms you’ll need to proceed, then we’ll dive into the first readings. Unless you have any questions, I think we can go ahead and end class early today. Don’t get too accustomed to that.”

She saw several students sigh in relief and reach for their bags. One girl’s hand shot up in the air as she called out, “Will you be grading on a curve?”

“Most likely, no. You’ll only have two big exams, anyway. But I’ll make a decision about any possible curve once I see what the grades shape up to be,” Spencer answered. “Anything else?”

The boy she now knew as Mac shifted in his seat and asked, “You’re new this year, right?”

“Yes, I am,” Spencer replied, mentally making a note _not_ to mention that in her freshman classes.

“You look pretty young.”

It was a fair observation, but his tone of voice annoyed her. “Is that a question?”

“No,” he admitted, a small smirk passing across his face. “But how old are you?”

Spencer stared as blankly as she could manage at Mac. He was, for whatever reason, trying to rattle her. She stood up a bit straighter and replied, “I’m plenty old enough to be a professor, as the Doctor in front of my name implies. I’ll be twenty-seven in February, so unfortunately any birthday gifts will be too late to affect your grade in this course.”

A few of the students laughed at her remarks, but Mac didn’t look all that amused. Spencer ignored his stare as she dismissed the students and turned her attention to gathering her own belongings. With her books, papers and coffee in tow, she headed down the hallway to her office. She tossed down everything but the coffee, which she clutched tightly in her hand as she sat down in front of her computer.

She sighed and sipped on the now lukewarm coffee as she waited for the computer to boot up. Meeting this new Hanson boy had not been what she needed on her first day of classes. It was enough to possibly throw her off for the rest of the day, even though she knew she was being ridiculous. She didn’t even know for sure that he was related to Zac, but she had a sneaking suspicion that if she’d gotten a closer look, she could have pointed out the exact family resemblance.

As Spencer typed in her username and password, she was struck with an idea. She double clicked on the Firefox icon, mentally praising whatever tech department person had decided to install that browser, and headed straight for Google. It took her only a matter of seconds to pull up the “Hanson”entry on Wikipedia.

Scrolling down, she let her eyes skim the page until she saw the section on their family, which contained exactly the information she was looking for. In bold print was the very name she was hoping not to find – Joshua Mackenzie. The next paragraph went on to name their wives and children. As soon as she saw the words “divorced in late 2009,” she scrolled back up and closed the window. She had seen enough.

She stared at the now empty computer screen and took another long sip of her coffee. Mentally, she was beating herself up for being so stupid as to think she could move to _Tulsa, for God’s sake_ , and not find her life entwined with Zac’s again. The job at TU had just seemed so perfect, and she supposed it was just too good to be true after all. She knew that being his younger brother’s professor didn’t necessarily mean she would run into Zac, but given said brother’s attitude problems, it certainly wasn’t going to make the semester any easier.

****

Spencer had only one more class before her lunch break, and it went by much more smoothly than the first. No surprise Hansons in that class, at least. She riffled through her messenger bag as she walked out of the classroom building and set off across campus. She was certain that she had stuck a campus map in the bag somewhere, but it was nowhere to be found. A few papers went flying out of the bag and scattered around the sidewalk. Spencer bent down to pick them up, cursing under her breath.

“Need some help?” a female voice asked.

Spencer scooped up the last of the papers, and stood to look at the person who had spoke. “Well, I’ve got my mess cleaned up, but I still have no clue how to get to the food court.”

“I can show you the way,” the girl said with a smile. “I’m Marci. I work in Admissions.”

“Spencer,” she said, shaking Marci’s outstretched hand. “English professor. Brand new one, as you might have guessed.”

Marci chuckled. “Yeah, you’ve got the classic first day look. Come on, the food court is this way. They’ve got a good coffee shop, and I’m betting we both need another dose of caffeine.”

“I’m dying for it,” Spencer replied, stuffing all her papers back in her bag and following Marci down the sidewalk.

During the rest of the walk to the food court, Marci made small talk about the college. Spencer felt like she was taking yet another tour, and she hoped this one stuck with her. She was actually surprised that Marci was another employee and not a student; she looked pretty young, but Spencer knew that she did as well. It was obvious the girl knew her stuff, though, so Spencer reckoned she was probably a recent graduate of the college who had made the easy transition to employee.

Once they had picked up their coffees and sandwiches, Marci steered them toward a table in a far corner away from the rowdier tables full of students. They ate in silence for a few minutes, and Spencer was glad for at least a small moment of peace, although she could tell her new companion was a talkative one.

Marci was, naturally, the one to finally break the silence. “So, how did you end up here? In Tulsa, I mean.”

“Well, they offered me the job,” Spencer stated simply. “I mean, I had to apply for it, of course. I just graduated from Vanderbilt with my doctorate, and I applied everywhere that had an opening. This looked like the best one.”

Marci nodded. “It is a good school, but I don’t have to sell you on it like the students I try to recruit.”

“I’m getting a paycheck that might keep me from living in a cardboard box. I think I’m sold,” Spencer said with a smile.

“Good point,” Marci said. “So, you’re from Nashville? That must be a cool place to live. Good music scene and everything.”

Spencer shrugged. “I grew up in a small town outside of Nashville, then I moved there for college. It’s pretty cool, I guess. There’s definitely a lot more to the scene there than just country; my roommate worked for a magazine, and she always got free tickets for all kinds of concerts. We had a lot of fun.”

“That’s pretty awesome,” Marci said. “We’ve got a little bit of a music scene here. Tulsa is definitely more hip than most people think. I mean, most people think of Tulsa’s music scene as just Garth Brooks and Hanson, you know?”

Spencer laughed in spite of herself. There was that name again. It seemed she could just never quite get away from it, from him. Still, Marci seemed liked a nice girl and of course there was no way she could have known about Spencer’s history with Zac. She was just trying to be friendly and Spencer was being paranoid and defensive. It was time to let go, she decided. After all, it had been two years since she last saw his face. It was over.

“So do you know anyone in town?” Marci asked.

Spencer shook her head and lied, “Nope, I moved out here all on my own.”

“Wow,” Marci replied, her eyes wide. “I’d be terrified. I’ve lived in Tulsa my whole life. You don’t know anyone?”

“Not a soul,” Spencer repeated. It wasn’t true, but it was the best thing to say.

“You should join me and my friend Amberly for our girl’s night out this Friday. It’s not much, probably just dinner and drinks, but we have fun.”

“Sure,” Spencer replied. “I guess I’ve gotta stop being a hermit sometime.”

Marci smiled. “Great. I think we’re going to Cosmo Cafe. I can pick you up. I figure you don’t know your way around very well yet.”

“Sounds great. I’ll write my address down for you,” Spencer replied, reaching into her bag for a scrap of paper and a pen. She scribbled the address down and handed it to Marci.

The two of them made more small talk as they finished up their lunch, and Spencer felt herself slowly opening up and relaxing. She didn’t really know this new girl enough to trust her yet, but she knew there was no harm in just going out for one dinner. As for Zac’s little brother, she hoped she was able to treat him just like any other student. She would just have to take things one day at a time.


	3. Left With No Goodbye

Zac had never experienced a true first day of school. When he was younger, their home schooling had somewhat resembled a normal education; their mother even had a makeshift classroom set up in their basement. For the last few years, though, his education had come in small bursts scheduled around recording, touring, and promoting. 

He had never really thought about how weird that was until the morning of his son’s first day of preschool. Most of the preparation and shopping had been left up to Kate, and the previous Friday afternoon she had dropped him off at Zac’s apartment with a fully stocked backpack and a week’s worth of brand new uniform polo shirts and khaki pants. 

That Monday morning, Zac was reminded, once again, that few things ever went as smoothly as they ought to. The one up-side was that Shepherd was more than ready to begin school. Ten minutes before Zac’s alarm was set to go off, he was awoken by his son tugging the covers off his bed. 

“Daddy! You didn’t forget that I got school today, did you?” Shepherd asked, shaking Zac’s arm frantically.

Zac rolled over and ruffled his son’s hair, putting on as much of a smile as he could manage at that early hour. “Of course not.”

He had made the wise decision to make Shepherd bathe the night before. That would save them a little bit of time and trouble in getting ready, Zac figured. He took Shep by the hand and led him to the kitchen. Zac had to laugh at how excited he was. Shepherd could barely sit still at the counter as he waited for Zac to pour a bowl of Fruit Loops. 

Once the cereal and glass of orange juice had been poured, Zac headed off to take his own shower. He didn’t think he really had anyone in particular to impress at the preschool – he had already met with the teacher and he didn’t really give a damn what the other parents thought of him – but a nice, hot shower would do more toward waking him up than almost anything else in the world. 

He reckoned he would have at least ten minutes to himself in the shower before he had to pick up speed again and get the day going. Most of the past year had been relatively stress free, just a few concerts here and there, then heading back into the studio. It was breeze for him, at least compared to touring while trying to squeeze in divorce hearings and meetings with lawyers. He knew that having Shepherd in school was a new kind of stress, but if Taylor could handle it with four kids and another on the way, he thought he was up to the challenge with just one kid and an ex-wife.

 _Ex-wife…_ That word still felt weird on Zac’s tongue or even just in his mind. It had all happened so fast, even though he felt their marriage had always rested on a knife’s edge. In the end, he knew it had been more his fault than hers, but now none of that seemed to matter. It was all about carving out a new, divorced life — one that neither of them had any idea how to handle.

Zac finished up his shower more quickly than he would have liked, wrapped a towel around his waist and headed down the hallway to his bedroom. He could hear the sink running in Shepherd’s bathroom and he peeked his head in. 

“You’re one step ahead of me, buddy,” Zac remarked, watching his son stretch to stick his toothbrush under the faucet.

Shaking his head at his son’s enthusiasm, Zac tried to pick up his own pace. He even made an effort to pick out clothes that were clean and somewhat presentable. His khaki pants had a few wrinkles, but he thought the button-up shirt was a better choice than the multitude of t-shirts he had to push aside to find it. He even ran a brush through his hair and put in a little bit of the expensive gel Natalie had bought him for Christmas, smoothing it down into a nicer ponytail than he usually managed. He finished up just as Shepherd came rushing out of the bathroom, asking where his clothes were. It took only a few minutes to get him dressed in the required uniform. 

“You ready for the big day?” Zac asked, running a comb through Shepherd’s thick hair.

Shepherd nodded earnestly, making Zac’s work even more difficult. “Yup! School is gonna be fun, right? Ezra said it’s fun.”

“Well, if Ezra says it’s fun, then it must be fun,” Zac said.

“You don’t know?”

Zac set the comb down, deciding he’d done as much as he could. “Nope. Daddy didn’t go to a regular school. Gramma homeschooled us.”

“Homeschooled?” Shepherd repeated, cocking his head to the side. “Sounds weird.”

“It was,” Zac said with a laugh. “It really was. Now, let’s get your backpack and hit the road.”

“Okay!” Shepherd said, jumping off the bed and running toward the living room. Zac followed closely behind him, still laughing. He hoped Shepherd would keep the same level of enthusiasm past the first day. Judging by the way he bounded toward the elevator and wiggled around during the entire ride to the ground floor, Zac thought the teacher would be lucky if Shepherd had any enthusiasm left by lunch.

With morning traffic, the relatively simple drive to the elementary school was not particularly short. Zac knew it was a good school, though, and since Kate had kept their house in that particular district, they weren’t forced to pay a high tuition. Plus, their custody arraignment meant that Zac only had to drive there on Monday mornings and Friday afternoons. 

All in all, the divorce agreement had been tedious, but he thought they’d agreed to what was most fair. The only areas of contention, aside from the precise amount of alimony, were the house and Shepherd. Zac had agreed to let Kate keep the house largely because he was tired of fighting, and had purchased a large loft for himself downtown. He missed having a studio right there in his home, but he was within walking distance of their company office and all the recording and practice space it held. As for the custody agreement, it was a fairly lenient shared arrangement, with obvious preference given to the parent who didn’t spend the better part of most years touring. When he was at home, however, like the last few months, Zac got to spend every weekend with his son. None of it was really ideal, but it was the best case scenario, Zac thought.

Much to his own surprise, Zac pulled into the school parking lot with almost fifteen minutes to spare before the school day began. He saw Natalie’s van a few rows away and heaved a sigh of relief; she could help him brave the crowd to find Miss Murphy’s classroom. 

“Well, we’re here,” Zac announced, turning his truck off and hopping out to help Shepherd get unbuckled. 

He picked Shep up and swung him around to the ground. He grabbed his son’s backpack from the Tahoe’s floorboard and put it over his own shoulders just to elicit a few giggles from Shepherd. 

“What? You don’t think Super Mario is my style?” he asked, and had to giggle himself as Shepherd shook his head in embarrassment. He lived for moments when he could act childish and embarrass his son, and he suspected that the older Shep got, the more chances he would have to do just that.

“Zac!” Natalie called out, standing on her tiptoes and waving her arm. 

He took Shepherd by the hand and headed toward the van where Natalie was busy unloading her brood and making it look completely effortless, despite the sheer number of them and the fact that she was practically ready to pop with the fifth baby. Her three oldest children were all in school now. Zac knew that Viggo, the youngest, was highly irritated that due to when his birthday fell he couldn’t start school the same year as Shepherd. In fact, as Zac approached the van, he could see that Viggo was standing by the tailgate, arms crossed and pouting.

Just as Zac opened his mouth to speak, Kate stepped around the corner of the vehicle.

“Mommy!” Shepherd cried out, running toward her. 

It was at that moment that Zac realized he was still wearing his son’s backpack. He shrugged it off and stood awkwardly for a moment, watching the mother-son reunion. 

“I didn’t know you were coming this morning,” Zac finally said.

Kate shot Zac a glare, then masked it with a sugary sweet tone of voice. “I couldn’t miss my son’s first day of school, could I?”

“No, I guess not,” Zac mumbled, feeling stupid.

“Are you going to stay all day?” Shepherd asked.

Kate laughed softly. “I wish I could. But I’ll be back as soon as school is over to get you, okay?”

“Okay,” Shepherd said with a smile, then grabbed his backpack from Zac and put it on. He ran off to stand next to Ezra, no doubt to ask him endless questions about school.

Zac and Kate stood in silence for a few minutes. Although they occasionally had a few arguments, time had softened most of their animosity. Still, neither of them could quite find any words to say.

Finally, Natalie finished unloading her children and walked up. “So, Kate said Shepherd is in Miss Murphy’s class? She’s a great teacher. Penny had her.”

“Good, then you can help us find the classroom,” Zac replied, glad for the distraction.

“Yup, come on,” Natalie said, and gestured toward the building. She took Viggo in one hand and River in the other, then turned to Ezra. “Ezzie, can you help Penny find her class? She’s in Mrs. Adams’ room.”

“Sure, mom,” Ezra replied, his annoyance at having to escort his baby sister written all over his face. Zac recalled that Ezra was going into fourth grade, and was no doubt feeling far too cool and mature to escort his little sister around.

The five of them walked down the sidewalk and into the school in silence, a steep contrast to all the hustle and bustle surrounding them. Children were rushing all over the place, and Zac could see how Shepherd’s excitement was growing just from taking it all in. More than once he and Kate had to tell Shepherd to slow down and wait for the rest of them.

The preschool classrooms were secluded in their own hallway, and Shepherd’s was the first one around the corner. A short, round woman with a kind face stood by the door to greet everyone. Zac recognized her from the meetings and open houses he and Kate had attended. 

“Miss Murphy, it’s so good to see you again,” Natalie cried out, scooping the teacher up into a tight hug. Natalie couldn’t go anywhere without making friends, so Zac wasn’t at all surprised that she seemed so attached to Penny’s old teacher.

“It’s good to see you, too,” the teacher replied, then bent down to speak to Shepherd. “And I’m so glad to have you in my class. It’s Shepherd, right?”

Shepherd nodded. When Kate cleared her throat loudly, he ceased feigning shyness. “Yes, ma’am. Can I go in?”

“You certainly can,” Miss Murphy said with a smile. “Go on and pick a seat, then we’ll find a place to put your things.”

That was all the encouragement Shepherd needed to take off into the classroom. Another boy had the same backpack and Shepherd immediately latched onto him. Zac could tell Kate was annoyed that she didn’t get the chance to tell him goodbye and he offered her a shrug and a smile. 

Miss Murphy glanced into the classroom, then back at Zac and Kate. She gave them a big smile. “It’s so good to have another Hanson in my class. I’m sure he’s going to be just as wonderful as his cousins. Which one of you will be here to pick him up?”

“I’ll be here every day except Friday,” Kate replied.

“Good,” Miss Murphy said with a nod. “A steady routine will be good for him.”

 _A steady routine,_ Zac thought. _Wonder what that’s like._

He knew Miss Murphy was right, though. He ducked his head into the classroom and called out, “Hey, Shep buddy, aren’t you going to say goodbye?”

“Bye Daddy!” Shepherd called out, barely even looking up from the toys his new friend was showing him. “Bye Mommy!”

Kate leaned around Zac, their bodies closer than Zac could remember them being for several years. “Goodbye, sweetheart. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

With one last reassurance that their son was in good hands, Miss Murphy also bid them goodbye and sent them on their way. The hallways had quieted considerably and only a few children and parents still lingered around. Natalie hurried off to get River to his class on time, leaving Zac and Kate to walk out together.

Zac stuffed his hands in his pockets and didn’t speak a word until they were outside of the school. With a sigh, he admitted, “It was good of you to come today. Shepherd does need both of us here, I guess.”

“I know he does,” Kate said. “And I know it’s weird, but we’ve got to make this work the best we can.”

Zac nodded. They had reached his car and he wasn’t sure what else to say. They stood awkwardly by the Tahoe and Zac wondered if he was expected to keep Kate company until Natalie was finished making sure all her children were in the proper places. It was funny, he thought, that he had been contented to stay with her for eight years, for the theoretical rest of his life, yet now a few minutes were a strain. 

“Well…” Kate mumbled, clearly feeling the same. “You’ll be here at 3:10 on Friday to pick him up, right? Nat said you’re allowed to go straight to the classroom to get him, if you go in the door closest to the preschool hall.”

Zac nodded, “Yeah, I’ll be here. I may not always be on time for anything else, but I never let Shep down. You know that.”

“I know,” Kate admitted. She lowered her voice and added, “You know, you are a really good father. I’m lucky I can get Shep to leave your apartment sometimes.”

“Good to know I can do something right,” Zac replied, but smiled as he said it. It wasn’t quite the sarcastic tone he might have used with her in the past. 

“I didn’t say you couldn’t,” Kate replied, then bit her lip as though she was considering saying something else. Eventually, her curiosity seemed to win out. “Nat said you’ve been seeing someone?”

Zac shook his head. “Not really, no. Nothing serious. Just the guys from the office trying to set me up with girls they know.”

“Oh,” Kate said, and Zac thought she almost looked relieved.

Before Zac could say anything else, he heard Viggo calling out to “Auntie Kate.” Natalie and Viggo had just come out of the school, and were heading down the sidewalk toward her car.

“Well, I’ll see you later,” Kate said, backing away from Zac.

“Yeah,” Zac replied. “Have Shep call and tell me how his first day went, okay?”

Kate nodded and hurried on to catch up with Natalie. Once she was out of eyesight, Zac sighed and leaned back against his vehicle. The conversation hadn’t been as awkward as most of their conversations were. Maybe the two of them were finally growing up and learning how to be adults. Maybe a certain someone was right that they couldn’t have learned those lessons together.

He hadn’t thought about Spencer for a long time. He had made a deliberate choice not to think about her. There were still times that he missed her in spite of himself, but he knew that she most certainly did not miss him. She had made that clear enough when she made her choice. 


	4. This Wall In My Heart

The rest of Spencer’s first week of classes went by about as smoothly as any first week of classes ever does. Despite her best efforts to act as though nothing were wrong, she still found herself on edge every time she had to see Mac in class. He always sat in the front row, even though he hardly seemed to take any notes or have much interest in the material, and even though she knew it was silly, he seemed to look at her as though he knew her.

She tried to push those thoughts out of her head as she finished getting ready for her girl’s night out. It was the first time she had gone anywhere with anyone since she moved to Tulsa, and she was nervous. Somewhere along the way she had truly tired of partying and spending time with people. She couldn’t help but think that Zac had a little something to do with that change. She growled at her reflection in the mirror; now there were _two_ unwanted Hanson brothers floating around in her brain. Willing herself not to think of them, she instead focused all of her attention on applying one last coat of mascara.

There was a knock at the door just as Spencer was tucking the mascara tube back into her makeup bag. She took one last quick look at herself in the mirror and hurried out of the bathroom, calling out, “Just a second!”

She grabbed a purse from her bedroom and hurried on toward the front door, swinging it open to see Marci standing there, wearing a floral sundress not dissimilar to her own.

“Glad to see I’m dressed appropriately,” Spencer remarked, opening the door wider. “Come on in, I’ve just got to grab a few things.”

“You don’t have to hurry that much. The alcohol will still be there,” Marci said with a smile, following Spencer into the living room of the apartment.

“It won’t be when I’m done,” Spencer countered, transferring her wallet, cell phone and a few other necessary items from the bag she carried to class to the smaller purse she had chosen for the night out. “Alright. Ready to go.”

Spencer followed Marci to the parking lot and settled herself into the passenger seat of the other girl’s car. A distinct nervous feeling had settled into the pit of her stomach, but she dismissed it as a reaction to doing something outside of her routine – as if she’d even been in Tulsa long enough to have a routine.

“It’s not really that hard to get to the bar, but I figured it would be easier to give you a ride while you’re still learning your way around. Plus, I wasn’t really planning on drinking too much. Got stuff to do with the freshmen tomorrow,” Marci said.

Spencer glanced over at her, amused at how much her new friend liked to talk. Marci went on for several minutes about the freshmen and all the things she had to do with them. Spencer tried to follow the conversation, Marci’s wild gesticulations making her a little bit nervous. She noticed a sparkling ring on her left hand and wondered how she had missed it before. 

“That’s a nice ring,” she remarked. “Engagement?”

Marci’s face lit up. “It sure is. It’s something else, isn’t it? I know Brooks spent way too much on it, but I couldn’t very well complain, especially after I’d already said yes.”

“Brooks, huh? So why’s this the first I’m hearing of him?” 

“Oh, well,” Marci shrugged. “We’re not that interesting. I’ve been more focused on getting to know you, I guess.”

Spencer didn’t feel like mentioning that there were large parts of her life she planned to keep very well hidden. Instead, she put on a smile and said, “Well, now I want to get to know you. Tell me about this guy.”

“It’s pretty cheesy. Just your typical college romance, really. We met freshman year, had all kinds of classes together. You know how it goes,” Marci said, easing her car into a parking spot behind a row of buildings. “Here we are.”

She waited until she had joined Spencer outside the car to continue. “So Brooks and I were friends all the way through that first year, then something changed when we came back after the summer. And the rest is history, I guess. He proposed on Valentine’s Day and we’re getting married just before Christmas.”

Spencer shook her head and smiled as she followed Marci through the back door and into the restaurant. The host recognized her and pointed to a table near the front where a girl with curly blonde hair was already sitting. As she followed Marci back to table, she couldn’t help thinking how much her relationship with Brooks mirrored her own relationship with Daniel. Of course, that had turned out to be much less of a fairy tale than Brooks and Marci seemed to be.

“Amberly!” Marci called out as she walked toward the table. “This is Spencer, the one I’ve been telling you about.”

Amberly smiled at Spencer as she sat down. “So, you’re a professor, huh? I don’t think I could have handled that much college.”

“Sometimes I wonder how I did,” Spencer admitted.

Marci laughed. “Amby’s not kidding. I don’t think she would have graduated without my help.”

“Okay, I wasn’t _that_ bad,” the other girl remarked.

“So you two went to college together?” Spencer asked.

“Yup,” Marci replied. “We lived next door to each other our first semester, but our roommates were awful. We managed to get switched into a room together, then we moved off campus sophomore year.”

“And we lived together until last year, when this one had to go and get all serious with her man,” Amberly added with mock anger.

The three girls were still laughing when a waiter arrived with three glasses in hand. “Three peach cosmos?”

“Hope you don’t mind that I went ahead and ordered the first round,” Amberly said.

“Not at all,” Spencer answered, opening her menu for the first time as the waiter took out his notepad and began to take down the other two orders.

“I’ll have the Asian chicken salad,” Marci told the waiter.

“Trying to fit in the wedding dress, huh?” Amberly said with a smile. “I’ll have the reuben and you can just let them alter my maid of honor gown.”

“And for you?” the waiter asked, turning to Spencer.

“I’ll have the tuna salad sandwich,” Spencer replied.

Once the waiter had walked away, Amberly spoke again. “So, how are you liking Tulsa? I don’t know if Marci told you, but I moved here from Arkansas. It was a pretty big change.”

“It’s pretty nice,” Spencer replied. “Definitely a bigger change than going away to college. And then I stayed at Vanderbilt for grad school, too. They gave me a good scholarship and it just felt like the place for me. Well, it used to.”

“What changed?” Marci asked.

“Not the town. I guess I changed,” Spencer admitted. 

She was somewhat shocked with how much she was loosening up and letting herself get close to these girls. It wasn’t that they didn’t seem nice; in fact, they reminded her of herself and Abbey. Maybe that’s why she liked them so much and felt so at ease. She doubted she would ever tell them the entire truth, but she reasoned that just a little bit wouldn’t hurt.

“It was a boy, wasn’t it?” Amberly asked, giving Spencer a sympathetic look.

“Something like that,” she replied.

“You don’t have to let Amberly pry if you don’t want to,” Marci said. 

Spencer contemplated how to tell them the story without really telling them the story, but before she could begin, the waiter arrived with their plates. It was just the distraction she needed to keep from spilling all her secrets.

“And can we get a refill on these drinks?” Amberly asked before the waiter walked away.

“No problem,” he replied.

For a while, the three ate their food in silence. Marci was the first to speak again. “So did I tell you guys I got tickets for Kings of Leon at Cain’s?” 

Spencer’s jaw dropped. “No shit? You know they’re from Nashville. Hometown band.”

“They’re like the Hanson of Nashville,” Amberly said with a giggle. 

“Something like that…” Spencer said, trying not to betray any emotion.

“I won two tickets from this radio thing. The next day, Brooks surprised me with two tickets. So would you believe I’ve got four tickets now? Of course you are both invited to use the extra tickets.” Marci gushed.

“Wow,” Amberly replied. “Wanna share some of the luck? Maybe I’ll manage to score one of the band members.”

Spencer grabbed her drink and chugged the last of it to hide the fact that she wasn’t laughing along with Amberly’s joke. The waiter dropped off the second round of drinks and Spencer wasted no time starting on hers.

Amberly took a small sip of her drink, the turned her attention back to Spencer. “So, am I going to have to fight you for one of the Kings? I’m sure we can find some cute guys in the crowd too…”

“You might notice she’s a bit boy crazy,” Marci leaned closer to Spencer and mock-whispered.

“Hadn’t noticed at all,” Spencer said with a smirk. “You can have all the Kings you want. And all the fanboys, for that matter.”

“Not looking for a man right now?” Amberly asked.

Spencer shook her head, taking another drink to delay her response as long as possible. “Not really. Dating kind of takes a backseat to grad school. It’s just not worth the trouble.”

“They aren’t all trouble, though,” Marci replied.

“Yeah, but sometimes the trouble is the best part,” Amberly said with an evil grin.

“Not always,” Spencer remarked.

Marci turned in her seat to face Spencer full on. “So are you going to tell us about this boy or not?”

“What makes you think there’s any particular boy?” Spencer said, but knew it was useless. She’d have to tell them something. “Alright. We just weren’t a good match. He didn’t seem to agree, but we made a mess of our lives together. Then we had a big fight and I haven’t seen him since. That was two years ago.”

“Wow,” Marci said. “And you haven’t seen anyone else since?”

Spencer shook her head. “A few group dates, some casual stuff, but nothing meaningful. Like I said, grad school takes up too much time.”

The other two didn’t quite seem to buy Spencer’s excuse, and truthfully, she didn’t believe it either. It wasn’t like she always thought of Zac when she was with other guys, but she could never seem to let go and be happy with any guy. He always had some flaw or another that she couldn’t get past, or he was perfect but not quite vulnerable, broken or blonde enough.

“Okay, girls, this is my last drink. How about a toast?” Marci asked.

Spencer nodded her agreement and raised her glass to meet the other two. 

“To new friends!” Marci said.

“And hot boys at concerts,” Amberly added.

****

Zac’s walk to work took a little bit longer than usual on this particular Tuesday morning. He swore he had set his alarm the same as he did on Monday when he had to get Shepherd up for school, but either it didn’t ring or he slept through it. Either way, he woke up with just enough time to shower and fend off Isaac’s concerned phone calls, but not enough time to make a pot of coffee. He knew the coffee shop detour only meant that he would be later for their morning meeting, but he was also certain that his brothers would not want to deal with him sans caffeine. It was only two weeks in and he was already exhausted from the school routine; he couldn’t imagine how Kate was managing to get Shepherd to and from school every other day, although he supposed it helped that her accounting job was flexible enough to allow her to work from home when she wanted.

As soon as Zac entered the security code and swung open the doors to 3CG Records, he was greeted by Isaac’s voice. “That better be Zac!” 

“Good morning to you, too!” He called back, wandering down the hall to figure out where Isaac’s voice had come from.

He finally located both of his brothers standing outside their little conference room. It wasn’t a terribly important meeting, so he didn’t know why they were being so uptight about it. All they were going to do was spend the morning rehashing the list of demos they had come up with and try to decide which ones held the most promise. A few of their employees and musician friends were there to offer input as well, but Zac knew from experience that nothing really important or definitive every happening in these sort of meetings. Even if they made a decision then, it rarely stuck through the entire recording process.

“You didn’t get me anything?” Taylor asked, eying the coffee cup in Zac’s hand.

Zac rolled his eyes. “You mean to tell me you didn’t bring your own coffee? Are you feeling okay?”

“I’ve got _one_ , but you know how these days go. I’ll be lucky if that one gets me through to lunch,” Taylor replied, holding the door open for Zac.

True to form, the meeting stretched on for several boring hours. In the end, the three of them always came to some agreement, but the process wasn’t always easy. Isaac was always the pessimist and perfectionist, while Taylor lived in his own little world where every song he penned was a hit. Most of the time, Zac felt like he was just along for the ride. When his life started going downhill, it seemed they trusted his opinions even less, but that pattern seemed to be changing a bit with this new album. Drew and James, two of the guys they had invited in for this meeting, seemed to be going along with Zac’s vision too, which gave him an extra boost of confidence.

They had agreed on three songs by the time Taylor started checking his watch and lamenting his lack of coffee. Zac thought that was pretty good for a first meeting, and everyone else seemed to agree. Isaac called a lunch order in to a nearby deli and they sat around relaxing while they waited for him to return with the food.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Valerie? She said you haven’t called her for a while,” Drew asked, referring to the latest girl he had set Zac up with.

Zac sighed, leaning back in his chair. “I don’t know, man. I’ve just been busy.”

Taylor shot Zac a look that said he didn’t buy that excuse at all, but luckily Isaac chose that exact moment to walk back in, sparing him from any further discussion of his nonexistent love life. Zac happily dove right into his BLT and ignored everyone else in the room for several minutes.

“Earth to Zac!” Taylor called out, tossing a balled up napkin at him. 

Zac looked up. “What?”

“I _said_ , I got tickets to Kings of Leon at Cain’s. It was supposed to be sold out, but Jen from the box office called yesterday and said they had a few tickets left that we could have. What do you think?”

“Sure,” Zac said with a shrug. “When is it?”

“This Friday.”

Zac frowned. “Oh… is Natalie going? I’m supposed to have Shepherd that night.”

“I know,” Taylor said, a smug grin on his face. “Nat’s staying home with the kiddos. And she already said she’d watch yours too. Problem solved. It’ll just be the three of us. A manly night out.”

“Alright, I’ll go,” Zac conceded. He wasn’t sure exactly how Kings of Leon felt about Hanson, but he imagined they weren’t big fans. Still, most bands were at least cordial when Hanson showed up at their concerts and they had made friends with a few unlikely bands that way. If nothing else, it was an excuse to listen to some good music and have a few drinks.

“I bet they’ve got some hot fans,” Drew remarked. “Maybe you’ll find a woman there, Zac.”

Zac rolled his eyes. He knew his friends all meant well, but he really wished they would stop harping on his lack of a significant other. There was nothing wrong with Valerie or any of the other girls his friends had foisted on him. The problem was him. No one seemed to appreciate how difficult the last few years had been, maybe because he had brought the majority of it on himself with his own poor choices, and now they expected him to just be ready to move on. The worst part was that he wasn’t sure exactly what – or _who_ – he was supposed to be moving on from.


	5. Dreaming of Revelry

Spencer did not like the fact that her last class on Friday afternoon was full of freshmen. More than any other students, they seemed to absolutely despise being cooped up in a classroom when they could have been anywhere else, starting their weekend. On this particular Friday, Spencer felt the same way. As soon as class was over, she was going to Marci’s house to get ready for the concert. She was really looking forward to it, although she did wonder how many of her students might be in the audience as well. She could only imagine how awkward that would be.

“The only way out of your test next week is if something huge and traumatic were to happen to you. Like a death. Your own,” Spencer said, hoping to catch the attention of her students. It didn’t seem to work. “Alright, you’ve been warned. I think that’s all for this week.”

Spencer gathered up her belongings and was out of the classroom nearly as fast the students. When she reached her office, she found Marci already waiting inside.

“In a hurry?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Marci blushed. “Maybe just a little bit. Amberly’s been calling like crazy. She just left the school and she’s already on her way over to my house.”

“Well, let’s not keep her waiting,” Spencer said, gathering up her bag and following Marci out to the parking lot. 

They had worked on their plan for the concert for days. Amberly was a substitute teacher, which meant that she finished work just a little bit earlier than Marci and Spencer. Brooks did something Spencer didn’t quite understand for an oil company, and he wouldn’t be home from work until closer to six o’clock, meaning he would have to rush to meet them at the venue. It all seemed like a pretty good plan, Spencer thought, as she followed Marci’s car down the street. She lived a lot closer to campus than Spencer did, in a pretty nice residential area that didn’t look like it housed too many loud college students. 

Amberly’s car was already in the driveway when they arrived, and as soon as Marci opened the front door they could hear the shower running. Marci laughed as she slung her purse down on the kitchen counter. “She always lets herself in. By the sound of it, she’s in the guest bathroom, so you can use the master bath if you need to shower.”

“I think I’m alright. Just need to freshen up my makeup and brush the cafeteria food out of my teeth,” Spencer said, following Marci down the hallway and into what she assumed was the master bedroom.

“Alright, go for it. You mind sharing the mirror so I can fix my hair?” 

Spencer shook her head and followed Marci into the bathroom. It wasn’t especially roomy, but it was big enough for both of them to stand in front of the sink. Spencer dug through her bag for the toothbrush and toothpaste she had packed that morning while Marci pulled a set of rollers out of a cabinet and set to work on her hair.

“So, I know Amberly was kind of prying the other night at dinner…” Marci said, her tone closing in on pleading near the end of her incomplete sentence.

Spencer spat a glob of foamy toothpaste into the sink then glanced up at Marci’s reflection. “And?”

Marci twirled a curler into her hair, looking as though she were deep in thought, before she continued, “Well, you don’t have to share if you don’t want to. But it just seems like there was more to the story about that guy. And maybe it would help to tell someone.”

Spencer frowned at her reflection for a moment. She knew Marci was right. In three years, she had told no one but Abbey the truth. Even when she discussed the move to Tulsa with her mother, she had declined to mention the real reason she was nervous about taking the job and uprooting her life. Maybe it would be good to share at least a bit more of the truth with someone else.

“Well, it’s a long story,” Spencer said. “Actually, it’s not that long. Basically, he was married.”

Marci’s eyes went wide and her mouth formed an “O” shape, but no actual words came out.

“Yeah,” Spencer replied, then began fishing around her bag for her makeup. She hoped that was enough to satisfy Marci’s curiosity.

“So, when did you find out he was married? Or did you know the whole time?” 

Spencer frowned. “I knew before anything really bad happened. He didn’t tell me at first, but we were just friends then. I didn’t notice the ring until after we kissed. And I tried to get away from him then, but…”

“But?” Marci asked, putting the last curler in her hair and walking out into her bedroom. “Keep talking, I’m just going to find something else to wear.”

“But I guess I was in too deep by that point,” Spencer said, trying to split her attention between the conversation and eyeshadow application. “I got him to open up a bit about his marriage and I guess it was already on the rocks even before I came around. I could see how much pain he was in, but I couldn’t help myself. I just kept making it worse.”

Marci leaned against the door frame, and Spencer looked over to see that she had changed into a pair of cut-off shorts and a plaid shirt that she had left unbuttoned to reveal a tank top below. “What do you think? Too casual?”

“No, it looks cute,” Spencer replied honestly. “I brought a skirt, but I almost always wear skirts.”

She finished her makeup and fished her outfit out of the bag, hoping it wasn’t too badly wrinkled. She had just slipped on the floral skirt and tank top when the door opened and Amberly came in, running her fingers through her slightly damp hair.

“You girls just about ready to go?” She asked.

“Yeah,” Spencer and Marci replied in unison. 

“Alright, I’ll just grab my shoes and I’m ready to go to,” she replied, walking back out of the room as quickly as she had came.

Marci looked up at Spencer from where she sat on the bed, fastening her sandals. “If you want to talk about that guy anytime, I’ll listen, alright? Sounds like it was a bigger deal than you let on at first.”

“It was,” Spencer replied, her eyes dropping to the floor as she realized just how much it hurt to talk about it all.“I haven’t really thought about him for a long time, though. At least I’ve tried not to.”

“Well don’t worry about it,” Marci replied. “We’re going to have a great time tonight. Good music and a few drinks, and we’ll get him right out of your mind.”

Spencer smiled in spite of herself, hoping Marci was right. Brooks called to let Marci know he was almost finished at work, so the three girls gathered up their things and hurried on to the concert. Spencer wondered if Marci would tell Amberly about their conversation, and as they stood in line making small talk, she wondered if she should have told her to keep it secret. That might have been suspicious, Spencer decided, and she didn’t think it was very interesting gossip anyway. Surely Marci wouldn’t say a word.

Brooks joined them just before the doors opened and the four of them hurried in to get the best spots they could find. Spencer had met Brooks a few days earlier when he slipped away from work to have lunch with Marci on campus. He was a man of few words, which Spencer thought was a funny but fitting contrast to how much Marci liked to talk.

The opening act was pretty boring and Spencer offered to go to the bar and get them all drinks just to put a little distance between herself and the lackluster music. She walked up to the already crowded bar and squeezed her way by the people who were evidently just standing around for fun and not ordering anything at all.

Once she was able to get the bartender’s attention she rattled off her order. “Two Newcastles, rum and coke and a vodka tonic, please.”

She handed off a few bills to the bartender and waited for the drinks. They came more quickly than she expected, and she struggled to figure out how to carry all of them. Perhaps it hadn’t been such a good plan to buy everyone drinks after all.

“That’s a lot for one person, isn’t it?” a voice asked from Spencer’s left.

She thought the voice sounded vaguely familiar and prayed it wasn’t one of her students as she spun around to look. Instead, she found herself face to face with yet another Hanson, and she struggled for a minute to remember if it was Isaac or Taylor. He was the one who had walked into the cafe and found her with Zac; she was somewhat confident that she remembered hearing Zac call him Ike.

“I, umm,” she stammered, trying to regain her composure. “They aren’t all for me.”

“I’m not judging. Just an observation,” Isaac said with a small laugh. 

Spencer could see the change in his expression the longer he looked at her. His smile fell and a hint of recognition flickered in his eyes. Finally, he spoke again, “Do I know you from somewhere?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Spencer replied. “I should get these drinks to my friends.”

“Yeah, sorry for holding you up,” he said. “You really do look familiar, though.”

“I’ve just got one of those faces,” she replied tersely, turning away before he had a chance to say anything else.

She wound her way through the crowd, her heart feeling as though it might pound out of her chest. She took great care not to bump into anyone and spill the drinks, all the while trying to look around at the crowd around her. It wasn’t a huge venue, Spencer thought, so maybe if Zac was there…

She stopped herself in mid-thought. _What_ if he was there? There was a hopefulness to the thought that she didn’t like. He wouldn’t want to see her, she knew, so why should she waste her time hoping that he was there? The opening band had finished their set, leaving the room eerily silent as Spencer finally found her friends and handed over their drinks.

Brooks took his beer from her with a smile. “Thanks. I’ll get the next round for you ladies.”

“Are you feeling alright?” Marci asked. “You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.”

“You could say that…” Spencer admitted, then regretted it. She racked her brain for a lie to cover it. “There was a guy at the bar who looked just like someone I used to know.”

“An ex?” Amberly asked.

Spencer shook her head. “Uh… friend of an ex.”

The girls nodded and seemed to accept her lie. In a matter of minutes, the venue was filled with music again and it was entirely too loud for any more questions. Spencer had seen Kings of Leon a few times with Abbey, thanks to both her friend’s connections and the fact that the band was from Nashville, so there was little new about the show for her. Unfortunately, that meant that she couldn’t quite manage to focus on the show, and instead found herself thinking about Zac again.

She couldn’t decide if she hoped Isaac would eventually remember where he had seen her before, or if she was relieved that at least for the time being, he hadn’t. She had no idea what she would have said if he had actually recognized her for the homewrecker she was. Then she wondered how much Zac’s brothers, or even his wife, knew about what had happened between them. They had never truly gotten caught, but Spencer had a feeling that deep down, Zac was a decent enough guy to admit his indiscretion. 

_A decent enough guy?_ Spencer thought. She couldn’t believe she had actually thought of Zac that way, especially after the way he had stormed out of her apartment after he discovered her abortion. Maybe somewhere deep down he was a good guy, but he was still as immature and needy as ever. She wondered if even two more years had been enough for him to fully grow up.

The concert went by so fast that Spencer felt no time at all had passed, although she knew that was largely due to the fact that she had been lost in thought the entire time. She nearly spilled her half finished drink when Amberly’s hand latched onto her shoulder.

“Check it out. Your first celebrity sighting here in little old Tulsa,” Amberly said.

Spencer wiggled out of Amberly’s grasp. “What? Who?”

Amberly pointed to the bleachers off to the side of the stage. The crowd had thinned considerably in the moments since the show had ended, and off to the side of the stage stood all three Hanson brothers, talking to a security guard.

Spencer feigned ignorance, hoping and praying Zac did not look her way. “Who is it?”

“Hanson, of course,” Amberly replied. “I guess you’re not a fan, then? I forget most people outside of Tulsa wouldn’t even recognize them these days.”

“No, I wouldn’t exactly call myself a fan,” Spencer replied. 

To her surprise and relief, the others didn’t seem to notice that she was just as shaken as Amberly by their celebrity sighting, although for an entirely different reason. She knew she should just leave, and quickly, before he saw her, but her feet seemed glued to the spot and she couldn’t even seem to look away from Zac’s body.

The others turned and started to leave, but Spencer was still stuck in place. She was the only one left standing there when Zac finally turned his head. Even from the distance between them, Spencer could see his eyes go wide, although she couldn’t read their emotion. She imagined they looked like mirror images, both suspended in motion and staring at each other. 

She was the first to break eye contact, and she scurried off to catch up with her friends before they noticed anything amiss. She caught up with them by the door and mumbled an excuse about needing to throw away her drink, which she had tossed in a very handy garbage can along the way. Still, they seemed oblivious to the tiny earthquake that had just disrupted her world.

“You guys want to hit the bar down the street for a midnight snack?” Marci asked.

“Sure,” Spencer and Amberly said in unison.

Brooks gave Marci a quick kiss. “I’ll get my car and meet you girls there. I had to park like a block away.”

Spencer trailed behind Marci and Amberly as they walked down the sidewalk toward the bar. Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket, causing her to jump a little. She wondered who it could be as she fished it out. Everyone who might be calling or texting was right there in front of her.

Except for one person.

_Did I see a ghost tonight? – Z_

Spencer stared dumbly at the text for a moment, feeling herself growing dizzy.

“Who’s texting you this late?” Marci asked.

Spencer looked up, clutching the phone tight to her chest. “Just Abbey. Wanted to see how the concert was.”

Spencer was beginning to shock herself with how easily she was able to lie to her new friends. Someday she was certain the truth would come out, but this was not the night. Looking back down at the phone, she decided there was at least one person she couldn’t lie to, at least not if there was a chance of running into him again.

_If you did, I did too. Didn’t know you were a Kings of Leon fan._

They walked into the bar, and Spencer followed Marci and Amberly inside, but her appetite was gone. She couldn’t even think of anything like food when she knew now that Zac had most definitely not forgotten her or lost her phone number. Her phone buzzed again just as she slid into the booth, and she glanced a little too eagerly at the screen.

_Didn’t know you were either. Guess there’s a lot we didn’t know about each other._

It was almost like a normal conversation, Spencer thought. To anyone else, their true history would have been impossible to read from those few messages. Before she could think of an appropriate reply, another message popped up on the screen and ruined any illusions she had about their conversation being only friendly.

_Can I see you again?_

Spencer stared at her phone incredulously, and Amberly had to nudge her side to get her to notice that the waitress was staring. She couldn’t believe that, two years after he had told her didn’t know if he ever wanted to see her again, he was asking for that very thing. He truly hadn’t learned anything at all. 

Looking up at the waitress and trying to pretend nothing was wrong, Spencer rattled off a quick order of a salad and a diet Coke. She still wasn’t hungry, but she figured the others would notice something was wrong if she didn’t at least try to force a little bit of food down. With one last look at Zac’s message, she tucked her phone back into her pocket without replying. It was the coward’s way out, and she didn’t care at all.


	6. It's The Quiet Night That Breaks Me

It had felt like a punch to the stomach. That was the only way Zac could think of to describe the feeling when he had seen Spencer again. It took his breath away and he didn’t know whether to be happy or sad. He settled for something in between the two, with a little bit of nausea and disbelief mixed in.

Texting her had been an impulsive move, and he found himself halfway hoping that it hadn’t really been her. But it had been, and she had replied. It was enough to send him completely spiraling down, wanting something he thought he had left behind.

For days after the concert, Zac found Spencer’s face haunting him at every moment of the day. Even when he was out with Valerie, the latest girl his friends had set him up with, he found himself thinking of Spencer. Isaac liked to point out that nearly every girl he had tried to date in the past few years – at least the ones who made it past the first date – were all redheads. Isaac had been the only one to see him with Spencer, and his pointed remarks were not lost on Zac. Yet, he had not found himself thinking about that particular redhead so much since the day he walked out of her apartment, intent on never seeing her again. 

As the days passed and she did not leave his thoughts, Zac was forced to accept the fact that he had only walked out because it was what _she_ wanted. 

By the following Wednesday, Zac decided that he just couldn’t let her slip away without trying one more time. She hadn’t answered the most important question when he texted her after the concert, and Zac had thought of dozens of ways to rationalize that away. Maybe she really just didn’t want to see him, but he wouldn’t know that for sure until he tried again and got something more than silence in reply.

He had no idea what her schedule was or if she would even have her phone on her while she was teaching, but that didn’t stop him. He had come to the office alone to work on some art – it was easier to clean up there than his apartment – and that seemed like as good an opportunity to text her as any. If she replied, he had enough privacy to call her back, if she would allow it. If she didn’t, there was no one around to see his reaction, which he didn’t anticipate would be very pretty.

While he washed the paint from his hands, he drafted several texts in his mind. He could think of a million things to say to Spencer, some nicer than others, but ultimately he settled on the simplest and most obvious.

_Can we talk? Please? – Z_

He stared at his phone for several minutes, impatiently tapping a paintbrush against his knee as he waited for a reply. Maybe she was in class. Maybe she didn’t have her phone with her. There were any number of reasons for her not to jump at the chance to text him back. 

After a few more minutes, he gave up waiting and returned to his art. He had three canvasses laid out across the floor, working on potential artwork for their album. He hadn’t run any of the ideas by his brothers yet, but just working on the paintings, even if they weren’t used for the album, helped to occupy his mind. He had just finished all the outlining on the second painting when his phone rang out the familiar tone that alerted him to a new text. He quickly wiped his hands on the cloth he’d laid out on the studio floor and scrambled to retrieve his phone. 

_I’m busy. Classes to teach._

That was slightly encouraging, Zac decided. She wasn’t intentionally ignoring him, at least. She was just busy. He typed out a reply quickly, his fingers falling over top of one another in his haste to reach out to Spencer again.

_What about after your classes?_

Zac found himself pacing the studio while he waited for her next reply. He knew that if she had her phone on her, which she obviously did, it wouldn’t be a very long wait. But he found himself full of nervous energy anyway. It was just words on a screen but it was _Spencer_. The girl who had been a port in a storm and then the storm itself. He couldn’t _not_ be a nervous wreck with her potentially back in his life.

_After class, I’m going home._

He had no clue how to respond to that, but he didn’t have to. Only seconds later, another next popped up on the screen.

_I don’t think we should talk, okay? Just forget I’m in Tulsa._

Forget? Zac stared at the phone in disbelief. Did she have any idea how hard he had tried to do just that? Of course she didn’t. She had watched him walk out, determined to never see her again. His hands shaking, he typed a reply.

_I can’t forget you._

He didn’t know what else to say, but he was fairly certain that said it all. He stared at the phone’s screen, suspended in motion, waiting for her reply. A loud thump sent the phone flying from his hands, and he scrambled to catch it. As his heart rate slowed back to normal, he realized it had only been someone at the door. He was certain that the office was supposed to be his that day, but it looked like someone else had decided to take advantage of the planned day off. 

“Zac? Where are you?” Taylor’s voice echoed from the hallway. “I thought I saw your truck outside.”

Zac took one last look at his cell phone screen – still no reply – before shoving it into his pocket. “I’m in here!”

“It’s awfully quiet,” Taylor called out, sliding the door open and peeking his head in. He surveyed the mess for a moment and Zac could see realization washing over him. “Oh, you’re painting? I thought you were sneaking in some rehearsal time or something. Like I was going to do.”

“Nah, painting’s better for getting my mind off shit sometimes,” Zac replied, searching for the paintbrush he had abandoned when Spencer’s first text came in.

“Got something on your mind?” Taylor asked absentmindedly It was the sort of robotic tone that anyone fell into when asking a question they didn’t really about care the answer to – a tone of voice that too often came from Taylor. He didn’t even look up at Zac; instead, he was staring down at the paintings, probably formulating a way to tell him just how awful they were. “Are you trying to tell me something here?” Taylor finally asked, pointing to the painting of a piano on fire.

Zac chuckled. “I don’t know, are you a piano?” 

“Not the last time I checked,” Taylor replied, looking down at his own body for a moment, then offering Zac a smirk.

“Then I guess you’re safe.”

Taylor grabbed the brush that was just dangling from Zac’s hand and, completely uninvited, began to fill in some of the finer details of the piano that had only been penciled in. Typical Taylor move, Zac thought to himself. Isaac might have been crass and blunt, but at least he noticed that other people existed – even if he usually only had negative things to say about them. But Taylor? He lived in his own little world.

“So, out with it. Why the private studio day? What is it you’re hiding from?”

Zac gave a small start when Taylor actually spoke to him again. He hadn’t expected another word from his brother once he had started working– quite uninvited, he reminded himself – on the painting.

“Umm, nothing really.” He didn’t sound convincing at all. Hell, he didn’t even believe himself. He stared at the back of Taylor’s head for a moment before asking, “I’m sorry. Let me get this straight – are you _actually_ Taylor? Because he would never ask how I’m doing and care about my answer.”

It was a little harsh, but it was true. At least, it felt that way to Zac most of the time. Ever since the divorce, their relationship had been even more strained than before. He thought they had come to an agreement and an understanding, but if they weren’t talking about music, then they hardly talked at all.

Taylor looked up from the canvas and frowned. “Is that what you really think?”

“Occasionally,” Zac admitted. He busied himself with one of the other paintings just to avoid Taylor’s stare.

“Zac.”

He stubbornly refused to look up at his brother. 

“ _Zac._ ” Taylor practically growled, but still Zac refused to look at him. “Quit being a damn baby.”

“I’m not being a –” Zac cut himself off when he realized just how whiny his voice sounded. “Alright, fine. But I’m warning you – are you really up for giving me advice about women? Because that’s where this is going.”

“I do alright with the ladies,” Taylor replied. “Well, lady. Singular. And okay, not even that great with her sometimes.”

“Well, there we are, then. End of conversation?” 

Taylor leaned over Zac to load his brush up with more paint. “Not a chance, bro.”

Zac sighed, catching himself just before he ran a paint-splattered hand through his hair. “I don’t think you’d really understand. Or maybe you would, I don’t know.”

“Try me.”

“It’s just… I saw someone the other day. Someone I didn’t expect to see again and she – well, she doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I can’t really blame her. But I just can’t let it go.”

“The girl from Nashville,” Taylor said. It wasn’t a question – everyone knew that Spencer was the only girl to turn Zac’s world upside down like that. He hardly even spoke of Kate in the same tones that he did Spencer, he realized.

“Her name is Spencer,” Zac replied. “I guess she lives here now. Or she’s visiting. I don’t know, but she’s _here_.”

“And she wants nothing to do with you,” Taylor pointed out. “But I thought you didn’t want anything to do with her either? You wouldn’t talk to anyone about it – not me, not even Ike – but something happened, right?”

“Yeah. It was just… a big fight. I don’t know. She’s not who I thought she was, but…”

“Better to find that out now than three years into your marriage,” Taylor said. “Sorry, that was harsh. I’m just saying – if she’s not who you thought she was, what are you getting so worked up for? What’s there?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know _what’s_ there. But I need to find out.”

Taylor frowned at the canvas for a few moments, his brow furrowing in concentration. He seemed lost in thought, so Zac decided to go back to his own painting and leave Taylor and his mind alone.

“Look, Zac,” Taylor finally sighed out. “I know I… we… we’ve had our differences, I guess. Do you even know how hard it was for me to stay out of the clusterfuck that your marriage turned into? She might be your ex, but she’s still my wife’s best friend. I could never be impartial, even if I wanted to be.”

Zac glanced up in frustration at Taylor’s seemingly random and pointless outburst. “And your point is? That I’m a worthless asshole? Please, tell me something I’ve already heard a million times.”

“No, that’s not my point. Try to keep up here.”

Zac rolled his eyes. “I couldn’t follow your train of thought if I wanted to. Which I don’t. But, whatever. Continue.”

Putting down his paintbrush, presumably so he could concentrate on talking, Taylor continued, “Alright. What I’m saying is, I’m sorry that I’ve never really listened to your side of things before. I don’t think any of us ever did, except maybe Ike. I don’t know what’s going on in your brain or your heart, but if they’re telling you not to give up on this girl… I don’t know, man. Is she worth it?”

“That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it?”

“Well, if you’ve got to see her again to know the answer to that, then go for it. I don’t see the harm.”

“Oh, you haven’t met this woman. There’s always harm,” Zac said. _In the best possible way._

Zac and Taylor worked together, mostly in silence, for a few more hours. It was nice, Zac thought, to work together that way. Their relationship hadn’t always been the best – especially when Natalie seemed to change her mind daily about whose side she was on concerning the divorce. Even thought he knew he was far more in the wrong, Zac didn’t like the way it had divided the family up – not least of all because the teams were Zac versus Everyone Else. Knowing that Taylor could in fact see more of the nuances of the situation was a welcome surprise. 

They made small talk all through the afternoon and even went out for a friendly lunch, but none of it completely got Zac’s mind off Spencer. The entire time, he was acutely aware of the silent phone in his back pocket. It wasn’t until he fell into bed for the night that he accepted the fact that she wasn’t going to talk to him.


	7. Tried To Stay Away

Almost a week passed without another text from Zac, and for that Spencer was more grateful than she had words to express. Seeing him at the concert had dredged up all the feelings for him that she thought she had buried – both the good ones and the bad. She wasn’t entirely certain why she had chosen to ignore him and then turn him down. A part of her was delusional enough to think she could actually live in Tulsa without seeing him; in reality, it had only taken a few weeks before she found herself staring right at him. 

She hadn’t planned for this, even though it should have seemed inevitable. What could she even say to him now? Spencer was quite certain they had said all they needed to the last time. She imagined what she would do if he was standing right in front of her, and she honestly couldn’t think of a single word that could change any of what had happened. There was no making things right. There was no moving forward. Their relationship, if it could even be called that, had to stay in the past.

On Tuesdays, Spencer had a long free period in the afternoon which she used to prepare for her classes. It was also a good excuse to leave the food court early before Marci noticed that she wasn’t in a particularly good mood. The semester was still young, so few students had begun to panic about their grades, meaning Spencer could spend her office hours in peace and quiet.

She had just settled in to start reviewing the quizzes her freshman had taken the day before when her phone began buzzing. Although she kept the ringer turned off during class, she could still hear the phone vibrating from somewhere in the depths of her purse and she reached to the floor to fish it out. The screen read two words Spencer had hoped she wouldn’t see again, and she wondered why she hadn’t deleted his number.

_Zac Hanson._

She realized that if she didn’t talk to him, he wouldn’t relent. She had to at least explain her presence in Tulsa. Maybe she could reason with him. Knowing that it wouldn’t really be that easy, but that it still had to be done, Spencer answered her phone.

“Hello?”

“It’s really you, isn’t it?” Zac asked.

“Last time I checked,” Spencer replied. She wanted to follow up with something else equally as sarcastic, but came up empty.

“Listen, I…” There was a pause, as though Zac were collecting his thoughts. “What are you doing here?”

It wasn’t exactly an accusation, but at the same time it was. Spencer sighed. “I’m working. I got a job here.”

“Oh.”

“Did you think I followed you? And what, it just took me two years? It’s a long drive, Zac, but not that long,” Spencer snapped, not really caring if she hurt his feelings.

There was a long silence on the other end and Spencer briefly wondered if Zac had hung up. In his shoes, she probably would have. He cleared his throat to speak and she realized she had not been that lucky.

“Why are you pushing me away again? Is the thought of seeing me again that awful? Because I can’t help thinking it’s going to happen a few more times if we’re both living here.”

“I thought you were the one who didn’t want to see me again,” Spencer replied.

Before Zac could reply, a knock came at the door.

“Hold on. Someone’s at my door,” Spencer said, then placed the phone on hold and sat it on her desk. “Come in.”

Spencer had to hold back her laughter when she saw Mac’s head peek through the door. “Dr. Kerr?”

“The one and only,” she replied. “What do you need?”

He stepped on into the office. “I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be away for a few days, and I was wondering if I could turn in the essay outline early.”

“Away?”

“Umm, business trip,” he replied, soliciting an incredulous look from Spencer. She suspected it had something to do with his brothers’ business, and decided it was best not to press the issue.

“I see. Well, that’s not much of an excuse, so you’ll be lucky if I let that slide again. If you can get the outline done early, then I won’t turn it away.”

Mac fished around in his backpack for a moment, then pulled out a few sheets of slightly wrinkled paper. Despite the wrinkles, Spencer could see that he had put some actual effort into the assignment.

“Well, then,” Spencer said, taking the paper from him. “Is that all you needed?”

“I guess so,” he replied.

The two stared at each other awkwardly for a moment. Spencer glanced down at her phone, realizing that Zac’s name was still displayed at the top of the screen. He couldn’t hear their conversation, but if Mac were the least bit nosy and leaned forward just a few inches…

Luckily, that didn’t seem to be the case. Without another word, he turned and walked back out of the office. Spencer let out of a sigh of relief as soon as the door closed behind him, then stared at the phone a moment longer before picking it up back.

“Sorry about that. A student stopped by.” She briefly considered telling him it was his brother then thought better of it. If there wasn’t a rule about sleeping with your students’ older brothers, there ought to be, she decided.

“It’s okay,” he replied. “Now, will you please tell me why you don’t want to see me.”

“We can talk on the phone just as well as we can in person. And I don’t see that we have all that much left to talk about anyway,” Spencer said.

Zac groaned. “Why do you have to make this so difficult?”

“Me?” Spencer said incredulously. “I’m not the one who was married, Zac. I might be difficult, but you’re the one who made this – whatever the hell _this_ is – impossible.”

“You’re right,” he said with a sigh. “I kind of hoped you had gotten over that always being right thing.”

Spencer almost cracked a smile and was glad that Zac couldn’t see her face. “Not yet. I’m just so damn good at it, it’d be a shame to let it go to waste.”

Zac chuckled softly. “Seriously, though. I want to see you again. I realized that when I saw you the other day. Will you just give me that chance? Just once?”

His voice seemed sincere enough, Spencer thought. Then again, he had never lacked sincerity, she thought. Forethought, perhaps. But he always seemed to say and do what he meant, at least where she was concerned.

“I’ll think about it, okay? That’s the best I can offer you right now.”

“Then I’ll take it,” Zac said. “Just call me whenever you’re ready and I’ll be there.”

“Okay,” she replied. “I’ll call you, but I can’t guarantee when.”

“That’s fine. Goodbye, Spencer.”

“Goodbye.”

She stared at her phone as Zac’s name faded from the screen. It was like seeing – and hearing – a ghost. She had known better than to think she could avoid him in his own hometown, but she never thought he would come begging. She imagined them passing on the street like strangers, recognizing each other, of course, but not speaking.

She didn’t like being wrong.

****

Two days passed and Spencer had not called him. It was going to take her a long time to collect her thoughts and figure out what she had to say to him – if anything at all. More than that, she wanted to see what he could possibly have to say to her.

But not just yet.

After her last class, she stopped by the admissions office and asked the secretary if Marci was in. Marci heard Spencer’s voice and yelled for her to come on back to her office.

“Hey, girly,” Spencer said. “I just wanted to see if we were still on for girl’s night tomorrow.”

Marci frowned. “Oh, didn’t I tell you? We’re going out of town to visit Brooks’ parents. We’ve got to catch his mom up on the wedding plans.”

“Oh,” Spencer replied. “Well, that’s alright. Maybe I’ll call Amberly and see what she’s up to.”

“Yeah, you could do that,” Marci replied. “Sorry, it must have slipped my mind to tell you. It’s getting really hectic trying to keep up with work here and plan the wedding.”

Spencer nodded. “Totally understandable. We’ll have other weekends, anyway. No worries.”

The two said their goodbyes and Spencer walked back out into the afternoon heat. Even though it wasn’t any further south, she could have sworn that Oklahoma was much, much hotter than Tennessee. Dressing up in what amounted to a suit every day didn’t help either, Spencer reasoned. She tugged at the buttons of her cardigan and managed to wiggle out of it without dropping her bag or her coffee. 

Truthfully, she was more disappointed about the lack of girl’s night than she let on. It was, Marci had explained, an every week thing. It had been interrupted by the concert – and Zac – the previous week, and Spencer was looking forward to a less eventful night out. The possibility of alcohol to get her mind off of Zac didn’t hurt either.

Just as she said his name in her mind, she glanced across the parking lot and saw a figure that looked suspiciously like his. At first she thought it was just a trick of the mind, since she had been thinking of him. But as he turned around and flashed her a sheepish smile, she knew it was really him. He began walking toward her and she met him halfway. 

“I would accuse you of stalking me, but I’m the one who moved to _your_ hometown,” Spencer said.

Zac blushed a little. “I didn’t want to take the chance of you not actually calling me back.”

“But how did you find me here?” Spencer asked, suddenly becoming self-conscious. She grabbed Zac and pulled him down the row of cars until they were somewhat hidden between her car and a tree that overlooked the lot.

He grinned. “I am smarter than the average bear, you know.”

“Actually, I didn’t know,” Spencer replied. 

Zac continued, undaunted, “Well, you said you got a job here. I assumed you were teaching, but I had no idea where. I thought it was a little creepy to google you and figure out which college you were at, but I didn’t have to.”

“And why is that?” Spencer asked, fearing that she already knew the answer.

“I never mentioned my brat of a little brother, did I?” Zac said with a grin. “Well, he was in the office today and he mentioned this new professor he had. Cute redhead with a serious attitude.”

“I’m sure there are plenty of those around,” Spencer said. “Maybe even in Tulsa.”

Zac grinned and stepped closer to Spencer. “Maybe. But I had to hope he was talking about the one I wanted to see. And I was right. Just had to find the right office and ask for Dr. Kerr… easy peasy.”

Spencer tried to ignore how being closer to him made her heart race. “What did you hope to accomplish by practically stalking me?”

“To get you to talk to me again.”

“After two years?” Spencer backed away, digging in her bag for her car keys. “You had no interest in talking to me that entire time. I’m not sure what seeing me across the crowd at a concert has changed.”

“I’m not sure either,” Zac admitted.

“Well, then. There we are,” she said, unlocking her car. “Can I go now? Now that we’ve established that nothing has changed.”

“If nothing at all has changed…”

Zac didn’t finish the thought. Instead, he took another step toward Spencer, cupping her face in his hands and pressing his lips to hers before she could process what was happening. His lips were every bit as soft as she remembered, but he seemed more sure of himself this time. Spencer felt herself relaxing against him, giving in to the kiss. Just as suddenly as the kiss had begun, Zac pulled away and stared at Spencer, his hands still pressed gently against the side of her face.

“If nothing at all has changed,” he said, “then what did that feel like for you?”

Spencer placed her hands over his, pulling them from her face. She glanced around self-consciously before replying, “Like something we shouldn’t do in the middle of this parking lot.”

“So let’s do it somewhere else,” Zac said, then blushed. “I mean… oh, you know what I mean.”

Spencer smiled. “Yeah, I do. And clearly I’m not going to get rid of you this easily. Where are you parked?”

“Would you believe that’s my Tahoe right next to you?” Zac asked, nodding his head toward the SUV next to Spencer’s car.

“That’s handy,” Spencer said. “Well, follow me back to my apartment. It’s not too far. We can talk there.”

Spencer realizing she was still holding onto Zac’s hands. She let go and watched him walk around and get into his car. She stepped into hers and closed the door with a sigh. The words had come tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop herself. She had meant to stick to her resolve and avoid him until she had a real plan for what she was going to say. Somehow, all that had fallen away when he looked at her, and instead she was ushering him back to her apartment.

 _Because his last visit to my apartment turned out so well_ , Spencer thought bitterly as she took the last turn into her apartment’s parking lot. 

Zac had stayed close behind and pulled into the spot next to her only seconds later. Spencer stepped out of her car without even looking back to see if Zac was following. She knew he was. When she paused to unlock her apartment door, Zac stood close behind, reaching out to tentatively place a hand on the small of her back.

“It’s not as big as my other apartment, but it’s just me here,” Spencer remarked as she walked into the apartment and stood awkwardly in the living room.

Zac followed closely behind her, looking just as awkward as she felt. Spencer tossed her bag and coffee thermos down on the island that separated the living room and kitchen, and glanced in the refrigerator. It was an excuse, just to buy time before she had to say anything of actual substance to Zac.

“Want something to drink?” she asked. “I’ve got milk, water, soda and orange juice. Oh, and some whiskey and a few wine coolers. Nothing too exciting.”

“No, thanks. I’m alright,” Zac said, finally taking a seat on the couch. 

Spencer opted against a drink of her own. Alcohol might have made Zac’s visit easier, but she knew it only increased the chances of doing something she would regret. Instead, she sat down on the couch, but not too close to Zac. 

“So…” Spencer began. “You’re the one who wanted to see me. Which I assume means you’ve got something to say. Out with it.”

Zac frowned, looking as though he was shuffling through a variety of potential topics in his mind. He finally settled on one and spoke. “Why did you move to Tulsa?”

“Because they gave me a job. Do you know how hard it is to find any job, especially a tenure track one, when you’re just out of grad school?”

He shook his head. “I can honestly say I have no idea about grad school or tenures or any of that. Hell, I’m having enough trouble helping Shepherd with his homework, and he’s just in pre-school.”

“Shepherd… that’s your son, right?” Spencer asked and Zac nodded. “How is he dealing with everything?” 

Zac sighed and leaned back against the couch. “He’s crazy. More hyperactive than Taylor’s and Ike’s kids all put together. And that’s six other kids, soon to be seven, if you weren’t counting. He was too little to really understand what happened, I think. He knows it isn’t normal for me and Kate not to live together, but I’m learning that little kids don’t really care if things aren’t normal. And he loves school, too. I think he must be nuts.”

“Yeah, anyone who loves school has got to be off their rocker,” Spencer said with a wry smile. “And people who stay in school forever? Stay away from them. Total psychos.”

“As it turns out, I happen to like psychos,” Zac said, scooting a little closer to Spencer. “Now answer my question honestly. Why did you move here?”

Spencer rolled her eyes. “What do you want me to say? That I was hoping to see you and then we’d run in slow motion through a fucking wheat field and just fall into each others’ arms? And it would be happily ever after?”

“I’d settle for the bit about the arms and the happily ever after,” Zac said softly.

“Haven’t you learned by now that I’m not the girl you’re going to get that from?” Spencer stood up and tangled her hands in her hair in frustration.

“I guess I haven’t,” Zac replied, standing up and taking hold of Spencer’s arms. “You don’t think there’s something here? After two years… you think there’s nothing left at all?”

“There wasn’t much left when you stormed out of my apartment,” Spencer pointed out.

“You kicked me out,” Zac countered.

Spencer wrestled herself free of his grip. “Sorry if I don’t feel like hanging out with people who accuse me of _murder_.”

Zac flinched. He knew he should have expected her to bring that up, and he didn’t have any sort of suitable response. His stomach still turned every time that he thought of the child he could have had, but didn’t. He stared at Spencer for a moment, trying to think of anything he could say. 

“I didn’t know what else to say!” he finally blurted out. “I didn’t, and still don’t, understand how you could just… just…”

“Kill your baby?” Spencer crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yes – no! I mean,” Zac cradled his head in his hands. “I don’t know what I mean. Damn it, I thought I had myself figured out. Decent musician, single father with awesome video game skills, and maybe even almost a friend to my ex-wife. And now… you.”

Spencer frowned. “Me… what, exactly?” 

“You came back,” Zac replied, his voice low. “I didn’t think you wanted me anymore.”

“Maybe I didn’t,” Spencer said with a shrug. “Maybe I still don’t. I don’t know either. I came here because of the job, okay? Don’t think that means you never crossed my mind, but I didn’t come here hoping for some tearful reunion.”

“But you got a reunion.”

“So I did,” Spencer replied with a nod. Feeling defeated, she fell back onto the couch. 

Zac followed suit and leaned in to brush a piece of hair out of her eyes. He ran his hand down her arm slowly, until it finally rested on top of her hand. “So what now?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Spencer replied, shaking her head. “Can we be friends for once? Do you think we’re capable of that? Because I don’t know… I don’t know if I can deal with anything more from you right now.”

“That’s fair. That’s fairer than I deserve,” Zac admitted. “But if we’re friends, I probably shouldn’t kiss you.”

“No, I don’t suppose you should.”

“Well, that’s going to be a problem. I’ve never been good at not kissing you,” Zac said with a grin, and leaned in to kiss Spencer before she could stop him.

Their fingers laced together as they kissed gently – more gently than Spencer could ever remember them kissing before. She still could not forgive Zac for the things he had said, and he hadn’t apologized for them either, at least not in so many words. But as he nibbled on her bottom lip, all thoughts of apologies disappeared from her mind. Zac was the one to end the kiss, and Spencer was pretty sure that was a first.

“That was definitely not friendly,” he mused, more to himself than to her. “So let’s try something different.”

“Different?” Spencer raised an eyebrow.

Zac nodded. “Let’s be completely and totally platonic here. Like, pizza, beer and movie platonic. But no chick flicks.”

Spencer considered the proposition for a moment. It was a test, she decided. A test to see if they truly could be near each other, when nothing was standing in the way. She had often wondered if the secretive nature of their relationship had been what sustained it. Would they even be able to stand each others’ company otherwise? For better or worse, she decided it was time to find out.

“I don’t have any beer, but if you want to pick out a movie, I’ll order the pizza,” she said. 

Zac walked over to the bookshelf that held Spencer’s movies and Spencer glanced at the advertisement on her refrigerator to get the pizza parlor’s phone number. Part of the “welcome package” of sorts that had come with her apartment was an envelope full of ads and menus for all of the nearest delivery restaurants. She had already discovered that Enzo’s was pretty good, although not quite a replacement for her beloved Mario’s back in Nashville.

As she dialed the number she called out to Zac, “Is sausage okay?”

“Sure,” Zac replied. “Do you think it goes well with Lord of the Rings?”

“I think it’ll go perfectly,” Spencer replied, just as the line clicked and the restaurant answered. She rattled off her order, then hung up the phone and joined Zac on the couch. He had already slipped the DVD in and was waiting impatiently for the previews to finish.

“So are we watching the whole trilogy or just the one?” Spencer asked, settling in close to him, but not too close. 

“We can probably make it through the second one,” Zac said. “I have to pick up Shep from school tomorrow, but that’s not until the afternoon.”

Spencer stifled a yawn. “Well, I’ve got class at ten in the morning. And I’m sure my students wouldn’t mind if I slept through it, because god knows most of them do even when they show up, but I don’t think that’ll make a good impression on the university.” 

“Don’t let me keep you up too late,” Zac replied. 

“Oh, don’t worry about me. It’s barely dinner time yet. However,” Spencer looked down at her outfit, then stood up. “I am going to go change out of this monkey suit.”

Spencer padded down the short hallway to her bedroom and glanced around at the mess. A basket of clean, but unfolded, laundry sat at the foot of her bed and she riffled through it. She settled on an oversized t-shirt with “VANDY” emblazoned on the front and a pair of boxer shorts that she feared might have been stolen from Daniel years ago. She was just slipping into the shorts when she heard two voices from the living room that did not sound like part of the movie. She rushed out of her bedroom to find Zac closing the door and carrying two pizza boxes to the couch.

“Zac, you did not pay for those.”

Zac paid her no mind as he opened a box and pulled out a slice. “Actually, I did. I do have money.”

Spencer frowned as she grabbed two sodas from the fridge, hoping Zac didn’t mind diet. “I have money too.”

“Then you can buy next time,” he said with a shrug, offering her a large slice.

Spencer sighed, setting the drinks down and taking the pizza slice from him. She settled back onto the couch and ate her pizza in silence. It was stupid to start a fight over who paid for the pizza. She knew that. It was just that everything was so new. They never had a chance to really be friends before. As Zac settled back onto the couch and nonchalantly slipped his arm around her shoulder, she wondered if they even had a chance to be just friends now. Sneaking a glance over at him and seeing how content he looked, Spencer decided that she didn’t care what they were at the moment. She was just glad that they were. It was nice to have something familiar.


	8. Wake Me Up From This Bad Dream

Spencer groaned and tried to get her bearings. She could hear the alarm on her cell phone ringing, but it seemed farther away than usual. Her back ached horribly and she tried to stretch her arms to alleviate some of the pain. Quickly, she came to two surprising revelations. 

One: she was sleeping on her couch, half covered by the crocheted blanket her mother had sneaked into one of her boxes and insisted she keep with her to remember home. 

Two: she was using Zac’s shoulder as a pillow.

She wiggled her way out of the blanket’s cover, and the motion was enough to stir Zac awake. She realized her cell phone was still tucked into her purse on the kitchen counter. Digging through the bag, she found it and groaned. Judging by the time displayed on the screen, her alarm had been ringing for nearly thirty minutes. 

Zac looked up at her from the couch. “I know I shouldn’t have stayed, but you fell asleep halfway through the second movie, and you just looked so cute sleeping…”

He blushed, but Spencer didn’t notice. Her head was buried in her hands on the kitchen counter. “I’m going to be late. Third week of classes and I’m going to be fucking late.”

Zac stepped up to the counter and ran his fingers through Spencer’s hair. “Hey, I’m sure they’ll figure out you’re worth the wait.”

“I don’t have time for this,” Spencer said, pulling herself up to her full height and rushing from the room. 

Two years of living in dorms had given her a little bit of experience in showering quickly, and Spencer thought that if she really rushed, she could make it to campus just in time for her first class. She wouldn’t have time to stop by her office or pick up a coffee, and she definitely wouldn’t have time to contemplate Zac’s reappearance. She decided that was for the best and hurried through her shower.

Twenty minutes later, she stood in her bedroom with her damp hair tossed into a quick bun. She pulled a plain sheath dress from her closet, slipping it on and finishing off the outfit with a polka dot cardigan and sandals. It wasn’t her most professional look, but it would do. She was on her way back to the bathroom to put on just a little bit of makeup when she heard the distinct sound of coffee percolating. 

Spencer walked into the kitchen to find Zac standing over the sink, rinsing out her coffee thermos. She observed the scene for a moment, blinking just to be sure she wasn’t imagining the strangely domestic scene in front of her.

“Exactly what are you doing?” she asked, picking up her cell phone to see that she had barely enough time to make the drive to campus. 

“Breakfast,” Zac replied, pouring the coffee into her thermos. “And you’re just in time.”

Spencer shook her head. “I don’t have time for breakfast. I’ve got to get going.”

“You’ve got time for coffee. And I’ll drive you to the college. I guarantee I know my way around Tulsa better than you do, so I can get you there on time,” Zac said.

“And how am I supposed to get back home?”

Zac shrugged. “I can come get you then, too. Unless you’ve got a friend you can hitch a ride with. When are you done with class?”

“Around three,” Spencer replied.

“Well, I can’t get there until maybe 3:30,” Zac replied, frowning. “And I’ll have Shepherd with me… So if you wanted someone else to give you a ride, I would totally understand.”

“I think I should,” Spencer replied. “It’s not that I don’t want to… it just probably isn’t a good idea yet.”

Zac nodded. “I figured, but I still wanted to help out.”

“Did you plan all this out while I was in the shower?” Spencer asked.

He grinned. “Sure did. Got a problem with it?”

“Only that you didn’t add cream or sugar,” Spencer replied, returning his grin.

She hurried back to the bathroom to grab her makeup bag and had to shake her head as soon as she was out of Zac’s sight. Spencer realized she might have judged him too quickly. Maybe he had grown up a bit after all. She walked back into the kitchen to find him putting the small jug of creamer back in her fridge. She tossed her phone into her purse and accepted the thermos Zac held out to her.

“Let’s hit the road, then,” Spencer said.

Just as Zac had insinuated, the drive to campus was faster with him behind the wheel. Spencer wanted to talk to him along the way, but the drive passed by too quickly for her to even collect her thoughts. Instead, she hurriedly applied her makeup in the visor mirror and listened as Zac sang along quietly with the radio.

He pulled into the same parking lot where Spencer had found him the day before, and they sat in silence for moment. Spencer gathered up her things, then glanced over at Zac.

“Thank you for the ride. You probably saved my ass,” she said.

Zac smirked. “It’s such a cute ass, though. It would be a shame to let any harm come to it.”

Spencer shook her head. “Seriously, though. Thank you. I’ll call you if I need a ride home, but…”

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want to force Shep on you right now when we’re just…”

“Whatever we are,” Spencer finished for him.

Zac nodded. “But I will see you again? Soon?”

“We’ve never been good at staying away from each other, have we?” Spencer said with a forced smile. “You’ll see me again. But I just really, really think we need to slow this thing down.”

“Does that mean I can’t kiss you goodbye right now?”

Spencer nodded. “Yeah. That’s what it means.”

She stepped out of his vehicle before she had time to reconsider her decision. She was already running very, very late and kissing Zac would not help her make it to class on time. She could think about everything that had happened since the previous afternoon once she made it through classes. 

To Spencer’s great relief, her morning classes were uneventful. She even came close to enjoying her lecture on _The Scarlet Letter_ when she saw that, just as he had said, Mac wasn’t in class that day. In the past, she would have been angry at whoever put that particular book in the curriculum but she realized that, although she wasn’t proud of herself for lettering Zac back in, it no longer had to be a dirty little secret. 

_At least, not entirely_ , Spencer reminded herself, thinking of how giggly her new friends had been when they saw Hanson at the concert. Someday she could explain it to them, but not yet.

Once her morning classes were finished, Spencer hurried to the food court, ready to finally relax a bit. She grabbed a sandwich and a refill on her coffee before heading to the table she had grown accustomed to sharing with Marci. 

Marci looked Spencer up and down, then asked, “Rough day?”

“Oh, yeah,” Spencer said, scratching her head and trying to think of an excuse. “I guess I didn’t set my alarm before I went to sleep and I was in a huge rush to get ready this morning.”

“But you still got your coffee fix, right? I’d pity any students who saw you sans caffeine,” Marci said with a mock shudder.

Spencer frowned. She supposed it was time to open up a little bit more. With a sigh, she admitted,“Well, I thought I would have to skip the coffee. But I had a… friend over. He fixed my coffee while I showered.”

Marci raised an eyebrow. “A friend? A _male_ friend? Pardon me for sounding like Amberly, but I’m going to need the details.”

“He’s just an old friend,” Spencer said with a noncommittal shrug.

“I thought you didn’t know anyone in Tulsa,” Marci said.

Spencer paused, fearing she was about to be caught in her lies. She knew someday they would all come tumbling out, but for now she had to maintain as much as she could. She didn’t even know where things were going with Zac; she had absolutely no intentions to let someone she barely knew in on her deep, dark secrets when she wasn’t even sure if Zac would ever be more than that.

“He’s hardly a friend at all. We were never really that close. He called and we talked a bit, so I invited him over,” Spencer said. “Anyway, we fell asleep on the couch – totally innocently, I might add – and overslept. Which reminds me, I’m going to need a ride home.”

“I can do you one better than that,” Marci said. “How about dinner? I think it’s time for a girls’ night out again.”

Spencer had to stop herself from letting out an obvious sigh of relief. “Yeah, that sounds great. I could use a drink – or two. Or a dozen.”

****

Zac couldn’t help but laugh as he watched Shepherd race ahead of him down the hallway of his apartment building. He hurried to catch up with his son and unlocked the door, pushing it open before Shepherd could crash headfirst into it. Shepherd ran straight for his room before Zac could ask if he wanted a snack.

Shaking his head, Zac walked to the kitchen to get himself a snack. Just as he was pulling a can of Dr. Pepper from the refrigerator, his cell phone rang. He wiggled the phone out of his pocket and frowned when he saw the name Valerie on the screen. He knew he couldn’t avoid her forever, though.

“Hello?” 

Her sugary sweet voice came on the line. “Hey, Zac. Drew said I should give you a call. He said you had been busy lately, but…”

“Yeah, recording the new album is taking up a lot of time,” Zac replied. It wasn’t a lie, but he still felt bad for saying it. 

“Well, surely you aren’t recording on a Friday night?”

Zac saw where this was going, but tried to feign innocence. “No, we’re not…” 

He could almost hear the smile on Valerie’s face. “Well, then. I was thinking we could have dinner tonight?”

Zac sighed and immediately hoped the sound didn’t carry through the phone. He had only had a few dates with Valerie, but he could tell she thought it was more serious than he did, and evidently Drew decided to take matters into his own hands. If Spencer hadn’t reappeared in his life, he might have even tried to make things work with Valerie, just to see if he could. But Spencer didn’t seem all that interested in being with him again, he reminded himself.

One more date. Then he would decide whether or not to cut ties with her.

“I suppose we could,” Zac said. “Just let me call and see if one of my brothers can watch Shepherd.”

“Okay. Call me back,” Valerie replied.

Zac ended the call, then scrolled through his contacts. He couldn’t ask Taylor and Natalie to watch Shepherd two weekends in a row; not only was that way too much to ask of them, but he worried Natalie might feel gossipy and tell Kate about it. Instead, he settled on Isaac’s name and pressed call.

“Yeah?” Isaac answered.

Zac rolled his eyes. “So nice to talk to you too.”

“Hey, I just saw you at the office. Sorry I’m not more excited about the sound of your voice,” Isaac said with a slight chuckle. “So what’s up?”

“Well, I was wondering if…” Zac chewed on his bottom lip for a moment. “Well, could you guys watch Shepherd tonight?”

“I suppose. Care to tell me why?”

Zac mumbled his reply as quickly as possible. “I’ve got a date.”

“That almost sounded like you had a date. Or possibly that you’re trying to mate. Although I suppose it could be both…”

Rolling his eyes, Zac replied, “Look, I’ve just got a date with Valerie again. It’s just for a few hours. And I promise next time I’ll give you more warning.”

“Or better yet, ask Taylor,” Ike said. “But sure, we’ll watch him.”

“Thanks,” Zac said, hanging up before the onslaught of questions about the future of his relationship with Valerie.

Before calling Valerie back, he walked to Shepherd’s bedroom, where he found his son focused intently on a box of legos. Zac smiled, thinking he must have looked exactly the same when he was a child. 

“Hey, buddy?” Zac said.

Shepherd didn’t even look up from the elaborate Lego creature he was building. “Yeah?”

“How do you feel about going to Uncle Ike and Aunt Nikki’s house tonight? Just for a while. We’ll take one of your new video games.”

“Sure!” Shepherd said, looking up at Zac with a smile that seemed to stretch from one ear to the other.

“Great,” Zac said, retreating back to the kitchen, knowing he had to call Valerie back. 

He couldn’t get Shepherd’s huge smile out of his mind. If his son had been old enough to truly understand what was happening, he didn’t think he would be quite so happy about it. 


	9. All Alone Again

Spencer was three drinks into her second girls’ night out – third, if you counted the concert – and enjoying every minute of it. The conversation had largely been focused on Marci’s upcoming wedding, and although Spencer had nothing of substance to contribute, she was just glad for the distraction from her own problems. She was perfectly content to sip her drink silently and only contribute to the conversation on the rare occasions when Marci or Amberly asked her opinion on some decorating decision or another.

“So has your sister been trying on dresses?” Amberly asked between bites of her fries. 

Marci shrugged. “Who knows. She just got back to classes so she’s been busy. I’ll have to get her to come visit soon, though. I wish she could be here tomorrow. Oh, Spencer!”

Spencer’s head snapped up from where she had been staring into her drink. “Yeah?”

“Want to come with us tomorrow? We’re going to look at bridesmaid dresses for Amberly. My sister Rowan has to get one too, but she’s determined to get whatever she likes, no matter what I say.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Wouldn’t I just be in the way?” Spencer replied.

“Of course not,” Marci said with a smile. “You’re always so well dressed. I’d love to get your opinion. I mean, I know we’ve just met but you’re the perfect little addition to our group. We’re like the three musketeers now. Would you _please_ go?”

Spencer bit her lip and considered the invitation. She felt like she was intruding just knowing that she was invited to the wedding of this girl she barely knew. Being invited along to help pick out dresses just seemed ridiculous. This new life was moving far too fast. But what did she really have to lose?

“Go on, flatter my fashion sense a bit more,” Spencer said with a smirk. “Yes, I’ll come along.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” Marci exclaimed, throwing her arms around Spencer. The gesture took her by surprise, but it seemed truly genuine.

Once that was settled, Marci and Amberly happily went back to discussing various types of floral arraignments, and Spencer found herself useless to the conversation. After a few minutes, she had reached the bottom of her drink. She called for the waitress to bring another, and while she was waiting, turned back to Marci and Amberly and said, “I’m going to run to the little girls room. I’ll be right back.”

Spencer stood up and wound her way back through the pub. It was a large building with several rooms full of seats, and the three of them were seated at the back. She thought she remembered seeing the Women’s Room sign on their way in, and after a bit of searching, she located it again.

Her head was reeling, and she wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or from how fast _everything_ had moved in the past day. At least being invited along on shopping trips with these two girls was a good change. Spencer had never had many close friends in Nashville; only Abbey, really, and Daniel while they had been together. It was good, she decided, to have new friends now, even if they were becoming very attached to someone who they barely knew.

She stared into the mirror as she washed her hands and thought of the night before with Zac. She longed to tell someone about him. Abbey would want to know, of course. _Maybe I’ll call her tomorrow_ , Spencer thought. All the talk of bridesmaids dresses would amuse Abbey, the perpetual bachelorette, as well.

Spencer shoved the heavy wooden door open and tried to remember the way back to her table. She took a left and hoped she was headed in the right direction, and that was when she saw him. She wasn’t sure how she had missed him on her way to the bathroom, except that his back had been turned to her then. There was no mistaking it now; once again, Spencer had found herself accidentally in the same place as Zac.

A waiter with his arm full of plates went rushing by and nearly knocked Spencer to the ground. It occurred to her that she must have looked crazy just standing there staring at Zac’s table, but she was several feet away. He hadn’t turned his head up yet from his date. 

_His date._

There was no mistaking it from the look on his face. Spencer had sat across from a look similar enough to know that Zac was most certainly on a date with this redheaded woman. She briefly wondered if he just had some sort of ginger fetish and what color hair his ex-wife must have had. As she entertained these thoughts, Zac’s head slowly turned up to look at her and the smile dropped off of it completely.

He looked as though he might get up and come to her, but Spencer couldn’t let that happen. She ducked into a nearby room, hoping it had another exit that would bring her back to her friends. To her relief, it did, and she saw Amberly’s curls hanging over the back of her chair. Spencer hurried over to the table and picked up her drink without even taking a seat. She downed several gulps of it, then realized that two sets of eyes were watching her with confusion.

“Didn’t want to let it go to waste since I’ve got to pay for it anyway,” Spencer said, setting the now half-empty glass back down and picking up her purse. “But I’ve got to go. Not feeling very well all the sudden.”

“Oh, we wondered what was taking so long. Do you need me to give you a ride?” Marci asked.

Spencer shook her head. “No, I’ll be fine. I’ll just call a cab. You girls stay here and have fun; don’t worry about me.”

She hardly heard Marci asking about the shopping trip as she hurried off to find their waitress and get her receipt. She paid quickly, shoving a wad of cash in her hand and telling her not worry about the change, then asked for the number of a good cab company. Punching the number into her phone, she walked outside and took a deep breath. After just a few rings, a dispatcher answered and assured Spencer he could have a cab to McNellie’s in less than twenty minutes. 

She briefly considered walking back to her apartment, but didn’t count on her ability to use her phone’s GPS to prevent herself from getting lost. She had a feeling that even if she did, it would still be faster than waiting for the cab and risking Zac walking out of the restaurant to talk to her. He had seemed so happy, though, that Spencer doubted he would waste a second on her. 

No sooner had she come to this conclusion than the doors of the restaurant opened and out walked Zac with his _date_. She was taller and thinner than Spencer and it made her feel terribly petty to realize she was comparing herself to this other woman. Still, it gave her a fleeting sense of satisfaction to see the few inches between their bodies as they walked past her. Zac’s arm did not wrap around the other girl, nor did he hold her hand, and as he passed Spencer he stole a glance in her direction. She could not read the expression on his face.

As she watched their bodies disappear into the growing darkness, Spencer heaved a sigh and threw herself down onto a bench to wait on her cab. She was surprised at how much it made her hurt in strange places inside to see Zac with another woman. He wasn’t hers. He didn’t want to be hers, she thought, and this only seemed to confirm it. Yet, a sense of longing was growing inside of her, making her wonder if she wanted him to be hers.

“Spencer.”

She did not – _could_ not – look up at his face. Instead she stared at her feet as she spoke. “I thought you were leaving. Surely you didn’t abandon your girlfriend to come talk to little old me.”

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Zac replied, sitting down on the other end of the bench.

“For some reason I don’t believe that,” Spencer replied, stealing a glance at Zac. “You were married when we met. It’s even less of an indiscretion to only have another girlfriend now.”

“Valerie is just… my friends just set me up with her, okay? Why does it matter at all if you and me are just friends?”

Spencer frowned. “It matters because it just seems like you’re keeping things from me. Again. I don’t know how to trust you, and I’m getting the distinct feeling that I shouldn’t.”

Zac stood up and threw his arms in the air. “And you think you deserve my trust? Really?”

“I never said that,” Spencer said softly.

“Well, don’t. Because you sure as fuck don’t deserve it.”

Spencer felt as though she had been slapped in the face. Part of her wanted to ask what she had done that was so terrible, but she knew exactly what Zac was referring to. She could not bear to look at him and see the face of the man who had called her a murderer and obviously still felt that way.

“I didn’t ask for your damn trust,” she said, still not daring to look his way. “But I stupidly expected honesty from you. And then I find you here with some woman who you say means nothing. If she meant nothing, then why did you say you were keeping your son tonight? Why not the truth?”

“Because that was the truth then,” Zac admitted. “But why am I still justifying myself to you? You’re just my _friend_. You don’t need to know anything I don’t feel like telling you. And Valerie is a meaningless secret to keep compared to your goddamn abortion.”

Spencer finally stood and drew herself to her full height, forcing herself to look Zac in the face. “I’m not even sure I want to be your friend if all you see when you look at me is a fucking murderer. And I don’t know why I thought we could ever build anything else back. Especially trust. Go find your girlfriend, fuck buddy, whatever the hell she is. I’m done with you.”

“Fine,” Zac spat. “Fucking fine. I don’t know why I thought I wanted you back anyway, when you can never decide what the hell you want from me. You’re just like Kate. I never know what you want.”

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe the problem isn’t the women? Maybe it’s you.”

For a moment the anger in Zac’s eyes seemed to fade and get replaced by sadness, but it happened so quickly that Spencer thought she was only seeing what she wanted to see. Too soon the anger was back and Zac practically growled, “Just forget it. Forget we even tried to be friends. It was a stupid fucking idea.”

“For once we agree on something,” Spencer replied, wincing at the sudden pain in her temples, which was likely caused by a combination of too much alcohol and too much Zac. She was infinitely grateful that her cab chose that moment to roll up to the curb. She pushed past Zac without another word and did not look back at him as she stepped into the cab and told the driver her address. 

The ride back to her apartment was far quicker than the wait for the cab had been, and Spencer was glad for that. If she’d had to spend any longer sitting in the too quiet cab, her thoughts would have lingered on Zac to the point that she might have made herself physically ill. As it was, she still could not peel her thoughts away from him as she paid the cabbie and walked up the steps to her apartment.

“The fucking nerve of him!” Spencer called out to her empty apartment, slinging her purse down on the floor and not caring at all where it landed.

She stumbled to her bedroom and tugged off her clothes, mentally compiling a list of all the reasons it had been stupid to allow Zac back into her life. Even though she had suspected he would screw things up, she truly had not expected it to take him less than twenty four hours. She wondered if this was his first date with Valerie, or if he had already been seeing her when he wedged himself back into her life. In the end, Spencer decided she didn’t care. Zac was obviously incapable of settling down to just one woman. Hadn’t she known that all along?

Spencer tugged on the same t-shirt and boxers and had worn the night before, cursing the fact that they smelled faintly of Zac. The scent was light, more like some expensive soap than any sort of cologne she’d ever smelled, and it immediately conjured up all the memories she had tried to forget of how good it felt to be pressed up against his body. Despite how wrong that she logically knew it was, there was still something that felt so _right_ about being that close to him, and it was that nagging feeling that she tried to push out of her head as she fell asleep.


	10. You Leave Me Here On The Other Side

Spencer did not sleep well. Every time she managed to fall asleep, she dreamed of Zac. In each dream he drifted further away from her, and while that should have made her happy, it did not. A strange presence loomed in each dream, seeming to follow the dream-Spencer wherever she went. In her moments of wakefulness, she could not make sense of that particular element of the dreams. 

She finally woke for good to the sound of someone pounding on her apartment’s front door. Although she feared it was Zac, she knew she had to answer it. She fumbled her way through the apartment, feeling far more hungover than she should have after the amount of drinks she had had the night before. When she reached the door, Spencer stood on her tiptoes to look in the peephole and was relieved to find that it was only Amberly. She flung the door open and winced at the sunlight that poured in behind her friend.

“How are you feeling today?” Amberly asked, cradling several take out containers in her hands. “I brought you breakfast, and I came to see if you were feeling up to the bridal shopping trip.”

Spencer pressed her hand to her forehead as she opened the door and let Amberly in. “I completely forgot about that. I just sort of fell into the bed when I got back last night.”

“No offense, but you don’t look so good. You can just keep the food and stay here if you want,” Amberly said, setting the Styrofoam containers down on the counter and opening them up.

The scent of fresh pancakes drifted up to meet Spencer, and she was surprised that it did not make her stomach turn. She supposed her nausea was probably caused more by Zac than any amount of alcohol, and she eagerly grabbed the plastic knife and fork that Amberly held out.

“Thanks for the food,” Spencer said before taking a bite. “If I get some food in me, and take a quick shower, I think I’ll be alright to go with you guys.”

Amberly grinned. “Awesome. Take your time. We’ve still got about an hour before I told Marci we would meet her.”

Spencer nodded, but did not slow down. She managed to scarf down her entire box full of fresh, fluffy pancakes with strawberries in the time it took Amberly to eat half of hers. She pointed Amberly toward the television and hurried off to shower, trying her best to keep her mind off of Zac. She knew now that it was over, there was no need to ever tell her new friends about him, and there was hardly a need for her to even think of him.

Still, even as she dried her hair and tugged on a comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt, she had a nagging feeling that it wasn’t truly over. Zac never quite seemed to go away, no matter what happened. He had seemed quite certain about wanting it to be over, though. Spencer tried not to reflect on his exact words, or else she feared she would smear her mascara before she’d even finished applying it.

Once she had made herself as presentable as possible given the dark circles under her eyes and the frown that wouldn’t go away, she wandered back into the living room to find Amberly perched on the couch watching cartoons. 

“Your phone has been making noises,” Amberly remarked.

Spencer wandered over to her fallen purse and scooped it up. She dug around for her phone, and saw that she had several missed messages. A few were texts from Marci, asking if she was alright and still planning to join them. She fired off a quick response to let her know that Amberly had arrived to pick her up. The last two texts were from Zac and she deleted them without even looking to see what they said.

“It was just Marci,” Spencer lied. “I told her we were on our way, so let’s hit the road.”

Amberly looked Spencer over and seemed to contemplate her answer, but thankfully, did not question it or probe for details. The two girls quickly cleaned up their breakfast mess and left the apartment. Amberly offered to drive Spencer, since it was a little out of the way and not in a neighborhood Spencer had been to before.

The drive was oddly quiet, which surprised Spencer. Amberly seemed tense for some reason, but Spencer was not curious enough to ask why. Maybe she had had a few too many drinks as well and didn’t feel up to a huge shopping trip. As much as Spencer liked clothes, she couldn’t imagine herself enjoying the search for bridesmaids dresses. She tried to imagine what it would be like to go on a similar excursion with Abbey, but could not picture it. The two of them had always joked that they would be old cat ladies together, but Spencer wasn’t certain it was really all that much of a joke.

Amberly parked her car in a shopping center filled with very posh looking shops. Spencer was somewhat surprised to see such upscale shopping only a few blocks from her apartment; she knew such shops existed in Nashville as well, but she’d never had the money or inclination to venture down those streets. Amberly pointed out one shop in particular with a pink and white facade and windows full of flowing white gowns. The effect was almost blinding, especially in the midday sunlight.

As they crossed the threshold, Spencer spotted Marci huddled over a catalog with someone she assumed was a saleswoman. As they approached, Marci stood up and gave them a wide smile. She turned her head to the saleswoman and briefly addressed her, and the woman wandered off with the catalog in hand.

“I was starting to think you girls weren’t going to make it,” Marci said.

Spencer gave her a sheepish look. “That would be me and my hangover’s fault. But Amberly brought me a delicious breakfast.”

“From the Blue Dome?” Marci asked. “That’s our favorite hangover cure. So if you guys aren’t in a sugar coma, we can go ahead and get started. I’ve already got a few dresses waiting in the dressing room for you.”

The saleswoman walked back up and gave the three of them a sugary sweet smile. “I’m Gina. Which one of you is the maid of honor?”

“That would be moi,” Amberly said.

“Great. You can just follow me this way and we’ll get the first gown on you,” Gina said, gesturing toward the back of the store and taking off before Amberly could start to follow her.

The store reminded Spencer of a fancier version of the places where she had shopped for prom dresses. Gina lead them away from the stark white bridal section and toward rows and rows of dresses arranged by color – and they seemed to come in every color of the rainbow. As she ushered Amberly toward the fitting rooms, she explained that the samples she tried on would be in a variety of colors, but could be ordered in whatever shade Marci chose.

“Did you decide on a color?” Spencer asked, recalling snippets of the previous night’s conversation.

“Well, there are a few different shades that I like,” Marci said. “But definitely a pale blue. I hope we can try some in the shades I like or at least hold up some swatches to Amberly so I can decide which looks best. It’s just so hard to choose when they’ve got a million different ones that look damn near the same. And they’ve all got such weird names. I’m halfway tempted to just elope.”

Spencer gave Marci a gentle nudge. “Oh, you wouldn’t dare. You’re going to enjoy the wedding and you know it.”

“Yeah, you’re right. It’s just so difficult to do all this planning. You’ll see when you get married.”

“I don’t think I ever will. Too much trouble for me,” Spencer replied. She was referring to more than just the wedding part, but Marci need not know that.

Marci leaned in as though she were awaiting an especially juicy bit of gossip. “Things not going well with your old friend?”

“You could say that.”

Spencer was spared from saying anything further as Amberly chose that moment to emerge from the dressing room in a strapless floor length gown. It was plain satin save for a bit of sparkly trim around the bust line. Gina trailed behind, finishing up the zipper. Amberly gave a silly twirl then stood still to await Marci’s opinion.

“Hmm, I’m not sure. It looks a bit too much like a prom dress, doesn’t it?” Marci said, tilting her head to the side.

“That’s what I just said!” Amberly exclaimed. “I think I had this exact dress in pink for my junior prom. And I did not look good in pink.”

Gina ushered Amberly back into the dressing room and as soon as they were out of sight, Marci shot Spencer a pointed look.

“What?” Spencer tried to feign innocence. “You didn’t need my opinion on the dress too, did you?”

Marci rolled her eyes. “No, but I do need to hear what the deal is with you and this guy.”

Spencer sighed. There were no more lies in her mouth, ready to fall out and cleverly conceal the truth. She was still unprepared to say Zac’s name to either Marci or Amberly, but she could at least reveal a bit more of the truth; after all, it hardly mattered now that he was gone from her life.

“Well, I kind of lied about the guy. I did know him pretty well, but I hadn’t seen him for two years. So I really didn’t consider it _knowing_ someone in town,” Spencer admitted. After a moment’s pause, she added, “Hell, I didn’t think he even wanted to see me again. I definitely didn’t have any _friends_ here.”

Marci nodded slowly. “Okay. I think I can forgive that little lie. So what happened with him?”

“Things were surprisingly okay between us. We didn’t talk much about how things ended, although we should have. We agreed to just be friends for now and figure out where to go from there.”

“Seems reasonable enough,” Marci remarked.

“It did, which should have been my first hint,” Spencer said. “You see, he was at McNellie’s last night too. With a date. After he told me he had his son for the night. I don’t know, maybe it was just a last minute thing and maybe she really wasn’t his girlfriend.”

“But?”

Spencer sighed. “But it hurt more than I expected it would to see him with another woman. And we had this huge fight outside while I was waiting for the cab.”

Marci opened her mouth to reply but was cut off by Amberly’s emergence from the dressing room. The second dress was also strapless and floor length, but unlike the first, it was covered completely in a layer of lace that perfectly matched the shade of the dress. From the way Marci gasped as Amberly twirled around to show it off, Spencer had a feeling it was a serious contender.

“I really like that, but let’s see a few more just in case,” Marci finally said. Once Amberly had disappeared from sight, she turned back to Spencer. “So what are you going to do about him?”

“I really don’t know,” Spencer admitted. “Every other time I thought he was gone, he always came back. Even if it took years. But we said some awful things last night… I don’t think we can salvage even a friendship.”

“You love him,” Marci stated simply. 

“No, I most definitely do not,” Spencer replied hastily. She frowned at the look of disbelief on Marci’s face. “I’ve lusted after him, sure. I’ve pitied him. I’ve advised him. I’ve been one of his only friends. But we’re too different. We could never be together.”

Marci’s lips turned up in a small smile. “That doesn’t mean you don’t love him. It usually just means you love him even more, despite all the reasons why you shouldn’t.”

Spencer wondered if this was how she made Zac feel all those times he complained about her always being right. She didn’t express the thought out loud, though. Marci had a point, but she did not want to consider it. Zac was supposed to be an annoying part of her past and nothing more. Every time she saw him she only grew more certain that he was wrong for her. Even if Marci was correct about her feelings for him, it hardly mattered.

Amberly was shuffled through several more dresses while Spencer sat back and brooded about Zac. She tried to offer her opinion whenever one of the girls asked or looked at her expectantly, but it was an understatement to say her heart wasn’t in it. Her heart was somewhere else in Tulsa, pining after the guy she had spent three years assuring herself was everything she didn’t need.


	11. And My Ships Are Sailing

Zac hadn’t even finished his second beer at dinner with Valerie, yet he had still spent the entire weekend with the worst hangover of his life. By Monday morning, he accepted the fact that it wasn’t a hangover. 

It was Spencer. 

Everything always seemed to come back to her. Zac had fallen into bed Friday night absolutely certain that he never wanted to see her again. He had woken up Sunday morning, head still pounding, resolute to delete her number from his cell phone contacts and erase her face from his memory. She was a mistake, just as she had tried to tell him for years. She was just selfish. She didn’t want him, but she didn’t want any other girl to have him. 

_Well, fuck that_ , Zac told himself.

He hadn’t parted on the best terms with Valerie. She hadn’t said anything, but he could tell by the look on her face that she knew something was wrong. She was forward enough that he knew it was only a matter of time before she asked – and he could only hope she hadn’t seen Spencer. Once he could figure out what to say, he was going to call her and ask her out again. He’d make up for their last lackluster date, just to spite Spencer. Not that she would ever know, but the thought of her brooding over his ability to move on made him feel better.

He remained that resolute until he was leaving the office to pick up lunch and his cell phone rang. _Valerie_. 

She spoke before he even had a chance to say hello. “Zac, we need to talk.”

“About what?” Zac asked, deciding that playing dumb was the best way to go. He was pretty sure he could pull off the dumb blonde act.

“About us,” she answered impatiently.

“Can it wait? I’m at the office, and I was about to –”

Valerie cut him off. “Perfect. I’m outside. We _need_ to talk.”

“I’ll buzz you in,” Zac replied, hanging up before she could complain about that too. He had no desire to have this argument with her outside on the sidewalk for anyone to see. He trudged to the front office and pressed the right sequence of buttons to unlock the front door. It was a necessary security feature, he knew, but Zac thought it would work better if they hired someone to actually stay in that office so he wouldn’t so often find himself playing secretary and doorman.

Valerie stormed into the room, long red hair flowing in the breeze her movements generated. If he squinted, she looked a bit like Spencer. The fury written on her face _definitely_ reminded him of a certain other redhead. But, as he hated to admit, she didn’t make his insides turn into fire and ice the way Spencer did.

“Are you going to stare at me all day or are you going to explain why you’ve been ignoring me lately? And why you acted so weird Friday night?”

Zac stuttered. “I, umm. I can’t really explain any of that.”

“You can’t explain? That’s all you’re going to say.”

“I didn’t know that I needed to explain myself to you. I didn’t know that I was accountable to you,” Zac replied honestly. He might have been thinking about taking their… whatever it was… to the next level, but her demanding attitude was making him seriously reconsider.

That seemed to take her aback for a moment, but she quickly recovered. “Well, you should still be honest with me. That’s just common decency, and we’re definitely not going anywhere with this if you aren’t honest. Or decent.”

“Tell me about it,” Zac mumbled. “Where were we going with this, exactly?”

“Why don’t you tell me?” Valerie countered.

“I’m _honestly_ not sure,” Zac admitted. “I don’t think I can really be whatever you want me to be. I wanted to try to be that guy, I did. But I just can’t…”

“Be in a relationship right now,” Valerie finished for him.

Zac winced. “It sounds like a line, doesn’t it?” 

“No, it sounds like Zac Hanson.” Valerie turned away from him and seemed to be fighting some internal battle – over what, he had no clue. 

“Valerie…” he trailed off, not sure what he had even thought to say. He didn’t think there was anything else he could say, aside from spilling the entire story of his affair with Spencer.

She spun back around. “You know, everyone warned me. Zac won’t date you. Zac won’t _love_ you. If you’re that hung up on your wife, why did you leave her?”

“I’m not – ” Zac stopped himself mid-sentence, realizing what he was about to say. It wasn’t entirely untrue, but it wasn’t what he wanted to admit. He sighed. “It isn’t about Kate, okay?”

“Then who is it about? Oh – I’ve got it. It’s not me, it’s you. Is that it?” Valerie spat out.

“Well, yes. And no. It’s complicated, okay?” Zac said, realizing he was still spewing all the worst lines. “I couldn’t make you understand it if I tried. I’m sorry. I wanted to try this. Believe that, please. But I guess everyone was right. You should have listened to them.”

Valerie rolled her eyes. “I hope whoever it is you’re pining for – whoever it is you’re so _in love with_ – I hope she breaks your heart. I hope she stomps all over it. That might begin to make up for all the girls you’ve led on. Like me.”

 _Too late_ , Zac wanted to say. But he didn’t. He just stared in disbelief at Valerie as she stomped back out of the office, her red hair still waving around and reminding him too much of the girl she didn’t know she was talking about.

She paused in the doorway and spun around to face him one last time. “You’ll regret this, you know.”

Zac doubted that. As for the rest of her accusations, he couldn’t help but think they were gross exaggerations. He might have been the talk of Tulsa – and some seedy parts of the internet – but that was because of his divorce, not because of anything he’d done since then. He’d hardly been on that many dates anyway; he could have counted the girls on one hand, maybe two. Valerie had been the first one to make it much further than a first date, anyway. Surely she was the only one to get the wrong idea. None of the others had been around long enough to get _any_ ideas.

The only girl he had gotten attached to since Kate was Spencer. But he wasn’t going to tell Valerie that. He hardly wanted to admit it himself. He had spent the entire weekend trying to put her out his mind, and then Valerie had to go and remind him how much she meant. 

He scrolled through his phone’s address book, landing on Spencer’s name. In the end, he hadn’t had the nerve to delete her, no matter how mad he had been. Something always seemed to call him back to her. He remembered the moment, years ago, when she had told him not to lose her number, just to set it aside for a while. He decided to take her advice again – at least until he could think of a way to apologize for his angry words. No, he wouldn’t call her. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and shook his head.

Isaac’s head peeked around the corner. “Zac? I thought I heard your voice out here. Where’s lunch?”

“Oh. Umm, just leaving to get it,” Zac replied, checking his pocket for his wallet and scurrying out of the office before Isaac could ask about Valerie’s voice. Surely he had heard her, too. He could only imagine what his brother would have to say about their argument – not that he had any plans to tell him about it if Ike hadn’t heard it for himself.

The deli they usually ordered lunch from was only a block away, so Zac didn’t bother driving. It was only the three of them in the office that day, so he didn’t think the order would be heavier than he could carry. He walked briskly down the sidewalk, hoping that he didn’t run into Valerie again so soon. He had a feeling she had gotten away quickly after her final threat, but he didn’t feel like taking any chances. He pulled up the hood of his jacket instinctively – it might not hide him from Valerie, but it stood at least a small chance of shielding him from any fans lurking nearby.

To his relief, there was hardly a line in the deli at all. It took only a few minutes for the few customers in front of him to shuffle off and leave him in front of the counter.

“Order for Zac Hanson,” he mumbled to the young girl at the register. He’d have to sign for it with his credit card anyway, so there wasn’t much point in placing the order under a false name. Anyway, most Tulsans were pretty jaded about those Hanson boys hanging around downtown. It was just the thought of the occasional fan hanging out near their studios, hoping to catch a glimpse of something exciting, that made him lower his voice when he said his name.

The cashier seemed unfazed as she handed him two large bags and rattled off his total. He tapped his fingers impatiently on the counter top while he waited for his card to be approved, then scribbled something that might have resembled his name on the receipt. Before he could leave, the girl added a huge drink holder full of steaming coffees to his load. _Typical Taylor_ , Zac thought. With the pile of bags and drinks balanced precariously in his arms, Zac turned to leave the deli.

He was grateful to the middle aged woman who held the door open for him, sparing him from spilling anything. But he had hardly taken one step outside the deli before a shock ran through his body, causing him to stop on the spot and spill scalding coffee all over his right hand.

“Shit,” He cursed under his breath, watching the figure that had given him the shock.

Her hair was red, but it wasn’t Valerie. She was shorter and less… well, whatever Valerie was.

“Spencer!” The exclamation had come tumbling out of his mouth before he could think better of it. “Hey, Spencer!”

Slowly, the girl turned around and Zac saw her face — her unfamiliar face. “Sorry, were you yelling at me?”

“Umm… I guess I was,” Zac admitted sheepishly to the girl who was most definitely not Spencer. “Sorry, you looked like… someone I know.”

“Oh. Sorry, I don’t think I know you,” the girl replied with a gentle shake of her head. She turned and walked away before Zac could apologize.

“Fuck,” Zac said, looking down at the red patch on his hand from the spilled coffee. Taylor would definitely owe him for this one. He glanced back up one more time at the redhead’s retreating figure. He knew she wasn’t Spencer, but the resemblance still made him tremble.

It always came back to Spencer, he thought. 


	12. The Stars Came Falling On Our Heads

Several days passed uneventfully, but slowly. Every second that ticked by, Spencer grew more and more restless. If anyone had asked, she would have told them she had no clue what it seemed she was waiting for. But that wasn’t true. Every day she woke up hoping it would be the day that Zac called and apologized, and every day it wasn’t.

Mac returned to her class that week and she could not bring herself to look at him at all as she delivered her lecture. It did not help that she could feel his eyes on her the entire time. He seemed to be judging her, although surely he couldn’t have known. Spencer felt it was only a matter of time before everyone knew the truth about her relationship – if you could even call it that – with Zac.

Spencer could not face lunch with Marci. She knew there would only be more questions, and she had no appropriate answers, truthful or otherwise. Marci meant well, Spencer knew, but she tired of trying to field the endless questions from both her and Amberly. Instead of lunch, she sat alone in her office sipping coffee, even though it did little to settle her stomach.

She had only one more class after lunch, but it still seemed to take all of her energy to drag herself out of her desk chair and to the classroom. She watched the freshmen pour into the room with the same lack of enthusiasm; their first test of the semester was scheduled for that class session. Spencer handed out the tests wordlessly, then slumped down into her desk chair. 

“Stack the tests here on my desk when you finish. Then you’re free to go,” Spencer said simply, then turned her focus to the stack of lecture notes she had meant to prepare during her lunch break. 

She did not accomplish much more during the test. Most of the students finished far too quickly, which likely meant they had not studied. Spencer could not even muster up any frustration at them for their disregard of her class; instead, she was simply glad to leave and hurry back to her apartment. She wanted nothing more than to curl up on her couch and relax with a few drinks and whatever she could microwave. With that thought in mind, she gathered up the finished tests and shoved them in her messenger bag. She made a quick stop by her office to pick up her coffee thermos, then headed out the doors toward the parking lot.

The early September heat was still nearly too much for Spencer to bear, and the sun beat down on her as she made her way down the pavement to her car. Although the sun was bright in her eyes and she had to squint to see, she thought she could make out _something_ stuck underneath the wiper on the driver’s side of her car. As she closed in on it, she could see that there most certainly was a slip of paper tucked onto the bottom of the windshield.

Figuring it was only a flyer for some event on campus, she unlocked the car and put her things inside before bothering to look at the paper. With her hands free, she reached onto the windshield and grasped the folded paper in her hands. She realized quickly that it was not a flyer – the paper was crumpled and looked as though it had been ripped from a notebook. Unfolding it, Spencer gasped at the message it contained. 

****

HOMEWRECKING SLUT

****

The letters were scrawled on the page in thick red marker, pressed so hard against the paper that each letter bled over into the next. It sent a shiver down her back. The lack of punctuation bothered Spencer. It was a statement, to be sure. Not even an accusation – simply a statement of fact. Who could have sent such a message? No one in Tulsa, at least no one who knew where Spencer worked, knew the truth of her indiscretion. 

Her mind instantly flew back to the day she had found Zac wandering the parking lot. Surely he couldn’t be responsible for the childish note. He was every bit as guilty of wrecking his home as she was, and Spencer thought that deep down he knew that to be true. Still, she could not get his face from her mind. She tucked the note deep in her pants pocket and took one last look around before climbing into her car. There was no one around but a few students – no one could who could possibly be guilty of such slander.

As she drove home, Spencer considered her options. She had watched enough police shows to wonder if the note contained some trace DNA, but she felt silly even contemplating taking the note to the police. What could she say to the officers if she did? No, she would not drag Zac’s name through the mud like that.

For all she knew, the note was meant for someone else entirely, someone with a car like hers who actually knew other people in Tulsa. She tried to assure herself this must be the case, but she did not believe it. It was simply too much of a coincidence. The note had to be meant for her, but who could it have been from?

Spencer pulled into her apartment’s parking lot and sat in her car for a moment, contemplating what she knew she must do. She could not go to the police, but she also could not keep this her own secret. This could be serious and dangerous. It could hurt Zac, too. Although it was not at all comparable to her last secret, Spencer knew she was doing no one any favors if she kept this to herself as well.

Her mind made up, she trudged up the steps to her apartment and sat down her bag. She washed her coffee thermos slowly, giving herself even more time to reconsider and change her mind. She did not. She pulled the letter from her pocket and unfolded it on the counter top, flattening out the wrinkles as best as she could. There were no more secrets or clues to be revealed from the letter, no matter how much she stared at it.

With a long, shaky sigh, Spencer dug her phone from her messenger bag and scrolled through the recent calls until she settled on Zac’s name. Decisively, she pressed call and held the phone to her ear. The phone rang and rang and she thought that perhaps he wouldn’t answer. She hadn’t considered this. What if Zac ignored her?

“Hello?” He sounded breathless.

“Zac? Is this a bad time?”

There was a short pause and a shuffling sound. “No, it’s fine. I’m on my way to pick up Shepherd, though.”

“Oh,” Spencer said, suddenly remembering that it was indeed Friday. “I didn’t think you would answer.”

“I didn’t think you would call,” Zac said wryly.

“Fair enough. I’ll admit, I wouldn’t have except… well, I found this weird note on my car today and I just wanted you to know about it. Maybe it’s nothing, though.”

“A note?”

Spencer swallowed hard. “Yeah. I don’t really want to tell you about it on the phone. It’s just… you’ve got to see this to believe it, really. It’s almost comical, or it would be if it weren’t directed at _me_.”

“I can come over tonight and look at it, if you’ll have me,” Zac said, continuing after a quick pause, “but you know I’ll have to bring Shep.”

“It’s fine,” Spencer replied, although it was anything but.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

Zac hung up before Spencer could say anything else and she stood staring at her phone in confusion. He had agreed to this far too easily. Spencer hadn’t managed to halfway articulate how creepy the note had been, and she couldn’t imagine any reason why Zac would find her stuttered explanation enough to come running to her.

Yet, for better or worse, he was on his way.

Spencer suddenly felt self-conscious about how messy her apartment was. She reconsidered the microwaved dinner, and instead hurried to tidy her kitchen and living room as much as she could. It didn’t take too long to get the mess under control, and she was just contemplating whether or not to pull out the vacuum when a knock came at the door. She made a point to carefully check the peephole before answering it.

“That was a little faster than I expected,” Spencer remarked as she held the door open for Zac. 

He looked a bit sheepish as he walked into her apartment, holding hands with a small boy who very clearly resembled him. With a shrug, he said, “I came as fast as I could. Umm, this is my son Shepherd. Shep, this is daddy’s friend Spencer.”

“Isn’t that a boy’s name?” Shepherd asked, eying Spencer suspiciously.

She laughed. “Well, I suppose it can be. It’s definitely not as cool of a name as Shepherd.”

“Shepherd isn’t my only name,” he said matter-of-factly. “My whole name is John Ira Shepherd Hanson.”

“Is that right? That’s a very cool name. Way cooler than Spencer.” Spencer replied. She was relieved at how easy it seemed to talk to the boy. She had never been very comfortable around children, but Shepherd was more precocious than most she had met.

Zac nudged Shepherd toward the couch. “How about you find some cartoons to watch while daddy and Spencer talk, okay? Then maybe I’ll order us a pizza for dinner.”

That plan seemed to satisfy Shepherd, and he bounced onto the couch, quickly flipping through the channels to find some after-school cartoons to watch. 

Spencer motioned toward the kitchen counter, not sure what to say. It seemed easier just to show him. She watched Zac’s eyes widen as he took in the words on the page. He stared at it for a moment before he spoke.

“Can we talk somewhere else? Out on the balcony?” he asked, nodding in the direction of the sliding doors that lead to her small balcony.

Spencer nodded and scooped up the note, following Zac out onto the balcony. He sat down in one of the cheap plastic seats that had come with the apartment and did not speak for a moment. After some time had passed, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a similar sheet of paper. Spencer sat down next to him and took the paper from his hand, carefully unfolding it. It contained only one word.

****

CHEATER

****

The note was practically identical to Spencer’s – the same bright red marker bleeding its message across the page.

“I found it on my windshield,” Zac said. “It wasn’t there when I left my apartment. At least, I don’t think so. I only found it when I left to get lunch for everyone at the office. I had a feeling when you called that you’d found one just like it.”

Spencer handed the note back to him. “That’s why you agreed to come over, then.”

“I was going to call you,” Zac said. “I was worried about you. You were the first person I thought of when I found this.”

“Of course I was!” Spencer said with a laugh. “After all, you cheated _with_ me. I’m half the reason these notes exist.”

Zac frowned. “That’s not what I meant. I just meant I was worried. You shouldn’t have to deal with stuff like this because of me. You don’t deserve that.”

“From the way our last conversation went, I’d have figured you thought I deserved much worse than some juvenile notes. Which, by the way, do not contain inaccurate descriptions of us,” Spencer replied.

Zac scooted his chair closer to Spencer’s and reached out to take her hands in his. “I’m sorry I said all that. I was upset, and I’m really talented at putting my foot in my mouth when I’m upset.”

“I’ll say you are,” Spencer said. “I just don’t know who could have done this, Zac. No one here even knows me, and they certainly don’t know about us.”

“No one at all?” Zac asked.

She looked up at him slowly, realization dawning on her. “I talked to your brother. At the concert. But he didn’t remember me. He just said I looked familiar.”

“Which brother? Isaac?” Zac asked. “Yeah, you did meet him once, didn’t you? But he wouldn’t do this.”

“He’s not the only one of your brothers I know now,” Spencer pointed out. “But Mac just thinks I’m some mean professor.”

Zac shook his head. “He doesn’t know about you, I’m sure. He’s not dumb, so he knows I fucked up majorly… but he’d still never connect the dots that it’s you. That’s too far-fetched. Also, he wouldn’t do something like this either.”

“Well, who would?” Spencer threw her hands up. “Your ex-wife? Your girlfriend?”

Zac pulled back from Spencer. “No. No, they wouldn’t do this. Valerie doesn’t even know you, and she isn’t my girlfriend. She’s nothing now. And Kate might know you exist but she doesn’t know you’re here. I haven’t told her.”

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t know,” Spencer pointed out. “I’m just throwing out suggestions. I don’t know anyone else who would care.”

“Plenty of my fans would, I’m sure,” Zac replied.

Spencer sat back and considered that. For all the times she had worried what her existence would do to Zac’s career, she had never really considered just how obsessed some fans could be. Images of celebrity stalkers’ crazy antics flashed through her mind and it was enough to make her shudder.

“But how could they know?” she asked, her voice trembling.

Zac shrugged. “Who knows how they find out everything. I don’t know how much they really know. There was lots of speculation over the divorce, but I don’t read _all_ the gossip. I’d drive myself crazy if I did. What about anyone you know? Maybe it’s not even about me.”

“It has to be about you,” Spencer replied. “I’m not important. And only my best friend Abbey knows. She’s in Nashville still and I trust her with my life. This isn’t connected to her.”

Spencer stopped herself before she added that she had told Marci and Amberly a few key details. She couldn’t imagine either of them being responsible for this. They might have been a bit nosy, but she knew they were just trying to get to know their new friend. Neither of them could possibly know enough about the situation to have done this. Spencer had kept her cards close to her chest. 

“Well, I don’t know. It’s probably just a fan,” Zac said, taking Spencer’s hand again in an attempt to reassure her.

“This was supposed to be over. If not two years ago, then a week ago. Now all this happens…”

Zac squeezed Spencer’s hand. “We’ll get through this, okay? I know we will.”

“There is no ‘we.’ Not anymore, maybe not ever,” Spencer replied.

“Well, who else have we got?” Zac asked. “I know you don’t trust me and I… I don’t know what I think about you. But we’re in this together now, whether we want to be or not.”

Spencer frowned and looked down at their hands. She knew Zac was right, as much as she hated to admit it. She wasn’t going to quit trusting Marci and Amberly, but she now felt as though everyone else in Tulsa might potentially be out to get her. She did not want to cling to Zac, but she could see little other choice.

She tried to take her mind away from any declarations, obtuse or otherwise, that Zac might have made about their relationship. Instead, she focused on the issue at hand. “Do you think whoever it is knows where we live? Where I live?”

Zac shook his head. “No. Plenty of fans know where the office is, so I’m sure they put the letter on my car while I was parked there. You know, it’s probably some student at your college. They probably saw us by your car.”

“That’s supposed to be reassuring, is it?”

Zac nodded faintly. “I know it isn’t much. If we get anything worse – anything threatening — we’ll go to the police. It won’t be the first time we’ve had some crazy fans, but they’re usually harmless. Mostly. Just nosy and annoying.” 

“Still not reassuring,” Spencer said.

Zac scooted his chair in so close that his knees knocked against Spencer’s. He stared intently into her eyes when he spoke. “I wish there was more I could do. I always feel like I keep dragging you into my problems and ruining your life.”

“You haven’t ruined my life.”

“Yet?” Zac asked with a crooked grin.

“I have a feeling I’m going to keep giving you more chances to,” Spencer admitted, matching Zac’s grin with one of her own.

Spencer and Zac sat silently holding hands for a while, neither of them sure what to say. The accusing notes still sat in their laps, and Spencer couldn’t help stealing glances at hers, as though it might reveal some new clue each time she looked. It did not.

Zac glanced through the open balcony door and cleared his throat. “We should probably order some pizza or something. Shep usually has an after-school snack right away but I kind of forgot about that today. Guess I’m a bad father.”

“No, you’re not,” Spencer said honestly. “Maybe I haven’t seen you with him that much, but I can just tell. And you care so much about being good to him – you make that obvious. You worry yourself to death over him, don’t you?”

He nodded. “I really do. It’s just so tough… and no one in my family has done this before. Sure, being a dad at nineteen was tough on Taylor, so he’s been a little sympathetic toward me, but it’s not the same. I don’t know how to do this.”

“But you’re doing just fine,” Spencer replied.

“I guess,” Zac said, letting Spencer’s hand drop from his grasp and stood up. “But I’d be a better father if I got him some dinner and made sure he did his homework.”

Spencer stood up to match him. “I told you I would pay for the pizza this time, mister. And I’m sticking to that.” 

Zac grinned. “We’ll see about that. You go take a long bath or something. Relax a little, okay? I’m sure this stuff today has stressed you out even more than it has me.”

She considered Zac’s suggestion and could find no real reason to object to it. With a small nod, she followed him back into the apartment and watched as he sat down on the couch next to Shepherd. She couldn’t help but smile at the way the two of them looked at each other – admiration and awe from each pair of eyes. As Zac made small talk with his son about school, Spencer slipped out of the room to take the shower Zac had suggested.

Despite his suggestion, she did not dwell very long in the bathroom and she did not take a comforting bath. Instead, Spencer turned up her shower until the water was nearly scalding and scrubbed herself hard. The whole day had left her feeling dirty and ashamed, and she needed to wash it off. As she did so, she realized her anger with Zac was dissipating as well. A hint of distrust lingered, but she could do nothing to alleviate that. She knew no one in town who she could trust and cling to more. Maybe it was time for Zac to be the comfort and the rock she had been for him.

When she returned from her shower, she found Zac searching through her cabinets for plates and glasses. Several pizza boxes were spread out on her counter, and she wanted to be angry that he had repeated his offense, but she could not manage to muster up any more emotions. The entire day had left her drained and it felt good to turn things over to Zac. He had always managed to look so at home in _her_ home; it would have rubbed her the wrong way, but she had to smile at Shepherd sitting in the floor coloring in his homework as though he too felt completely at home.

 _Like father, like son_ , Spencer thought as she wandered over to the kitchen and pointed Zac in the right direction.

“Thank you for doing all this,” Spencer said, annoyed at how her voice trembled like she might have been on the verge of tears.

“It’s really no problem at all,” Zac said, shrugging off her concern. “Shep, your dinner’s ready. You can finish your homework after you eat.”

Shepherd bounded up to the kitchen counter and took the plate full of pizza and cup of soda from Zac’s hands, barely managing not to spill anything as he made his way back to the couch. Spencer watched him with amusement, then turned back to his father. 

“I’m serious, Zac. Today… well, this past week has been rough. Today just made it all that much worse,” she admitted.

“This past week?” Zac repeated, realizing slowly dawning on him. “Oh. Because of last weekend.”

Spencer bit her lip and nodded.

Zac took a few steps toward her and lowered his voice. “I’m sorry about everything I said then. I really am. And I promise you, Valerie isn’t anything to me. She’s hard to say no to, but I did. I was going to anyway, but…”

“But?”

Running his hands through his hair, Zac contemplated his words for a moment. “But you gave me the extra push I needed to finally tell her it was over. Hell, it barely even started. She wanted it more than I did. I just thought that if you and me were just friends… but I don’t want that either.”

“You don’t want to be my friend?” Spencer asked, smirking.

“That depends,” Zac said, stepping in close and taking Spencer’s hands again. “Can I be more than that? If not now, someday? Preferably soon, but I’m willing to be flexible on that.”

“I honestly don’t know, Zac. I still don’t trust you. That isn’t going to change overnight, not even with this… this stalker or whatever. We can be friends, like we said, and see what happens,” Spencer said. She considered it for a moment, then mumbled, “And I’ll try not to go crazy when you get tired of waiting for me and find someone else.”

“That won’t happen,” Zac said. “The tiredness or the someone else.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Spencer simply stated, “The pizza’s getting cold.”

She shook Zac off and filled up her plate with pizza. She didn’t really feel all that hungry, but she knew she would feel worse if she didn’t try to eat. Zac stood silently by her, digging into his first slice with gusto, his appetite seemingly unaffected. 

Shepherd finished his pizza quickly and carried his plate back to the kitchen. He handed it to Spencer, looking up at her with wide eyes. “You got a lot of movies.”

“I guess I do,” she said with a laugh. 

“Can I watch one of them?” he asked.

“Well, I’m not sure that I have anything you would like,” Spencer said, racking her brain. “But I think there may be a set of Scooby Doo dvds…”

Without a word, Shepherd bounded toward the shelf to look. Zac sat down his empty plate and cleared his throat. “Now, I don’t know if we have time for that, buddy. You’ve still got homework and we’ve stayed here a long time. I’m sure Spencer’s just about tired of us by now.”

It occurred to Spencer that, much to her own surprise, she was not tired of their company. The boy was a ball of energy unlike anything she’d seen before and Zac was an unusually comforting presence. Her face must have said as much – or perhaps it was the pout on Shepherd’s – because Zac gave them both a look before saying, “Alright, I guess we can stay a little while longer. One episode, then back to the homework.”

“How much longer do you think you’ll stay?” Spencer couldn’t resist asking, although she mentally kicked herself for sounding so expectant and needy.

Zac shrugged. “How long do you need me for? If you don’t mind, I… no, forget that.”

“What?” Spencer asked, tilting her head to the side. This was the Zac she remembered – tripping over his words and timid, embarrassed by what he wanted.

“I was just thinking I could stay the night, if it was okay,” Zac said. “I’d understand if it wasn’t, since I’ve got Shepherd with me. But I just want to be sure you’re okay.”

Spencer shook her head, lowering her voice, “That’s probably not a good idea. I mean, it is sweet and I do appreciate it. But let’s not spring that on Shepherd just yet, when we don’t even know what we are. Anyway, I don’t have a place for him to sleep.”

Zac nodded. “I know, it was a stupid idea. I just don’t know what else to do for you.”

Spencer couldn’t help smiling at that, and she pulled Zac in close for a hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him. His arms engulfed her body and made her feel infinitely safer. She sighed against his chest and spoke, her voice muffled and trembling just a little, “Thank you for just trying to help. I know I’m difficult to deal with, and I was afraid you wouldn’t even want to anymore.”

“I told you that won’t happen. I’ll always want to deal with you,” Zac said with a small laugh. “I mean it. You’re worth every bit of it – even crazy stalkers. We’ll get through this together, I promise.”

His voice sounded so reassuring, but Spencer could not quite find it in herself to be so certain. Only days before, she had swore that there was nothing in Zac to be trusted. Now it seemed there was no one in Tulsa _but_ him who she could trust. She only hoped she was making the right decision by clinging to him to carry her through this.


	13. So Far From What I Remembered

The weekend passed without further incident. Spencer indulged herself by sleeping late each day, and each day she woke up to a call from Zac to check that she was okay. He assured her that he had not received any other notes either, and she began to think it had all been a stupid, unfunny prank. They could put this behind them and move forward with the friendship they were building, she hoped.

Monday morning Zac did not call, but that didn’t surprise Spencer. She didn’t know the particulars of his custody arrangement, so she reasoned he was either sleeping in or busy shuttling Shepherd off to school. Either way, she was not surprised when it was her alarm and not her ringtone that woke her up at the usual ungodly morning hour. After a weekend of relaxing, she found it even more difficult than usual to pry herself from bed and get ready for classes. 

She was still in a bit of a fog when she stumbled through the living room and tripped over a box of crayons in the floor. Looking down, she realized Shepherd had left behind not only the crayons but some sort of work book. She hoped he hadn’t needed it that day. Tucking it and the crayons into her bag, she made a mental note to call Zac later and let him know she had the items.

Her morning classes and office hours were so hectic that Spencer had nearly forgotten her plan to call Zac. Luckily for her, as she was walking into the food court, her cell phone rang and revealed Zac’s name on the screen. She answered quickly, pressing her other hand over her ear to drown out the crowd.

“Hey, Zac. It’s kind of loud, so sorry in advance if I can’t quite hear you,” Spencer said.

“Just calling to check in, as usual,” Zac said. 

Spencer stepped in line for coffee. “Nothing new today. I didn’t check my rear view mirror on the drive here, but I think I’m in the clear.”

“Okay, Nancy Drew. You don’t have to get sarcastic with me,” Zac said. 

“I’m not being sarcastic,” Spencer replied. “Well, not very.” 

“You know I just worry about you.”

Spencer sighed. “I know. I’d complain about you treating me like your child if I wasn’t worried, too. Which reminds me, your actual child left some crayons and a book at my house.”

“Yeah, he was worrying about those this morning. Didn’t need them today, he said, but he was still worried,” he admitted. “That’s kind of the second reason why I called.”

“Hold on a second,” Spencer said, giving the barista her order, then returning her attention to Zac. “Alright. I was going to call you, actually, and see when and how I could get those back to you.”

As Spencer moved down the line, the coffee machines drowned out Zac’s reply. She stepped back from the counter a bit and said, “Can you repeat that? Like I said, very loud in here.”

Zac raised his voice and repeated, “I’m going to be in our office all evening, I think. Can you bring his stuff by here? I’ll text the address so you can be sure you get it right.”

“Okay, that’ll work,” Spencer replied. “I’ll see you later. Bye, Zac.”

“Bye, Spence.”

She ended the call and tossed her phone back into her bag. One of the workers called her name and she greedily accepted the coffee, clutching it close to her chest as she turned around to weave her way back through the crowd. As she turned around, she bumped directly into someone’s broad chest, and a glance upward revealed it to be Mac.

Flustered, Spencer managed to stutter out, “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t get any coffee on you, did I?”

“No, you didn’t. Sorry,” he replied, eying her strangely.

Spencer couldn’t help but wonder how much of her conversation he had heard. Had he heard his brother’s name? Rationally, she knew there were plenty of Zacs she could have been talking to; unless Mac already had reason to suspect that she knew his brother Zac (and how could he?), there was no reason at all for him to assume that was who she had been talking to.

She did not like how paranoid this stalker – if they could even be called that after only one incident – was making her.

****

Once she was finished with her classes and ready to leave campus, Spencer sat down in her car and opened the text Zac had sent her earlier. She copied the address into the phone’s GPS and read through the directions several times to memorize the street names and turns. It seemed simple enough, she thought, turning her car on and repeating the directions under her breath as she made her way out of the parking lot.

It took Spencer only a few minutes to find herself on the correct street and she craned her neck to look for a parking spot along the sidewalk. She finally spotted an empty space next to a vehicle she thought looked like Zac’s, further reassuring her that she had found the right place. She grabbed her bag from the passenger seat and stepped out onto the street with one last glance at her phone to see which address she was looking for.

She didn’t need to search long; a quick look around showed that she was in fact standing directly in front of something called 3CG Records. Realizing she hadn’t actually asked Zac the name of his record label, she could only assume this was the correct one. She stood in front of the door for a moment, wondering what she would say to whoever greeted her on the inside.

The door was, not surprisingly, locked. Spencer could not see through the frosted glass window, but she noticed a buzzer system beside the door. She pressed the button and waited. She thought she could see movement through the window as the buzzer’s speaker crackled to life.

“3CG Records. Who’s calling?” A voice asked through the speaker.

Spencer couldn’t be certain, but she thought the voice belonged to Zac. She straightened her back and cleared her throat. With a slight smirk and more than a dash of boldness, she replied, “Dr. Spencer Kerr for Zac Hanson.”

The door clicked open and Spencer found that the handle would turn now. Just inside the door was a small reception area with a messy desk that reminded Spencer of her own office. Zac stood behind the desk, pressing buttons on a large telephone console that Spencer guessed was connected to the speaker system.

“Oh, good,” Zac said with a smile. “I didn’t think to ask what time you’d be here, so I’ve been jumping up every time I heard a noise, thinking it was you. Pretty sure everyone thinks I’m crazy.”

“Are they wrong?” Spencer asked with a grin.

Zac gave Spencer a mock angry look, then laughed. “No, I guess not.”

He strode across the room quickly and Spencer thought he might have swept her up into his arms, if the sound of footsteps approaching quickly had not reached their ears. At the sound of someone clearing their throat, Zac turned around and Spencer stepped to his side to see who it was. Immediately, she regretted not hiding behind him.

“I thought you looked familiar,” Isaac said flatly.

Zac looked back and forth from Spencer to Isaac. He ran his hands through his hair before saying, “I don’t suppose the introduction is all that necessary, but Spencer, this is my brother Isaac. Ike, this is Spencer, my… umm, friend.”

“I know who she is,” Isaac said, crossing his arms over his chest. “So, did she follow you here from Nashville or was this your idea?”

At that, Spencer felt her blood begin to boil. Seeing red, she stepped past Zac and looked Isaac square in the eyes. “While I don’t really think I need to justify myself to you, I will. I came here on my own, because I got a damn good job offer. I haven’t even seen Zac for two fucking years, and you can be sure I wasn’t planning to again. My life does not, in fact, revolve around him. I’m not some lovestruck idiot or crazy stalker or –”

Zac reached out to grab Spencer’s arm, and it stopped her speech. She knew she had gotten carried away, and her last words gave her a chill as they passed her lips.

Isaac’s mouth looked like it was tempted to turn up in a grin, but the rest of his face stayed stoney. He looked past her and addressed Zac. “She’s a firecracker, isn’t she?”

“Well, you know what they say about redheads,” Zac replied.

Spencer shook free of Zac’s grip and looked back and forth between the two brothers, who seemed to be sharing some secret look that she couldn’t decipher. Throwing her hands up in the air, she asked, “Oh, are you both against me now?”

Uncrossing his arms and relaxing a little, Ike said, “I don’t know you well enough to judge as much as I have, I guess. If Zac’s determined to keep you around, I guess I’ll get to know you a little more. We’ll see how I feel then.”

“That seems fair enough,” Spencer replied. “Probably better than I deserve, I’ll admit. Believe me, I’d totally understand if you hated me, but I could really do without making any more enemies when I’ve barely been here a month.”

“We should go,” Zac cut in before Isaac could ask or Spencer could reveal anything more. “Ike, tell the guys I’ll be back in a minute. I’ve just gotta get something Spencer brought for me.”

Zac took Spencer by the arm and led her outside quickly. The sunlight was jarring and she shielded her eyes with her free arm.

“Well, that was awkward,” she remarked.

“I’m so sorry about that,” Zac replied. “I didn’t expect him to be such an asshole. It’s been years, you know? I thought we were past all that, but I guess not.”

“Don’t worry about it. I think we’ve got bigger problems than a disapproving brother,” Spencer said.

Zac pulled Spencer in close, concern written on his face. “Nothing else has happened, though. Right?”

“No, nothing else,” she replied, shaking her head. “I just can’t help worrying that it’s coming. Any day now, something worse will happen to me or you. Or both of us, I don’t know. I’m scared, Zac.”

Zac pressed a kiss to Spencer’s forehead. It was so quick she almost missed it, but she was still glad they were shielded by his car and no one seemed to be around to see their closeness. She found herself longing to be even closer, despite knowing it was particularly foolish to do so in the middle of the street. Instead, she pulled herself free of his grasp as gently as she could.

“I should probably get going,” Spencer said, fumbling around in her bag until she found Shepherd’s things. She held them out to Zac and his hand lingered on hers as he took them.

“I would invite you to stay longer, but I don’t want to put you through meeting anyone else today.”

“I appreciate that,” Spencer admitted. “Maybe once we’ve figured ourselves out and things don’t feel so much like we’ve got to look over our shoulders all the time… if there’s ever a time like that.”

“There will be,” Zac said, giving Spencer’s hand one last squeeze. “And we’ll deal with the rest of my family and friends then. No need to throw you to the lions this soon.”

“Are they that bad?” Spencer asked.

Zac laughed. “Nah, not really. They’ve got their misconceptions about what happened between us, though. Not that I ever told them any of the details. But it’ll work itself out.”

“I wish I had your confidence.”

“My confidence?” Zac raised an eyebrow. “You just stood up to the first guy who knew about our affair. And I think you nearly won him over, too. _That’s_ confidence. I’m just foolishly hopeful about the future.”

“Whatever it is, I wish I felt it too. I’m a realist at best and a pessimist at worst. You know that about me,” Spencer said.

“I do know that,” Zac said, nodding. “But I happen to like you anyway. Do you think I can see you sometime this week? Maybe without Shepherd this time? Just us.”

“I’m not sure… I’m supposed to help Marci with some wedding stuff, but I’m not sure what day. I’ll let you know, okay?”

“That’ll work. You know I’m going to keep calling. We can make plans whenever you want.”

“Okay,” Spencer replied. “I’ll see you soon, I guess. And I’ll talk to you sooner.”

Zac took Spencer gently by the arm again and pressed a kiss to her forehead. It made her blush in spite of herself, and she stuttered out another quick goodbye before turning to walk back to her car. If she didn’t put some distance between the two of them, she knew she would do something worth regretting. 

But she had a feeling she wouldn’t have regretted it at all.


	14. Nothing Left But A Million Words To Say

The three girls gathered at Marci’s house a few days later to work on various bits and pieces of decor for her wedding. Spencer had accepted the invitation even though she pointed out that she knew nothing at all about weddings. That didn’t seem to matter much to Marci, and so after classes on Wednesday, she followed Marci home and enjoyed a dinner of Chinese take out and gossip before sitting down to work.

Amberly and Marci continued gossiping about their old college friends while they worked on centerpieces and other small decorations. Spencer had brought her laptop in order to help put together programs; that was one thing she felt she might be helpful with, and it allowed her to block out the gossip a bit and stay in her own little world.

“Here’s the monogram that shows the colors and fonts we want to use, and a sample program,” Marci said, handing Spencer a stack of papers. “And I wrote out some of what should be in the program, but I’m sure you can come up with something better if it needs changing.”

“I’ll try to keep it close to your wording, though,” Spencer said, flipping through the papers. “Who knew there were so many uses for an English doctorate?”

“More useful than my history degree, that’s for sure,” Marci replied with a laugh.

Spencer didn’t know a great deal about graphic design, but she had helped Abbey with a few of her communication classes and thought that she could use a word processor to put together something halfway decent. The fonts on the monogram looked quite fancy, so she opened her laptop and clicked on Firefox to see if she could find copies of them online.

When Firefox appeared on the screen, it loaded her email homepage and she saw there was a new message in the inbox. She figured it was probably a message from one of her students – midterms were closing in and the students all seemed to be suddenly concerned about their grades. The email address didn’t appear to belong to any campus email account, however, she didn’t recognize the username – iknowthetruth@gmail.com – and the subject field was blank. Her spam filters hadn’t blocked it, so she assumed it was safe to open and did so.

The body of the message was entirely blank except for a link. It did not set off any of her anti-virus programs, but it did give her that familiar nervous tingle in her spine. Nevertheless, she clicked on the link and waited for it to load. It appeared to be some sort of photo blog and bore a picture of Hanson at the top. She scrolled down to read the top post – entitled “Mystery Woman?” Fearing the worst, Spencer continued scrolling. The post was a short blurb that made Spencer’s eyes go wide.

> _An anonymous contributor sent in these photos. Who is the redheaded woman with Zac? No idea. Will be looking for more photos and a name to go with the face. They definitely look more than friendly!_

Spencer clapped a hand over her mouth as she looked at the photos in question. A series of pictures completed the post, each one showing her and Zac just days before outside 3CG Records. His SUV mostly obscured them from view, but it was obvious what the photos depicted. The last one captured the very moment when Zac had kissed her forehead, although Spencer’s hair hid some of the details. Forgetting she wasn’t alone, Spencer let out a groan and slammed her head against the back of the couch. 

Amberly was the first to jump up and plop down on the couch next to her. “What’s up? Computer problems?”

Spencer froze, unable to close the window before Amberly got an eyeful of the pictures. She winced as Marci too jumped up and took a seat on her other side to see what the commotion was about.

“So _this_ is your married man?” Marci blurted out.

Spencer looked back and forth between the two girls, then looked back at the screen. There was no going back, she realized. She had to come clean. Finally finding the strength to speak again, she said, “Umm… it’s possible I haven’t been entirely honest with the two of you.”

“I’ll say.” Marci nudged her, but her tone was light and playful.

Feeling suffocated, Spencer removed the laptop from her lap and stood up, trying not to look back at her computer as she figured out how to confess.

“The thing is, I wasn’t really sure how to explain the whole situation to you guys, so I only told you part of it at first.”

“I think we can forgive you for that,” Amberly said with a grin. “If we get all the juicy details now.”

Spencer took a deep breath. “Okay. I met Zac a few years ago, just randomly. I didn’t know who he was then. We got involved and things got… complicated. Really complicated. I never thought we were compatible but he didn’t see it my way. Eventually, things came to a boiling point and we had a big fight. After that, I didn’t think I would ever see him again, but I guess I was wrong. Stupid to think I could move here and not see him, I know.”

“So you’re dating again?” Marci asked, looking like the wheels in her head were turning, but not quite revealing all that she knew.

“No, not really,” Spencer replied, shaking her head. “Those pictures are misleading. And also really creepy.”

“How did you find those? Looks like some kind of fan gossip thingy,” Amberly said.

Spencer glanced back at her computer screen. She tried to hide her fear and keep her voice light. “I don’t know… someone just emailed the link to me. It’s not the first creepy thing that’s happened. I guess some of his fans are a little nutty.”

“Wow, I’d be really scared if I were you,” Marci said. “Some celebrity fans take things way too far, you know.”

Spencer tried to shrug it off, but she felt like her insides tying themselves up in nervous knots. “It’s not a big deal. I’d probably have thought twice about getting involved in all this if I’d known he was famous first, but I can’t take it all back now. I’ve just gotta deal with it.”

“You don’t have to, though,” Amberly replied. “Not unless you think he’s worth it. But besides the fan stuff, I think it would be fun to date someone famous.”

“I wouldn’t really know about any of the perks. He’s always just been Zac to me,” Spencer said, then paused to laugh. “That sounds so trite. It’s true, though. He was just some guy who wandered into the same coffee shop as me.”

Marci offered Spencer a weak smile. “Maybe someday you’ll get to see some of the perks.”

“Maybe. For now, can we just get back to work? I’d like to get my mind off this crazy shit,” Spencer said, gesturing toward her laptop screen which had thankfully gone to screensaver.

Amberly gave Marci an expectant look, but neither said another word about Zac. Spencer heaved a great sigh of relief as she settled back onto the couch and clicked at her screen blindly. She did not want to look at those pictures a second longer. Once Spencer was sufficiently engrossed in her work again, Marci jumped up and resumed whatever gossip she had been going on about earlier while simultaneously wielding a glue gun to finish the centerpiece she had abandoned.

The air in the room stayed tense, though, and Spencer could tell both girls were dying to probe her for more information about her relationship with Zac. She regretted telling them, but she could not see how any other option was left to her. Trying to deny it when the evidence was staring them in the face would have only sown more seeds of distrust. She certainly didn’t need that.

“Spence? You still in there?” Marci called out.

Shaking her head, she glanced up. She had long since finished the program, and had sat in a fog, wondering what might happen next. Even though she tried to make light of it, it was obvious that someone most definitely was stalking her and Zac. The thought was almost paralyzing.

“Yeah, I’m here. Just spaced out for a second.”

Marci held up a completed centerpiece. “Well, I think we’re done. This went faster than I expected with all of us working. Want to save that program to my flash drive and I’ll look over it tomorrow?”

“Sure,” Spencer said, taking the drive from Marci’s hand and quickly transferring the file. She still felt as though she were moving in slow motion, trying to push through a dense fog.

Marci cleared a path through the craft supplies and walked Spencer to her car. As Spencer tossed her bags in her car, Marci asked, “Are you sure you’re alright?”

She spun around to face the other girl and sighed. Marci’s face showed genuine concern. Before she could think better of it, she let her guard down and admitted, “Honestly? No. I’m scared shitless. The whole thing – from the beginning to now – has been one thing after another that I just don’t know how to deal with. I don’t have a frame of reference for any of it. It’s all so foreign.”

“I can’t give you any advice about the crazy fans, but for everything else, just follow your heart and take it slow. I know that’s cliche.”

Spencer smiled. “It wouldn’t be cliche if it hadn’t worked for a lot of people, though. I used to be the one full of advice and reassurances, but lately it seems that’s everyone elses’ role.”

“I’ll be here whenever you need me. You know that,” Marci said.

“I know,” Spencer replied. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

As she drove home, Spencer contemplated her confession that evening. Whether it was wise to or not, Spencer trusted Marci. By extension, she realized that she trusted Amberly too. She hadn’t had a chance to get to know her as well, but if Marci trusted her, then Spencer thought it was safe. It wasn’t as though she had anyone else to trust – except Zac.

It dawned on her that she had not spoken to him all day. She did not look forward to telling him about this newest stalker incident – it was proof that the whole thing was not one isolated prank, for one – but she knew he needed to know. Plus, she had gotten accustomed to hearing his voice or at least reading a text from him every day. It was more comforting than she had ever imagined he could be.

Before she was completely inside her apartment, she had dug her cell phone out and punched Zac’s name on the contacts list. She grew impatient as she listened to the dull ring on the other end, and kept the phone pressed to her ear as she unlocked the apartment and threw down her bags, too tired to care where anything landed.

Finally, the line clicked and Zac’s voice came on. “Spencer? Is everything okay?”

“I’m fine. Just hadn’t heard from you today,” she said, slipping her high heels off as she made her way down the hallway. She started on the buttons on her shirt before she even cleared the threshold of her bedroom.

“So you’re saying you missed me,” Zac said smugly. 

“If that’s how you want to interpret it,” Spencer replied lightly. “Besides, I’m too tired to disagree.”

“Long day? Me too,” Zac said. “Actually, I’m still at the studio. Had to slip outside to take this call, since Taylor’s laying down a piano track right now.”

“Well, I’m glad I caught you,” Spencer said, shedding the rest of her clothes and slipping into a t-shirt. “Is it totally lame to admit that I’d kinda gotten used to our morning phone call routine?”

“Nah, I don’t think so. I totally knew you missed me, though,” Zac replied.

Spencer flung herself onto her bed, not bothering to slip under the covers. “Okay, I admit it. Happy now?”

“Getting there. So you’re doing alright today?”

“Well, not entirely. The truth is – oh, I hate to even use that word now – something else did happen today,” Spencer admitted.

Zac’s voice went up an octave as he asked, “What? Another note?”

“Not exactly. An email. Sent to my college address, which anyone could have found on the website. They obviously know that I work there, anyway.”

“What did it say?” Zac asked, his voice full of concern.

Spencer rolled over and cradled her head in her hands. “It didn’t say anything. Just a link. Some creepy fan site with paparazzi pictures of you guys. There were pictures of us. It said someone sent them in anonymously. It was Monday, Zac. Outside your office.”

“Okay, I can see how that would really creep you out –”

“Damn right it did!”

Zac chuckled. “But it’s not that weird. It happens all the time, okay? Fans are always taking creepy pictures of us, our wives, the kids. It really makes it sound even more like it’s a fan. Probably just some fan who liked Kate and is mad at me for the divorce.”

“They didn’t have to bring me into it, though,” Spencer said, realizing she was practically whining.

“To borrow a line from your book, neither did I. But you’re in it now. Do you want out?”

Spencer sighed and mulled over the implications of Zac’s words before replying, “No. I don’t.”

“Good. Because I’m not going to let you slip away from me so easily this time. I want you in my life, Spencer. In whatever way you’ll have me in yours, but I’m not letting you go just because some fans have got you creeped out. They won’t get any less obsessive.”

“Then I’ll learn to deal with them, I suppose,” Spencer replied. “It’s not a pleasant price to pay, but I’ve paid worse for you.”

“I just hope I’m worth it,” Zac said.

Spencer smiled. “I’ll admit that sometimes I’ve thought you were more trouble than you were worth. But lately I feel like you’re holding me together the way I must have held you together before.”

“Well, you’re fun to hold,” Zac said, punctuating the sentence with a giggle.

“Alright, alright,” Spencer replied, surprised to find herself laughing with him. “I’ve got to get some sleep or else my students will get an unscheduled day off tomorrow.”

“Okay. If you need me, I have a feeling I’ll be up half the night with these guys. Don’t hesitate to call again, alright?”

“I won’t. Goodnight, Zac.”

“Goodnight, Spencer,” Zac said, his voice low and soft. “I love you.”

Spencer stared at the phone in disbelief, even after the call ended and Zac’s name faded from the screen. She let it drop from her hand and rolled over, pressing her face into the pillow. He hadn’t given her a chance to say it back – probably didn’t think she would have. Truthfully, she didn’t know what she might have said if given the chance. 

One thing she hadn’t said, she realized, was that she had told her friends about him. She could explain that to him later, but she dreaded the thought of it. Spencer knew he would suspect them. His reasoning that it must have been a fan made sense, and she certainly didn’t get that impression from either of those girls. They could be trusted, she was certain. Now that Zac had hit her with that bombshell, she was going to need more than just him to cling to if she had any hope of retaining her sanity.


	15. Shaken My Faith In Everything

Spencer was grateful that Zac did not call the next morning. The silence was strange, but she could not think of a single thing to say to him if he did call. His confession had rattled her nerves and shaken her just as much as the strange notes and emails had.

Still, something seemed to be missing as she went through her day. Spencer checked her phone at every opportunity, and quickly realized that she truly wasn’t all that relieved. His nervous voice, checking in on her, had become a constant in her life and she liked it. By the time she finished for the day and packed her things to head home, Spencer felt an almost tangible absence.

It did not come as any surprise to her that the one day Zac did not check in, a new note appeared on her windshield. She could see the white paper reflecting the afternoon sunlight as she approached the parking lot. She desperately wished it was anything else – even a parking ticket – but she knew it was not even before picking it up and unfolding it.

The creases were worn deep in the paper, like the author had poured all their strength into the task of folding it. It made Spencer’s hands shake as she tried to open it. It bore the same heavy red marker as before.

**LEAVE HIM ALONE**

It might not have been stated explicitly, but Spencer could almost hear the “…or else” at the end of the sentence. This note was not just slander. It was a threat. Things were escalating beyond her control and Spencer still had no clue who could be behind such a venomous attack. She stuffed the note in her pocket and hurried to find her keys and leave the parking lot, desperate to put distance between herself and the scene of the crime, although she doubted the note’s author was still hanging around.

Once she had steered out of the parking lot, she fumbled through her purse for her cell phone and quickly redialed Zac’s number. It was easy to do without taking her eyes too far off the road; his name made up practically the entire recent calls list. She tapped her hand impatiently on the wheel as she listened to the drone of the ringer. After what seemed like an eternity, his voicemail picked up.

“Hey, it’s me. Spencer. You probably knew that already. I didn’t hear from you today, so I thought I would call and – no, that’s bullshit. This isn’t a social call. It happened again. Another note, I mean. And if the babbling didn’t give me away, I’m kind of freaking out right now. So, call me back when you get the chance, I guess. I’d really appreciate it. Umm… bye.”

Spencer pressed “end” and shoved the phone back into her bag before she could be tempted to say more or, even worse, call him back. She was relieved to see that she’d arrived at her apartment complex without paying much attention to the drive. Her body had gone into autopilot in her fear, she supposed.

She wondered if Zac would even call back after her silence at those three words the night before. As much as she wanted to hear from him, she knew she could easily drive herself crazy waiting for his call. She hurried into her apartment and tossed her bag down on the floor, not even thinking about where it landed. With the phone out of her reach, she hurried to the cabinet where she had stored the expensive bottle of Tennessee whiskey Abbey had bought her as a going away present. If any occasion called for getting drunk on a week night, this was it.

Spencer poured herself a strong drink and settled into the couch to grade a few papers before the alcohol had completely impaired her senses. The stack of papers before her had seemed so dismal during her last attempt to grade them that she didn’t think the entire bottle of whiskey was enough to make the experience pleasant. Still, she needed to busy her mind for as long as it took for Zac to call her back – if the call happened at all.

By the time Spencer was halfway through her first refill and half the stack of essays, she had almost eradicated Zac from her mind. Her ink pen went flying from her hand when, from within her purse, her cell phone rang out a familiar tune. She hurried to answer it.

“Zac?”

“Yeah. I’m on my way over, okay?” Zac’s voice sounded rushed, and his question was followed by the slamming of a car door.

“Okay,” Spencer replied. She wanted to say more, but was met with a total silence that told her Zac had hung up.

She turned back to the couch and realized what a mess she had made. Quickly, she gathered up the essays and placed them in a folder as neatly as possible. She tipped back the whiskey glass and finished off its contents, then decided it was best to wash out the glass and hide the evidence of her indulgence. 

She had just closed the cabinet to hide the half-empty bottle when a knock came at the door. It made the hairs on her neck stand up even though her rational side knew it had to be Zac. Still, she stood on her tiptoes to look through the peep hole before opening the door to him. Zac hurried into the apartment and Spencer shut and locked the door behind him.

“I’m so sorry I missed your call,” Zac said, standing awkwardly just inside the door. “We were recording so all our phones were off. I checked my messages when we took a break and… well, here I am now.”

His nervous ramble made Spencer smile. It was so much like the Zac she remembered from years before. _The Zac I fell for_ , Spencer thought to herself and for the first time, she didn’t feel like chiding herself for thinking of him that way. 

“What are you smiling about?”

Spencer shook her head. “Nothing. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

Zac wrapped Spencer up in a tight hug and whispered in her ear, “I’m glad I’m here too. I just wish I’d been here sooner. And god… I’m sorry for all of this. You don’t deserve it at all.”

Spencer pulled back from the hug and looked at Zac in confusion. “What’s that supposed to mean? What if I did deserve it?”

“I just meant…” Zac trailed off and ran a hand through his hair, searching for the right words. “You’re a good person. That’s all I mean. You’re so much better than me, and I’m horrible for ever looking down on you. For anything.”

“You mean for being a murderer.”

Zac looked down at the floor and half-whispered his reply. “Especially for that. Because it isn’t true at all.”

Spencer suddenly felt all the alcohol she had consumed hit her system in full force. Shaking her head and trying to look nonchalant, she made her way to the couch, then looked back at Zac. He still stood with his head down, engaged in a pitiful staring contest with the carpet.

“It is kind of true, though,” she finally replied.

Zac reluctantly shuffled to the couch and sat down a safe distance from Spencer. “No, it really isn’t. I mean, maybe some people would think that and maybe I really wanted to think that. But I don’t think I ever really meant it. I just wanted to be angry with you because… because… oh, it feels stupid to say it.”

“To say what?” Spencer cocked her head to the side, trying to follow his train of thought.

Zac frowned. “It felt like you were totally rejecting me. Like you hated me so much you couldn’t even bear the though of having my child. Doesn’t that make me sound so selfish? I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot,” Spencer said, then grinned. “Okay, you are a little bit of an idiot. I get it, though. You can’t help having an emotional reaction, though.”

“But it was awful of me. Because once I thought about it – and I don’t think I ever really did think about it until last week – I realized you were right. You have a way of always doing that. Being right, I mean.”

“Not always,” Spencer admitted. “It’s just that when I make mistakes, I make them like I really mean it.”

Zac laughed and the tension seemed to leave his body for the first time since he’d walked into the apartment that night. He inched closer to Spencer and laid his hands gently over hers. “Am I one of those mistakes?”

“If I said you weren’t, you wouldn’t believe me. So, I suppose you were. Now I’m not so sure. I really have no clue what you are now.”

He sighed. “That’s pretty much what I expected you to say. I know how I feel about it all, but I’m willing to wait for you to figure it out. Regardless, I’m still going to… to…”

“Love me?”

“You don’t know that’s what I was going to say,” Zac replied. “Maybe I was going to say I was smitten. Enamored. Besotted.”

Spencer raised an eyebrow. “Someone’s been reading his thesaurus.”

“Well, I’ve got an English professor girlfriend to keep up with.” 

Zac’s face paled even as the word left his lips and Spencer felt hers do the same. “Girlfriend?”

“I’m sorry,” Zac said, shaking his head. “I keep apologizing so much tonight. I’m so stupid for saying I love you and calling you that when I know we’ve barely decided to be friends again, but I just couldn’t help it. Maybe I’m letting myself fall too soon, but I think we both know that I fell for you years ago.”

Spencer nodded, looking down at their hands and letting his words sink in. None of it came as a surprise to her, but his willingness to talk about it was new. He was still so vulnerable and loving, like the Zac she remembered, but he wasn’t fragile and on the verge of falling apart daily. It seemed she was the one playing that role now. If the roles truly had reversed, she thought it might be safe to finally open up a bit. Slowly, she looked up and began to speak.

“I just don’t know if I can say it back. Not right now.”

Zac nodded. “That’s okay. I just wish I knew that someday you would say it back, but I can’t ask that of you.”

“Love isn’t easy for me, and I’ve never really explained that to you,” Spencer said. “I guess I just expected you to see the big brick walls I’ve built around myself, but you came crashing right through them without a second glance.”

“If you wanted to explain it, I would listen. God knows you’ve listened to more of my whining than any person ever should.”

Spencer swallowed hard. “I had been single for a year before I met you. And I was fine with that. I really liked that, in fact. It was the first time I’d been single since my sophomore year of college. And really, it was the only time since I was maybe fourteen that I didn’t let my relationship status define who I was. I guess in that way, we’re a lot alike.”

“That does sound a lot like me,” Zac admitted. “What changed that for you?”

“I was in love. Absolutely in love. It started out as friends, then went through that head over heels phase, and somewhere along the way it just settled into that comfortable thing that seems like it’ll last forever. But then we were about to graduate and he was going off to med school. And I wouldn’t follow him. It just felt wrong to leave Nashville. And so… that was the end.”

Spencer paused for a moment, but realized that she wasn’t really sad or angry. It was the first time she’d thought about Daniel since the breakup without dragging up all the same old painful emotions. With another deep breath, she continued, “After that, I just wanted to be my own person. I always felt like I knew who that was, but I wanted to be sure. I wanted to follow my own goals without letting anyone else interfere. But then someone did.”

“Me?” Zac asked.

“Of course. You threw everything out of whack, and you’re still doing it. Here I am, thinking I’m still following my dreams, but I can’t seem to get away from you. And I honestly don’t know how I feel about that, except that for once, I don’t think you’re the worst possible decision I could make.”

“I’ll settle for second worst.” Zac grinned.

Spencer gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’d say you rank a little bit higher than that.”

“Honestly, as long as you still want to see me at all, I’ll take what I can get from you. I don’t want to imagine a future where we’re only friends, but it’s better than a future without you at all. Trust me. I’ve been living that for two years.”

“I’ve spent the last two years absolutely engrossed in my work like never before. It was satisfying, like any work you love doing is, but… something has still been missing. I guess it was you,” she admitted. “And I don’t know that I’d be totally happy if we were only ever friends, either.”

“So I didn’t totally stick my foot in my mouth when I called you my girlfriend?”

“Only partially,” Spencer said with a grin. “Let’s wait a little while on that, okay?”

“I think I can live with that,” Zac replied, his smile spreading as he leaned in and gently pressed his lips to Spencer’s. “Have you been drinking?”

She chuckled. “I wondered when you were going to notice the smell of whiskey all around.”

“I’m just sad that you started the party without me.”

Her smile fell. “It wasn’t really much of a party. Pity party, maybe. I’m pretty good at throwing those.”

“Oh, right. The note. Somehow I almost forgot. Can I see it?”

Spencer pulled back from him. “It’s in my bag. I don’t want to see it, but you’re free to look at it.”

Zac nodded and walked to where her bag still sat discarded on the floor. He fished through it for a moment and Spencer watched his expression change – from fear to anger, then back to the look she was beginning to recognize as love. He crumbled it up in his fist and tossed it at the nearest wall.

“I hope you didn’t decide to take their advice,” he said, returning to the couch.

She smirked. “It was either that or take you to bed and do unspeakably dirty things to you. It was a toss-up, really.”

“Oh really? Well, I’d like to cast my vote for option number two.”

“Somehow I had a feeling you’d say that,” Spencer replied, taking Zac’s hand in hers and leaning up to kiss his cheek. He turned his head so that their lips met, but gently. Unlike the lusty kisses burned into her memory, this was delicate and tentative. She liked this new side of Zac.

With reluctance, Zac pulled back from the kiss but still held Spencer close to him. “Seriously, though. Do you need – or want – me to spend the night? Preferably not passed out on the couch this time.”

“I think I would like that,” Spencer said with a nod. “It’s still pretty early, but I’m exhausted. Freshmen and creepy threats will do that to a person.”

Zac ran his fingers through her hair idly. “Ready for bed, then? I already ate at the studio but we could order something if you haven’t.”

“Oh no. No way,” Spencer shook her head. “I can’t even think about food right now. Not with all this liquor in me. I just want to sleep all this off. And seriously, thank you so much for being there for me. I don’t know how well I did at picking up your pieces, but now that I’m falling apart, it’s really nice to have you here.”

Zac kissed Spencer’s forehead. “I can’t imagine not being here for you, whatever it is you might need. Even if we are provoking this… this stalker, I can’t think of stopping what we’ve got going.”

“Me either,” Spencer said with a sigh.

“So, about those unspeakably dirty things…”


	16. Wake Up With The Words Already On Your Lips

The morning came sooner than Spencer would have liked, and with it came a pounding in her head for which she blamed the whiskey. Her bed was warm and cozy in a way that felt both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. As the haze of sleep slowly left her mind, she realized that a pair of strong arms were wrapped around her body. She smiled and looked up at Zac’s sleeping face. For what seemed like the first time, waking up next to him felt absolutely right. Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was only minutes before her alarm was set to ring. Slowly, carefully, she extracted herself from Zac’s grip and turned the alarm off, then made her way to the bathroom.

As she showered, Spencer thought about the previous day. She shuddered in remembrance of the latest note, but just knowing Zac was there – her knight in somewhat shining armor, she thought – made her feel better. His apologies, though they had been many and sincere, didn’t fix everything. Spencer knew that. They still had a long way to go, and she wasn’t entirely sure she was comfortable letting herself be called his girlfriend. Still, she could think of no other word that accurately described the bond they had.

Somehow, despite his or her efforts, this stalker seemed to be bringing them closer together.

She crept back into the bedroom to get dressed. Zac seemed perfectly content and asleep sprawled across her bed. Spencer shook her head as she pulled underwear from her drawer and slipped them on while Zac still lay snoring. His hair – almost as long as when she met him, she noted – half-covered his face and spread across the pillow like a halo. It was such a cheesy image to notice that she almost laughed aloud. More than anything, it made him look like a teenager instead of the twenty-six year old man he really was.

Once she had picked out a pair of slacks and a blouse for the day, Spencer made her way back to the bathroom to dry her hair, hoping it wouldn’t wake Zac since he looked so peaceful. She suspected that despite his cavalier attitude, he was just as harried and exhausted as she was. Just as she finished with her hair and started to apply a little makeup, Zac’s reflection appeared behind her, leaning casually against the door frame.

“Well, don’t you look like you own the place, sleepyhead,” Spencer remarked.

“Nah, but I do feel at home here,” Zac said, brushing his hair back as he took a few steps to stand behind Spencer. “I guess it’s because you’re here. How’s that for cheesy?”

“I’d say it ranks somewhere between cheddar and Limburger,” Spencer said, trying not to grin as she applied her eyeliner. “I’m surprised you’re awake this early. Don’t rockstars sleep late?”

Zac grabbed Spencer’s hairbrush and ran it idly through his hair. “Usually, but I do have to pick Shep up from school this afternoon. Not much like a rockstar, huh? Besides, I thought I’d get up and take you to breakfast or something.”

“Or something?” Spencer asked, eying the way he casually brushed his hair, but deciding not to comment on it. She surveyed her looks in the mirror and decided that her makeup almost hid the dark circles and the general yuckiness of her hangover.

“I can think of other fun things to do in the morning,” Zac said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “Mostly, sleep. But, you know, other things too.”

“Sleep would be lovely. However, some of us have classes to teach. But I feel like being just a little indulgent, so how about you take me through the McDonald’s drive through? Nothing soothes my hungover heart like fast food.”

Zac grinned. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

It took Spencer just a few minutes to gather up her stack of graded papers and lecture notes while Zac redressed himself. Spencer decided that if they kept this up, he would need to start bringing an overnight bag. He emerged from her bedroom looking a bit wrinkled but smiling, and took her hand to lead her downstairs to his car. 

After navigating his car onto the road, Zac reached over and placed his hand over Spencer’s. She hardly even realized that she had been tapping nervously against the console. “We’re gonna be okay, right? Stalkers or no stalkers – you and me, we’re gonna be okay?”

It was more of a question than a statement, and Spencer didn’t know how to answer. As bad as things seemed to be getting, she felt more at peace that morning than she had since arriving in Tulsa. “Yeah. I think we will be.”

Moments later, Zac eased his car through the McDonald’s drive-through, ordering coffees and McMuffins for the two of them. Spencer tried to offer him a few dollars fished from her bag, but as usual, he wouldn’t accept it. With a smile on his face, he blissfully ignored the bills she held out to him. 

“You need to stop paying for everything, you know.” Spencer said, nevertheless accepting her coffee eagerly. “I’m going to get used to being spoiled like this.”

Zac grinned. “If pizza and McDonald’s is all it takes to spoil you, I think I can handle that.”

“I never claimed to be high maintenance,” Spencer replied.

Zac steered his car into the university’s parking lot, still grinning. “Good to know. I mean, I’d do whatever you wanted if you were. It wouldn’t really make a difference.”

“Yeah, because you’re so just easy going like that,” Spencer mumbled, digging her breakfast out of the paper bag.

“Well, maybe I am,” Zac said. “I’ve got a short fuse sometimes, I think. At least, I got really frustrated with Kate changing her mind so much. I never really understood what was happening between the two of us, but I don’t think she was being really high maintenance or anything like that. I think she was just as confused as I was.”

“I think you’ve really grown up in the last few years, Zac.”

He smirked. “I sure feel a hell of a lot older.”

“You know what I mean,” Spencer said. “You just seem like you’ve gotten a lot of perspective about everything that happened. I think I’ve just ignored it and pretended it didn’t happen.”

“Sitting alone at home or on a tour bus gives me a lot of time to think. I realized it was better to think first and act later. Not that I always do that. Even now.”

Spencer took his hand. “You still seem a little impulsive to me, but I think your heart is in the right place. You’re not just being selfish and doing whatever you want. Not that that’s what you did before. I don’t mean that.”

“It kind of was, though,” Zac said between bites.

“Maybe a little bit. But it’s okay to be selfish sometimes, especially when you’ve set aside parts of your happiness for a while. I thought I knew that back then, but I think I’m only really learning it now. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, as long as you aren’t hurting someone else to get there.”

Zac frowned. “I’ve hurt a lot of people trying to make myself happy. Kate, my family… you.”

“And, evidently, whoever it is writing us those notes. Which reminds me – we are seriously tempting fate by coming here together. You probably shouldn’t pick me up this afternoon.”

“I do have to pick Shepherd up anyway,” Zac said. “I think he likes you, though. But I would be late to get you. Can you get a ride with one of your friends? Without telling her all about me?”

“About that. My new friends kind of already know. I didn’t mean to tell them; I swear I didn’t. They saw the pictures.” Spencer winced in fear of Zac’s response.

He sucked in a long, deep breath. “Okay. That’s not great, but… you didn’t do it on purpose. People are bound to find out eventually. You don’t think of one them already knew and was behind the stalking, though?”

Spencer shook her head. “Not at all. They both seemed really surprised. I had to fess up that I knew you in the past, but I left out most of the details. I really don’t think it hurt anything to tell them, but I do feel bad for letting it slip.”

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” Zac said, crumpling up his trash and tossing it in the backseat. “We’ll be okay. Just be careful about how much you share with people, especially about this stalker thing, and I will too.”

“Will do. And while I’d love to stay and chat, I’m afraid I have class to teach.”

“Aww, you can’t just skip class?” Zac asked, pouting.

“Afraid not,” Spencer said, gathering up her trash and taking one last sip of her coffee. “I’ve got essays to give back, and as it is, I’m going to make it there later than most of the students. Which is saying a lot.”

“Alright, alright. I won’t insist on walking you in. Don’t want to take any extra risks.”

“Good thinking,” Spencer replied, tossing her messenger bag over her shoulder and stepping out of the car. “See you later, Zac.”

She had walked only a few steps when she heard the window lowering, followed by Zac’s voice. “Spencer!”

She spun around and walked back to the driver’s side of his SUV. “Yes? Forget something?”

“Just that I hope you have a nice, stalker-free day. If I can get a break from playing with Shepherd, I’ll call you tonight.”

“Sounds good. A stalker-free day would be lovely.”

Zac smiled. “Great. I wish I could see you again this weekend, but I’ll have Shepherd the whole time. I don’t know if we should really…”

“Yeah. I think you’re right,” Spencer replied. “I don’t even know how we would explain all of this to him. We’ll figure it out when we get there.”

“I’m sorry, can you say that again? Who was right?”

Spencer grinned. “Shockingly, you were.”

“I could get used to hearing that,” Zac replied. “But I don’t suppose I could get a kiss before I go?”

“It’s probably not the best idea,” Spencer said. She didn’t add that, if it were completely up to her, he could have several kisses.

Zac gave an exaggerated pout. “Okay, fine. But consider this one that you owe me later.”

“Yeah right. We’ll see how that works out for you,” Spencer said, offering Zac a smile in spite of her words.

“Zac? What the hell are you doing here? Dr. Kerr?!”

Spencer spun around to find the source of the voice, but she had a feeling she already knew. Just as she feared, Mac stood a few feet away, staring through the windshield of his brother’s car. His eyes were wide and Spencer had a feeling her face mirrored his.

Zac broke the silence. “You know, I could tell you this isn’t what it looks like, but it totally is. Also, none of your business.”

“That’s very adult of you, big bro,” Mac said, crossing his arms across his chest.

“Okay, boys.” Spencer affected what she hoped was her serious teacher face. “First of all, Zac is somewhat right, as much as that pains me to admit again. This is awkward and we could have avoided it if we’d told anyone about this – about us.”

“About you? How is there even a you? You’re my professor!” A light bulb seemed to go off over Mac’s head. “Is this going to affect my grade? Should I drop your class?”

Spencer stifled a laugh. “When you’re acing the assignments without even taking notes and, I suspect, hardly reading the material? Although that makes me wonder why I’m even bothering with the lectures, you’d be a fool to drop a class you’re clearly going to ace. Also, I don’t believe it’s unethical for your professor to date your older brother. Unless he’s the one writing the essays for you.”

“Are you kidding?” Mac grinned. “This idiot couldn’t string together a complete sentence about American literature if his life depended on it.”

Zac shrugged. “He’s not wrong. However, if you ever offer a class on Harry Potter…”

“It would definitely be unethical for _you_ to take my class,” Spencer said, turning her attention back to Zac. “Now, you want to explain to your brother how we know each other or shall I?”

“I’d really prefer if neither of us had to do that.”

“Wait a minute,” Mac broke in. “Didn’t you move here from Nashville? As you pointed out, I am pretty smart. I can put two and two together. So you’re _that_ chick.”

“My reputation precedes me. Just the way I like it,” Spencer said with a grimace. “And you’re going to be late for class.”

“So is my professor.”

“The one you just called a chick?” Spencer raised an eyebrow. “You might have bigger problems than not beating her to class.”

Mac frowned, but chose not to fire any more comments back. Shaking his head, he walked away. Spencer let out a sigh of relief, then turned back to face Zac who had slid down in his seat and looked sheepish.

“Sorry about my brother.”

Spencer ran a hand through her hair. “That makes twice. How many more of those do you have? It’s getting a bit tiring.”

“Just one more brother,” Zac replied. “But I also have three sisters, two sisters-in-law, six nieces and nephews, and – oh yeah – the ex-wife.”

“Alright, you don’t need to plan an entire family reunion for us.”

Zac chuckled. “Look, I really am sorry about Mac. He’s an ass, but you seem to have already noticed that. Come to think of it, all my brothers are asses. Must be a thing with us Hanson men – except Shepherd. He’s awesome.”

“He did seem like a pretty cool little dude. He must get that from his mother.”

“Ouch,” Zac said, looking only a little hurt. “But seriously, you were right. About us being seen in public together, I mean.”

“Finally I get to be right about something again. I missed that,” Spencer said with a smug smile. “I doubt your brother, ass though he may be, is that dangerous.”

“Once again, you’re right. Hanson men – asses, but mostly harmless. Except we will do irreparable damage to your reputation.”

“I’ve noticed that trend,” Spencer replied. “Now, I’ve seriously got to go. Got things to teach yet another Hanson man. And, you know, other students. Ones who actually take notes. I’m sure they must exist, somewhere…”

Zac laughed. “Alright, I’ll let you go. Just be safe, okay? Text me if anything happens. Hell, text me if nothing happens.”

“Will do,” Spencer said, reaching her hand into the car to brush it through Zac’s hair. It was the most she felt safe doing in broad daylight, especially since they had already been discovered once that day.

As she walked away from Zac’s car, she contemplated their run-in with Mac. She realized they were truly tempting fate by coming back to the very place where she had found the two notes. Not just because of the stalker, but because of Zac’s little brother – yet another family member who now knew who she really was. Something about Mac had set her nerves on edge all along, but as she entered the classroom she realized one important detail. 

He had looked genuinely surprised to see them together. 

Spencer had almost literally watched the wheels turning in his mind as he puzzled out how his new professor had become acquainted with his brother. In Spencer’s mind, that made one thing very clear. Mac was _not_ the stalker. 


	17. I Swam Dirty Waters But You Pushed Me In

Spencer could not find it in herself to make eye contact with Mac during class, although she was certain she could feel his eyes on her the entire time. She was immensely glad that the class had moved on from discussing the puritans; she still felt as though she might have been wearing a bright red A across her chest, but at least she was no longer talking about that very thing. Spencer wondered idly if she had been Catholic in a previous life; nothing else could account for the amount of guilt she continued to feel.

The class could not have ended soon enough for her. As soon as the hour was up, Spencer announced the end of her lecture and dismissed the class, quickly turning her back on the students. She busied herself with shuffling through her notes, but she could feel a feel presence behind her. Spencer was pretty sure there wasn’t another class in that room directly after hers, so she could only assume who it was.

“Dr. Kerr? It’s kind of weird to call you that now.”

She spun around to face Mac and raised an eyebrow, hoping to affect a look that was more stern than she felt. “As long as you’re in my class, I’d prefer that. It’s hard enough to get respect from students when I’m barely older than them.”

“And when they know more about your private life than they ought to,” Mac added.

Spencer sighed. “I don’t know what you know, or what you think you know, but none of it is really your business. It might have had an affect on the entire family, but ultimately the details are between me and Zac. So I’d prefer if you find some part of your brain where you can file this away and not think about it again.”

“I just can’t believe you’re not even trying to deny it. Do you have any shame at all?”

“I’ve got more shame than I care to tell you about,” Spencer replied. “It’s obvious everyone already knows who I am and has their opinions of me. Some of that, I’m not going to be able to change no matter what I do. So there’s no point for me to dwell on the past. I wish the rest of the world – or at least the parts of it with the last name Hanson – would be so kind as to move on. I think we can all agree that’s the best thing for everyone.”

Mac stared at her, wordless, but his expression softened some. He nodded slightly, almost imperceptibly.

“Now, I think it’s best that we don’t discuss this again until the semester is over. I could probably make a case for having you drop this class, but I won’t. We’ll just play it cool, if either of us is capable of that. Given what I know of Hanson men, I’m doubting coolness is really in your repertoire.”

He gave a short chuckle, then composed himself. “Alright, alright. I guess you are still my professor, no matter what else you are. But I don’t have to like all this.”

“I didn’t ask you to like it. Just accept that it is what it is. Now, if you don’t mind, I have other classes to prepare for.”

Before he had another chance to reply, Spencer shoved her papers into her bag and hurried out of the room. She had a feeling that although some of what she said made it through, Mac was not going to be as easy to win over as Isaac. They had crossed an awkward boundary that she had hoped to never cross with any student, and it made her feel ill. She ran straight to the bathroom and collapsed on the couch just inside the door, not caring if any students found her.

“Thank the Lord for whoever decided to put a couch in the girls’ room,” she said aloud. 

“Amen, sister,” a voice called from within the bathroom, echoing off the tiles.

Spencer opened one eye. “Marci?”

“The one and only.” She emerged from the bathroom and plopped down on the couch next to Spencer’s feet. “So what’s got you down?”

“Can we talk about it somewhere else? A little less public?” Spencer sat up and rubbed her head. “Some place with coffee. The cup of McDonald’s swill that I had his morning is just not sticking with me.”

Marci jumped up. “I’ll grab coffee and snacks from the food court and be back to your office as soon as I can. How’s that sound?”

“Like I would marry you if it were legal in this state.”

“I think Brooks might have something to say about that. Probably something obscene,” Marci replied with a smirk. “I’ll be back so fast you won’t even realize I was gone.”

Spencer offered Marci a weak smile in return, then slowly peeled herself from the leather couch. She swung her bag back over her shoulder and hurried down the hallway to her office. Her hand shook as she fumbled for the keys, but finally she was able to open the door and make her way into the one quiet sanctuary she had on campus. Her desk chair seemed more comfortable than it ever had before.

While she waited for Marci to return, Spencer considered her options. She didn’t think she could hold the full truth in much longer, but she still didn’t entirely trust that it was safe to tell anyone. She wanted desperately to cross Marci – and, by extension, Amberly – off the suspects list despite a lack of proof that they were innocent. It seemed that it was just easier to think of _everyone_ as guilty until proven innocent, justice system be damned. 

Marci burst back into the room with such momentum that Spencer had to raise an eyebrow and wonder if she’d actually sprinted across campus. Carefully piled into her arms were two large cappuccinos and a large bag of what appeared to be every single pastry available in the food court. 

“It seemed like comfort food was required,” Marci said, handing Spencer a drink and pulling a danish out of the bag for herself.

Spencer nodded, and grabbed a danish of her own. Her stomach rumbled, but she wasn’t sure if food was the best idea. For the time being, she didn’t care. She could worry about regretting all the calories and sugar later.

“So, what’s up?” Marci asked between bites. “Take your time, but I know you need to talk about whatever it is. You bottle yourself up too much.”

She knew Marci was right, but she also knew that there was a very good reason for that. In the past, before Zac, she had stayed bottled up to avoid getting hurt – or so she thought. It had a way of happening anyway, as much as she tried to resist anything – or anyone – that could break her heart. But now, with someone taking paparazzi photos of her and leaving creepy notes on her car, it was a matter of real safety.

With a long sigh, she began, “Well, Zac came to my apartment last night. I got another one of those notes and it really shook me up. We finally managed to talk civilly about… everything that went wrong before. And we talked about the fact that he is, apparently, in love with me.”

“Like you aren’t in love with him too?” Marci interjected.

“I am not…” Spencer trailed off, frowning. “In any shape to be saying those words to him. Not now. But we came to some sort of agreement about me not disapproving if he calls me his girlfriend. That’s the best I can do.”

Marci rolled her eyes. “I don’t know why you’re being so difficult. It’s obvious to me just in the way you talk about him that you love the boy. And I know those notes and photos have you shaken up, but why is that standing in your way of just being with him?”

“I guess there’s a stupid part of me that agrees with how that person sees me,” Spencer admitted. “Isn’t that kind of silly? I know it is. But if the stalker, whoever the hell he or she is, knew me half as well as I knew me… I don’t even want to know what their notes would say.”

“You can’t be that bad,” Marci said. “I mean, okay. So he was married. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that he wasn’t happy even before you came along. And you said it yourself – you didn’t know he was married at first. So none of that is your fault.”

Spencer shook her head. “You don’t know it all, though. I’m a bad friend – I keep not telling you the whole story. I haven’t told anyone, though. Only Zac and my best friend Abbey know it all. And anyone Zac has told – but I’m getting ahead of myself.”

“So what did you do? Tell his wife? What? I really can’t think of any way that you’re more in the wrong in this whole thing than he is.”

Spencer took a long sip of her drink, letting the caramel flavored caffeine work its way through her body before she answered Marci. It calmed her nerves just enough that she was able to form the words.

“I got pregnant. Not on purpose – that’s not the bad part. I didn’t _have_ the baby. And I didn’t tell Zac until a year later. That’s why it really ended between us.”

Marci nearly dropped the muffin she had fished out of the bag. She stared at Spencer, blinking rapidly, before finally speaking. “Okay, but… that was the logical choice. Not telling him maybe wasn’t the _best_ choice, but an understandable one. He was still married then, I guess?”

“He was,” Spencer replied with a nod. “He had just come back here when I found out. I didn’t know what would happen when he was back with Kate. Maybe they would patch things up and I would just make it a bigger mess if I tried to keep the baby. I couldn’t wait for Zac to come back and talk it over – what if I just sounded like some gold digger? So I just… got rid of it.”

“And Zac didn’t like that?”

Spencer shook her head, wincing as she recalled Zac’s words. “Not at all. He called me… awful names. Even just a few weeks ago. He apologized for all that last night, and I get where he was coming from, but it still stings. Even if it’s the right decision, and I still believe it was, that kind of thing sticks with you. And Zac just kept rubbing salt in the wound.”

Marci nibbled on her muffin in silence, seemingly soaking in everything that Spencer had just said. It was odd for Marci to be so quiet, Spencer thought. She wondered if her friend was truly that stunned, or just waiting for her to continue. She decided on the latter.

“Speaking of salt and wounds. So, as I said, Zac spent the night with me. Again. He drove me here this morning, even though that was the stupidest idea either of us has ever had. Obviously the stalker has spotted us on campus on one of the several other occasions we’ve been here together.”

Marci swallowed hard and finally spoke again. “Did something happen? You need to talk to campus security about this shit!”

Spencer raised a hand for Marci to stop. “No, no stalker shit. Unless the stalker is Zac’s little brother, who just so happens to be in one of my classes.”

“Oh, no. Really? I didn’t know he had a younger brother.”

“He most definitely does, and he most definitely does not like me being with Zac. Can’t say that I blame him. I don’t know what he knows about me, but even if I wasn’t _the other woman_ , it would still be majorly weird to know that my professor is… well…”

“Doing your brother,” Marci offered with a smirk.

“I am not!” Spencer shrieked. “Not right now, anyway. Things have been pretty platonic, declarations of love and occasional makeout sessions aside.”

“So what are you going to do about all of that?” Marci asked, offering Spencer an oversized chocolate muffin.

Spencer accepted the muffin, but knew she wouldn’t be able to do more than nibble at it. “I don’t know. I’m not going to kick Mac out of class or anything like that. We had a bit of a confrontation, but hopefully things will stay civil. He did seem surprised to see us, so I think he’s off the suspect list.”

“You have a list?” Marci asked.

“Well, not formally. I’ve just been thinking about it and trying to see if there’s some clue I’ve missed. Obviously plenty of people in Zac’s life have reason to hate me. I had a run-in with his brother Isaac too, but I think we smoothed things over. Zac still thinks it’s just some crazy fan, which, frankly, does not make me feel very optimistic about continuing this relationship.”

“It could be a fan. I’ve heard their fans are pretty nuts,” Marci agreed. “What about the ex-wife? Maybe an ex-girlfriend? Has he dated anyone else recently?”

“I really don’t know anything about Kate, aside from what he told me three years ago. I think they were just a bad match for each other; the divorce ended up being more his fault because of me, I suppose, but it was fairly inevitable regardless. As for other exes, I have no idea. He was seeing someone, but I don’t think it was serious at all. He broke it off with her basically as soon as he found out I was here – not until after I’d seen them together, but let’s just ignore that little detail.”

“Let’s not ignore that. That seems important to note. Maybe she’s a total psycho and she’s not happy that you stole him.”

Spencer groaned. “That’s not really as helpful as you meant for it to be.”

“But it’s logical. Although, I’m not sure stalkers are logical to begin with. I don’t know, honey. It could be _anyone_.”

“I know,” Spencer said. “That’s the scariest thing about it. I want to solve it all logically and find out who it is, so I can put an end to it. But if it’s just some random psycho, then something bad will have to happen to bring it all to light. And that’s just terrifying to think about.”

“So don’t think about it. Get through your classes and then come out on the town with me and Amberly for drinks. It is girl’s night, you know. Unless you’ve got plans with lover boy.”

“No, no plans. We’re trying to take things slowly. At least, I am. So drinking myself silly with you girls sounds like a perfect way to buy myself some time.”

“Great. I’ll swing by here after class to get you, and then we’ll drown your problems with liquor.”

Spencer bid Marci goodbye, glad for the small distraction that evening. In the back of her mind, though, she kept running through her list of suspects. She hadn’t admitted that Marci and Amberly were on the list; she didn’t want to anger her if she was innocent, or provoke her to do something rash if she wasn’t. Like Mac that morning, Marci seemed genuinely in the dark about some of the finer details of her relationship with Zac. Not only that, but she didn’t seem especially impressed with his fame or knowledgeable about it. All that combined made Spencer think that Marci was worthy of being trusted, and she desperately hoped that she was right.

With these thoughts in her mind, she just barely managed to drag herself through her afternoon class. The freshmen were as disinterested in the lecture as ever and hardly seemed to notice that her heart just wasn’t in it. For that, Spencer was grateful. Once she had said everything she could, she dismissed the class and hurried back to her office to meet Marci. 

“Still up for a night out?” Marci asked with a small, sympathetic smile.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. I could definitely use a few drinks.”

Marci nodded towards the door. “Amberly should be here somewhere. She had to drop off some library books for her night class. Anyway, she’s going to be playing chauffeur tonight if we can track her down.”

“I didn’t realize she was still taking classes,” Spencer said as they walked out of the building and toward the library.

Marci nodded. “Just a few a semester. Mostly online, but a few on campus ones, to get her Masters. She’s not in any hurry, but she does need to get it eventually if she wants to keep teaching.”

“Oh, right. That makes sense,” Spencer replied as they rounded a corner and neared the library. “Is that her right up there?”

“Yup, sure is. Amberly!” Marci called out, waving her arms around to attract the other girl’s attention.

Amberly hardly seemed to notice them as she looked down at her cell phone, scowling. Spencer expected Marci to ask her what was wrong, but she hurried toward the other girl with a smile on her face, evidently oblivious to Amberly’s bad mood. Spencer didn’t think it was her place to ask, so she kept her mouth shut as Marci and Amberly greeted each other. Even though she had started to open up to them, she still felt like the third wheel more often than not.

“Did you hear me? Spence?” Marci’s voice finally broke through Spencer’s thoughts. “Bar hopping? We can swing by your place and get you a change of clothes, if you want.”

“Oh, sure,” Spencer said, noting that she didn’t sound all that enthusiastic about it. She plastered on a smile and continued, “A good night out is exactly what I need right now. Drink myself silly and forget about all this bullshit.”

“Amen, sister,” Marci added, a wide but knowing grin stretching across her face.

Spencer noticed that Amberly still did not smile, but she was too wrapped up thinking about her own problems to worry about it. Hopefully soon, with the help of a few drinks, she could clear her mind of all those problems.

****

Several hours later, Spencer tumbled out of Amberly’s car, slurred a goodbye to the girls, and carefully made her way through the parking lot of her apartment. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered that she ought to be careful and quiet, but she couldn’t remember quite why.

She stumbled into her apartment, trying to walk and remove her stupidly high heels at the same time. Mentally, she chided herself for deciding to mix stilettos and rum; it was a mistake she kept making, never seeming to learn from the falls and bruises.

From within her purse, her cell phone dinged, alerting her to a text message. Collapsing onto the couch, one shoe still stubbornly clinging to her foot, she fished her phone out and looked at the screen.

_Just wanted to check in. U okay? – Z_

The timestamp revealed that the message had been sent several hours prior, probably drowned out by the pounding bass of the music in one of the clubs the three girls had visited. A second message followed after it, sent an hour after the first.

_Trying not to be creepy. Just lemme know you’re okay._

Spencer’s stomach tied itself in knots as she realized Zac was probably worrying himself sick over her. She imagined him sitting at home, willing himself to stay cool and only send two messages – couldn’t be too clingy after she’d just agreed to the girlfriend title, after all. Feeling awful for ignoring him, she quickly pressed the button that would call him back.

The phone rang for so long that Spencer felt the tables turn; now she was desperately worried about Zac. Maybe he was searching for her…

“Spencer? At the risk of really sounding like a parent, do you have any idea how late it is?”

Spencer winced. “Umm… late? It’s entirely possible that I’ve just arrived home after a night filled with copious amounts of alcohol.”

“Judging by the way you slurred that, I’d say it’s more than possible,” Zac said with a laugh. “Only you would try to use big words while drunk.”

“You know me so well,” Spencer said, sighing as she lay back on the couch and propped her feet up. Slowly, realization dawned on her. “Oh… I didn’t wake you up, did I? You’re all parental tonight. I forgot.”

Zac laughed. “No, you didn’t. I was up watching late night tv, but Shep is safely asleep in bed. I don’t think I’m being loud enough to wake him up. Anyway, I’ll take that risk to talk to you.”

“Aww, aren’t you just the sweetest?” Spencer said, giggling. “Have I mentioned that I really think it’s super sweet how you keep checking in on me?”

“You haven’t put it exactly like that, but I got the general idea.”

‘Well, I do. What would I do without you, Zacky?”

“Not get stalked, I’d imagine,” he replied. “But you also wouldn’t have anyone this handsome to cuddle with. I mean, I’m sure you could find plenty of other guys, but why would you want to?”

“Why, indeed,” Spencer agreed. “But I’m sure _you_ could find other girls. Better ones.”

“I’m honestly not sure I could,” Zac admitted. “But I wouldn’t want to. You’re the only one I want, and I really hope you remember that I said that when you wake up sober.” 

Spencer smiled. “I hope I remember it, too. And for the record, since it’s likely I won’t remember any of this, I don’t want any other guys either.”


	18. Sleeping In My Bed With Your Silhouette

Zac slept almost as peacefully as if Spencer had been right there with him, as she had been the night before. Rest didn’t come easy to him when he was alone in his apartment; having Shepherd there eased his mind a little, but he still always felt so alone when he crawled into his absurdly oversized bed. Even curling up on Spencer’s couch with her head on his shoulder had been more restful than the expensive mattress that had promised him a perfect night’s sleep.

Although Spencer had remarked on it before, it wasn’t until her drunken phone call that Zac realized just how much his and Spencer’s roles had switched. She had often played the parental role with him when he was being a petulant child, but now he found himself holding his ground and trying to steady hers, too. 

As he poured his coffee and waited for the waffles to pop out of the toaster – he hopped Shepherd didn’t mind that they were frozen rather than homemade – he thought back over their conversation in the early hours of the morning. As usual, he couldn’t sleep and her phone call had been a welcome distraction, especially since he had spent several hours worrying over her lack of reply to the texts he had sent earlier in the evening. 

She hadn’t said it in so many words, but he was certain now that Spencer loved him. Her rambling had been just this side of incoherent, but even through the alcoholic haze Zac could hear how earnest she was. For once, she was calling _him_. She wanted to talk to him, and not about anything in particular. Just because he was him. As he plucked the waffles from the toaster and tossed them onto plates, he realized he was whistling to himself. Zac shook his head. He was acting like a lovestruck fool – but, then again, that’s exactly what he was.

“Shep! Breakfast is ready!” Zac called out, setting the plate of waffles next to a glass of orange juice on the counter. “Come on, before it gets cold. We gotta get going early this morning.”

Shepherd padded down the hallway a few moments later and took his seat at the counter. Zac had to laugh at the marked difference between school mornings and weekends with Shepherd. When it was time to get ready for school, he was practically dragging Zac from bed to be sure they weren’t late. But on a weekend, when they usually had nothing to do all day besides play video games, it was nearly impossible to wake Shepherd, no matter how late Zac waited. 

This morning was no exception, even though Zac had ignored Shepherd’s pleas to stay up late and instead tucked him into bed early, with a reminder that daddy had to work the next day. Zac didn’t like working on the weekends any more than Shepherd liked waking up on them, but being a musician never really meant regular hours anyway. If the others decided they were going to record on a Saturday morning, Zac knew it was pointless to argue.

Shepherd gulped down his breakfast much more quietly than Zac was used to, but he was off in his own world that morning anyway. Every corner of his mind seemed filled with thoughts of Spencer, rehashing and dissecting her drunken words. No matter how many times he replayed the words, he could draw no unhappy conclusions from them. He knew she was still hesitant, and no doubt more so when sober, but for once, things seemed to be moving in a good direction. With only one obstacle in their way, which Zac was sure was only the work of some delusional fan’s preoccupation, things could only get better.

“Daddy, do you _have_ to go to work?” Shepherd’s voice finally broke through Zac’s reverie.

Zac looked up from his cup of coffee and offered his son a sympathetic smile. “I’m afraid I do. You wanna hear our new music, don’t you? Well, it takes work to get the music ready for people to listen to. And Uncle Ike is far too much of a morning person, so the rest of us have to suffer.”

Shepherd’s frown did not fade, but he seemed to accept Zac’s reasoning. After quick showers, the two were ready to leave. Zac made sure to grab his son’s DS and a handful of games before they left, just in case none of the other kids were there and Shepherd was left alone with nothing in the office to occupy him. Pawning your son off on video games wasn’t the best parenting strategy, but it had always worked for Zac – plus, he secretly wanted to play a few of the games himself if he got a break.

The drive to 3CG’s office only took a few minutes and Zac was pleased to see that so far the only other person there was Isaac. He handed the DS off to Shepherd and plopped down in his desk chair to veg out for a few minutes while he finished his thermos of coffee and tried to wake up. As much as he knew that Isaac wanted to start early, there wasn’t much they could do without Taylor or any of their tech guys. Even Isaac had resigned himself to checking his email, Zac noted.

Zac sipped his coffee slowly, savoring it, as he waited for his computer to boot up. Isaac had grunted something resembling a greeting at him, but otherwise the room was peacefully quiet. Not bad for an early weekend morning, Zac decided.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”

Zac frowned. Isaac had all but growled out the curse as he sat staring at his computer screen. Zac leaned back in his chair, but he couldn’t see whatever had upset him. “What’s up? Get some spam email?”

Isaac shook his head. “Definitely worse than that. Let’s just say, I followed the trail of gossip off our website, and… well, you’ll just have to see this to believe it. I’m sending you the link.”

Zac quickly logged onto his computer and pulled up his inbox. In the time it took him to delete some pointless spam, Isaac’s email popped up at the top of the list. The address looked vaguely familiar to him, just from absorbing bits and pieces of what their fans wasted their time on, but he had made it a policy to stay away from that kind of gossip. He had gotten more than his fill of that during the divorce proceedings; he could only have imagined how much worse it would have been if the fans had known everything that went on behind closed doors.

 _But one of them does know…_ Zac reminded himself as the page loaded and his screen was filled with speculation and vitriol from fans with way too much time on their hands.

Someone had reposted the pictures Spencer told him about, and he had to admit that they did capture the two of them in a pretty suspicious moment. Following that were dozens of comments, for all intents and purposes completely anonymous, commenting on every last pixel of the photos. He scrolled through pages and pages of it, finding most of it annoying and even worthy of eye-rolling, but not all that bad. Then he saw one comment that set his teeth on edge.

  


> _I’ve seen these two together around Tulsa. They’re obviously a couple even though they don’t want people to know, and I’ve heard that they were together in the past too. Maybe even before the divorce. But she’s definitely not the same redhead he was spotted with a few weeks ago – how many of these girls does he have?! And how long has he been whoring around with these sluts? I don’t think anyone ever expected this kind of behavior from Zac. He seemed like the good boy. Ugh._

 

The post held no username and no way that Zac could think of to trace it back to whoever could have been responsible. He glanced over at Isaac, whose mouth was set in a grim line. Zac offered him a small shrug, unsure of what to say. They had endured plenty of rumors before, so Zac wasn’t sure why this was so bad. He honestly didn’t care what the fans had to say about him – whatever they could come up, he was certain he had thought even worse of himself before. It was only when they began to talk about Spencer that his blood started to boil. He bit back his anger and tried to keep his voice light when he finally addressed Isaac’s waiting face.

“It could be worse, right?” Zac asked. “I mean, it’s just rumors. That kind of thing happens all the time. Usually they’re not quite this…”

“Accurate?” Isaac offered.

“I was going to say creepy, but that works too,” Zac said with a sigh. “Look, I don’t want you to overreact about this, but… it looks like there are probably some fans following me and Spencer around. Or they’ve just been in the right places at the right time. I don’t know.”

Isaac ran a hand through his hair. “What are you trying to say? What are they doing? Besides taking pictures and somehow finding out all your dirty little secrets.”

“I don’t know how they’re finding that stuff out,” Zac replied. “I didn’t really think it was anything serious, honestly. I mean, a few angry notes left on our cars in public places where they could easily have seen us together? Whatever, we’ve had worse than that. But I’m starting to think this person is seriously out to get one of us. Or both of us.”

“And were you going to wait until the ransom demand to mention this? What the hell, Zac? Do you _ever_ take any damn thing seriously?” Isaac shoved his chair back violently and stood up. “Whatever, don’t even answer that. I’m gonna go smoke. And for the record – things like this are why I still haven’t quit.”

Zac groaned and slammed his head against his desk with enough force to send several pens and papers flying into the floor. Isaac was right. He was an idiot for not taking these threats seriously. Sure, nothing really bad had happened yet, but it could only be a matter of time before the hammer fell. It annoyed Zac when people accused him of never taking anything seriously, but they were right. He seemed to always get himself into trouble because he just did what he wanted and shrugged off the consequences – wasn’t that how he ended up divorced and the subject of fan gossip in the first place?

Then again, that character flaw had brought him to Spencer and, somehow, helped him to keep her in his life. His childishness seemed to balance out her realism and maturity. Their roles might have changed a bit recently, but he was still the one full of optimism, and that optimism was exactly what the two of them would need to get through this stalker bullshit. He _had_ to believe that everything would be okay – if he didn’t, he couldn’t even imagine the depths of the depression he might sink to, and he couldn’t do that to Spencer. He had to be strong and plaster on a smile at all times if he had any hope of holding her, and their growing relationship, together.

Still, he knew it was only a matter of time until this anonymous person completely went off the deep end, and Zac could imagine any number of horrible scenarios playing out on the day that finally happened. He just had to shove those possibilities to the back of his mind and press on as best as he could.

Once he had managed to quit feeling sorry for himself, he slowly peeled himself from the chair and resolved to go try to smooth things over with Isaac. He drank the last of his coffee slowly, still trying to delay the inevitable. He offered Shepherd a weak smile as he passed the couch where his son was still consumed by his game. He pushed open the door to the alley where he knew Isaac always went when the craving for a cigarette got too bad to handle.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Zac said, shuffling his feet. 

“Yeah?” Isaac spoke around the cigarette dangling from his lips. 

Zac nodded. “Yeah, I… look, I know I shouldn’t have kept quiet about this stalker or whatever it is. But you know it’s probably just some fan doing what they do. Anyway, what are we gonna do? Make the police dust the notes for fingerprints? And there’s no way we can trace that online stuff on a suspicion that yet another of our fans is a nutjob.”

Isaac exhaled and watched the cloud of smoke drift away before replying. “Okay, say you’re right. At what point _do_ we decide that it’s worth worrying about? I can shrug off a lot of stuff, but when you tell me this has gone past just rumors, I start to worry. By the way, how about those rumors? Not really speculation, are they?”

“Not so much,” Zac admitted, leaning back against the outside wall of their office building. “I didn’t really pay attention back when… well, I just don’t know how much of this stuff has been common knowledge for a while, you know? Spencer and I were lucky that we only barely got caught, really. So anyone could know about us, and we’ve been only a little more cautious about being seen together since she moved here. And I mean, anyone could have seen me with Valerie. I didn’t think I needed to hide the fact that I am in fact dating now.”

“And are you _dating_ Spencer?” Isaac raised an eyebrow.

“I guess I am. We’re taking things slowly this time, so the label is a bit premature, at least in her eyes.”

Isaac took another long drag and eyed Zac suspiciously. “But you don’t feel the same way. I know you, and I haven’t seen you fall for anyone like this since – well, you know.”

“Yeah, I know,” Zac replied, nodding. “I’m trying to find a good balance between just going with the flow and really going for what I want. It’s… different. I’ve got a good feeling about it, though.”

“I’m trying not to be too judgmental here,” Isaac said, taking one last drag on what was left of his cigarette. “I really am. Do I think you’ve done some stupid shit? Yeah. But you deserve to be happy, and you know better than anyone else what’s going to bring you happiness. Just be careful about this fan, stalker, whatever bullshit. We don’t need any more of that kind of drama.”

“I’m trying to be. I don’t think I realized how bad it was getting.”

Isaac threw the cigarette butt down and ground it into the gravel. “Well, now you know. So you can be more careful – about that, and about this relationship too, okay? Now let’s go see if Taylor has decided to grace us with his presence yet. And we should probably keep quiet about this stuff for now.”

Zac nodded and followed Isaac back into the office. Just as Isaac had predicted, Taylor had just strolled in, his arms full of coffee and snacks and a pair of sunglasses shielding his eyes. Zac had to laugh at the picture it made, but he was glad to know he wasn’t alone in not being a morning person. At least that meant he would have some backup when Ike got testy. 

He decided that it was definitely in his best interests to follow Isaac’s lead and keep mum about what they had seen online. On its own, a little gossip wasn’t much cause for alarm, after all. Taken in context with the notes, it became a little more unsettling, but Zac still felt relatively safe. His only worry was Spencer’s fraying nerves; being thrust into this kind of spotlight was really taking a toll on her and he hoped it wouldn’t make her push him away.

When they finally broke for lunch, he decided to give her a phone call. He wouldn’t admit it to her, but he loved the daily check-in calls as much as she did – maybe _because_ of how much she enjoyed them. It made him feel useful and needed. 

The phone rang and rang until finally clicking over, Spencer’s voice barely mumbling, “Hello?”

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“Well, it is after noon on a Saturday, so naturally I’m… still a little bit drunk, I think.”

Zac chuckled. “That’s kind of why I called. You were, umm, pretty sloshed last night.”

“Was I? My pounding headache seems to imply as much, but how would you know?”

“Because you called me,” Zac replied, biting down in his bottom lip. So she didn’t remember the phone call; he had feared that. He didn’t want to ask her about the conversation if she had no memory of it.

“I hope I didn’t say anything stupid or embarrassing. Did I come onto you?” Spencer asked.

“I wish,” Zac said, with a laugh that he hoped would make it sound like he wasn’t serious. “You were a good girl. A very drunk girl, but you didn’t say anything bad.”

It wasn’t really a lie, he rationalized. She hadn’t said anything _bad_ , just perhaps a few things she wouldn’t have admitted without the alcohol. Zac didn’t want to remind her of her words, for fear that she would start backpedaling. He wanted to hold onto them and treasure them, because he didn’t know how long it might be before she admitted anything like that again.

“So, I hope you had a good reason to interrupt my raging hangover. Not that I don’t appreciate the random phone calls, but I’m seriously considering breaking out the whiskey again just to pull myself through this. When did I get so old that a few drinks could make me feel like death?”

Zac laughed. “I don’t know, but I feel the same way when I drink. I can’t even keep up with Ike and Tay anymore. My brothers are fucking alkies, I swear. Anyway, I did have a bit of a reason for calling…”

“Care to tell me what that reason was?” Spencer said. “And loudly, or my coffee maker might drown you out. Oh, whiskey in my coffee. There’s a thought.”

“You’re not going to like it.” He was shamelessly trying to stall, and failing.

Spencer gave a short laugh. “There are very few things I expect I’ll like at this hour and in this condition. So, what is it?”

“It’s possible our… situation is worse than we thought. Ike stumbled on some fan website with those pictures and a bunch of comments that were less rumor than they were reality. Don’t go looking for it yourself, just take my word for how bad it was.”

“Bad is kind of vague,” Spencer pointed out. “Bad how? Threatening?”

“No, not really. They just painted a pretty unflattering picture of us. It appears that our history, at least the vague details of it, isn’t exactly a secret.”

“Well, you’ve got to admit we were pretty brazen,” Spencer said. “It’s not exactly surprising that we were found out. But how? Your wife? Your family? Or are you still thinking fans?”

“I’m leaning toward fans, yeah. The notes are a bit over the top compared to their usual behavior, but the rest is more or less par for the course.”

“Over the top is an understatement, Zac.”

Zac sighed. “I just don’t know how else to describe it that won’t have you running for your life. If I haven’t convinced you yet that I’m the worst thing that could ever happen to you..”

“But you aren’t. Maybe I thought that once, but I don’t anymore. Anyway, it’s about time that I did something selfish, whether it’s good for me or not.”

“You sound like me,” Zac replied.

Spencer chuckled. “There are probably worse things to sound like. I’ll get back to you if I think of any.”


	19. This Growing Certainty

Spencer tried to play it cool when she talked to Zac, but beneath her casual words she was crumbling. She didn’t dare search for the website he had told her about. It wasn’t _just_ because he told her not to; she knew he was right that it would only upset her more, but she didn’t have any clue how to find that sort of thing anyway. Diving into the seedy underbelly of the internet to read rumors about herself was something she couldn’t imagine ever doing.

It would have been a lie if Spencer had said that she wasn’t reconsidering the entire relationship with Zac. 

She couldn’t even fathom the depths of obsession some fans could reach, and living her life at their mercy didn’t seem like fun at all. Was Zac worth it? They spoke a few more times over the weekend, but not seeing his face or feeling his arms around her made Spencer begin to doubt what she felt for him. 

She was sitting at lunch with Marci on Tuesday, trying to focus on her non-stop wedding talk, when her phone rang. Marci raised an eyebrow but didn’t say a word as Spencer practically fell out of her chair trying to dig her phone from the bottom of her messenger bag. She didn’t even stop to look at the screen; somehow she knew instinctively that it was Zac.

“Hey,” Spencer said, hurrying to get up from the table and rush out of the food court where it was quieter. “Sorry, eating lunch again. It’s a little noisy.”

“It’s okay. Just doing my daily check-in. You know. I can call you back later…”

Spencer plopped down on a bench. “No, it’s fine. I walked outside so I could hear you.”

“Good. Because I was kind of lying,” Zac said.

“About what?”

“About this just being the usual check-in call.”

“Well, if it isn’t that… what is it?” Spencer asked, feeling her pulse quicken. There was something odd in Zac’s voice and she feared the worst. Another note? Another _threat_?

He chuckled. “It’s nothing bad. It seems like that’s all we have to talk about, isn’t it? Nothing else happened, I promise. All clear on the psycho stalker front.”

“Good to know,” Spencer replied, relaxing a little and sliding against the back of the bench. “Now I know what it isn’t. But I still don’t know what it _is_.”

“Oh. Right,” Zac said. “Well, I was thinking –”

“That’s probably hazardous to your health,” Spencer couldn’t resist remarking.

“Hardy fucking har. Seriously, woman.”

Spencer giggled. “I’m sorry. Continue.”

“Okay,” Zac said, then cleared his throat before continuing. “Well, I know we can’t really go out in public right now, but I was thinking… I’d still like to maybe, umm, take you on a real date.”

“That’s sweet, but a bit misguided. How exactly are we going to go on a date when someone is out there watching our every move?”

“I’ve been thinking about that, and I have a plan.” His voice still sounded nervous, but Spencer could tell Zac had put a lot of thought into it before calling to ask her out. “None of the notes have shown up at our apartments yet. Just at your college – where we could easily have been seen together – and my office, which practically everyone in Tulsa knows the address to. Public places. So if we want to go out, public places aren’t safe, but… we could stay in.”

“Haven’t we done that already?” Spencer said, thinking back to how good it felt to wake up with him next to her.

“Sure. With pizza and movies at your place. Not very romantic.”

Spencer raised at eyebrow. He wanted romance, did he? “So what are you proposing, then?”

“Come to my apartment. Tomorrow? If you can. It’s short notice, I know, but you know weekends don’t work for me.”

“I’m not really sure how that’s any different than my apartment.”

“Oh, it will be. Trust me.”

“Alright. Tomorrow. Pick me up at my place, say around 6? That way we won’t be spotted,” Spencer suggested, mentally adding the word _hopefully_. 

“Good idea. I’ll see you then,” Zac replied. “I’ll let you get back to your lunch now. Talk to you later.”

“Bye,” Spencer said, not bold enough to say his name aloud again.

She noticed that he didn’t say _I love you_ when he bid her goodbye. Instead, he seemed to stumble over his words and stutter out every other sort of goodbye he could think of. It was like he was trying so hard to stuff his mouth full of other words that would prevent those three from tumbling out again. He hadn’t said it again since the first time, but it seemed to echo in Spencer’s mind every time they hung up. She stood up and strode back into the food court, trying to ignore the part of her mind telling her that she wanted to hear that from him again.

“Phone call from the boyfriend?” Marci asked as Spencer sat back down. 

“I think you already know the answer to that.”

“I do, but I just love watching you try to convince yourself that that isn’t what he is,” Marci said with a smirk.

****

The next day, Spencer found herself on edge all through her classes. She had never been more anxious to leave campus and rush home. She even sped through her lecture so that she could dismiss class a few minutes early. 

Once she arrived home and showered, she found herself standing in front of her closet, a pile of discarded clothes strewn all around her feet. She did the only thing she could think of to do in such a situation – she pulled out her cell phone and dialed Abbey’s number.

“Spencer!” Abbey screeched into the phone. “I haven’t heard from you in weeks! I thought you were dead. Are you dead?”

“Not the last time I checked,” Spencer replied, laughing. “I’m sorry, honey. Things have been… insane. And you’re going to hate me for this, but I’m only calling now for fashion advice.”

“Hate is a strong word, but we’ll have to have a talk about this later, missy. So, what’s the occasion?”

Spencer realized she hadn’t thought this through. She had to tell Abbey; there was no doubt that Abbey would see through her in an instant if she tried to lie. “Umm… a date. Sort of an at home thing. At his apartment…”

“That’s a little strange for a – oh, _hell_ no. It’s Zac, isn’t it?”

Spencer sunk to the floor in defeat. “It is. It’s always him, isn’t it?”

“After two years, though? And after everything he said?”

“I know. I know. I’ve been beating myself up over this, so I really don’t need your help, too. It’s just different now. He’s apologized, and I really hope he’s changed. I don’t know, Abbey… I know I sound so stupid. So gullible.”

“You sound like someone who’s in love,” Abbey replied. “And I just don’t want to see you get hurt. But I’ll trust your judgment, if you keep me updated. Now, let’s get you dressed.”

“I’m glad someone trusts my judgment. Half the time I don’t,” Spencer mumbled, standing up and surveying the mess around her. “Okay, you know what I own. What, in all of that, is appropriate for hanging out at home that isn’t really just casual hanging out?”

“Sweater dress? That might be too warm. You don’t want to be too dressed up, but you definitely want him to know you aren’t just there for the pizza and beer. What kind of date is this, anyway? Just hanging out at home?”

“Our first real date ever,” Spencer replied. “I’ll explain it at all later, okay? We’re just taking precautions because of his fans. They can be a bit… overbearing.”

It wasn’t entirely a lie. Spencer had nearly convinced herself that the stalker must be a fan. That thought should have put her mind at ease, but it only made her realize that if this stalker was caught, any number of other fans could step right up to fill the role.

“Okay, whatever. You guys have always been weird, but I can understand that. Tunic and leggings? With some cute jewelry.”

“That’ll work,” Spencer replied, digging through her pile of clothes for something fitting that description. “Lately all he’s seen me in is my work clothes and pajamas anyway. This will be a nice change.”

“Pajamas?!”

Spencer blanched. “Umm. Gotta go get ready. I promise I’ll fill you in on the details later. It’ll all make sense, eventually.”

“I swear, you only have yourself to –”

Spencer hung up before Abbey could finish her sentence. She hated doing that to her best friend, but she had spent the entire day in a strange mood all because of the date. She didn’t want to ruin that by talking about the stalker or all the reasons why dating Zac was a horrible idea. 

Luckily, Spencer had little time to doubt herself. She was just spritzing on a bit of perfume when she heard a knock at the door, and knew it could be no one else but Zac. She hurried to the door and swung it open, pleased to see that she had been right.

Zac smiled down at her, blushing a little. “Hey. Ready for our date?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” Spencer replied, but smiled sweetly as she said it. “Here, come inside for a second while I grab my purse.”

Zac nodded and stepped into the apartment, while Spencer hurried back to her bedroom to toss her wallet, keys and cell phone out of the huge purse she carried to work and transplant them into a smaller one. It seemed silly, but she wanted this to feel like a real date, even if they were just going back to Zac’s apartment. As she walked back into the living room and took in his appearance, she decided he must feel the same way; his usual old t-shirt and jeans had been replaced with button-down shirt and khakis. His hair was even neatly combed back into a ponytail. Spencer couldn’t ignore the warm tingly feeling that crept up her body as she looked at him.

“You might want to wipe off that drool before we leave,” Zac remarked with a smirk.

Spencer scrunched up her face. “I most definitely was not drooling. Not over you, that’s for sure.”

“Alright, you weren’t really drooling. But you were definitely undressing me with your eyes.”

“That’s even less true,” Spencer replied. “This is the first time I’ve seen you dressed decently. Why would I want to ruin that?”

Zac grabbed Spencer’s arm and pulled her close. “Because, as nice as these clothes may be, I look even better without them.”

“What happened to the shy, nervous Zac I used to know?” Spencer asked, trying to ignore his scent and the feel of his chest against hers.

“You helped him come out of his shell,” Zac replied, pressing a gentle kiss to Spencer’s cheek. “Come on, let’s go back to my place. It’s date time.”

“You just love that word, don’t you? _Date_.”

“I guess I do,” Zac said with a nod, opening the apartment door and motioning Spencer through it.

Spencer locked the door behind them, and turned back around to find Zac staring down at his cell phone. He blushed and shoved it back into his pocket when he noticed Spencer’s eyes on him. She raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t offer an explanation. Instead, he took her by the arm and led her toward his car.

“Aren’t you just a perfect gentleman?” Spencer remarked as Zac opened the passenger door for her.

“I just wanted to do everything right this time. With you,” Zac replied, blushing a little.

The two didn’t talk much during the short drive. It reminded Spencer of a real first date; the awkward quietness and the gnawing nervousness in the pit of her stomach. Zac drove them deeper into downtown, where the buildings were much taller and fancier than the area Spencer lived in. He pulled into a parking garage next to what looked to be a huge, old office building. There was a security gate that he had to scan some sort of card to pass through, and that went a little way toward easing some of Spencer’s nerves. 

“Well, here we are. Home sweet home,” Zac said as he eased his Tahoe into a parking spot and turned the engine off. “Not _right_ here, obviously. You know what I mean.”

Spencer thought his nervousness was much cuter than her own. He offered her a trembling hand, and led her into a stairwell that Spencer realized connected to the colossal building next door. She realized that what she had mistaken for an office must have been converted into lofts – the sort of apartments that she and Abbey had admired in Nashville but could not afford. 

A doorman ushered them inside and after a quiet elevator ride, Zac steered Spencer toward a huge wooden door. He unlocked it and gestured for Spencer to enter, still not saying a word but smiling sheepishly. Spencer entered the apartment tentatively, not sure what she would find but expecting the typical bachelor pad. While the big screen television with shelves full of games and movies did not slip by her unnoticed, the rest of the huge room in front of her looked much more sophisticated. The granite floors and red accent walls were most likely not Zac’s choices, but even his additions – a piano, various drums, and a rack of guitars along one wall; modern artwork scattered around the walls – only added to the overall artsy but sophisticated feel. The lights were turned down low and a few candles had been scattered around to cast a glow over the room. On top of that, she was awestruck by how huge and _expensive_ it looked.

“Well? What are you thinking?” Zac asked.

“I’m thinking that I’m never going to complain again when you pay for the pizza,” Spencer mumbled.

Zac chuckled. “I know, this place is stupidly huge and expensive for just me and sometimes Shepherd. I guess I like to spread out a bit when I’m home, though. I’ve spent most of my life on tour buses, or sharing a bedroom or a hotel room, so this place is like a tiny little slice of heaven. Okay, not so tiny.”

Spencer nodded, still taking in the scene in front of her. Slowly recovering from the shock of how gorgeous and not bachelor pad-like the apartment was, she noticed a mixture of wonderful scents coming from the kitchen area. She spun around to face Zac, who still stared at her, blushing. “Zac… did you cook?”

“Not exactly,” he admitted. “I had a little bit of help. Well, a lot of help. Taylor is a surprisingly good cook and he did most of the cooking. Actually, that’s who I was texting before we left your place. He probably just finished up right before we got here.”

“Well, what did Taylor the Chef prepare for us?” Spencer asked. “And did he know who he was cooking for?”

Zac nodded. He kicked off his shoes walked toward the kitchen, talking as he went. “He did. Taylor is… odd. Usually I think he’s off in his own world, but I think he notices and understands more than he lets on. He’s never judged me for what happened. At least, he didn’t judge me when Natalie wasn’t around. But she’s Kate’s best friend, so that’s to be expected.”

Spencer slipped out of her shoes and followed him, taking a seat on a bar stool. “I certainly don’t expect your family to understand us at all.”

“They’ll have to learn to understand or else shut up,” Zac said with a shrug. “Now, I hope you like fettuccine alfredo.”

“It happens to be one of my favorites,” Spencer replied. 

Zac’s face lit up. “Great. And if you don’t like it, blame Taylor.”

The first course was a salad which Zac proudly informed Spencer was the only part of the meal he was allowed to actually help with. The pasta itself was every bit as good as what Abbey used to make; Spencer could cook a few things and enjoyed when the two of them baked, but Abbey was much more of a chef. Spencer decided that even Abbey would have been envious of Taylor’s abilities, and she was more than a little grateful that Zac’s brother, who she had yet to met, thought she was worthy of such a delicious dinner.

“What are you thinking about?” Zac asked, twirling a piece of fettuccine around his fork. They had talked a bit during dinner, but mostly just small talk, and Spencer eventually allowed herself to lapse into silence.

Spencer shook her head. “Nothing. Home. How strange all this is – being here, with you, I mean.”

Zac nodded. “Yeah, I know what you mean. But is it really that strange? I mean, we talked a lot in the coffee shop… well, okay. Mostly I pouted and you played therapist. It’s not like we’re total strangers.”

“I’m not only talking about being _around_ you. It’s the whole thing – how we’ve gone from acquaintances, to almost friends, to secret lovers, to… this.”

“This? This… relationship?” Zac asked hesitantly.

“I guess it is. It’s weird to say that out loud too, but I’ve been calling it that in my head. Against my better judgment, I think it’s time to quit fighting the way I feel about things.”

“And by things, I assume you mean me,” Zac replied, then grinned. “Or were you just referring to my hot body?”

Spencer laughed. “I forgot to mention; I don’t have sex on the first date.”

Zac adopted an exaggerated frown. “Not even for me? I’m sure you recall that I happen to be incredibly –”

“Seriously, when did you become this _confident_?” Spencer asked. “And no, not even for you. Although, it is tempting.”

“Then I recommend another glass of wine with your dessert, and we’ll see how you feel then.” Zac stood up and pulled a pan out of the oven, revealing a decadent looking chocolate cake. “As for the confidence, I told you. You’re to blame for that. You’re the one who encouraged me to be myself and pursue what I wanted. And what I wanted – what I want – happens to be you.”

Spencer blushed and stared down at her empty plate. She tipped back her wine glass and drained it, then slid it across the counter toward Zac. He filled it again, then cut a slice of cake for each of them. 

“Want to eat dessert on the couch? It’ll be much more comfortable.” Zac grinned, then added, “All the better to seduce you.”

“I don’t know about the seduction, but comfort sounds wonderful,” Spencer replied, taking her cake and wine and following Zac to the couch.

The couch faced his huge television, which was currently tuned to some soft rock channel. It was, as Zac had promised, an incredibly comfortable couch. Spencer found herself relaxing as soon as she sat down. Her toes curled into the soft leather of the couch as she dug into what was easily the best cake she had ever eaten.

“Taylor says this is a ‘Better Than Sex’ cake, but I’m not totally convinced,” Zac remarked, staring at the piece of cake on his fork. 

Spencer nearly choked on her sip of wine. “He says _what_?”

Zac giggled. “It’s the name of the cake, evidently. I think he made it up, though. He was probably trying to insult me.”

“I’m beginning to feel a bit concerned about just how much you told Taylor about your plans for tonight,” Spencer replied, only half-joking.

“Well, let’s see,” Zac murmured, setting his empty plate in the floor. “I believe I told him I was having my first ever official date with a smart, gorgeous woman named Spencer.”

“I suppose that just about sums it up,” Spencer replied with a smile. She finished her cake and quickly drained her wine glass as well. She felt a little warm and numb, but not drunk, not beyond control.

Zac grinned. “I certainly didn’t tell him about my intentions for the evening, aside from just enjoying your company.”

“Sure you didn’t,” Spencer replied, sliding closer to Zac in spite of herself.

“I really didn’t,” Zac said emphatically. “Taylor had his own assumptions. But in spite of my perverted comments, I don’t want to do anything that you don’t want to do. You’re steering this ship.”

Spencer curled into Zac’s side and sighed. “Right now, I’m perfectly content to drop anchor right here. I’m not sure which is more comfortable – you or the couch.”

“Definitely me.”

Zac wrapped his arms protectively around Spencer and they sat in silence for a while. Spencer was close enough to smell Zac’s shampoo and cologne and she liked that he smelled exactly as she remembered. She turned her head to speak to him and found him staring down at her, his brown eyes full of an emotion she didn’t like putting a name to. To block it out, she shut her eyes tight and kissed him.

Zac sighed against Spencer’s lips, and true to his word, he let her lead. She found herself scrambling to get closer to him, cupping his face in her hands and pushing him against the couch as her tongue explored his mouth. Zac’s hands roamed around Spencer’s back, grabbing fistfuls of her tunic and pulling her even closer. Spencer curled her fingers into his hair and Zac let out a low moan. 

From across the room, a cell phone rang. Spencer jumped away from Zac, her heart thundering in her chest partly because of the sudden shock and partly because of their closeness. 

“I should answer that,” Zac mumbled into the couch cushion where he had shoved his face. “That’s Kate’s ringtone.”

Spencer found herself irrationally jealous that Zac’s ex had her own ringtone. She knew that was a silly reaction; Kate was much more a part of his life than she was, so it wasn’t fair to be jealous and wonder if _she_ rated her own special ringtone too. Consciously trying to keep her voice even, Spencer replied, “Yeah, you probably should. It could be important.”

Zac groaned into the pillow again, then rushed across the room to find his phone on the counter top, where it still lay ringing. “Hello?”

Spencer tried to tune out his conversation, but she could see Zac’s posture grow irritated, then gradually slide into resignation. With his shoulders slumped, he tucked the phone into his pocket and padded back to the couch.

“You’re not going to like this,” Zac said.

“I might not. But we won’t know until you tell me what it is,” Spencer replied.

Zac sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Kate was supposed to take some day trip tomorrow. I don’t know, it’s something to do with the company she works for. Anyway, the timing worked out so that she could still drop Shep off at school and pick him up.”

“Okay…”

“Except he’s sick. Probably a stomach bug or something. So he needs to stay home, but she can’t get out of the trip this late. I’ve got to go pick him up.”

Spencer’s face fell. “Oh. Well, that’s okay. You’ve got responsibilities and I understand that. Anyway, it means I’m still an honest woman – I didn’t sleep with you on the first date.”

“I’ll just have to try a little harder on the second date,” Zac said with a grin.

He stood up and held his hand out to Spencer, helping her off the couch and planting a gentle kiss on her forehead. She gathered her purse and slipped back into her shoes while Zac scurried around blowing out the candles. Wordlessly, the two linked arms and walked to Zac’s car. The drive back to Spencer’s apartment was quiet, but unlike the earlier drive, it was a comfortable silence. Spencer sighed contentedly when Zac slid his hand across the seat and onto her thigh. 

When they arrived at Spencer’s apartment, far sooner than she would have liked, Zac hurried around to open the door for her. She couldn’t help shaking her head at his gentlemanly act. If Abbey could see her now, she’d certainly chastise Spencer for being such a terrible feminist. Zac wrapped his arm around Spencer’s waist as they walked toward her door, and she decided that she didn’t mind being a bad feminist at all if it meant being that close to Zac.

Zac stopped at Spencer’s door and spun her around to face him. “I’m sorry we had to cut this short. Not that I had anything else planned, but I enjoyed the way things were going…”

“I did too,” Spencer replied. “But don’t worry about it. I understand. We’ll do it again sometime, and make it even more awesome.”

“Is that a promise?” Zac asked, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Spencer laughed, then leaned up and kissed Zac gently. “Maybe. I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.”

“I can do that,” Zac replied, holding Spencer close and kissing her back gently but passionately. “If there’s one thing I can do, it’s wait for you.”


	20. Bent Your Shoulders To Hold The Weight Of The World

When Zac didn’t call Spencer the next day, she tried not to think much of it. Still, worry lingered in the back of her mind all day long and kept her distracted during class. She turned her phone’s ringer on as soon as her last class ended, but it still stayed silent all through her drive home, dinner, and her nightly television shows. 

By the time the news started, she decided to bite the bullet and send him a text, just in case something was wrong.

_Holding up okay with the boy there?_

That was informal enough, Spencer decided. It showed concern, but not a smothering, possessive level of concern. She tapped her foot impatiently against the coffee table as she awaited Zac’s reply. 

_Caught what Shep has. Apartment in quarantine until we’re better._

Spencer couldn’t resist a small laugh at the way Zac had phrased the message. He had mentioned Shepherd having a stomach bug, so she could only imagine how miserable the two of them were. Stifling her giggles, even though he couldn’t hear them, she typed another text.

_Do you need anything? A nurse?_

With her phone in hand, she shuffled to her bedroom. Now that she knew Zac was okay, relatively speaking, she could rest easier. She changed into her pajamas and got ready for bed while she waited for her phone to alert her to a new text.

_No! Don’t want you to get sick too. Stay away!!!_

She fell into bed, laughing aloud at the urgency she could almost hear in his message. Smiling to herself, she typed a reply.

_Let me know when you’re better/if you need anything._

Spencer lay back against her pillow, feeling more relaxed than she had in weeks. From beside her head, her phone lit up and alerted her to another text.

_I will. Goodnight Spence_

She stared at the text for a moment, surprised by the warm, cozy feeling it stirred in her. It was only four words and a silly symbol, but it made her smile seem to spread all the way across her face. She couldn’t stop herself from replying in kind.

_Get better soon. Goodnight_

****

The next few days passed Spencer by in a haze – not altogether unpleasant, as Zac continued to send her short little texts to keep her aware of his condition, but troublesome nonetheless. She felt like she was on the edge of something, but she didn’t yet know what. All the texts in the world couldn’t keep her from worrying about Zac and Shepherd, even though he made sure to tell her several times a day that they were fine and did not need her help. 

On Monday afternoon, she was packing up her papers and books and preparing to go home for the weekend. She knew that Shepherd had been well enough to return to school that morning, and Zac had insisted on driving him there, despite Spencer’s protests. She hadn’t heard from him since, and she hoped that meant he was in bed resting. Just as she slung her bag over her shoulder, she could feel her cell phone vibrating from within. Quickly, she dug out her phone and read the text.

_Mayday. Out of soup. Send help._

Spencer clapped a hand over her mouth to stop herself from laughing. Shaking her head, she typed a quick reply.

_I’ll be there as soon as I can, with soup._

She shoved her phone into her purse without giving Zac time to reply and talk her out of it. He might insist that she stay away, but Spencer didn’t care. For the first time since she had arrived in Tulsa, Zac needed her. She was sick of being the needy one. Now that the tables were turned, however temporarily and trivially, she was going to be the strong, caring one.

After leaving campus, she took a small detour to a convenience store and bought several cans of soup, a box of crackers and a large ginger ale just in case. As she drove in what she hoped was the direction of Zac’s apartment, she pulled her phone from her purse to call him. As if he had read her mind, there was a text waiting for her with the street address and an assurance that the doorman knew she was coming. She sighed in relief that she seemed to be on the right street, and soon recognized his building looming in front of her.

Moments later, with her bag of groceries in hand, Spencer impatiently rode the elevator to Zac’s floor and knocked on the heavy door to his apartment. Her knock seemed to echo throughout the entire building, but it still took Zac several seconds to answer.

“You answered my distress call,” he said with a weak smile.

Spencer returned his smile. “Of course I did. I brought crackers and soda, too. I figured you’d be out of those.”

“I think I’m out of _everything_ ,” Zac replied, standing aside to let Spencer enter the apartment. “That boy has got an appetite like I’ve never seen. Once he realized he could eat again, he ate everything in sight. And, of course, I haven’t been shopping. I was going to pick up a few things after I dropped him off at school, but at the time, a nap sounded more fun.”

Spencer nodded and sat her grocery bag on the kitchen counter. “Just go sit down and let me do the cooking, alright? Chicken noodle or chicken and stars?”

“Chicken and stars, of course,” Zac replied. “You know, I do feel better today. I think I’ll make a full recovery by tomorrow.”

“I’m sure you will, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be waited on today,” Spencer said, handing him the ginger ale and shooing him away.

Spencer peered through Zac’s cabinets until she found a can opener and a bowl, then went about cooking the soup. She realized that all it required was microwaving, which Zac was certainly capable of, but she wanted to assert herself a bit. 

“I really appreciate this, but you’re probably going to get sick now,” Zac called back at Spencer from the couch.

Spencer shrugged. “I’ll be fine. Fall break is later this week, so I shouldn’t have to miss any classes if I do get sick. I’m sure my students won’t mind either way.”

“If you say so,” Zac replied. “But if you do get sick, I’m going to say ‘I told you so.’ And then bring you soup. And then it’ll just be an endless loop of sickness and smugness.”

“I’m not really sure that’s exactly how disease transmission works, but what do I know? I studied literature, not biology,” Spencer mumbled. She stared at the back of Zac’s head as she waited for the microwave to beep. When it did, she grabbed a sleeve of crackers from the box and joined him on the couch. “Here. Eat up.”

“You’re so good to me,” he replied, eagerly accepting the soup. He ate in silence for a few minutes, then paused and gave a little pout. “You know I have a new niece? She was born earlier this week, and stupid me has been too sick to even go see her yet.”

“Aww,” Spencer said, reaching out to rub Zac’s back. “You said you were feeling better, right? I’m sure you’ll get to see her soon. Just give it a few days so you can get back to one hundred percent.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Zac replied, sighing. After a small pause, he glanced back at Spencer. “So, any big plans for your fall break?”

“None at all. I thought about going back to visit Abbey or my parents, but that’s a long drive to make just for the weekend. I would barely have time to unpack before I had to pack back up and come home.”

“Home,” Zac repeated with a smile. “You called Tulsa home.”

“I guess I did. I guess it is. I’m not sure it really feels like it yet, but it’s getting there.”

“I hope I’m part of the reason why,” Zac replied softly. 

Spencer smiled. “Of course you are. I’ll admit, I didn’t want to see you again at first. And it’s still… difficult, with everything that’s going on. But that’s sort of outside our control, I guess. Anyway, you’re the only familiar thing I have here. That’s more comforting than I expected it to be.”

“I think I should be offended by that, but I’m too tired and sick to really think about it.”

Spencer laughed. “Don’t worry about it. Just eat your soup, alright? If you’re feeling well enough to eat, then you need to eat. You’ll get your strength back quicker that way.”

Zac nodded and resumed eating his soup. Spencer sat back and watched him, noticing for the first time just how tired he looked. She didn’t recall having ever seen him wear sweatpants before, but his hair was the same dirty mess that she remembered well. She couldn’t have said for sure, but she thought the bags under his eyes were even worse than when they first met.

“What are you looking at?” Zac asked, eying Spencer curiously over the top of his soup bowl.

“Nothing. Just you.”

“Do I have something on my face?”

Spencer laughed. “No. You’re fine.”

“Tell me something I don’t already know,” Zac said with a cheesy grin.

“Oh, just shut up and eat your soup.”

Zac hurriedly slurped up the rest of his soup, setting the empty bowl on the coffee table and scooting closer to Spencer. “We should do something for fall break. I bet I can talk Kate into keeping Shepherd for a few days, since I had him longer than I was supposed to this time.”

“Don’t do that just for me. We can do something any other time of the week; you shouldn’t put off spending time with your son to make plans with me.”

“It’s not like I’m choosing you over him,” Zac said with a shrug. “The custody thing isn’t set in stone. I’m sure I can talk Kate into it.”

“But I don’t want you to,” Spencer replied.

“You don’t want to spend a whole weekend with me?”

“That’s not what I meant,” Spencer said. “I just don’t want you to make up some excuse for why you need this weekend alone. Are you going to tell Kate about spending it with me? The whole thing just seems selfish and I don’t like it.”

Zac frowned. “I guess you have a point, once again. It’s just that I’ve got you here now and I want as much time with you as possible.”

“I’m not saying it isn’t a sweet sentiment,” Spencer replied, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of hair back into Zac’s ponytail. “Maybe some other time. I’ve got Christmas break, too.”

“You plan on keeping me around that long?” Zac said with a grin.

Spencer giggled. “I was giving it serious consideration.”

“That’s the kind of conviction I like to hear,” Zac replied.

“We’ll find some time to be together, just the two of us, soon. I promise,” Spencer replied. “I just wish we didn’t have to hide and worry about all this stupid stalker shit…”

“I know. I wish we didn’t either. But I’m sure it’ll blow over soon. People are just going to have to accept the fact that I’m not going to let you pass me by.”

“I suppose those people include me?” Spencer asked. 

“You’re at the top of that list, in fact,” Zac replied with a nod. “My charm will win you over one these days, I’m sure of it.”

“It’s not your charms I’m worried about. It’s your family and your fans.”

Zac sighed. “I know. We’ll cross those bridges when we get there, okay? All I care about is that _we’re_ okay. If I’ve got you, the rest of it doesn’t matter.”

Spencer allowed herself to relax into Zac’s arms, but she wasn’t convinced that everything would be okay. A time would come when they would have to stop ignoring everyone who wanted them apart. She just hoped that time didn’t come soon.


	21. Hammer To Fall

Spencer gave Zac a little space for the next few days so that he could make a full recovery. Although he hadn’t seemed entirely well when she brought him soup, she was confident that he would be soon. Plus, she figured if she stayed away for a few more days, she might not catch whatever he had. They continued to text and talk each night, but she still couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that something was about to go wrong. 

_Maybe it’s just mid-terms getting to me_ , Spencer thought as she sat in front of her class, waiting for them to finish their tests. Even though it was only Wednesday, it was the last class before fall break officially began. It was really nothing more than a glorified long weekend, but she could tell by the way her students sat anxiously in their seats that they were longing for it to start. Although she hadn’t made any definite plans with Zac for the weekend, Spencer felt every bit as antsy as her students.

As soon as the last test was handed in, Spencer hurried to gather up the stack of paper and shove it into her bag. She was out of the door as quickly as possible and practically sprinted through the hallway to the parking lot.

“Spencer!” Marci’s voice called out from across the sidewalk. “I’m glad I caught you before you left for the day.”

Spencer realized she had been unconsciously avoiding Marci lately. It wasn’t anything malicious or intentional; the nervousness she felt regarding Zac just made her want to draw into herself and ignore everyone else. She plastered on a smile that she hoped looked sincere and walked over to Marci. “Hey, what’s up? Got any big plans for the long weekend?”

“Mostly just getting caught up on wedding planning,” Marci replied, digging through her purse and pulling out a small envelope. “Which is why I’m glad I caught you. I was getting these ready to mail and I figured I would just hand deliver yours.”

“I’m sure that’s violating several rules of proper etiquette,” Spencer joked, taking the envelope and opening it to reveal a shimmery invitation covered with silver and light blue snowflakes. “Not to mention inviting someone you’ve only known for less than two months.”

Marci laughed. “Maybe, but I’ve never been much for etiquette. Besides, I can tell that if I’d known you when we were actually _in_ college, we would have been best friends then. So who cares? It’s my wedding and I’ll invite who I want.”

“Now there’s the bridezilla spirit,” Spencer said with a laugh.

“So, have _you_ got any big plans for the long weekend?”

Spencer shook her head. “No, not really. I’m sure I’ll see Zac at some point, but we haven’t made definite plans. It’s hard to plan anything when we’re too paranoid to be seen in public together.”

“Are you guys still getting those notes and stuff?”

“Yeah, it seems to be getting worse, too. Nothing has happened for a week or so, but that just makes me even more nervous.”

“Maybe you should go to the police,” Marci suggested, concern written all over her face. “I know you’re taking this pretty seriously, because it’s obviously tearing you apart. But you can’t stop it on your own.”

“I know,” Spencer replied. “But it’s not really outside the normal realm of what celebrities just have to deal with. It’s scary for me, but it’s not really the kind of thing the police can do anything about – yet. I just hope it doesn’t get to that point.”

“I hope so too. After all, you’ve got a wedding to attend in two months,” Marci replied with a grin.

“Right,” Spencer said, returning the grin a little less enthusiastically. “Well, I should get going. I’ll probably spend more of the long weekend grading tests than doing anything else.”

The two girls said their goodbyes and Spencer hurried on to her car. She was pleased to see that there was no note on the windshield. It seemed that every day, she checked for another, even though she had only received two so far. She never knew when a third might appear. Content that the day had gone by without event, she drove home with her previous worry temporarily pushed out of mind.

The drive passed by quickly and Spencer hurried up the steps to her apartment. She could see a manilla envelope laying at her apartment door, but she figured it was just a piece of junk mail. Still, the worry and fear began to creep back in. She picked up the envelope and flipped it over. Where the address should have been was one single word in red ink: WHORE. Her keys jangled in her trembling hand as she tried to unlock the door.

Once she managed to still her hand and unlock the door, she rushed to the kitchen counter and flung down her purse. She ripped into the envelope with her keys, anxious to see what it contained. A stack of photos fell from the envelope first. Some were blurry, but she could see exactly who the subjects were. The first few pictures were prints of the same photos Spencer had seen online, but the rest were new. From some hidden vantage point, the stalker had snapped pictures of Zac walking to Spencer’s door, Spencer greeting him with a smile, and their walk to his car, arms entwined. 

Spencer shook the envelope to see if it contained anything else, and a piece of notebook paper fell out and fluttered to the floor. She bent down to pick it up and gasped at the short message.

I know what you are, and soon everyone will. They’ll see you for the slut you really are. The whole world will know you don’t deserve him. Your time is almost up.

The red inked words occupied the entire page. The message was simple, but it said it all. Spencer didn’t know exactly what this person had planned, but it couldn’t have been anything good, and the last five words left her fearing for her life. Spencer had no doubt that she was going to be exposed and ruined – or worse.

She sank to the floor and clamored for the cabinet that held her liquor. Not bothering with a glass, she wrenched the lid from the whiskey bottle and took several long gulps. It did nothing to ease her nerves. Shaking, she pulled herself to her feet and fished her phone from her bag. She dialed Zac’s number and took another gulp of whiskey while she waited for him to answer.

“Hey, Spence,” he answered, his voice light. “What’s up?”

“I need you here. Now. This is bad, Zac,” Spencer managed to gasp out.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just, please come here. I got another letter. At my apartment this time.”

“Fuck. I’ll be there in like two minutes.”

Zac hung up without another word and Spencer collapsed into the floor again, still clutching her whiskey bottle. Several of the photos fell to the floor with her and she kicked them away. Spencer wasn’t sure if it was the whiskey or the shock, but her body felt numb and it took her several seconds to realize the soft sobs she heard were her own. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks and she didn’t have the energy to wipe them away.

Zac burst through the apartment door without knocking. “Spencer? Are you okay?” 

Spencer could do little more than point a shaky finger toward the photos at her feet. 

Zac scooped up the photos from the floor, along with the note and the other photos still scattered around the kitchen counter. Spencer watched his body tense up as he looked at them. “Fuck. Oh, fuck.”

He crumpled the note and threw the photos aside, then fell to the floor at Spencer’s side. With firm hands, he pulled the whiskey bottle from her hand and enveloped her in his arms. She cried softly into his shoulder, and he only held her tighter.

“I’m so sorry I haven’t been taking this more seriously,” Zac whispered. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

Spencer pulled away from Zac and looked up at him. “What are we going to do?”

“I’ve got a plan. You’re not going to like it, but I don’t think we have a choice.”

“It can’t be worse than my plan of quitting this job and running back to Nashville,” Spencer replied.

Zac shook his head. “No. No, you’re not leaving. You’re going to stay with me. In my apartment.”

“That’s a terrible idea.”

“No, hear me out,” Zac said, running his hand gently through Spencer’s hair. “Obviously they know where you live, but I don’t see any proof that they’ve followed us to my place. Even if they have, I’ve got more security than you do. You’ll be safer with me. And we’re going to take all this shit in to the police and see if they can do anything.”

Spencer sniffled. “I don’t like it when you’re logical.”

“It’s a bitch, isn’t it?” Zac asked with a grin. “Now, let’s get you up and pack some stuff so you can at least spend the weekend. We’ll figure out a better plan, if we have to, after that.”

She nodded softly and allowed Zac to pull her to her feet. She grabbed the bottle of whiskey. “I’m packing this.”

“No complaints here,” Zac replied, laughing. “But you might need some clothes too.”

“Possibly,” Spencer said, smirking a little in spite of herself.

With shaky feet, she walked to her bedroom. Zac followed along, not holding onto her but close enough to make her feel safe. She didn’t put much thought or effort into packing, since she fully intended to spend the entire weekend in bed. A few pairs of pajamas, jeans, t-shirts and underwear were all she expected to need. She tossed a few pairs of comfortable shoes on top of the pile of clothes in her suitcase and called it good enough. She handed the suitcase to Zac and quickly shoved her toiletries into a spare purse.

“Okay,” Spencer said, tossing the purse over one shoulder and her laptop bag over the other. “I think that’s everything. Plus my purse from the kitchen so I can get all those mid-term tests graded.”

“You mean you’re spending the entire weekend in my apartment… working?” Zac frowned.

“Well, not the _entire_ weekend. I’m sure we can find a few other ways to amuse ourselves.”

Zac grinned. “Now that’s the Spencer I remember. I don’t like this sad Spencer. We gotta fix that.”

“I wish it were that simple,” Spencer replied. “But I appreciate the effort you’re putting in. Now, can we please get out of here?”

“We definitely can.”

With all of Spencer’s clothes, school work and that bottle of whiskey in tow, they headed toward Zac’s car. Spencer couldn’t help glancing around nervously as she locked her apartment door, and she kept Zac at arm’s length as they crossed the parking lot. She watched silently as Zac put her bags in the back of the car and opened her door. She curled up in the seat and tried to will her heart to stop beating so hard. 

“Spencer? Hey, Spence? We’re here.”

She shook her head and realized she was staring at the cement block walls of his parking garage. “Sorry. I must have zoned out a bit. Just trying to calm myself down, you know?”

Zac nodded. “I know. But we’re here now, so it’s alright. We’re safe. _You’re_ safe. Come on, I’ll carry your stuff in.”

Spencer mumbled something that might have sounded like an agreement and followed behind Zac as he lugged her bags to the elevator. He ushered her into his apartment with much less ceremony than he had the first time, but she didn’t mind. 

“I’ll just take these to the bedroom. Make yourself comfortable and we’ll figure out what to do about dinner,” Zac said, hoisting Spencer’s bags up and walking down the hallway.

Spencer briefly wondered how many bedrooms he had. She had just assumed they would be sharing, and while that didn’t exactly _bother_ her, she wished they had discussed it first. Zac had a way of making decisions for her that got under her skin, but at least in this instance, she knew he was right. Realizing there wasn’t much she could do about it but complain, she slipped off her shoes and plopped down on the couch. 

She had just begun flipping through his hundreds of television channels when Zac padded back into the living room. He had the whiskey bottle in hand as he slid down onto the couch next to her. Spencer raised an eyebrow but Zac only shrugged and took a long swig from the bottle.

“So, what about dinner?” he asked. “I’m definitely a fan of Jack Daniels, but it’s not exactly a balanced meal.”

“I can’t even think about food right now,” Spencer said, shaking her head. “Just order some kind of delivery and I’ll deal with whatever it is.”

“Alright, you asked for it.”

Spencer decided to change into her pajamas while Zac took care of ordering dinner. He pointed her toward the bedroom and she found that her suspicion was correct – she would indeed be sharing his bed. It was huge, occupying most of the room, and looked infinitely more comfortable than her own. The room was tidier than she expected, but still showed obvious signs that a twenty-something boy lived there, just like the rest of the apartment. She couldn’t resist letting herself fall onto the bed and relax for a few minutes before she heard Zac call out her name.

The smell of Chinese food hit Spencer when she walked back into the kitchen area, and she chuckled a little at the wide array of takeout boxes littering the counter. Zac shrugged. “I didn’t know what you liked, so… I ordered it all.”

“That’s one way to keep me from complaining, isn’t it?” Spencer teased, peeking into a few of the containers until she spotted fried rice and General Tso’s chicken. She grabbed a plastic fork and made her way back to the couch.

Zac followed behind her, a few containers stacked carefully in one hand and an egg roll in the other. “That was the general idea,” he said with a grin.

They ate in silence for a while, until Spencer could take it no longer. She sat her rice down and stared at Zac. “You know it drives me crazy having you do all this stuff for me, right?”

He nodded. “I know. But it isn’t going to stop me. I’m going to keep doing everything I can to show you that I think you’re worth it. To show you that I didn’t mean that shit I said. To show you that I –”

“Do you have to say that again?”

“I think I do,” he replied, setting down his own food and looking Spencer in the eyes. “I’ll make you believe it one of these days. Maybe you’ll even say it back.”

“How many times have we walked around in this same circle?” Spencer asked. “I just… I don’t know, Zac. It’s not easy for me to say, and I’ve told you that.”

“Does not saying it mean that you don’t feel it?”

Spencer sighed. It was a loaded question, and she couldn’t answer it honestly without saying more than she wanted to. She knew that was exactly why Zac had asked, and she wanted to be angry with him for it, but she was just too exhausted from the day to muster up any anger. She lowered her head so she wasn’t looking at him and shook it gently.

“No. It doesn’t mean that at all.”


	22. I Let It Fall (My Heart)

Spencer had dreaded this moment. As Zac promised, they had the entire weekend to themselves. They spent most of it lounging around; she graded her papers while he practiced a few songs, then they attempted to play a few video games (Zac always won) or just sat and enjoyed each others company. At night, they lay close and kissed, but their hands didn’t roam far under the covers. 

But the weekend had to end. 

It hadn’t taken much persuasion for Spencer to agree that she should stay at Zac’s apartment indefinitely, but she still needed to return to hers for more clothes, books and various materials for her classes. She was irrationally nervous about setting foot in her apartment again, and her heart started racing as soon as they pulled into the parking lot.

“Spencer, you can’t just sit here forever,” Zac said. “Or, alternatively, you could. You could just send me in to get your stuff.”

“No. No, I’m not sitting out here on my own. That’s even worse.” Spencer steeled herself to face the apartment she knew really held nothing to fear and finally unbuckled her seat belt.

“Okay. We can do this,” Zac said, with a weak smile that betrayed the confidence in his words.

Spencer squeezed Zac’s hand tightly as they walked to her apartment. She knew it was risky to be there with him, but she didn’t care. She needed him by her side even if it fed their stalker’s obsession.

The apartment, of course, looked just as she’d left it. Spencer didn’t know what she had expected; of course there would be no monsters lurking in the corners of her tiny apartment – just dust bunnies. 

“Okay. Here’s the plan,” Spencer said, surveying the clutter. “I’ll pack my books and stuff for class. You just shove clothes in the suitcases. Any clothes. All clothes. Hopefully you’ll get enough for me to put together a few decent outfits.”

“What, you don’t trust my fashion sense?” Zac asked with a smirk.

Spencer raised an eyebrow, taking in the dirty t-shirt and faded jeans he was wearing. “Let’s just say, your look doesn’t exactly scream ‘professional.’”

“Hey, I’m part owner of a business. I can be professional.”

“Sure you can,” Spencer said with a laugh. “Just empty out my closet into the suitcase, alright?”

“Can do,” Zac replied, dragging her suitcase down the hallway.

It didn’t take Spencer long to sort through the stacks of papers and books on her desk. Even a few months of living there hadn’t been enough time for the desk to reach the same level of disorganization that was her norm in Nashville. In the end, she decided to worry about sorting it all later; if it looked important, she tossed it in her bag without much more thought.

“So, you wanted just the jeans and tees, right?” Zac called out.

Spencer rolled her eyes and scurried down the hallway to scold him. When she crossed the threshold, she found Zac digging through her dresser drawers, sporting one of her hats and two scarves. She didn’t know whether to laugh or scream. Instead, she gave a small squeak and said, “I told you to pack up the closet, not play dress-up.”

“I just wanted to show you that I could be fashionable.” He grinned.

Spencer pulled one of the scarves from his neck and tossed it into the open suitcase. “At least you found that drawer first and not my underwear drawer.”

Zac snickered. “I’m pretty sure we don’t wear the same size.”

“I hope we never find out for certain,” Spencer replied, shoving Zac aside and pulling clothes from her dresser drawers.

Despite Zac’s antics, they managed to finish the packing relatively quickly. Spencer didn’t want to waste any more time lingering there than absolutely necessary. Once the packing was done and the bags shoved into the back of Zac’s Tahoe, Spencer leaned against the side of the car and let out a long, shaky breath.

“Thank you so much for… all of this,” she said.

Zac grasped her hand gently, not daring to show more affection than that. “You know I think you’re worth it. Now, let’s hit the road. I’ll meet you back at my place.”

Spencer nodded and gave Zac’s hand a quick squeeze before walking over to her car. They had decided that it would be safer for her to bring her car back to his apartment; that way, she wouldn’t have to rely on him for transportation and risk being spotted together on campus again. He had managed to get her a parking pass for his apartment’s garage and informed the doorman that she was to be allowed in. Spencer was amazed by just how easily it was all working out. She didn’t know how long she would stay with him, but for the moment, she was okay not worrying about the future – at least, not that particular aspect of it.

Spencer was surprised to see the sun setting as she followed Zac back to his apartment. She didn’t think they had been at her apartment for that long, but the evening seemed to have slipped away from them. A yawn escaped from her mouth as they pulled into the parking garage and she realized that they had indeed spent most of the day working. Now, she wanted nothing more than to eat a quick dinner and curl up in bed. 

Zac insisted upon carrying in the suitcases himself, so Spencer decided to make herself useful by cooking dinner. She was too tired to put in much effort, but that hadn’t bothered Zac yet. After scanning the contents of the refrigerator, she decided to go with the easiest possible route – frozen food. She filled a pan with french fries and chicken tenders, and shoved it in the oven.

As if on cue, Zac emerged from the bedroom free of suitcases just as the smell of food began to waft through the apartment. He crept up behind Spencer and wrapped his arms around her, causing her to tense involuntarily.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a soft laugh, kissing her hair. “I didn’t mean to scare you. You know we’re the only ones here.”

“I’m afraid that doesn’t do anything to sooth my nerves,” Spencer replied. “Everything has me on edge these days. You know that. I was doing better this weekend, but going back to class tomorrow has my nerves stirred up again.”

Zac pushed Spencer’s hair aside and kissed down her neck. “That’s why we ought to make the most of tonight, while things are still mostly okay.”

Spencer rolled her eyes and shrugged Zac off. She pulled their dinner from the oven and turned around to face Zac. “Frankly, I’m surprised you can think about sex at all with food right here in front of you.”

“Are you suggesting I prefer food to sex? Because it’s a close race, but I think sex wins. As I recall, it’s quite fun.”

Spencer raised an eyebrow but didn’t look up from the plates she was filling with food. “As you recall?”

Zac nibbled on a french fry. “Yup. It’s been a while. How about you?”

She ignored the question and sat down at the bar with her food. She could feel Zac’s eyes on her as she ate, but she refused to acknowledge him, even though he was standing directly across from her.

“Well? Are you going to answer me? I know you’re not shy, Spencer. You never have been.”

“I never claimed to be shy. I just don’t remember you being so straightforward.”

“Fair enough,” Zac replied. “I guess I just don’t see the point in beating around the bush with you. You know me. Better than just about anyone.”

“When you really consider that, it’s kind of strange. We’ve really not spent that much time together.” Spencer considered it all for a moment, then forced herself to look Zac in the eyes. “But I guess you’re right. I feel like you know me pretty well, too. So… eight months, I think?”

“Eight months… oh. Okay. That’s more of a while than I meant.”

Spencer felt herself blushing, but it wasn’t entirely from embarrassment. She really hadn’t wanted to know this much about Zac’s sex life without her; that was why she had tried to dodge the conversation. She didn’t want to think about how many girls he might have been with since her, especially since she had no doubt seen him with one of them. She tried to force her face into a smirk. “Should have figured Mr. Rockstar was getting plenty.”

“I wouldn’t call it _plenty_ ,” Zac replied, a faint blush coloring his cheeks as well. “Anyway, it’s not about the quantity. I’ve figured that out. I’ve learned a lot since the last time we…well, you know.”

“Well, now you’re just bragging,” Spencer replied, still trying to keep her tone light. “And that’s no fun unless you use those new skills.”

“I didn’t mean it like that! Jesus, Spencer. Just forget I said anything about it,” Zac sputtered.

Spencer managed a real grin. “Well, now we’re both embarrassed. That’s only fair.”

The two fell into an awkward silence as they finished eating. Spencer found herself barely able to pick at the rest of her french fries, and offered them to Zac, who readily accepted. She scraped out the pan and tossed it into the sink along with her plate, deciding to leave the washing for later.

Zac finished not longer after and added his plate to the pile in the sink. He placed a hand on Spencer’s arm before she could walk away. “Hey. I’m sorry about all the sex talk, alright? I didn’t mean to… I dunno, be weird about it. It’s not a competition or anything. I wouldn’t mind at all if it had been eight months or two years since the last time I had sex.”

“You’re just saying that to butter me up,” Spencer replied.

“I am not. I’m not good at all that sappy, romantic stuff. I’m much better at the foot-in-the-mouth stuff.”

“Can’t argue with that.” Spencer grinned.

Zac ran his hands up and down Spencer’s arms. “Look, I’m not gonna lie and say I haven’t had sex in the last two years. It’s happened a few times. I mean, I did try to date. I usually failed at it, but sometimes… things got carried away. You know how that tends to happen to me. Not that it was ever like it was with you.”

“How was it with me, exactly?” Spencer couldn’t resist asking as she felt herself melting under his gentle touch.

Zac smiled. “It was just… different. That’s really eloquent for a songwriter, huh? I don’t know, Spence. There’s something about you and me that just works, isn’t there? And it’s sexual, too.”

Spencer nodded. “That’s why I could never say no.”

“As I recall, you said no just a few days ago,” he replied, leaning in so close their lips were almost touching. “In this very kitchen.”

“Allow me to correct that egregious error now,” Spencer said, closing the tiny gap between their lips.

Spencer wasn’t entirely sure at what point she had stopped being upset over the entire awkward conversation, but she had a feeling it happened somewhere during Zac’s rambling attempt to apologize and be romantic. It was a tiny glimpse of the insecure, nervous Zac that she remembered, and it brought back all the feelings she had pushed aside. Those old, protective feelings mingled with her newfound need to be protected by him and it all left her easily falling into his arms and letting him deepen their kiss.

Zac’s hands found their way to Spencer’s hips and he gripped them tightly. His lips never leaving hers, he walked her backwards until she felt her legs hit the arm of the couch. She pulled away from his kiss. “Right here? Is that how we’re going to do this?”

“Right here,” Zac replied with a nod, picking Spencer up and placing her on the couch. “I’m impatient. Got no time for bedrooms.”

Zac crawled on top of Spencer, his hands finding their way up her shirt and sliding into her bra. She moaned aloud, unable to contain herself. They had let their hands and mouths wander a bit each night that weekend, but there seemed to be some unspoken agreement that they weren’t going all the way. Now that was gone and Spencer was positively tingling with anticipation for what she knew was coming. Her hands were trembling so much that she was barely able to unbutton Zac’s pants and slip her hand inside. He was already hard, and he only got harder as she wrapped her hand around his length.

“Keep that up and it’s as far as we’re gonna get,” Zac said, blushing. 

Spencer let out a breathy laugh, but she could tell Zac was serious. She withdrew her hand from his pants and tugged at his shirt until he took the hint and pulled it over his head. She couldn’t help admiring the view. Although she wouldn’t have described him as overweight before, he definitely appeared to have been working out. Spencer trailed her fingers down his chest, admiring the new muscles.

Zac didn’t bother with Spencer’s shirt, instead going straight for her skirt. He grabbed fistfuls of the material, bunching it up around her waist. He ran a finger across the outside of her panties and her hips involuntarily bucked toward him. 

“Well, I guess I know you want me, too,” Zac said with a smirk, slipping his hand into her panties. 

Spencer whimpered when she felt Zac slip a finger inside of her. “Never said that I didn’t. In fact, I happen to want you very much, and, preferably, soon.”

Zac grinned and hooked his fingers around the waistband of her panties. He lifted her legs up over his shoulder to remove them completely. Spencer let her legs fall back down on either side of Zac’s waist. She couldn’t help scooting a little closer to him as he fumbled to push his own pants and underwear down past his hips. He leaned down and hovered over Spencer for a moment, staring intently into her eyes.

“What is it?” she asked.

Zac shook his head and smiled. “Nothing. Just… thinking. About how I didn’t actually think I’d ever be here, like this, with you again. I missed you, Spence.”

“Okay, new rule,” Spencer said, wiggling her hips. “You are not allowed to be sappy like that when we’re this close to fucking.”

Zac laughed. “Okay, okay. I get the hint.”

Without another word, he lowered his body onto Spencer’s. As soon as he entered her, Spencer realized just how much she had missed him, too. The few one night stands she had had in the past two years couldn’t come close to Zac. She always thought that sexual compatibility said a lot about the rest of a relationship, and if there was one thing she and Zac had, it was great chemistry in bed. Their bodies moved easily in sync with each other and even their moans and whimpers seemed to match up.

It seemed to last forever and only a few minutes simultaneously. Spencer felt herself tumbling over the edge far sooner than she would have liked, and Zac followed soon after. He collapsed against Spencer, placing tiny kisses against the side of her face. She let her hands roam up and down his back as she waited for her breathing to return to normal. The words came falling out of her mouth before she could stop herself or think better of it.

“I love you.”


	23. The Words Are Easy

Zac woke the next morning feeling better than he had in weeks. The entire weekend with Spencer had been a mixture of good and bad for him; he loved having her closer but he hated the circumstances that brought it about. She was there, physically, but emotionally he could tell she was miles away. 

He was pleasantly surprised when she agreed to stay past the weekend, and even more surprised when they somehow turned an argument into sex on the couch. He wasn’t sure how that transition had happened, but he was glad it had. It wasn’t just about the sex, though; as much as he had craved that, he was willing to wait as long as Spencer needed.

It was about those three words she had said afterward. 

The only imperfect thing about the situation was the knowledge that if they hadn’t been forced closer together by their stalker, it was possible none of this would have happened. Zac hoped that Spencer would have felt the same, would have let him touch her the same way, would have said the same words, if everything was different. Since there was no way of knowing, he had to assume that she would, if only for the sake of his sanity.

Despite his worries, and the fact that he still wasn’t a morning person at all, he found that he didn’t mind waking up early when Spencer’s alarm rang out. Since Shepherd hadn’t spent the weekend, and Spencer now had her own vehicle in the parking garage, they had decided that she would drive herself to campus and he could sleep in. But the alarm still woke him, as did the sound and smell of coffee brewing in the kitchen.

He rolled over and saw that Spencer was still beside him, her face buried in her pillow, oblivious to the alarm. Zac laughed to himself at the realization that Spencer was as much a morning person as he was, only she had chosen a profession that didn’t mesh with that tendency at all. She looked so peaceful that he was tempted to let her sleep, but he knew that wouldn’t end well for either of them.

He gently shook her shoulder. “Spencer.” No reply. He brushed back her hair and kissed her cheek. “Spence, it’s time to wake up.”

Spencer mumbled something that Zac couldn’t make out, but it didn’t sound pleasant. “Seriously, I don’t want you to be late for class. I know I wore you out last night, but –”

She glanced up and flashed him an angry look. At least, he thought it was supposed to be an angry look, but he found it too adorable to feel very threatened. Without a word, she flung herself from the bed and stomped off toward the bathroom. Zac decided it was in his best interest to check on the coffee while she showered.

Zac had time to gulp down a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal before Spencer emerged from the bathroom. He had just settled himself into the couch and turned on a video game – might as well do something fun if he had to be awake – when he heard the sound of her high heels clicking against the floorboards.

“Surprisingly, I’m not running all that late for once,” Spencer said. Zac turned his head to see her pouring coffee into the thermos that he was pretty sure never left her side during the day.

There was just something perfect about the scene in front of him. Spencer didn’t look domestic by any stretch of the imagination, especially not in that tight skirt and red blouse, but she looked perfectly at home. She looked like she _belonged_. Zac hoped that she felt that way, too. He knew what it was like to lose yourself, to drift along not feeling like you had a place where you really fit in, and he hoped that he was helping Spencer to find that place.

“What?” Spencer looked up at him. “Did I smear mascara all across my face or something?”

“No, you look fine. Perfect.” Zac realized how cheesy it sounded even as he said it, but Spencer just seemed to have that effect on him. He was never good at romance, and she certainly hadn’t fixed that, but she had this effect on him. Horribly cheesy lines just seemed to tumble out of his mouth whenever she was around. Spencer didn’t seem to mind all that much. She just rolled her eyes and laughed. If he was lucky, she just found all the lines endearing.

Spencer settled onto the couch, cradling her coffee in her hands like something precious and valuable. “So, what’s your plan for the day? Going back to sleep as soon as I leave?”

“More sleep is definitely on my agenda.”

She laughed. “I can only imagine what your agenda would look like if you actually had one.”

“I’ll have you know, it would be very busy,” Zac replied mock-seriously. “Sleep, food, video games, more sleep, more food… oh, I might throw in some music. Maybe. If I’ve got the time. My schedule is already pretty full, though.”

“Boy, you’ve got your work cut out for you today. How are you going to get it all done?” Spencer asked, her lips turning up in a smirk.

“It’s going to be rough, that’s for sure. But someone’s gotta do it.”

Spencer patted Zac on the leg. “Well, don’t let me keep you from it. I’ve gotta get going anyway, before I waste too much time and miss my first class or something.”

She stood to leave and Zac watched her dart around the apartment gathering up her things. After spending the entire weekend together, uninterrupted, he hated to see her go, even if it was only for a few hours. He would have her all to himself again that evening. Maybe then they would have a chance to discuss what had happened the night before. But maybe it was better not to talk about it. Talking about it could cause Spencer to put her guard back up and push Zac away. He decided it was best to let her take the lead. As long as she didn’t try to totally deny saying it, he wouldn’t push the issue.

Spencer dashed back into the living room, her arms piled down with books and papers. She leaned over the back of the couch so that she was roughly eye level with Zac. “I’ll see you later, alright? I’ll call if I need anything.”

“You know I’m going to call you first,” Zac countered. “See you later. What do you want for dinner? I might try to cook.”

“Oh, great,” Spencer replied. “Burn the apartment down after I’ve moved in. How kind of you.”

Zac laughed. “Okay, okay. Maybe I won’t cook. But I thought if I threatened to, I could get you home sooner.”

“Are you kidding? You’ve practically scared me away for good with that threat.”

“Oh, hush,” Zac replied. He kissed Spencer’s cheek, then the side of her mouth. “I’ll see you later. Be careful.”

“I will,” Spencer said, returning Zac’s kiss fully on the lips. “Later, Zac.”

He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but the words caught in his throat and wouldn’t come out. What if she hadn’t really meant it when she said it? People said lots of things in the heat of the moment. He was sure he wouldn’t be able to keep himself from saying it to her again, but she was out the door before he could force the words from his mouth.

Despite his jokes with Spencer, he did actually have a few things he needed to do that day. He had put off editing and posting a new video about their time in the studio in favor of focusing on Spencer, but he knew the fans were bound to be itching for an update. He plugged his camera into his laptop and began downloading all the footage he had shot during the past few weeks. Most of it was pointless, just the three of them goofing around and not accomplishing anything, but he knew the fans would enjoy that just as much as the serious songwriting footage.

The editing itself wouldn’t take that long once he decided which scenes to use. The longest, most tedious part of the process was waiting for it all to upload, then scanning through each video clip for anything usable. He planned to just edit together a few silly scenes first, as a teaser, then see if he could dig out anything more substantial to actually show their progress on the album. 

He managed to lose himself so thoroughly in watching all the footage that several hours passed by practically unnoticed. He only peeled himself away from his laptop when his stomach began to growl. Realizing that it must be time for lunch, he padded over to the kitchen and dug through the cabinets for something edible. He had just finished fixing himself a sandwich when he heard the telltale sound of a phone vibrating against the counter top. 

He didn’t remember putting his phone on vibrate, but he didn’t think much of it. Since it was around noon, he assumed it was Spencer checking in and answered the phone without looking at the screen.

“Hey, Spence. Everything going okay?”

His voice was met with silence, before an unfamiliar voice screeched, “Who the hell are you, and why are you answering Spencer’s phone like she’s on _this_ end of the line?”

“Umm… hold on,” Zac replied, flipping the phone over and looking at the cover. It was blue, but it wasn’t his. The screen told him that he was talking to someone named Abbey. “Okay, this isn’t as bad as it sounds. It appears Spencer left her phone at my apartment, and I’m a dumbass.”

“I don’t know who you are, but so far, I’m forced to agree with that assessment.”

Zac racked his brain, trying to remember where he had heard the name Abbey before. “Wait, you’re Spencer’s old roommate, right? I’m Zac.”

“ _The_ Zac?”

“Well, I imagine there are more Zacs in the world than just me, but I’m pretty unique.”

“That’s one word for you,” Abbey replied with a snort. “Now, explain to me again why you have her phone? I know she was going on a date with you, which I’ll have you know I advised against, but this is just a bit ridiculous.”

“You advised against – no, nevermind. You’re probably well within reason to hate me. We’ll worry about that later. We did have a date, but that was days ago. Over a week.”

“And she’s still there? You’re better than she let on.”

Zac laughed. “No, she left. And came back. I’m not too shabby, if I do say so myself. But that’s not why she’s staying with me. That’s for her own safety.”

“Safety?” Abbey repeated. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Zac clapped his mouth shut. He realized that he had no clue how much Spencer had told Abbey about their situation. Obviously she knew something of it, judging by the opinion she had formed of Zac. He had to guess that if Abbey felt that strongly about him, Spencer probably hadn’t told her about their relationship or the stalker. Now he had really stuck his foot in his mouth by mentioning it.

“Zac. If you’re still there, you better tell me why the hell my Spencer needs to worry about her safety.”

He sighed. “It’s kind of a long story. Actually, not so much long as unpleasant. You might want to have a seat. See, my fans tend to be a little bit… crazy…”


	24. Neither Friend Nor Foe

Living with Zac was far too easy. For the past week, Spencer had found herself constantly amazed by how easily they had fallen into a routine like an old married couple. Occasionally she even forgot about all their problems. She could easily imagine that he wasn’t famous and divorced, and she wasn’t the former “other woman.” She even, for very brief periods of time, forgot about their stalker.

Things had been quiet on the stalker front, but Spencer wasn’t naïve enough to think it was over. It was just a lull, for some reason, and she was sure that when the stalker started back, things would be even worse.

After so many days holed up in Zac’s apartment, it was strange to suddenly be back in public, surrounded by her colleagues, students and complete strangers on campus. As usual, she couldn’t even bring herself to look at Mac. She wondered if Zac had told any of his family about asking her to move in; if he had, either Mac didn’t know or had a very good poker face. She decided it was best to keep quiet about the move. The less people who knew, the smaller the chance of the stalker finding out. 

Unfortunately, Spencer knew that meant pulling away from her new friends. Marci and Amberly were the only people in Tulsa, aside from Zac, who she trusted, but she knew they hadn’t done as much to earn her trust. She hadn’t spoken to either of them since before fall break, except for replying to Amberly’s text about joining them for girl’s night. 

Eventually, she knew she would have a few questions to answer, but she was hoping to delay that for as long as possible.

“Spencer!”

She bristled at the sound of Marci’s voice, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to hide from her. She had avoided the cafeteria and lucked out during her walks around campus, but that luck seemed to have run out. Spencer sighed, and turned toward the hallway from which Marci’s voice had come. She saw Marci pushing her way through the throng of students heading out to begin their afternoon.

“Hey, Marci,” Spencer replied, once her friend was close enough to negate the need to shout over the din.

“Where have you been, girly? Did you go home for fall break? I feel like I haven’t seen you for ages. How are things?”

Spencer’s head spun at the numerous questions Marci had thrown at her. She tried to break each one down so that she could provide a believable answer. “I’ve been around. I didn’t go home, I just umm… spent the break catching up on grading. I was getting really behind. And things… things are alright.”

“Well, that’s boring,” Marci replied. “Although I’m one to talk, I was working on wedding plans all weekend. Caterers, florists and all that fun stuff. Oh my god, I haven’t even had a chance to ask how that date with Zac went!”

Spencer felt her face flush when Marci said Zac’s name aloud. “Umm, it went alright. We just had dinner. I didn’t even spend the night.”

She purposely didn’t mention that she had spent several nights since then. There were things that Marci, as well-meaning as Spencer thought she was, just didn’t need to know. Marci didn’t seem to notice anything amiss with what Spencer said.

“Well, we’re planning a big night out this weekend, so you should definitely come out.”

Spencer shrugged. “I might. I really can’t handle going out and drinking every weekend, though. I must be getting old.”

“Alright, alright,” Marci said with a laugh. “Maybe next time. Well, I better get going. I have to give a late campus tour before I can leave.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Spencer replied, hoping that she sounded like she meant it, but doubting that she didn’t. “I’ll see you later.”

Spencer let out a huge sigh as soon as Marci was out of sight. She had just barely managed to bluff her way through that, and she knew it would only get more difficult the longer she stayed with Zac. She shook her head, trying not to think about the future like that, and walked out of the building toward the parking lot. October in Tulsa was colder than she expected, and she pulled her cardigan together as she practically sprinted to her car.

The drive back to Zac’s apartment was even shorter and simpler than the drive to her own. It made Spencer nervous every time; what if someone followed her? She couldn’t help checking her rearview mirror obsessively every few seconds, even though it never revealed anything out of the ordinary.

As always, despite her paranoia, the drive was quick and uneventful. In only a few minutes, she had parked her car in the garage and was walking past the doorman and down the hallway toward their apartment door. She had to chide herself for calling it _their_ apartment, but it felt strange to think of it any other way considering she did have her own key.

She slid that key into the door, and before she could push it open the sound of laughter fell on her ears. As much as she made fun of Zac’s feminine little giggle, she was certain this laugh _actually_ belonged to a woman. Her stomach turned somersaults and she remembered all the advice she had gotten about cheaters. Even when she very nearly loathed Zac for everything that had happened, Spencer hadn’t wanted to believe that he was really a _cheater_. He had just been in a bad situation. The sounds hitting her ears right then made her think she might have been wrong to defend him. She ignored the urge to run away, instead shoving the door open and walking in as confidently as she could.

“So, they told us we were rolling around in glitter in the dorm hallway, but I don’t remember a second of – Spencer!”

Spencer froze in place and blinked a few times to be sure she wasn’t imagining the scene in front of her. Zac was standing over the stove, stirring a pot of something that smelled suspiciously like Abbey’s secret spaghetti sauce. Abbey herself was standing beside him, drinking something that looked suspiciously like a screwdriver.

“What in the everloving hell are you doing in Tulsa?!” Spencer screeched.

“I could ask you the same damn thing!” Abbey replied, not even pausing to set down her drink before running across the room and scooping Spencer up into a hug. “I can’t believe you’ve gotten yourself into so much trouble out here! Actually, I can. I just hoped you’d grown out of it.”

“I am clearly never going to grow out of being my own worst enemy,” Spencer mumbled into Abbey’s shoulder. She wiggled free of Abbey’s grasp. “Seriously, what the hell are you doing here?”

Zac cleared his throat and took a few steps toward Spencer. “You know when you left your phone here the other day?”

Spencer nodded slowly.

“Well, Abbey called. I didn’t realize it was your phone and I picked it up without looking at the screen. And you know me, of course I said too much. Before I knew it, I had kinda told her… well, everything and –”

“And I couldn’t just leave you out here on your own!” Abbey finished for him. “I had to come make sure you were okay. I _miss_ you, woman!”

“But what about your job?”

Abbey shrugged. “They’ll make due without me for a week or so. As long as I email my articles in on time, they can’t complain. Much.”

“This still makes absolutely no sense to me, so I’m just going to drink until it does,” Spencer replied, pulling Abbey’s drink from her hand and gulping down a healthy amount of it.

“Basically, the two of us conspired behind your back. Zac gave me the address and I got out here as soon as I could,” Abbey said, shrugging Spencer off and walking back to the kitchen to check on the food.

“You don’t even _like_ him!” 

Abbey spun around and shot the two of them a grin. “Well, that was before I realized how gorgeous he was.”

Zac blushed. “Apparently my charms don’t just work on you, Spence. But if it makes you feel better, she did slap me right after I opened the door to let her in.”

“Now that sounds more like the Abbey I know.” Spencer chuckled.

“I’ve been here half the day. We’ve had a long time to talk,” Abbey said, scooping out some spaghetti onto a plate. “He is a pretty charming guy, but more than that, I think he’s sincere. And he’s as worried as I am about this stalker thing.”

Spencer sighed. She had no desire to talk about all that again when it seemed like things were finally going well. She ignored Abbey and Zac’s stares while she helped herself to a plate of the spaghetti she had missed so dearly.

Zac stepped directly in front of her, blocking her path to the table. “Spence, I’m going to the police. I mean it. Abbey talked me into it.”

“And what are you going to tell the police?”

“I’ll take in the notes and the pictures. Maybe a printout from that website. We’ve had to do this before, but we never pressed any charges. They can help figure out who’s behind it, and then we’ll figure out what to do next.”

“Will I have to talk to them?” 

“I don’t know,” Zac admitted. “Maybe. Probably. I’ll try to keep you and your name out of it as much as I can. We’ve got some… I guess you’d call them friends… at the Tulsa P.D. They know we need to be discreet about this kind of thing.”

Spencer sighed. “Fine. Now can I sit down and eat?”

“Sure. Knock yourself out,” Zac said, kissing Spencer’s cheek. “We’ll get this sorted out, I promise. We just can’t do it all on our own. You know that.”

“Knowing that and liking that are two entirely different things.”

Spencer remained quiet throughout dinner while Zac and Abbey carried on a conversation that mostly centered around embarrassing drunk stories. It was just too weird, Spencer thought, to see her best friend and her boyfriend – she _was_ warming up to calling him that – sitting in the same room, talking as though they were old friends. Abbey had scolded Spencer for giving Zac a second and third chance, yet she seemed to have warmed up to him with incredible ease. Spencer knew Zac could be a charmer without even trying, but it was still hard for her to believe how quickly he had won Abbey over.

After dinner, Abbey helped wash the dishes, then turned to Spencer. “Hey, so… I was thinking I should stay at your apartment, just to keep an eye on it. I don’t like the thought of it sitting empty right now.”

“You’re not much of a security guard,” Spencer remarked.

Abbey rolled her eyes. “I’m not planning to tackle anyone suspicious or anything. I just want to make sure there’s someone there in case the stalker drops off another note or something. I’m sure nothing will happen. I’ll be fine.”

“It’s not a bad idea to have someone watching the place,” Zac cut in.

Spencer glanced back and forth between the two of them. “I swear, I leave you two alone for a couple hours and you’re best friends. Next thing I know, you’ll be trying to steal him from me.”

“There’s enough of me to go around,” Zac said with a grin.

Both girls glared at him and Zac backed away, raising his hands in surrender.

“Come on, Spence. Walk out to my car with me?” Abbey asked.

“Alright,” Spencer said, shooting Zac one last look before following Abbey out of the apartment. The door had barely slammed behind them before Spencer blurted out, “Okay, seriously. What the hell alternate universe have I fallen into here? You actually _like_ Zac?”

Abbey laughed. “I actually do. I’m just as surprised as you are. I never met him when everything went down before, you know. I only got your side of things.”

“I knew it,” Spencer replied, her eyes narrowing in mostly mock offense. “Not only do you like him, you like him better than you like me.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Abbey replied, rolling her eyes and following Spencer into the elevator. “I just mean, I have the whole picture now. Both sides. To hear you tell it, he didn’t want anything from you but sex. And then he freaked out about the abortion? It never really added up, to be honest.”

“And now it does?” Spencer asked. 

“Sure. He loves you. I think he always has. You didn’t know?”

Spencer sighed. “I didn’t know then. But I know now. He keeps telling me and I…”

“You?” Abbey prodded.

Spencer jumped when the elevator stopped, and she scurried out of it to avoid Abbey’s question. Of course, Abbey followed closely behind. 

“You can’t avoid me. You don’t know where I’m parked.”

Spencer spun around to face Abbey. “Okay. Yes. I love him. I even told him the other night after we… well, it just slipped out in a moment of passion, let’s say.”

“That was the first time you told him?” Abbey asked, motioning Spencer toward her car.

“Yeah,” Spencer admitted with a sigh. “I’ve hinted at it before, but never those three words. And I feel like an idiot for letting it slip out like that.”

Abbey stopped at the trunk of her car and turned to look at Spencer. “Look, I talked to the boy for a long time. He wears his heart on his damn sleeve, so I don’t know how you could ever be confused about what he thinks or what he feels for you. Stop worrying about everything and just trust your feelings for once. And he’s been waiting so long to know you feel the same, I don’t think he cares how or when you said it.”

“You know, Zac gets annoyed with me for always being right. You have the same effect on me.”

“Love you too,” Abbey replied with a giggle.

Spencer rolled her eyes, but couldn’t help smiling and pulling Abbey into a hug. “Yeah, I love you, too. Don’t get yourself attacked by some crazy Hanson fan at my apartment, okay?”

“I’ll do my best,” Abbey replied. “See you later. I’ll probably come over tomorrow evening.”

“Alright, see you later.”

Spencer walked back into the building, shaking her head. She couldn’t believe how easily Abbey had swooped in and figured out the entire situation in just a few hours. It had taken her _years_ to come to terms with her feelings for Zac, and she hadn’t been entirely sure she had until those three words slipped out. She knew without a doubt they were true, but somewhere deep down, she was still a little bit confused and terrified.

She let herself back into the apartment and found that the living room light was off. She could hear the muffled sound of the television in their bedroom and realized Zac must have decided to call it a night. She shuffled down the hallway and found Zac lounging on the bed in his pajamas. He looked up at her with a smile, and she thought he looked more honestly happy and content than she had ever seen before.

“What did you two talk about?” Zac asked. “I know how you girls work. She totally just asked you to come outside so you could talk about me.”

Spencer laughed, ignoring the question for a moment as she changed into a pair of pajamas pulled from the mess surrounding her suitcase. She had moved in, physically and mentally, but her belongings hadn’t all gotten the memo. As she stripped out of her clothes and replaced them with the worn t-shirt and sweat pants, Spencer was acutely aware of Zac’s eyes on her, but she found that she didn’t really mind.

She crawled into the bed and curled up against Zac’s side. “Yes. We talked about you.”

“I knew it. She told you how irresistibly sexy she finds me, didn’t she? I’m afraid the two of you will just have to fight it out. Possibly wearing bikinis. In mud. Or jello. I’m not picky.”

Spencer rolled her eyes. “That is definitely never happening outside of your disgusting male fantasies. In fact, Abbey told me that she thinks you love me.”

“She’s not wrong. Are you only going to believe it now that you’ve heard it from her?”

Spencer glanced down. “I always believed it. At least, I believed that _you_ believed it to be true. But maybe that’s enough – maybe that’s what love is, after all. If you honestly believe it, if you’re not doubting that it’s what you feel, then I guess it’s real.”

“I think you lost me,” Zac said, running a finger along Spencer’s chin, trying to nudge it upwards.

“I guess I’m saying that I’m always full of doubt. And I still am, but for once, you’re steady and constant. You’re not what’s filling with me doubt. I believed it – and meant it – when I said I loved you, too.”

“Can you look me in the eyes when you say that?”

Spencer looked up at Zac. His eyes were wide, anxiously awaiting her reply. “I love you. I really, really do. You know how long I’ve been scared to face that? I’m tired of being scared. God, we’re both such co-dependent screw-ups, aren’t we?”

He shrugged. “At least we’re co-dependent screw-ups who have each other.”


	25. Only Taking Up Space In Our Heads

The next few days passed by uneventfully. Spencer found herself thoroughly enjoying the domestic routine she had fallen into with Zac, but she also had the distinct feeling that it wasn’t going to last. Something would come along to shake it up and ruin the little life they were building together.

She had a feeling the end of that week would bring such a change. Against her better judgment – she seemed to be doing a lot that went against that lately – she agreed to go with Zac to pick up Shepherd from school. She couldn’t come up with any good reason _not_ to, except that she didn’t like Zac driving her to and from the college for fear that they would be spotted together again. Reasoning that since they hadn’t had any encounters with the stalker in several days, Spencer decided for once it might be okay to let her guard down.

Since Shepherd’s school finished just a few minutes after Spencer’s last class, she had to forgo afternoon office hours that day, which was fine with her. Most of her students, being freshmen, didn’t use the office hours at all or did so only to bother her for extensions with flimsy excuses. She wouldn’t miss that at all. Because she knew that they would still be cutting it close, she found herself rushing through her last lecture of the day, trying to shave a few minutes off the class. She had no doubt that Zac would already be waiting for her in the parking lot, no matter how dangerous it was.

Just as she expected, Spencer saw Zac’s truck the moment she walked into the parking lot. She let out a sigh of relief to see that he had at least chosen to stay inside it. It was only a little less conspicuous that way, but it was enough to set her mind at ease. Spencer was amazed at the great leaps and bounds her normally sound logic took where Zac was concerned. Somehow, though, he made her not mind it at all. Following her emotions, for once, felt good. It felt freeing.

She swung the car door open and stepped inside, acutely aware of the butterflies in her stomach. It was partially because she was nervous about seeing Shepherd again, but it also couldn’t be denied that Zac just had that effect on her. She gave him a small smile. “I’m willing to bet your day has been more fun than mine.”

“You think so?” Zac asked, leaning across the car to kiss her on the cheek. “I’ve been drumming so much today that we’ll be lucky if I can still grip the steering wheel well enough not to cause a fiery wreck.”

“Why not just a normal wreck? Must you always be such a drama queen?” Spencer asked.

Zac grinned and shifted the car into drive. “Yes, in fact, I must. You wouldn’t have me any other way and you know it.”

Spencer laughed as she settled back into the seat and watched the streets go by. “Yeah, I suppose. So, you’re sure it’s okay for me to come with you to pick Shepherd up?”

“It’s absolutely okay. He’s been asking about you, you know. He may not totally get what’s going on, but he definitely wants to see daddy’s friend Spencer again. And there’s no rule that you aren’t allowed to set foot on his school’s campus or anything.”

“Maybe not an explicit rule, but I think there’s definitely an implied one.”

Zac glanced across the car at Spencer. “I happen to be a huge fan of breaking rules. You might have noticed.”

Spencer chose not to comment on that, because she could see the possibility for that relatively harmless joke to lead them to unpleasant territory. Instead, she tried to relax and watch the city fly by the car windows. Shepherd’s school was on the south side of town, which she hadn’t had any reason to visit yet, so she was soaking in all the territory they passed by with fascination. She watched as they passed out of the downtown area and into a noticeably more suburban part of the city. Spencer was once again reminded of how much money Zac had; she couldn’t imagine ever having enough money to fit into that kind of neighborhood.

“Alright, here we are,” Zac announced, easing his car into the school’s parking lot. There were crossing guards by the drive, motioning cars into a parking lot that Spencer could see was dotted with signs directing parents to the pick up area. Zac steered his truck, instead, into a parking spot away from the main entrance to the building. “This is the preschool entrance over here. Those kids don’t come out to the pick up area like the older ones. We’ve got to go inside and get him.”

“I think I can handle that,” Spencer replied, following Zac’s lead and stepping out into the parking lot. 

Zac hurried around to Spencer’s side and took her hand in his. She opened her mouth to complain, but thought better of it. She wasn’t entirely happy with the show of affection, but she decided it was preferable to having a fight with him in public. Hand in hand, they walked toward the smaller side entrance to the school. Spencer had at one point considered teaching public school, but current circumstances made her entirely uncomfortable with her surroundings; so familiar, in the way that all schools are, and yet not entirely friendly to her.

“You alright? You look like you’re going to be sick,” Zac asked, giving Spencer’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m alright. Just nervous, and I don’t even know why. I guess it just feels like I shouldn’t be here.”

Zac stopped walking and stepped away from the door. He looked Spencer in the eyes. “Don’t be nervous. You’re a part of my life now, okay? You’re important. So you’ve got every right to be here, or anywhere else I want you to be. Not that you have to be where I say, but I just want you to know that I don’t see anything wrong with this.”

“I know you don’t see it,” Spencer replied. “And I like that about you – you’re optimistic almost to the point of being delusional. It’s cute. But it gets you into trouble sometimes. Maybe not today, though.”

Zac nodded his head and gave Spencer a half smile, then pulled her toward the door. “Alright. Let’s get in there and get Shep before he starts to panic or something because he thinks I forgot him.”

“Has that happened?” Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Nope. But Kate has him convinced it’s a possibility. And I’m not exactly known for my amazing intellect, so…”

“Daddy!” Above the din of several dozen small children calling out to their parents, Shepherd came bounding down the hallway, waving a colorful piece of paper in the air. “Daddy, look what we made in class today! We colored pumpkins and all kinds of Halloween stuff. Oh, hey Spencer!”

Spencer couldn’t help but laugh at Shepherd’s enthusiasm and how casually he seemed to accept her presence as just an afterthought. “Hey, Shepherd. Sounds like you had a good time at school today.”

“I sure did,” he replied with a wide smile. “Daddy said you were coming with him to pick me up and that you guys are having a sleepover.”

“Something like that, yes,” Spencer said, stifling a laugh. She decided that she might not even bother asking Zac how he actually explained the situation to Shepherd; she quite liked his son’s interpretation of things. She followed along beside Zac as Shepherd took his other hand and continued to chatter on about all he had done in class that day.

Spencer still felt somewhat nervous about the whole situation, but like the rest of her life lately, there was a certain charming domesticity to it. She couldn’t have ever pictured herself in this sort of suburban lifestyle, but somehow she didn’t mind it. Maybe it was because she was only sort of playing at it and not fully diving into the role of housewife, but whatever it was, she felt some of her uneasiness fading away as the three of them walked back through the elementary school’s hallway. No one around them seemed to notice anything strange about the three of them walking together. They just looked like any other normal family. It felt like everything she had worried about had faded away. There was no one and nothing to disrupt the little life she and Zac were building together.

“Zac! Hey!” A voice called out, and Spencer glanced around to see a petite woman heading toward them with three children following behind her. 

Zac gave Spencer a quick, apologetic glance, then turned back toward the other woman. “Hey, Nat. How is it that you’ve managed to pick up three kids in the time it took me to get one?”

“I’m just awesome like that,” she replied with a smile. Suddenly seeming to notice Spencer, her smile faded slightly. “So, are you going to introduce me?”

Zac glanced between the two women, then glanced down at Shepherd. “Shep, why don’t you show River your drawings? I bet he’ll like them.” 

The three of them stood awkwardly by as Shepherd agreed and walked away with Natalie’s children. Spencer felt all of her previous confidence draining out of her body at an alarming rate. She wasn’t entirely certain who the woman staring curiously at her was, but she could guess, and she had a feeling Natalie could make a few guesses about her too.

Once the kids were finally out of earshot, Zac cleared his throat. “Umm, Nat. This is Spencer… my girlfriend. Spencer, this is Taylor’s wife, Natalie. And those were their kids – well, three out of five.”

“Five kids?” Spencer asked, eyes wide. “Someone’s been busy.”

“We got an early start, I guess you could say.” Natalie laughed. “So, how did you two meet?”

Spencer glanced nervously at Zac, hoping he would come up with a quick answer for her question. He did nothing more than stare back at her blankly, his eyes wide. Spencer mustered up all of her courage and said, “We uh… met a few years ago in Nashville. Then I moved here for a job and we ran into each other again.”

“I see,” Natalie said, nodding slowly. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. Zac hasn’t really dated that much since… well, you know. The divorce.”

“Can we not talk about me like I’m not here?” Zac asked, laughing softly. “I’ve told you about Spencer before… kind of. Can we not get into all that now?”

“Oh,” Natalie replied, realization clearly dawning on her. “Well, I suppose it’s good to see Zac happy, no matter what..”

Fearing Zac would only stick his foot further into his mouth, Spencer decided to take things into her own hands once again. “I realize this is really awkward. I’m not trying to weasel my way into the family or anything, but I can see how it looks. Yes, Zac and I are together now, but we’re still figuring out what that means exactly. Anyway, I just don’t want this to be a bigger deal or bigger drama than it has to be.”

“I don’t want it to be drama at all,” Natalie replied. “Look, I may have taken Kate’s side a few times, but I saw how things were between them, how things had been for a long time. It wasn’t the kind of relationship that ever comes easily, you know? I wanted the best for them, but maybe the best wasn’t for them to stay together. Kate may be my best friend, but Zac is like a brother to me, too.”

“Nat’s kind of the peacemaker of the family,” Zac said to Spencer, then turned his attention to Natalie. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about me and Spence sooner… or at least give you the updated version of the story. I’ll fill you in later, okay? And I should probably drag my son away from your kids before he talks their ears off.”

Natalie and Spencer laughed as Zac walked off to retrieve Shepherd. Once he was out of earshot, Natalie turned back to Spencer. “I’m trying my best to be okay with all of this. I really am. It’s tough, especially because I am still really close to Kate. But you seem like a nice girl. That sounds condescending, but I mean it.”

Spencer nodded. She could see a mixture of hesitation and worry on Natalie’s face, but honesty too. She could only imagine how worn down she must be – dealing with so many kids, a rockstar husband and being caught in the middle of her best friend and brother-in-law’s divorce. It was obvious that Natalie, like Zac, was just trying to make the best of the situation. Because of that, Spencer decided to trust her. “Thanks. It doesn’t sound condescending. I mean, there’s not much you can say in this kind of situation that isn’t pretty trite. Zac and I are just taking things one step at a time, I suppose. Sometimes several steps, but only when it seems right.”

“I suppose that’s all you can do. So are you planning anything big for his birthday?”

Spencer blinked. “His birthday? Why, is it coming up?”

“It’s on Monday. That’s strange that you didn’t know; Zac is usually really into celebrating his birthday.”

“I suppose we’ve had other things to worry about lately,” Spencer mumbled, staring off at Zac in a daze. She had only three days to prepare something – but what? – for her new boyfriend’s birthday, and she felt awful for not even realizing that she didn’t know when it was. There were so many small, but important, things that she realized she still didn’t know about him. She didn’t like that.

Zac chose that exact moment to walk back over with Shepherd in tow. “You guys were totally talking about me, weren’t you? I can tell by the lovestruck look on Spencer’s face.”

Spencer rolled her eyes. “Lovestruck? More like disgusted.”

“Whatever,” Zac replied with a huge smile. “Let’s get on home, alright?”

“Yeah!” Shepherd said. “And I can tell you about my costume for Halloween, Spencer. You’re still gonna do the face painting at our Halloween festival, right Daddy?”

“Umm… was that next weekend?”

Natalie laughed. “Yes, it’s next weekend. I think someone must have volunteered his dad without asking him first. It’s actually pretty fun, though. You’ll enjoy it.”

“Spencer, you should come too! Everyone gets to wear their costumes,” Shepherd added.

Spencer glanced back and forth between Natalie and Zac, but neither one of them showed signs of objecting. She could think of a million reasons to say no, but she couldn’t muster up the courage to say that one little word to such a cute kid. 

“Of course I’ll come. I love Halloween,” she found herself saying instead.

Her head spinning, Spencer took Zac’s hand and let him lead her toward his car. Once again, the three of them looked like a perfect little family, but this time it made Spencer feel a little ill. Everything was happening too fast – moving in, Zac’s birthday, and now the school’s Halloween festival. It was all beginning to be more than she could handle.


	26. Not Your Everyday Circumstance

The weekend with Shepherd was much less stressful than Spencer expected it to be. He was very fascinated by her smarts and her coloring skills, and even more fascinated with utterly demolishing her at every video game he owned. She noticed that Zac seemed to take quite a lot of pleasure in that, as well.

Spencer was especially thankful that she didn’t have anything to grade over the weekend, as she seemed to spend every moment engaged in some game or another with Shepherd, and all to soon, the weekend was over. It seemed it had hardly begun by the time she found herself in the car on Monday morning, ushering Shepherd off to class.

Shepherd insisted that both Zac and Spencer walk him to class, and as much as she feared another awkward moment, Spencer again found that she couldn’t say no. Shepherd planted himself squarely between Zac and Spencer, making them look even more like the perfect little family to anyone who had no clue about the reality of their situation. Once they’d deposited Shepherd in his classroom, she and Zac walked hand in hand back to his truck to drive on to the college.

“Are you feeling alright today, Spence?” Zac asked, pulling Spencer from her thoughts.

She looked around and realized they’d already pulled into the parking lot at the college. She wondered how long they had been sitting there, but she didn’t want to ask. “Yeah, I’m alright. Just had a lot on my mind lately.”

“You’re still okay with everything between us, right? With how fast all this is going?” he asked, reaching across the seat to gently grasp her hand.

“I’m dealing with it better than I expected myself to.”

“Good,” Zac replied. “And I meant it when I said I didn’t care about doing anything fancy for my birthday this year.”

“If you say so…” Spencer said, trying not to give anything away by the tone of her voice. “It’s probably best not to make a big to-do over anything right now, you know? Low key is good.”

Zac nodded. “Agreed. Now go on, mold some young minds. I’ll see you later.”

“I’ll do my best,” Spencer replied and leaned in to give Zac a quick kiss. “Don’t forget, I’m getting a ride home from Abbey so we can have a little girl time before she has to go back to Nashville. So you can stay in and play your video games all day long.”

“Sounds like a good birthday to me,” Zac replied. “But actually, I was going to go in and have a talk with the cops today. Just to get them aware of what’s going on, in case this stalker does something more serious. They helped us with some break ins and stuff like that before.”

“It’s an odd way to celebrate turning twenty-seven, but I guess it does need to be done,” Spencer said.

Zac nodded. “It won’t be a big deal, I’m sure. I’ll still have plenty of time to hang out with my xBox.”

Spencer laughed and gave him another kiss. “I’ll see you and your xBox later, then.”

****

Spencer felt an electric current of nervous energy running through her body all day. She had only found out about Zac’s birthday at the last possible minute, so she had barely had time to plan anything at all. Despite what he said, she could tell he really did want a big celebration, and probably hadn’t had one in years, since before his life went slightly off course. 

The biggest problem with her plan for the day was getting Zac out of the apartment. She realized that it meant either sending him off on some errand or calling one of his brothers. She couldn’t think of a plausible errand, so after lunch, she called the number she had copied from Zac’s phone contacts when he wasn’t looking.

“Hello?”

“Is this Isaac?” Spencer asked nervously. “This is Spencer. The feisty redhead.”

“Umm… hi?”

Spencer could sense the hesitation in his voice, and it didn’t surprise her. “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m calling you. I may have stolen your number from Zac’s phone. The thing is, I’m trying to surprise him for his birthday and I need to make sure he’s out of the apartment. That’s where you come in.”

“I’m not entirely sure I follow, but okay,” Isaac said.

“I was just really hoping you could call and ask him to come in to the office for a while. It would be a much better excuse than anything I could come up with. I know you don’t know me at all, and you probably still don’t like me, but I just feel like Zac deserves something nice for his birthday this year.”

“You’re not wrong about that – the birthday thing, I mean. I don’t know you enough to decide whether or not I like you, but right now you seem alright,” Isaac replied.

Spencer laughed. “I like to think of myself as alright. I really appreciate this. I just need him gone for an hour or two. Long enough to throw up some decorations and cook dinner. I’ll text you when you can send him home.”

“I think I can handle that. I hope you make him happy – and I don’t just mean tonight.”

“I hope I do too,” Spencer replied. “Thank you so much, Isaac.”

****

Zac really didn’t understand why Isaac felt the need to call him into the office, on his birthday of all days, but nevertheless, there he was. In the office. Isaac was always the perfectionist, so it didn’t really surprise Zac that he had found some little imperfection on one of the new drum tracks that just had to be rerecorded right away. 

They worked for well over an hour, maybe even two hours; Zac always tended to lose track of time when he was behind his drum set. It didn’t help that time only dragged on more slowly with Isaac behind the soundboard, critiquing everything. He wasn’t entirely sure why Taylor wasn’t there, and Isaac didn’t have a good explanation for it, either. They worked better when all three of them were there so that someone could break up the inevitable fights.

Luckily, there was nothing in particular to fight about that day. All in all, his unexpected trip to the studio went pretty well, even if he left still not entirely sure what they had accomplished.

Zac had to admit, it had been a strange birthday so far. He had absolutely meant it when he assured Spencer, several times, that he didn’t care about doing anything special to celebrate. His birthday hadn’t felt like such a huge occasion for celebration for the past few years, and although it made no sense, he could clearly trace that change back to the divorce. Birthdays, holidays – nothing seemed to excite him in the same way anymore. Maybe it was just part of growing up.

He drove home, finally, hoping that he would at least be able to veg out on the couch for a few hours. It seemed that his plan for a relaxing day hadn’t really worked out at all, but he knew there was nothing standing between him and relaxation now. The drive went by quickly and soon Zac found himself walking through the parking garage, fully prepared to throw himself onto the couch and not move until bedtime.

The smell of food greeted Zac as soon as he opened the door to his apartment. That wasn’t particularly surprising; he knew Spencer had been there for well over an hour and she had been cooking a lot lately, especially while Abbey was around. What was surprising, however, were the balloons scattered all around the floor and the streamers dangling from every possible surface. In the center of the entire display was Spencer, grinning sheepishly and wearing a party hat.

“Happy birthday,” she said, holding out a second party hat, even larger than her own, to him. “I may have gone overboard.”

“I think you definitely did, and I kind of love it,” Zac replied with a grin, taking the hat and securing it on his head. “How do I look?”

“Like you’re ready for an awesome birthday dinner.”

Spencer couldn’t help smiling from ear to ear as she watched Zac take in the scene around him. She knew he hadn’t expected anything out of the ordinary for his birthday, but he obviously didn’t seem to mind what she had done. She hoped he would still be able to relax and enjoy a little down time, even if he was surrounded by balloons and streamers.

She took his hand and lead him into the kitchen so he could see all of her and Abbey’s hard work. Zac surveyed the dishes laid out on the table and remarked, “So this is why Isaac called me in to the office. How did you manage that?”

“Stole his number from your cell phone. He seemed confused, but he went along with my plan. Nice guy.”

“He can be,” Zac replied with a laugh. 

“I didn’t really buy you anything,” Spencer admitted, dishing out steaks for both of them. “The food and the party supplies are pretty much it. It was such short notice, and it made me realize just how little I really know about you…”

“I guess that’s something we need to work on,” Zac replied, taking his plate and adding helpings of mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables. “We’ve obviously got a good thing going, a good connection, but in a lot of ways… we’re still strangers. It’s kind of weird.”

“No one ever accused of us being normal,” Spencer remarked, soliciting a little chuckle from Zac.

The two of them soon settled in to eat their dinner. Spencer wanted to ask Zac about his trip to the police station, but at the same time, she didn’t really want to know. She liked having days that weren’t full of constant worry and stress; her only stress that day had been getting him out of the apartment so that she and Abbey could hurriedly cook and throw the decorations up. In the end, her curiosity won out.

“So, did you talk the police?”

Zac nodded. “I did. I took in the notes that we had and gave them the web addresses. They really can’t do much with that, since it would be difficult to trace the posts back to the original person. But they are going to run fingerprints on everything else just in case it matches anything they have on file. They’ll take DNA samples, but that stuff doesn’t actually get processed until they have a suspect.”

“In other words, they aren’t really going to do much at all,” Spencer replied.

“Not really,” Zac said. “But it’s good for them just to be aware. They didn’t think there was a real, immediate threat – at least, not a specific one. So they can be alert and ready to act the next time something happens, but…”

“I guess I just expected them to do more than that. Maybe I watch too many police shows. It’s not so easy to solve a crime in the real world, is it?”

Zac reached for Spencer’s hand. “It may not sound like it, but they’re on our side. They’ll do what they can. And we’ll be okay. I mean, if anyone breaks in here, they’ll get tangled in streamers before they get very far.”

Spencer laughed. “We are totally leaving these decorations up as a home security system.”

“Agreed.”

After they both finished dinner, Spencer pulled out her last surprise. She instructed Zac to cover his eyes while she pulled a chocolate ice cream cake from the freezer and lit the 2 and 7 candles she placed in the center of it.

“Okay, open your eyes,” Spencer said. “I’m going to spare you my terrible singing voice. If you want a song, I can assure you, you’d do a better job singing it for yourself.”

Zac blew out the candles without singing and helped himself to a huge slice of the cake. “You know, we have this tradition. When we have a concert on my birthday, we smash the cake in my face. Or, one year, in Taylor’s face.”

“You smashed a cake in your brother’s face for _your_ birthday?”

“Sure did,” Zac replied in between bites. “See, we’re never on tour on his birthday. Our downtime is usually the beginning of the year, during his birthday, and we’re almost always touring in the fall. So I wanted to get payback for years and years of cakes in my face. It was his present to me that year.”

“How thoughtful of him.”

“Definitely better than the cookbook he bought me when I moved into the apartment by myself,” Zac replied.

“Considering I haven’t seen you cook anything but a frozen hamburger patty, you obviously haven’t gotten much use out of that gift,” Spencer said with a smirk.

“Oh, hush,” Zac said. “You clearly aren’t with me for my cooking skills. I have other talents that make up for what I’m lacking in that department.”

“And you’re damn lucky that you do,” Spencer replied.

Zac laughed. “You know, I hate to stress you out again since you – unbeknownst to me – went to so much trouble for my birthday, but we’ve gotta go to that thing at Shep’s school Friday evening.”

“I was afraid you’d say that,” Spencer replied. She stared down at her slice of cake. “I feel so weird about it. I’m not his mother. It just feels like I shouldn’t be attending things like that.”

“You can just be my assistant at my face painting booth. We don’t need to explain to anyone why you’re there. I don’t know any of those people anyway. I don’t give a damn what they think of us, but if you do… that’s okay. I get it. I don’t agree, but I get it. It’ll be okay, though.”

“I suppose. But we need costumes, don’t we?”

Zac nodded. “Do you trust me to take care of that?”

“Absolutely not.”

“So we’ll go shopping together after you get out of class tomorrow. How about that?”

“I guess that will work,” Spencer replied. “You know I don’t like you trying to take care of everything and do everything for me.”

Zac frowned. “I know, but it just seems to be my instinct these days. It’s weird; I used to let everyone else decide everything for me. I guess I like being more assertive now.”

“Understandable. But I like to be assertive too, as you might have noticed. And I like being my own person, even if I’m not so good at it lately.”

Zac laughed softly. “You’re doing just fine at being your own person. I promise. And all this today? I said I didn’t want a big party, but this was perfect.”

“Well, it wasn’t a big party,” Spencer pointed out.

“I know. It was just you and me. That’s why it was perfect.”


	27. The Only Way Is Down

Spencer still wasn’t entirely happy with the idea of going to the Fall Festival at Shepherd’s school, but by Friday afternoon she hadn’t been able to talk Zac into letting her stay at home. She knew it would only disappoint Shepherd if she didn’t go, anyway, so she really had no choice.

At least her costume wasn’t that bad, Spencer decided. They spent a whirlwind afternoon at every costume and Halloween shop in Tulsa, trying on everything that was left – which wasn’t much. Zac wanted desperately for Spencer to dress up as Poison Ivy since she already had the costume from college. She pointed out just how inappropriate that was for a children’s party, and he finally relented. In the end, they settled on fairly generic Harry Potter costumes, even though Zac insisted that Spencer was obviously Ginny Weasley. She wasn’t sure who Zac was supposed to be.

Either way, the costumes were decent enough to relieve a small part of Spencer’s anxiety about the night. Shepherd was dressed in a tiny Frodo Baggins costume that Zac proudly explained to Spencer that he had sewn himself. Spencer didn’t bother pointing out that they were mixing fantasy novels. She had to admit that Shepherd made an adorable little hobbit.

She didn’t really know what to expect from an elementary school Fall Festival; she could barely recall any similar events at her elementary school but she thought that surely things had changed since then. When they arrived at the school, she could see that things really hadn’t changed all that much. The school gymnasium had been transformed into a fairground full of various games for the children to play. Booths of Halloween themed and generic festival food lined one hallway and another one was roped off to form a haunted house. Parents and teachers were still setting everything up when they arrived.

Zac let Shepherd wander off to greet Natalie and the children, then steered Spencer toward a friendly looking woman who looked like every possible stereotype of a teacher, right down to the Halloween-themed sweater. “Miss Murphy, where do you want me to set up the face painting booth?”

“Oh, I’m so glad your here, Mr. Hanson,” the teacher, evidently named Miss Murphy, replied. “The sign isn’t up yet, but we’ve got you over there in the left corner. We’ve got some paint and things, but I’m sure you’ve got some of your own supplies. Your son told us how great of an artist you are.”

Spencer could see a slight blush spreading across Zac’s face. “Painting is really just a hobby of mine, but I suppose I’m pretty good.”

“I’m sure you’ll do great,” Miss Murphy replied. “Now, I don’t have your… well, I only have you on the volunteer list.”

Spencer felt her heart leap into her throat. This was exactly what she had dreaded. She looked to Zac in horror, and he quickly wrapped his arm around her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know there was a list. I hope it’s okay for me to have an assistant though. This is my girlfriend, Dr. Spencer Kerr.”

Spencer rolled her eyes. He _would_ use her full title when he introduced her. “You can call me Spencer,” she added, extending her trembling hand to Miss Murphy.

“It’s wonderful to meet you,” the teacher replied, and her words seemed as genuine as her smile and her handshake. “I’m sure you’ll have a great time here tonight.”

Zac only offered Spencer a small shrug and a smile as Miss Murphy wandered off to greet another parent. Spencer decided that it hadn’t been a complete disaster, so it wasn’t worth fighting over. Instead, she just forced her face into a smile and taped up the “FACE PAINTING” sign while Zac laid out his supplies on the table.

Spencer couldn’t help the way that she lapsed into silence as Zac got to work. She didn’t really have to do anything other than stand around and make the booth look pretty, after all. Taking tickets from the children who came to the booth for a face painting required her to say only a few words and she was certain none of the kids could see through the fake smile she had plastered on.

She just wished Zac would see through it.

“Spence, can you grab some more orange paint from my bag?” Zac called out to her without even looking over his shoulder. 

She nodded, even though he couldn’t see the gesture, and bent down to dig through the oversized messenger bag that held his supplies. Despite how much he already had laid out on the table, there seemed to still be an endless supply in the bag and, naturally, orange was nowhere to be found.

“Spence? Did you find it?” Zac asked, the warmth of his body behind Spencer causing her to jump a little. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. Can’t find any orange paint, though. It’s probably in there, but there’s a good chance I’ll also find a portal to Narnia if I ever get to the bottom of this thing.”

Zac laughed and gently laid a hand on Spencer’s back. “You’re upset about something.”

“You’re observant.”

“But I’m not psychic. Would you like to tell me why you’re upset?”

Spencer turned around and she could see the genuine concern in Zac’s eyes. She knew she was being unreasonable by taking out her insecurity and frustration on him, but he seemed like the easiest target. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like being here any more than I thought I would. Makes me feel all self-conscious. Just like I thought it would.”

“You didn’t have to come,” Zac replied.

“I did, though. See, you have this son who is possibly even more adorable than you, and when he asks for something, I just can’t say no.” Spencer offered Zac a weak but genuine smile.

“I know exactly what you mean,” he replied with a smile of his own. “And you have no idea how happy it makes me that you guys have taken to each other so well. It could be a lot more awkward than it is, you know?”

Spencer nodded. “I know. I love the little guy. And his dad isn’t so bad, either.”

Zac chuckled. “Look, why don’t you take a break and go get something to drink? And maybe pick up some nachos or something for me? I’m starving. But you could use a break, too.”

“That sounds like a great idea,” Spencer replied. She resisted the urge to plant a quick kiss on Zac’s cheek, instead just offering him a smile before walking away from the booth.

The crowd in the gym had grown quite a bit, and it took Spencer several minutes to navigate her way through the throngs of children and the maze-like booths offering various games and goodies. She finally made her way into the slightly less crowded hallway lined with booths selling food. The concession stand seemed to be her best bet for the nachos Zac wanted, so she waded through the crowd to reach it. 

“Spencer! Hey,” a voice called out to her as she stepped up to the front of the line. It took her a moment to realize the wicked witch in front of her was Natalie. “I have a feeling that costume was Zac’s idea.”

Spencer laughed. “Yeah, it was the only one of his nerdy suggestions that I agreed with. Let’s see, can I get two nachos, a Dr. Pepper and a diet Pepsi?”

“No problem. That’ll be $5,” Natalie replied, then wandered off to pour the drinks. She called out toward the back of the concession stand, “Hey, can you get two nachos for me?”

Spencer leaned against the counter, happy to be able to relax for a moment. “So, congrats on the new baby. Zac told me about it, but I totally forgot when we met the other day. A little girl, right?”

“Yes, finally,” Natalie replied, beaming. “Us girls almost aren’t outnumbered now. Wilhelmina Jane. Willa for short. She and Viggo are at home with the nanny, though.”

Spencer couldn’t help returning Natalie’s smile. Her love for her kids was just infectious. “So, what are the others dressed as? I haven’t seen them yet. Zac made the cutest Frodo costume for Shepherd. Apparently he can sew. Who knew?”

“I knew,” a voice said, stepping out of the back of the concession stand. “Why are you talking about Zac? And my son?”

Spencer blinked. She didn’t know who the tall, dark haired woman leering at her was, but she could guess. The fact that her costume coordinated with Natalie’s – the Glinda to her Elphaba – only further assured Spencer that she was being stared down by Zac’s ex-wife.

Natalie giggled nervously and shoved Spencer’s food across the counter. “Umm, Kate… this is Zac’s friend, Spencer.”

“How do you know her? Why didn’t you tell me he was bringing a _friend_?” Kate spat the last word out, making it obvious that she knew Natalie wasn’t being entirely honest. Spencer was just glad all that venom was, for the moment, not being directed entirely at her.

“I didn’t mention it?” Natalie asked, feigning innocence. “I guess it slipped my mind. She was umm… she was here the other day with Zac to pick Shep up, and that’s when I met her and she found out about the Fall Festival.”

Kate’s frown deepened and she crossed her arms. “It would have been nice if someone would have informed me of this.”

“Kate, it’s not really –”

Spencer scooped up her food and drinks and slipped away before she could hear the rest of their argument. It seemed that Kate was more upset with everyone else involved than with her, and she didn’t want to stick around and wait for all that anger to come back her way. She was certain it would, though, if given the chance.

She made it back to the face painting booth in what felt like half the time it had taken her to go the other direction, and somehow she managed not to spill a drop of their food despite her shaking hands. Zac was busy painting a young boy’s face so she sat his food down on the other end of the table, well away from the paint, and didn’t disturb him. Instead, she sat down in the extra chair and ate her nachos in silence, trying to decide whether to be angry or terrified.

Zac finished the boy’s dragon design and picked up his food, turning to look at Spencer. “You look like you want to either hide under the table or kill someone.”

“That’s how I feel, too.”

He scooted his chair closer to Spencer. “What’s wrong?”

“Your ex-wife is here. Apparently she’s working the concession stand with Natalie, and no one thought it would be a good idea to inform either of us that the other one would be here.”

Zac blanched and dropped a nacho back into the tray. “Kate’s here? Are you shitting me?”

Spencer shook her head emphatically. “I’m most definitely not shitting you. Kate is not only here, she’s currently spitting fire at Natalie for just being friendly with me.”

“She’s really not that bad,” Zac said, but his face didn’t match his words. “Okay, she is that bad. Sometimes. Like right now, apparently.”

Spencer groaned. “So what do we do? I’m not talking to her again. No way.”

“I don’t really have that option. Once she’s done yelling at Natalie, she’s going to come after me. You may want to hide.”

“You’re not making me feel any better about how scary she is.”

Zac laughed and grabbed Spencer’s hand. “She can be a little scary, but the fights were only bad because I always stuck my foot in my mouth or pressed her buttons. It was just a volatile combination, and you probably don’t want to be around when it explodes again.”

“I’m beginning to think I don’t want to be around at all,” Spencer replied, standing up quickly before she could change her own mind or let Zac change it for her. “I shouldn’t be here. I knew I shouldn’t have come here. I’ll just… call a cab or something. Deal with your ex-wife, doing your painting thing, whatever. I’m leaving.”

Spencer grabbed her purse and scurried away before Zac could say anything to stop her. She knew she was only causing a scene and making things worse, but at that moment, she didn’t really care. She was just a burden to Zac, an inconvenience and an unnecessary presence in his life. She had known that before, but that night made it glaringly obvious. She didn’t know why she had ever thought it could work between them. 

Once she was outside of the school, she pulled her cell phone from her purse and quickly looked up the number of a cab service. Within just a few minutes, a black and white cab pulled into the drive in front of the school. Spencer slid into the backseat and rattled off the address to Zac’s apartment. Even as she said it, she realized it was the last place she wanted to be. She wanted to be far away from Zac. During the drive, her resolve grew and she knew what she had to do. When the cab pulled up outside the building, she quickly paid the driver and made her way inside determined that it would be the last time. 

She flew through the apartment, throwing clothes, books and graded papers into her suitcase at random. She didn’t care if she got everything right then; she could demand it all back from Zac later and she knew he would comply. Spencer hated that thought. He would do anything for her, she knew, and it only infuriated her. Somehow, he was _too_ perfect. It was just the rest of the world that wouldn’t let their relationship be, and she was tired of fighting with it.

With one last look around, her arms piled down with suitcases and her very overstuffed purse, she bid farewell to the apartment she had just begun to call home. 


	28. A Fragment Of Light

Zac stared dumbly at Spencer as she stormed off. He knew he should try to stop her, but he didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t his fault that the whole world, and now Kate, was conspiring against them. He reasoned that if he did go after Spencer, it would only cause a scene, and he knew he had one of those coming as soon as Kate found him. Better to save himself a little bit of drama, he decided.

Once Spencer was out of sight, he pulled his chair back to the front of the booth and began painting the faces of the children who had lined up while he took his short break. But it was no longer fun for him. He couldn’t help glancing around nervously, waiting for Kate to ambush him, and he couldn’t shake the loneliness he felt even after just a few minutes without Spencer.

Evidently Kate felt the same as Zac did about causing a scene. He managed to make it through the entire night without seeing her. He thought he was entirely in the clear, and heaved a huge sigh of relief when the last customer left his booth and he was able to begin packing up his supplies.

His back was turned, shoving paints into his bag, when Kate finally walked up.

“Zachary. We need to talk.”

Without turning around, he replied, “I hate it when you use my full name. Do you think you’re my mother?”

“I’m really not in the mood to deal with you being cute. I’ve been stuck in that concession stand all night, absolutely fuming mad. So, can you make this easier on both of us and just be serious for once?”

“I can’t help being cute,” he replied with a smirk he was glad Kate couldn’t see. Finally, he turned to face her and almost laughed at her Glinda the Good Witch costume. “Alright, what is it?”

“Didn’t your _girlfriend_ tell you? Where is she, anyway? We got off on the wrong foot earlier.”

Zac let loose the laugh he was holding in. “I’m sure you took that first wrong step, though.”

“Because she’s just too perfect to do anything wrong? It sure seems like that’s what everyone else thinks, including my own son.”

Zac crossed his arms. “What are you really mad about here, Kate? That I’m dating? That she’s met Shepherd? What is it?”

Kate mirrored Zac’s stance. “The fact that I had to learn from our son that another woman is living with you. How about that? Do you think it’s reasonable to be angry about that?”

“It’s not unreasonable,” Zac admitted. “Look, things have been hectic lately. Spencer’s going through a lot of stress since she moved here, and I let her move in with me to help her out with some of it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I wasn’t exactly sure how to explain it all.”

“How about ‘hey Kate, I’m shacking up with some chick?’ I think that would have sufficed.”

Zac rolled his eyes and growled, “It’s not like that. You make it sound sleazy.”

“What’s it like then?” Kate asked. “Are you trying to tell me it’s serious? That you love her?”

“I… well, I wasn’t _trying_ to tell you that, but it’s not untrue.” Zac hung his head, finding himself unable to meet Kate’s eyes when he said it. It was true; he had no shame in admitting it to anyone else, but something seemed strange about telling Kate. It just seemed wrong in ways he couldn’t explain.

It didn’t help that when he looked up, he could see that Kate’s anger was now mixed with sadness. He knew very well that she had been talking to one of her guy friends from college, but he couldn’t find it in himself to call her out on it. He had no desire to be petty and prolong the fight. Maybe he was growing up after all.

“Kate, I’m sorry,” he finally said. “I should have told you about Spencer. Things got serious pretty fast and…”

Something like realization flickered in Kate’s eyes. “I’ll say. How long have you guys been together, a couple months? I thought you weren’t seeing anyone seriously. Wait, did you say she just moved here?”

Zac nodded. He couldn’t deny it, even though he knew Kate would make the connection.

“From Nashville?”

He nodded again, wincing in anticipation of what Kate would say next.

“Oh. Well,” Kate said, and for a second she looked close to tears. Then she hardened her face and said, “Then don’t try to tell me it isn’t sleazy.”

Zac wanted to make another smart reply, but Kate was gone before he could. He was truly tired of all the women in his life always being right while he was always wrong. Spencer seemed to give him confidence lately, and made him think maybe he wasn’t such a bad, wrong person, but ultimately it all came crashing down around him again. He wasn’t really surprised.

As Zac watched his ex-wife disappear into the crowd, he wondered if he should have chased after her. He didn’t know what he could have accomplished, though, other than making a bigger scene. No, he should have chased after Spencer. But she was long gone. He knew, as stubborn as she was, he would not be able to convince her of anything. She had to figure things out on her own, in her own time. That’s how she had always been, especially with things relating to him.

He had nearly finished packing up his supplies when he saw Natalie, fittingly and unsurprisingly dressed as Elphaba, walking toward his booth. Anyone else might have thought that Natalie was dressed as the wicked witch, but he knew how much those two girls loved Wicked, and he knew they had deliberately chosen their costumes based on that book. He wondered if either of them even realized how perfect their choices were.

“Hey, Nat,” Zac said sheepishly when she reached his table. He feared she had come to continue the verbal barrage Kate had started, and he knew that somehow, Natalie could make him feel even worse.

“Have you seen Kate? She stormed off a few minutes ago…”

Zac shook his head. “No. Well, I have seen her. But then she stormed off from me, too.”

“Oh. I had a feeling she was coming your way,” Natalie admitted. “I feel like I should apologize for setting her off. She was in the back when Spencer came up. We just talked a little bit, but Kate heard and she didn’t like it. I didn’t realize how badly she would take it. Or that, shame on you, you hadn’t told her about your new girlfriend.”

“Some stupid part of my brain decided she didn’t need to know.”

“But isn’t Spencer staying with you right now? Zac, Kate could make a big deal over you violating the custody agreement if she wanted to. I think. I’m not sure how those things work, but it seems like you can’t just move someone in whenever you feel like it.”

“I didn’t even think of that… but Jesus, Nat, it’s my life. Not Kate’s. I know it affects Shepherd, but he loves Spencer. Which probably makes Kate like the situation even less, I’d imagine.”

“That probably doesn’t help, no. I’m glad Spencer seems to be so good for you and for Shep, but it’s going to take Kate a while to appreciate that.”

Zac hung his head and mumbled, “I may have also admitted that Spencer was the girl I… the one… umm, from Nashville.”

“Oh. Oh, Zac. You didn’t,” Natalie said, her voice full of pity and just a hint of disgust.

“I did,” Zac said with a nod. “I didn’t mean to, but I said too much and she figured it out. I know I’m horrible, but I… I love, Spencer. I may have admitted that to Kate in a roundabout way, too.”

“You’re going to need a crowbar to get your foot back out of your mouth. You can borrow Taylor’s,” Natalie replied. 

Zac let out a small laugh that sounded more like a strangled cough. “Thanks. I’m going to need it. Seems like I always know exactly the wrong thing to say. I didn’t even realize Kate would get so mad about… I mean, does she still love me? Does she think I’m not going to move on?”

“Sure, she still loves you. I know there’s a part of you that still loves her, isn’t there?”

“Probably, but I try not to think about it. Because it’s not going to do me any good to dwell on that.”

Natalie shrugged. “Maybe not, but you know Kate likes to dwell. So she’s going to dwell for a while and it’s going to hurt her to realize that you’re really with someone now and not just sleeping around. And it doesn’t help that you’ve, essentially, chosen this girl over her.”

Zac shook his head. “I didn’t, though. That divorce was going to happen whether Spencer came along or not. You know it. Kate knows it. Everyone could see how bad things were. When I realized it was over… I guess my heart got ahead of the paperwork, but Spencer didn’t want a relationship anyway. It wasn’t like that to her.”

“But she wants the relationship now, doesn’t she? Where is she, anyway?” Natalie asked.

“Umm… she left. And, honestly, I don’t know if she does want the relationship. It’s been pretty hard on her, and she was only just barely comfortable admitting we were together and she loved me, too. I hope this is just a small fight, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t remind me Kate running off to avoid our problems.”

“The one thing you don’t need to do here is compare the two of them. Kate’s going to do enough of that in her mind, and I imagine Spencer will do it, too, now that she’s met her. You know how many times I’ve gotten myself depressed comparing myself to everyone else Taylor’s been with? And I’ve got a way longer list than either Kate or Spencer has.”

Zac turned that thought over in his mind for a minute, then asked, “What if Taylor had left you for one of them?”

“I don’t know,” Natalie admitted with a sigh. “I’ve always just had to believe that wouldn’t happen. But if he did, I’d find a way to move on, eventually. It’s different, because I’ve always had that insecurity, but we’ve held things together pretty well, except for that one rough patch. You and Kate may have fought, but I don’t think either of you really saw the divorce coming until just before it arrived. You didn’t have time to face that fear of the person you loved being with someone else.”

Zac nodded. “So what do I do now? Just give it time?”

“I think that’s all you can do. Kate will come around, like she always does. You guys were doing pretty good until Spencer came here, and I’m sure you can get back there. But you have to get Spencer back. She’s good for you, somehow,” Natalie said. With a wry grin, she added, “Just don’t tell Kate I said that.”

“When did you decide to take my side, Nat?”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m not taking sides. I’m just trying to make sure neither side murders me. I’m talking survival here, Zac. I just want you both as happy as I can make you, and it sucks to finally admit that I can’t make you happy together. So I’m working with what you guys are giving me.”

“You really don’t need to play matchmaker, or whatever, anymore. But I kind of appreciate it. Thanks, Nat. And don’t worry about that apology. My fault for not telling her.”

“A lot of things are your fault, but sometimes fault doesn’t matter. It’s just making the best of what you’ve got and… moving on, I guess. So, get a move on and get Spencer back, okay?”

“I’ll try,” Zac replied. 

He had a feeling she was gone, though. He couldn’t help comparing her to Kate, and he really didn’t think she would just stay gone for a while and come back the way that Kate always did. Spencer was, if possible, even more stubborn. Spencer knew what she wanted, always. And maybe she had never really wanted Zac the way he wanted her. Maybe this night was what she needed to realize that, and she would never be his again.


	29. This Denial Keeps Us Undone

Spencer tried to go back to her life as it was before Zac. The problem was, she couldn’t remember what that was like. He had been a part of it for so long, even when she hadn’t seen him for years, and she had only barely adjusted to life in Tulsa when he wandered back in. It felt all sorts of wrong to be away from him, but she couldn’t see any other solution to all the problems with their relationship.

An entire week had gone by and she truly couldn’t remember a single thing about it. Every moment her mind was filled with Zac, despite how badly she wanted to be rid of him. He had not called, texted or come running after her, so he seemed to have gotten the hint. For that, at least, she was glad. It took all of her energy just to get through her classes with some semblance of coherency, and she could not stand to look Mac in the face at all. She even considered calling off his class for the week, even though she knew it was a horrible idea.

Marci had noticed that something was wrong, Spencer was sure of that, but she had not probed for details. That surprised her, but it was also a huge relief. She couldn’t even begin to describe what had happened. It was all so ridiculous, including, she knew, her own reaction to meeting Kate. But she was sticking to her guns; the relationship _had_ to end, and she was always the only one of them willing to admit it.

After class on Friday afternoon, Spencer rushed to her office and collapsed into the chair, too drained from the day to even think about moving from that spot. She knew there was a stack of papers on the desk that needed grading, but her mind was too far gone to focus on them. She rested her head on the desk and tried to resist the urge to cry. 

A knock at the door interrupted her just as the first sob threatened to come tumbling out. “Spencer? Are you in there? Your light is on…”

Spencer glanced up and saw Marci peeking in the door. “Yeah, I’m here. More or less.”

Marci took a few hesitant steps into the office. “And are you going to finally tell me what’s wrong? You’re doing a horrible job of hiding how upset you are, but I figured if I gave you time…”

“That I would just spill it?” Spencer asked. “I just really don’t feel like talking about him anymore.” 

“So it is about Zac.”

Spencer rolled her eyes. “Isn’t everything in my life?”

“What did he do?” Marci asked, sitting down in the chair across from Spencer.

“Nothing. He didn’t do anything,” Spencer replied. “It’s just… everyone else in our lives. I met his ex-wife. It wasn’t pleasant. I don’t know, maybe I overreacted, but…”

“But?”

Spencer shook her head. “Nevermind. I’ve always known we were wrong for each other, but I tried to fight it. I shouldn’t have.”

Marci bit her lip, like she was contemplating saying something, then forced on a smile. “Well, I think I have the perfect proposition for you. We haven’t had a girls night with all three of us in forever. I think we need to remedy that, and I propose that we do so tonight.”

“Drowning my pain in alcohol? It’s the one thing I’m best at,” Spencer replied, grabbing her purse. “Let’s do this.”

****

Spencer and Marci made plans to go home and shower quickly, then meet again for dinner at Cosmo Cafe, along with Amberly. Spencer wasn’t entirely sure that she was up for an evening of drinks and fun, but she decided it couldn’t be worse than another night alone with her frozen dinners and dvd collection. She quickly showered and dressed in a comfortable sweater dress, then grabbed her purse and hurried out of her apartment. A strange cold shiver passed over her as she looked out at the parking lot, but she didn’t know why. She ignored it and continued to her car.

The drive through the city passed by quickly and she soon found herself walking into the restaurant where Amberly and Marci were waiting to be seated. She plastered on a fake smile and rushed over to greet them. “Hey, girls.”

“Hey, long time, no see,” Amberly said. “Busy with classes or with the boyfriend?”

Spencer bristled. “Umm. Classes, mostly. Midterms and everything.”

“Yeah, I’ve had a few of my own midterms, so I know what that’s like,” Amberly replied. “How about the boyfriend, though?”

Marci shot Amberly what looked like a warning glance, but it went unnoticed or unheeded, and she continued to stare at Spencer, demanding a reply. Spencer tried not to let her emotions show. “He’s okay. We’ve been taking things slowly, though, so I don’t it would really be accurate to call him my boyfriend…”

It was a complete lie, except for that part about it not being accurate to call him her boyfriend. Though there had been no official breakup, Spencer knew that her actions spoke louder than words. It was over, even if she had not said it. Luckily, the hostess walked up and escorted them to a table before Amberly had time to probe further. Spencer was sure that her answer had not satisfied her curiosity.

The three of them walked to the table in silence and there was an obvious tension as they placed their orders. Spencer knew it was her fault, but she didn’t know how to fix it. She hadn’t told Amberly as many of the details about her relationship with Zac as she had Marci, and she didn’t feel comfortable spilling it all right then.

“So, it feels really good to finally have all the wedding planning done,” Marci said, obviously trying to divert their conversion from Spencer. “I know the next month is going to be seriously stressful, but at least I basically know what’s going to happen.”

“That’s good,” Spencer replied. “Are you looking forward to it or just dying to get it over with? I think I’d be split between the two.”

“Oh, definitely a bit of both.”

“I’m just dying to wear the gorgeous dress we picked out,” Amberly cut in. “Speaking of dresses, have you figured out what you’re going to wear, Spencer?”

Spencer couldn’t bear to talk about such trivial matters, but she knew it was better than the alternative. “No, I haven’t. I’ve got a closet full of dresses, but it always seems like big occasions like this call for a shopping trip, don’t they?”

“Absolutely. I think that’s what our next girls night should be,” Marci replied.

Amberly’s face lit up. “That’s a great idea. We’ll have to pick out something coordinating for your man to wear, too.”

Spencer winced. “I don’t think he’s coming to the wedding…”

Marci shot Spencer a sympathetic look, then turned back to Amberly. “Let’s not worry about him, alright?”

Amberly frowned. “I feel like there’s something the two of you aren’t telling me. What’s going on with you and Zac? Did you break up?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t really even tell Marci anything about it,” Spencer replied, trying to be as truthful as she could without hurting Amberly’s feelings. “I don’t really feel like talking about it, either. We just had a fight and… I don’t know, I just don’t feel comfortable with the relationship. So I suppose it’s over.”

Their waiter chose that exact moment to appear with their food, absolving Spencer of the need to further explain her breakup with Zac. Suddenly, she found herself feeling very uncomfortable with the two girls who were supposed to be her friends. It didn’t seem wise to share as much as she had with them, and she wished she could take back every word. Maybe if she had just kept their relationship a secret, it could have worked…

But she knew that was silly. It couldn’t stay a secret and have any hope of being healthy. She supposed it didn’t have any hope, no matter what she did or didn’t do.

Once the three of them had finished eating and were making their way through their second drinks, Spencer began to relax a little. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to open up a little more to the girls. They obviously cared about her, so they ought to know the truth, she reasoned. It was only fair.

“You know, I hadn’t even asked Zac to go to the wedding, anyway,” Spencer admitted.

“Why not?” Marci asked.

Spencer shrugged. “Just the stalker thing… It doesn’t really seem like a good idea to be in public with him. Not that your wedding is _public_ , exactly, but neither was his son’s school and… oh, nevermind.”

“What about his son’s school?” Amberly asked, her eyes going wide.

“It was just this stupid Halloween thing,” Spencer said with another shrug, trying to play it off. “I foolishly didn’t realize Kate, his ex, would be there and… well, it just wasn’t pretty. That’s when we had our fight, if you can even call it that. He really just let me walk out. Didn’t even try to stop me.”

“Maybe he didn’t realize how serious you were about leaving,” Marci suggested.

“I suppose so. But he’s had a week to figure it out.”

“Men are clueless,” Amberly replied. “It’ll take him longer than a week to realize it. Has he called you or anything?”

Spencer shook her head. “Nothing. He’s completely left me alone, so I think he knows it’s over. He’s never given up without a fight before, though.”

Marci offered Spencer a tiny grin. “Sounds like you’re hoping he doesn’t give up without a fight this time, either.”

“I don’t know… maybe,” Spencer admitted. “I don’t know what to think.”

“It’s obvious you’re in love with him,” Amberly said. “I don’t know why you’re trying to deny it. You’ll go back to him or he’ll come back to you. I’m sure of it.”

Somehow, Spencer didn’t find Amberly’s words encouraging. Maybe it was her tone, or just the inevitability of it. Spencer didn’t like not having freewill and not being in control of her own life. She wanted to make a decision and have it stick. With Zac in her life, that just didn’t seem possible.

“Spencer? You do love him, don’t you?” Amberly asked, cutting through Spencer’s frustrating thoughts.

“I do. It just never seems like it’s enough to get us through everything else.”

Spencer immediately regretted admitting it, true as it was. She had only just said it to Zac, and she had nearly regretted that; it showed a vulnerability that she didn’t like at all. Now it was public knowledge, or very nearly so, and it made her sick. Especially since it didn’t matter; she might love him, but she had let him go.


	30. All The Spaces You Still Roam

Girls night did not bring Spencer the distraction that she had hoped for. Instead, she found herself only dwelling more on what the girls had said and what she had admitted to them. She hated that they knew her true feelings for Zac, not just because she had admitted it, but because she hadn’t needed to. It was just that obvious. She hated wearing her heart on her sleeve.

She didn’t know what to do with that admittance, anyway. It didn’t change anything else that had interfered with their relationship. Nothing was going to make it easier, and she didn’t know if she was strong enough to handle going back to him. She knew she would have to at some point, if only just to get the few things she hadn’t been able to carry out of his apartment. Still, she did not want to make the first move. She wanted that to be Zac. 

But he did not call. 

The entire weekend went by without a word from Zac. Spencer kept her cell phone in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other. She watched a large portion of her dvd collection just to fill up the silence in her apartment. She could fill the room with noise, but she couldn’t ignore that nothing made up for Zac not being there. 

Sunday was usually a calm, relaxing day for her, but this Sunday was nothing but tedious and annoying. She spent every second hoping that her phone would ring and reveal Zac’s name. She knew he would have Shepherd at the apartment with him, and she wondered if that kept him from calling her. She wondered what he told Shepherd to explain her absence. She wondered all sorts of things about Zac, but she was determined to wait for him; she was not going to be the one to call.

Her determination to avoid Zac seemed to extend itself outward and turned into a feeling of wanting to avoid the entire world. Although she had no desire to cook, she also did not want to order in and deal with some delivery boy judging her pajamas and the cloud of alcohol fumes following her around. She just barely found the energy to pull some long forgotten frozen dinner out and shove it into the microwave.

While she tapped her feet impatiently and waited for the chicken and rice whatever to be as edible as it was going to be, a knock came at the door. It was short and insistent, and she just knew it had to be Zac. Her stomach turned and she didn’t know whether she really wanted to answer it or not, but her feet carried her to the door regardless of what the rest of her wanted.

She thought it was odd that he didn’t knock again. Did she take too long to answer? Had he given up that quickly and left? As she crossed her living room and neared the door, she began to sense that something was wrong. She didn’t know what it was, exactly, but there was a nagging feeling of uneasiness spreading through her body and she didn’t think it was just the liquor.

She cautiously swung the door open and came face to face with nothing at all. No Zac, and no sign that he or anyone else had been there. She stepped outside to stare at the parking lot, in case she had somehow given Zac enough time to make it back to his car. But there was no sign of it. A silver car that almost looked familiar was speeding out of the parking lot; she knew it was not Zac but she couldn’t figure out where she might have seen it before. She leaned against the railing for a moment, trying to figure out what had happened. The beeping of her microwave finally convinced her to go back inside. 

When she turned around, she saw it. The note was folded in half and taped to the door, but she didn’t need to see inside of it to know that it wasn’t an apology letter from Zac. The red ink was visible even through the folds.

She was tempted to yank the note off and throw it in the trash without even reading it, but morbid curiosity won out. She pulled the note from her door and hurried back inside, suddenly realizing that whoever the stalker was, they were probably there, mere feet from her. She slammed the door shut and flipped the deadlock, then leaned back against the door.

Before she could unfold the note, her cell phone began to ring. She hurried over to the kitchen to answer it, hoping that somehow the stalker hadn’t gotten her phone number. When she picked up the phone, she saw that at least she could put that worry aside, if not the rest of her worries. It was Zac calling, finally.

She resisted the urge to groan or toss her phone at the farthest wall, and instead tried to steady her voice as she answered. “Hello?”

“I didn’t think you would answer,” he said plainly.

“I’m just as surprised as you are,” she replied. “For another surprise, how about I open up this note I just found on my door and read it to you?”

“A note? Oh god, do you think…”

“There was no one at the door when I opened it. I thought maybe it was… well. No one was there. They must have run.”

With a note of hope in his voice, Zac asked, “Did you think it was me?”

“Yeah, I did,” Spencer admitted. “Okay, enough sappy shit. Let’s read this thing.”

She unfolded the note carefully, although she didn’t think it mattered to the police if she tore it or got her own DNA all over it. She still felt this strange need to be as careful as possible with the notes. Clearing her throat, she stared down at the words and read them off to Zac. “You still haven’t learned your lesson, have you? You’re going to pay soon.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah,” Spencer replied. “And they were right fucking here. I really, really don’t like this. On the other hand, if they were really going to do something… why not just do it? What are they getting out of sending me these notes? Just a thrill? I just don’t get it.”

“Aren’t you scared, though?”

Spencer laughed. “Oh, I’m scared shitless. I’m also more than a little drunk, so it hasn’t entirely hit me right now. Tomorrow I can be scared _and_ hungover.”

There was a silence on the line, and Spencer knew that meant Zac was trying to convince himself to say something. Finally, he spoke. “Are you planning to wake up scared and hungover there, or will you come stay with me?”

“Give me a good reason to come back, other than all of my crap that I left there and the fact that a crazy person may be lurking outside my apartment.”

“There goes my first and second reason,” Zac said with a nervous laugh. “I love you, Spencer. And I don’t really understand what I did, but I’m sorry you felt like you needed to leave. I’m sorry that everyone and everything else in the world is driving us apart when I’m honestly trying to do this right and be good to you, and good _for_ you.”

“The problem is, you can do all you want and all that other stuff is going to be there. You’re always going to have asshole brothers, a bitchy ex-wife and crazy fans.”

Zac gave an honest, hearty laugh. “That’s true. That’s really fucking true. But I’ve been telling you all along, this is just about me and you. Together, if we can ignore all that shit, we’re not so bad. I like us together. It works. Well, it _could_ work.”

“It hasn’t had much of a chance to work,” Spencer mumbled, fishing her now cold dinner from the microwave and tossing it in the trash. She hadn’t been hungry before, and she was even less hungry now.

“It’s not going to have any chance to work if you run away from it. Give me another try?”

Spencer sighed and just barely resisted the urge to bang her head against the counter top. “I guess I should come back, at least for tonight. For my own safety. That’s not the only reason I’m coming back, though. I don’t know. This is all just a mess in ways I’m really not prepared to deal with.”

“But how do you get prepared to deal with something? Can you? Seems that kind of thing comes with practice, with experience.”

“Stop being right. It’s like you think you’re me or something.”

Zac giggled and Spencer managed not to tease him for it. “Just get yourself together and I’ll be over there in a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay. See you soon,” Spencer replied. Softly, she added, “And I love you, too.”

“I know. Be there in like five minutes, and then you can show me just how much you love me.”

Spencer rolled her eyes and was glad Zac had already hung up, because she couldn’t even think of a good comeback. That seemed to be happening a lot lately. Sometimes, especially when under the influence of alcohol, she couldn’t help wondering if somehow she and Zac had traded personalities. Shaking her head, Spencer hurried to her bedroom to gather up her clothes and things, most of which she hadn’t finished unpacking anyway.

True to his word, he arrived at her apartment only a few short minutes later. His knock at the door still scared her, even though rationally, she knew it had to be him. She briefly wondered if the stalker was still hanging around and if she should have called the cops when the note arrived. It was probably too late to bother, she decided. Surely this mysterious stalker wouldn’t have hung around and made their presence even more obvious. Spencer didn’t know why she expected logic from someone who was obviously crazy, though.

She tried to shake all those thoughts from her head as she rushed to answer the door. Just as she expected, it was Zac. “Oh, good. It’s you. I was kind of worried I was going to be stabbed or something.”

“Sorry to disappoint, but I left my knife at home. No stabbing,” Zac said with an awkward grin.

Spencer rolled her eyes. “Aren’t you watching Shepherd tonight? Where is he?”

“It didn’t seem like a good idea to bring him. Not if there might be a stalker around. He’s glued to the xBox right now anyway.”

Spencer laughed. “Like father, like son.”

“I guess so. And you know, he misses you, too.”

“Way to rub it in,” Spencer replied, frowning.

Zac wrapped his arms around Spencer. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry. It’s just another thing he has in common with me. I may have lied and told him you were sick…”

“I guess that’s easier than the truth.”

“As long as I don’t have to do it again,” Zac said, kissing Spencer softly. “Please don’t make me lie to him about you again.”

“I can’t predict the future, Zac. But I don’t want to hurt you – either of you – again.”

“Good enough,” Zac replied. “Now let’s go home.”

Spencer was surprised at how easily she accepted Zac’s near-command. When he said _home_ , she pictured his apartment. It was their home, together, and even though it shouldn’t have felt so right, it did. Walking by his side, hand in hand, also felt more right than she ever expected it to. She didn’t know how, just a week ago, she really thought she could leave him and be happy. He was the one thing anchoring her in place, the one thing that make sense even when everything else was spinning out of control. He was a part of her, and she couldn’t escape that. She realized that she didn’t want to escape that.

The drive back to his apartment really did feel like going home, and it passed by quickly. Only when they were about to cross the threshold did she find herself filled with dread. She stopped in her tracks and grabbed Zac before he could open the door. “What are we going to tell Shepherd?”

“I told you he just thinks you were sick for a couple days. He’s just a kid, Spence. In a day or two, he won’t even remember that you were gone. He isn’t going to dwell on it and worry about it. But he did miss you, so don’t be surprised if you get tackled when we walk in.”

Spencer laughed, and loosened her grip on Zac’s arm. He unlocked the door and the two of them walked in. Spencer braced herself for a tackling, as Zac had suggested, but none came. Shepherd’s video game was still playing loudly on the tv screen, but Shepherd himself was curled up on the couch, fast asleep.

“Guess he tuckered himself out,” Zac said, smiling down at his son. He wrapped his arm around Spencer’s waist. “He looks so peaceful, but I guess we shouldn’t leave him here.”

“Probably not. You wanna tuck him into bed while I get myself ready?”

Zac nodded. “You guys can catch up in the morning before we take him to school.”

He gently lifted Shepherd into his arms, taking care not to wake him. Once again, Spencer was touched by how devoted of a father Zac was. She knew that they had awkward circumstances, but it always amazed her to see just how perfect the two of them were together, like there was nothing at all unconventional about their relationship. Zac’s love for Shepherd was always so obvious, always written all over his every move when Shep was around. It made Spencer feel a sense of peace and belonging that she hadn’t expected.

She stood in the living room and watched Zac carry Shepherd down the hallway, gently humming to him. She could see Shep stirring, so she imagined Zac would be in his room for a few minutes, getting him back to sleep. With a long sigh, she looked around at the room. _Back home again_ , Spencer thought to herself.

It didn’t appear that Zac had moved any of the things she had left. In fact, she discovered that he had cleared out a drawer in his dresser and shoved some of her pajamas and underwear into it. It was a pretty futile attempt at organization, but she appreciated the effort and the thought. He knew she would come back. They might not have known each others’ birthdays or favorite colors, but Zac knew Spencer. He knew her heart.

She slipped into a long t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants, then went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Spencer was surprised to see that she didn’t look all that bad for someone who had spent the weekend mostly drunk. She had a feeling she would feel it, and look it, in the morning, though.

When she stepped back into the bedroom, she was still alone. She curled up in the bed, suddenly realizing how tired she was. Zac’s bed was the most comfortable one she had ever been in, so she doubted she would be awake much longer.

“Spence? You asleep yet?”

She rolled back over and saw Zac standing over her. “Almost. I just laid down a few seconds ago. Nice timing.”

He smiled, and began to peel his shirt off. Spencer couldn’t help staring, and she had a feeling that’s what he was counting on. He wiggled out of his pants just as casually as he had the shirt, and crawled into the bed next to Spencer, pulling the covers up high around them.

“I’m glad you came back,” he said.

Spencer nodded. “I’m glad I came back, too.”

“If you ever do that again, I…” Zac trailed off, running his hand up and down Spencer’s arm. He glanced down, his hair covering his eyes, and lowered his voice. “Well, I don’t know what I’ll do. So don’t make me find out, okay?”

Spencer brushed his hair back and kissed him. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

Their bodies were just barely touching, but it was enough to raise goosebumps on Spencer’s skin. It had only been a few days since she had last kissed him, only a few more since they had last laid in bed this way, but the way it made her mind cloud over made it seem like it had been ages. She could tell Zac felt the same way; his hands were working their way into her shirt, exploring her flesh like it was all brand new to him again.

“Is this okay?” Zac asked. “I know it’s kind of sudden, and you just decided…”

Spencer cut Zac off. “It’s okay. It’s exactly what I need right now. You’re exactly what I need.” 


	31. I'll Open My Heart, Won't Fall Apart

Spencer trudged her way through class on Monday, feeling the effects of her hangover acutely. She also knew what waited for her after class, and she dreaded it. Zac had convinced her to move the rest of her things out of her apartment and live with him completely. Although it seemed somewhat insane to her to rush back into that, she could see that it was clearly very unsafe for her to remain at her apartment.

Knowing that, however, did not keep her from dreading the process of moving out. All her energy had been sapped by the week spent without Zac and the note that assured her that even leaving him didn’t solve her problems. She feared that even leaving that apartment would not help, but she didn’t share that fear with Zac.

Zac had also insisted on taking the note in to the police, and Spencer didn’t know how long that would take. He had promised to call or text before he came to campus to pick her up, and in the meantime, she decided to sit in her office and grade a few papers. 

She had barely finished the first paper when there was a knock at her door. She glanced up and saw Zac standing there sheepishly, looking as though he felt very out of place. “You, umm, didn’t answer your phone.”

“Oh, I must have left it on silent,” Spencer replied. “How did you find me?”

Zac shrugged. “Seen you coming in and going out of this building, remember? I just sort of wandered aimlessly until I found an office with your name by the door. Pretty easy.”

“I suppose so. You just surprised me.”

“Sorry about that,” Zac replied, stepping into the office and kissing the top of Spencer’s head. “I should try not to do that, I guess. I know your nerves are pretty frayed right now.”

“You can say that again. Let’s get out of here, okay?”

Zac nodded, and reached out his hand to help Spencer out of her chair. She slipped her coat on, gathered up her purse and the stack of papers she had begun to grade and led Zac out of the office. “So, how did things go with the police?”

“They were pretty concerned this time. Actual threats tend to light a fire under their asses, I guess. They want to send someone over to patrol both of our apartments, even though I told them you were moving out of yours today.”

“I suppose that will help,” Spencer replied, shivering as they stepped out into the brisk November air. “What about here on campus, though? That’s where most of it has happened.”

“They’re going to speak with the campus security guards about it tomorrow. I don’t know how much they can or will do, but I bet they’ll want to talk to you about it. Think you can handle that?”

“Sure,” Spencer said. “I mean, I’ll have to handle it, whether I want to or not. That’s how a lot of this seems to be going.”

“Spencer!” Marci’s voice called out, and Spencer spun around to see her friend walking toward them. She wished there was somewhere to hide, but it was too late.

“Hey, Marci…” Spencer said. She stared awkwardly at her for a moment, hoping she would take the lead. When it was obvious that Marci was waiting for Spencer to speak again, she managed to stutter out, “Umm, Zac, this is my friend Marci. She works here on campus. Marci, this is Zac, my… boyfriend.”

Zac squeezed Spencer’s hand a little, as if to thank her for giving him that title back. “Nice to meet you, Marci.”

“Nice to meet you, too,” she replied, smiling widely. “Are you two headed home?”

“Yeah,” Spencer replied, not feeling like mentioning which home they were going to. She hadn’t exactly told Marci about moving in with him the first time, anyway, and she expected Zac to disapprove of how much she had shared regardless.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you later, then,” Marci said and began to walk away. She stopped and offered Spencer another smile. “Are we still on for this weekend?”

Spencer nodded. “Yeah, I suppose I’m still free. I’ll uh… meet you there?”

“Sure. See ya later.”

Once Marci was gone, Zac cleared his throat. “So, what was that all about? What are you guys doing this weekend?”

“Oh, just a girls night out kind of thing. Well, more like afternoon…” Spencer said. The lie came out easily, since she hadn’t mentioned the wedding to Zac at all. She had absolutely no plan of mentioning it, so he definitely didn’t need to know that she was going shopping for a dress to wear to it.

Zac seemed to buy the lie, and the two of them walked on to his Tahoe and made the short drive to her apartment in relative silence. She answered his questions about her day, but did not open up further about their brief conversation with Marci. He didn’t ask for more details, and she was thankful for that.

The two of them hurried into Spencer’s apartment, Zac wrapping his arms tightly around her as though he could protect her from anything that might jump out at them. Nothing did, of course, and they soon found themselves engrossed in the task of packing the rest of her belongings into their two vehicles. They had agreed to call a moving company within the next few days to pack up all of her furniture and whatever else didn’t fit into their cars. 

“Okay, I’ll take care of the bedroom and bathroom, if you pack up the living room – dvds, tv and everything on my desk,” Spencer said. “We’ll go through the kitchen together, I guess.”

Zac scanned the room. “Okay, why do I feel like I got the harder job?”

“Probably because you did,” Spencer laughed. “But you can just toss everything from my desk into a box. No need to worry about sorting it or anything; I’ve got most of the important stuff at your place already.”

Spencer left Zac standing in her living room looking dazed, and started to pack up the rest of her bedroom. Most of her clothes were already at Zac’s, but she had lots of jewelry and other girly things she knew Zac wouldn’t want to bother with. She might have given him more work to do, but she didn’t think he would really mind that much. 

It seemed like her belongings had only multiplied in her absence. Packing took far longer than Spencer remembered it taking in Nashville, and nearly as long as unpacking had taken when she had first arrived in Tulsa. It was hard to believe she had only been there for three months; it seemed so much had changed so quickly. What was supposed to be her home had become a place where she feared being alone, and the boy who wasn’t supposed to be in her life had become the only thing that _did_ feel like home.

“Spence! Come here, please?” Zac called out, his voice a strange mixture of emotions that Spencer couldn’t quite place. He seemed at once curious, surprised and angry. She rushed from her bedroom, afraid of why he might be calling to her.

She peeked around the wall to find Zac standing at her desk, a box by his side and a piece of paper in his hand. She couldn’t tell what it was at first, but she had a feeling. She decided to feign innocence for the time being. “What’s wrong?”

“This,” Zac said, holding out what was in fact Marci’s wedding invitation. “Is this what Marci was talking about today?”

“Well, you might notice that the wedding isn’t until next month, so no, it isn’t.”

Zac stared at Spencer, unamused. 

“But she was talking about the shopping trip we had planned for this weekend in order to find a dress for me to wear to the wedding,” Spencer admitted, glancing down to avoid Zac’s accusing stare.

“Is there any particular reason why you hadn’t mentioned this to me? Or why you’re acting so weird about it?”

Spencer looked up. “It’s just… well, the girls asked me if you were coming. And you know, we weren’t even speaking then, so I told them no. But I wasn’t going to ask you to come regardless, because of the whole business with someone stalking us. It’s not exactly wise to be seen in public now, is it?”

“Okay, I can understand that…” Zac said, reaching up to touch Spencer’s arm reassuringly. “But why so weird? It’s not a big deal. I get it. I would like to go with you, though… maybe we’ll be safe…”

“But maybe we won’t be. Should we take that chance?”

“It’s a chance I take all the time. I’m not worried about me. But you… I don’t want you to get hurt. So you decide. Do we go or not?”

Spencer stared at Zac for a moment and considered his words. His concern was obvious, and so was his confidence that they would be okay. “Well, we’ve got the police involved now, right?” 

Zac nodded. “Yeah. We do.”

“Okay,” Spencer replied. “Then I think we’re safe to go. Want to be my plus one?”

“I would love nothing more than to be your plus one,” Zac said, kissing Spencer’s forehead. 

Spencer sighed. “How are you so much better at this relationship than I am?”

“I don’t know,” Zac said with a laugh. “I guess I’ve had more practice at being stalked. Which isn’t a good thing. I’m not saying I have a thicker skin than you when it comes to anything else, because I think we both know that I don’t, but this… this is not unfamiliar territory for me.”

“It is for me. All of it.”

Zac nodded. “I know, baby. But you’re doing better with it than you think you are. I mean, you’re still trying. Struggling, but trying to hold it together and be with me. That means a lot.”

“Sometimes I just don’t know if it’s enough,” Spencer admitted. “And sometimes I can’t even manage to do that much, as you might have noticed.”

“You’re doing enough for me. I mean, as long as you don’t leave again. Not so crazy about that, even if I do understand.”

Spencer laughed softly. “I’ll try to avoid running away again.”

“Good. Now, let’s finish packing this place up, alright?”

“Okay,” Spencer replied, nodding. She began to walk away from Zac, then turned around. “Zac?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you. You know that?”

Zac nodded. “I do. But I like the reminder. I love you, too, Spence. And knowing that means I know we’re going to get through this. Together.”

 _Together…_ Spencer liked the way that sounded. It terrified her, but with that terror came a certain happiness she hadn’t felt for a long time. It still made her head spin to realize how quickly this had all happened, how suddenly Zac had turned her world upside down yet again. But it made a certain sort of sense, she decided, having Zac in her life, loving him and being loved by him. She was tired of fighting it. Their lives were woven together, whether by choice or by chance, and that was all there was to it.


	32. Spinning Closer To You

Spencer drove to Utica Square, the shopping center where the girls had agreed to meet, that Saturday with a knot in her stomach. As much as she did love shopping, and would have loved a nice relaxing day on the town, she knew this was going to be anything but relaxing. At some point in the day, she would be forced to tell Marci that Zac wanted to come to the wedding. While she was sure that Marci wouldn’t really mind, she hated springing a potential safety hazard on her. It was just too much of a burden to lump on her new friend – and more of a burden than she herself liked to carry, but Zac could only take so much of it from her.

There was no avoiding it, though, unless she wanted to be a real coward, and she definitely did not. Steeling her nerves as much as she could, Spencer steered her car through the shopping center’s maze like parking lot and finally found an empty spot in front of the store where they had agreed to meet. To her relief, because it at least meant one thing that day was going smoothly, the two of them were already waiting outside. She stepped out of her car and walked up to them.

“Hey Spencer,” Amberly said, not sounding like her usual cheerful self at all.

“Hey,” Spencer replied. “What’s wrong? Hangover?”

“Oh, no. Nothing like that. Just feeling a bit stressed out,” Amberly replied with a shrug.

Marci smiled. “Me too, not surprisingly. Stressed out, but still pretty happy.”

“I know that feeling,” Spencer replied, then motioned toward the shop’s door. “Shall we get started then?”

The other two girls agreed, and so they all walked into the store together. Spencer always had a weakness for nice clothes, so it took all her resolve to focus only on dresses that would be appropriate for a wedding and not be distracted by all of the other pretty things. It didn’t help that Marci and Amberly were both picking out things for themselves as well.

Before long, Spencer found her arms loaded down with dresses of all kinds – satin, silk and sequins in all colors of the rainbow. Some were her own picks, and others were dresses that Marci or Amberly had tossed her way. The three of them walked into the dressing room together and were lucky enough to find three free stalls in a row.

The first dress Spencer tried on featured black velvet and a creamy white skirt. She loved the dress, and it didn’t look bad on, but she didn’t relish the idea of wearing either of those colors to a wedding. The next few dresses were either the wrong color – everything seemed to clash with her hair – or the wrong price. 

“Having any luck over there?” Marci called out.

Spencer frowned at the pile of discarded dresses. The stack of possibilities – one red silk and one gold sequined – was much, much smaller, and she wasn’t very excited about either of them. “So far, not really. I’m still trying.”

“Well, I’m sure we’ll find something,” Marci replied. 

Amberly gave a similar, but less enthusiastic reply. Spencer couldn’t help wondering what her problem was, but it seemed like the least of her concerns at the moment. Perhaps later, once they had found dresses and dealt with Zac’s invitation to the wedding, Spencer could probe into Amberly’s bad mood.

Finally, she reached the last of the stack of dresses, and found one of Marci’s picks that she had been unsure about. But if the bride thought it was appropriate, then the least she could do was try it on. As she wiggled her way into it, she immediately felt that sense of both relief and excitement that comes from finding the perfect article of clothing. 

“Okay, girls,” Spencer said, zipping the dress up as far as she could before stepping out to admire it in the larger mirror outside. “I think this is it.”

Marci and Amberly joined her after a moment, both of them already wearing their own clothes again. From the corner of her eye, Spencer could see that they both agreed with her assessment of the dress. It was a snug fitting v-neck dress covered in deep green sequins that shimmered gold when the light hit them. It was flattering, both in style and color, and Spencer felt perfectly at home in it.

“If you don’t buy that dress, I’m going to kill you. Or go look for it in a color that would look better on me,” Amberly said, a hint of her unique sense of humor finally peeking out.

After a few short minutes, Spencer had changed back into her regular clothes and replaced all the dresses she hadn’t chosen. She made her way to the counter and forked over her credit card only somewhat hesitantly; as much as she loved fashion, she didn’t always like to spend a lot on it. But this dress was too perfect to let pass her by, no matter what the price.

Neither Marci nor Amberly ended up buying anything, so Spencer quickly put her dress bag in the back of her car and followed the two of them down the sidewalk toward a shoe store. Shoes, even if you hadn’t just bought a new dress that required them, were practically a necessity for any shopping trip, Spencer thought. When they walked into the store, Amberly immediately headed for the row of flats. Spencer thought this was the perfect opportunity, and motioned for Marci to follow her into the aisle of high heels.

“Why do I feel like you want to talk about something?” Marci asked, admiring a shimmery gold pump.

“Because I’m terrible at subtlety,” Spencer replied, picking up the matching shoe. “But seriously, I have a major favor to ask of you. And I’ll understand if you say no.”

“That doesn’t exactly inspire confidence, but go ahead.”

Spencer wiggled into the pump, wincing at how it pinched her toes. “Well, Zac may have found the wedding invitation…”

Marci crossed her arms, waiting for Spencer to continue.

“And he may have… sort of… invited himself?”

Spencer pulled the shoe off and put it back on the shelf, ignoring Marci’s stare and, instead, admiring another row of gold heels – anything at all to distract herself while Marci formulated a reply.

“Okay, and?”

Spencer spun around, a snakeskin and rhinestone heel in her hand. “And? And we’re being stalked. I don’t want to bring that to your wedding.”

Marci chuckled. “It’s a wedding. It’s not like I’m famous. Who is going to even know that he’s coming with you?”

“How does this stalker know anything that they know?” Spencer countered, admiring the way the snakeskin heels looked. She unbuckled them and put them in the box before glancing back up at Marci. “I just don’t want to do something that could jeopardize your safety.”

Marci rolled her eyes so hard Spencer thought she could actually hear them. “Please, girl. I’ll be fine. No one is going to find you guys at the wedding; that would take way more skills than some little Hanson fan has. So bring him.”

Spencer sighed. She didn’t totally agree with Marci; the stalker had shown a great deal of skill so far, even having found them at her apartment. As far as they knew, the location of Zac’s apartment was still a secret, but Spencer feared it was only a matter of time before that was discovered, too. Attending a wedding with him, just outside of downtown Tulsa, really didn’t seem like the safest thing to do. But if Marci insisted, and the serious look on her face told Spencer that she did insist, then she supposed they would go together.

The three of them wandered up and down the aisles of the shoe store for a few more minutes, but Spencer resolved to only allow herself to buy the one pair of gold heels that she felt would match her dress. Amberly and Marci both picked new pairs of boots from the discount section, and Spencer was secretly jealous that her own shoes hadn’t been as cheap. 

She still was not entirely used to being able to spend money with little regard for the price of things. Not having to pay for her own apartment anymore freed up quite a bit of her money, and her salary as an actual professor was far higher than she was accustomed to, anyway, even with student loans to pay off. She did feel guilty for letting Zac pay for so much, but she tried to make up for it by doing their grocery shopping and beating him to the punch when it came to paying for pizza deliveries and such.

It was just too easy to let Zac spoil her, though. It seemed to make him happy, so it Spencer had trouble seeing the harm. Still, she didn’t want to just be seen as some gold digger, as she was certain some members of his family would if they knew what he had done for her. As she signed the credit card receipt for her ridiculously overpriced shoes, Spencer couldn’t seem to rid herself of both the guilt for that purchase and the guilt for all Zac had done for her.

“Spence, did you hear me?” Marci’s voice cut through her daze. “I asked if you wanted to get some Starbucks. It’s just around the corner.”

“Oh, sure,” Spencer replied, swinging the shopping bag over her shoulder and following the other two girls out of the store.

The three of them walked down the sidewalk together in silence. At least, it felt that way to Spencer. Marci was still chattering about the wedding, earning little more than a few short, curt replies from Amberly – evidently still in a bad mood – but Spencer still felt as though she was in a daze. Her life now seemed so different from anything she had ever expected – wandering through a posh shopping center in Tulsa, dating Zac Hanson, being stalked for the latter… it was all impossible to believe.

Her head still in the clouds, she placed an order for a caramel latte and followed the other girls outside to the patio. It was a little chilly out, considering it was November, but not too chilly to enjoy their drinks outside on the wrought iron chairs that lined the sidewalk in front of the coffee shop. 

Spencer settled in at the table, hanging her shopping bag and purse over the back of the seat, and took a long sip of her latte. Even though she spent a great deal of her time drinking coffee, she always preferred the almost sickeningly sweet caramel drink to anything else. It was her drink of choice at the coffee shop on campus, and had been her drink of choice back at Strange Brew in Nashville. 

Thinking of her old coffee shop reminded her just how much she missed Nashville. More than that, she missed the peaceful, carefree afternoons she had spent at the coffee shop with Zac, long before she had known what he was going to do to her life. It was bittersweet; so much of what had happened because of him was anything but good, but there was very little of it that she would undo if she could. She wanted Zac in her life, maybe even needed him. 

“So, are you bringing a date to the wedding?” Marci asked.

Spencer opened her mouth to reply, thinking it was an awfully odd question, given their conversation in the shoe store. She quickly realized, however, that Marci was staring at Amberly. At first, Amberly only scowled in reply, but finally said, “No. I’m not.”

Spencer shut her mouth quickly, still unsure why Amberly seemed to be in such a foul mood. Perhaps it was related to her lack of a date for the wedding. It occurred to Spencer that she knew very little about Amberly’s personal life, especially when it came to dating. Maybe Amberly was going through some boy drama that she didn’t know about.

She wasn’t sure how to broach the subject, though, so she left it to Marci, who offered Amberly a sympathetic smile and asked, “I thought you were seeing someone, though? What about him.”

“It didn’t work out, okay?” Amberly snapped. “Just drop it.”

The two of them stared blankly at Amberly. It was such a sudden outburst, unlike anything Spencer had heard from her in the few short months they had been friends. She didn’t at all understand where it was coming from. From the look of shock on her face, neither did Marci.

“I’m sorry,” Marci replied, her tone deliberately soft and carefully paced. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Amberly stood up suddenly, her chair scraping loudly against the sidewalk. “No. I said drop it!”

Spencer stared incredulously at her, unable to speak a word as Amberly quickly gathered her things and rushed away from the table. Marci offered her a slight shrug, evidently just as confused by what had happened. 

She wasn’t certain, but Spencer felt as thought she was missing something very important, some detail that would make Amberly’s outburst make sense. 


	33. The Wonders Of My World

A few days passed and Spencer was no closer to solving the mystery of Amberly’s little outburst during their girls day out. Truthfully, though, she was so absorbed in the looming end of the semester that she hadn’t really given it much thought. With essays to grade and students to prep for finals, Amberly’s boy troubles were the least of her concerns.

She was truly glad she hadn’t moved farther north, though, because winter was never her favorite season. It always brought with it a sense of cabin fever, and being cooped up in Zac’s apartment for safety reasons really wasn’t helping. Except for her days spent on campus, now with campus security officers eying her carefully whenever they passed, and quick trips to the grocery store, she didn’t leave the apartment at all. It was driving her slowly insane.

She returned from class the next Thursday and couldn’t even find the energy to attempt to cook dinner. Zac wasn’t in the apartment, so she assumed he was working late that day. He came and went mostly as he pleased, considering he didn’t keep normal office hours, but he usually had the forethought to give Spencer a general idea of where he was and when he would be home. Had she not be so exhausted, she might have been more worried about the fact that he hadn’t called or texted that afternoon.

When it appeared that he wasn’t going to come home any time soon, and she still hadn’t worked up an appetite or a desire to cook, Spencer let herself collapse onto the couch and fall asleep. It wasn’t at all a productive way to spend her evening, but it was all that her looming cabin fever would allow.

Spencer didn’t know how long she had slept when she felt someone gently nudging her shoulder. “Spence. Hey, Spence. Wake up, baby.”

She didn’t need to open her eyes to know it was Zac, but she did anyway. One piece of hair hanging over his eyes, he stood over the couch, staring down at her. She sat up slowly, rubbing her neck to get out the kinks from sleeping in such an awkward position. “Did you just get home?”

“Yeah,” Zac replied, plopping down on the couch next to her. “I texted before I left the office, but you must have already been asleep.”

“Sorry, I’ve been really tired lately. Must be winter setting in. Feeling stir crazy, too.”

Zac frowned, running a hand through Spencer’s hair. She could only imagine how bad it looked after her impromptu couch nap. “I know, baby. I know it sucks being cooped up here. And I don’t know about you, but I am starving.”

Spencer shrugged. “I wasn’t hungry at all when I laid down. I’m so sick of frozen food and takeout, though. I hate being here and not even feeling safe enough to go out and find some new favorite restaurants.”

“I might have a solution to that problem. I mean, I can’t guarantee you’re going to like the food, but I think we’ll be safe there.”

Spencer eyed Zac suspiciously, waiting for him to explain.

“You do know there’s a restaurant downstairs, right?” He asked.

“Are you shitting me?” Spencer replied. “When were you going to tell me?”

Zac laughed. “It’s on the other side of the building. But yes, it is right there, on the first floor. I think we’ll be safe venturing only that far from the apartment together, don’t you?”

“I hope so,” Spencer replied.

She truly, truly did. Still, she couldn’t shake that nagging, nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach as the two of them freshened up and took the elevator down to the restaurant. Zac kept his arm wrapped protectively around her waist the entire way, but it did little to make her feel better.

Edward Delk’s, as the restaurant was apparently called, had a very old school sort of vibe. It made Spencer feel like she was walking right into an episode of Mad Men and she loved it. The host escorted the two of them to a private little table in a corner, per Zac’s request, and slowly Spencer felt herself begin to relax. Zac ordered for both of them – pork chili verde and martinis – and it only took a few sips of her drink for Spencer’s nerves to finally unwind.

After allowing her a few moments of peace and quiet, Zac slid his hand across the table to grasp Spencer’s. “So, this is nice, right?”

She nodded. “Definitely.”

“So that means it’s a bad time to ask you for a big favor?”

Spencer chuckled nervously. “Probably. But go for it.”

“Well, you know Thanksgiving is next week, right?” Zac asked, chewing his bottom lip nervously.

“I was vaguely aware,” Spencer replied.

“Would you, umm… come to dinner with my family? I want them – the rest of them – to meet you.”

Spencer stammered and stuttered, trying to find the appropriate way to reply. She didn’t want to say no, because she could see, by the nervousness in Zac’s eyes, that it truly did mean a lot to him. However, she also didn’t want to say yes, because each encounter with his family thus far – except, oddly, Natalie – had been somewhere between awkward and a complete nightmare. Luckily, the waiter chose that time to appear with their food, which spared her from having to reply at all.

Zac seemed to sense Spencer’s reluctance, and dove into his own dinner as well, giving her time and space to make up her mind. She picked at her food for a few minutes, hating that she had left Zac hanging. Finally, she set her fork down and stared at him. “Do you really think that’s the best idea?”

“Maybe not,” Zac replied with a shrug. “But it’s what I want. Besides, where else would you go? Back to Tennessee?”

Spencer shrugged in return. “I hadn’t thought about it. Abbey did ask me to come back to visit, though.”

“Well, I would much prefer for you to –” 

Zac stopped mid-sentence, staring off to the left and frowning. Spencer felt her heart drop as she followed his eyes. It took her a second to realize what he was looking at, until she saw two giggling girls at a table, both with their cell phones trained on Zac. When they realized they had been spotted, both girls giggled loudly and looked away.

“You’d think that would get less annoying after all these years. It doesn’t.”

Spencer looked back at Zac incredulously. “Is this really your life, Zac? Giggling girls everywhere you go?”

“Giggling girls, yes,” he replied. “Stalking girls are a bit less common.”

Spencer blanched. “What if one of those girls is the stalker, Zac?”

“It doesn’t seem very likely. That would take some major balls, wouldn’t it? To not only stalk us, but to come right into the building where I live, and – oh, look. Now they’re walking this way.”

Spencer started to turn her head, but thought better of it. “Are they really?”

Zac nodded, plastering on a fake smile that almost hid how little he wanted his dinner interrupted by the two giggling fans. Spencer tried to do the same, but she was far less practiced in dealing with fans, and far, far less happy about meeting two of them right then and there.

The two girls seemed to reign in their giggling just a bit as they approached Zac and Spencer’s table, but that did little to make her feel better. The taller and calmer of the two stepped forward and gave Zac a huge smile. 

“Hi, umm, Zac?” It almost sounded like a question, which struck Spencer as funny, considering there was doubt that she did know it was most definitely Zac sitting in front of her.

His smile wavering only slightly, he replied, “Yup. Can I help you girls?”

Spencer gave them a smile as well, but said nothing.

“We were just wondering if we could get a picture with you,” she said, blushing bright red.

Spencer was certain that she could see Zac roll his eyes before he glanced back up at the two girls and flashed them yet another practiced smile. Neither of them seemed aware of his lack of amusement with them, and that only amused Spencer more. His smile not quite extending to his eyes as he stood up to pose with them, he replied, “Sure, of course you can.”

Only then did the two girls seem to notice that Spencer existed. The talkative one glanced in her direction, which made Spencer feel like sliding down under the table, and held out her cell phone. “Here, can you take it for us?”

Spencer blinked, at first unsure she had heard the girl correctly. Both girls stared at her expectantly, and she found herself nodding and accepting the cell phone. She couldn’t help noticing the smirk on Zac’s lips as she stood and opened the phone’s camera app.

After snapping several photos, both as a group and of each of the two girls on her own with Zac, and making a little small talk about Hanson’s upcoming album, the fans finally seemed to realize they were imposing. Spencer had long since slipped back into the booth and left Zac standing with the two of them. In a way, she was glad that they seemed to hardly even care that she existed. It was a welcome change, and it was exactly how she wished all of his fans would feel about her.

She knew better than to expect that sort of nonchalance from most of them, though.

“Well, that was fun,” Zac said, rolling his eyes as he fell back into his seat. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault you’re a rockstar. Actually, I suppose it is,” Spencer replied, smirking slightly.

Zac rolled his eyes again. “I’m not a rockstar. And I swear, that usually doesn’t happen here, unless we’ve just had a concert or something.”

Spencer took a sip of her drink and considered the encounter. “I suppose it could have been worse, right? I mean, they barely even seemed to notice me.”

“That’s true,” Zac replied. “So I think we can cross whoever they are off the ‘potential stalker’ list.”

“That doesn’t get us any closer to finding out who it really is, though.”

Zac frowned. “I know. That’s kind of up to the police now, isn’t it? I’m sure we’ll hear something from them soon, with all the evidence we’ve given them. You can stop playing Nancy Drew.”

“I’ve got the hair for it, though,” Spencer replied with a smirk. “So what if I don’t have the detective skills?”

Zac returned her smirk for a second, then gave her a more serious look and grasped her hand again. “Seriously, though. You’re just stressing yourself out over something that’s outside of your control. I just want you to be happy, and I know I’m doing all I can, but…”

“But it’s not your fault if I’m not,” Spencer finished for him. “And mostly, I am. _You_ make me happy; it’s just all the other stuff that keeps interfering.”

Zac gave Spencer a genuine smile, much different from those the two meddling fans had seen from him. He settled in to finish his dinner, hardly even caring that it had gone cold during that interruption. Spencer did the same, surprised by how easily she found herself relaxing. Even with that brief fan encounter, it was nice to enjoy a normal dinner date with the man she loved.

After another drink each in place of desert, Zac paid the check and the two of them walked hand in hand back to their apartment. Spencer didn’t even care if anyone was watching; she leaned in close to Zac, her head resting comfortably on his shoulder. 

Zac waited until they were alone in the elevator to speak. “So, Thanksgiving?”

She sighed. “You really want me at your family dinner, huh?”

“I really do.”

Spencer pulled back and glanced up at Zac. The sincerity he always wore on his face had shook her to the core once upon a time, but now it grounded her, somehow. She liked knowing that she didn’t ever have to doubt his feelings. In this instance, she could see that this Thanksgiving dinner, introducing her to his family, truly did mean a great deal to him. She also saw his comforting protectiveness, assuring her that whatever happened at the dinner, it would be okay.

It was that reassurance that gave her the final push to reply. 

“Okay. I’ll go.”


	34. A Calm Heart Will Break

Before the divorce, the holidays were Zac’s favorite time of year, largely because winter was the only downtime he ever seemed to have. Their family had always been big on celebrating the holidays together, so even now they seemed to naturally schedule their breaks during November, December and January. With everything that had happened over the last few months, Zac was more grateful than ever to have that break coming up. Now that Spencer was in his life, he thought he might even enjoy the holidays again.

On the Monday before Thanksgiving, Zac, Spencer and Shepherd were all up early as usual; however, Spencer had a faculty meeting – whatever the hell that was – that meant she couldn’t take part in their usual morning routine. It didn’t matter how much Shepherd pouted and begged, and Zac couldn’t help encouraging him, she still had to be on campus early.

Zac was still helping Shepherd lace up and tie his shoes when Spencer flew through the living room, ready to leave for the day. He couldn’t help envying the students who he had no doubt would spend the entire class staring at her legs, even though they were covered by her tights and black leather boots.

Spencer poured her usual coffee into her thermos as Zac finished with Shepherd’s left shoe and started on the right. He couldn’t help glancing over at Spencer as he did so; he loved the way that they had, somehow, fallen so easily into a routine and how they looked like a normal little family. If you didn’t know better, you would just see their morning routine and think they were any other couple, not a divorced rockstar and his girlfriend hiding from their stalker.

Zac found that he lived for those little moments, however fleeting, when things just looked and felt _normal_.

“Alright, go get your backpack and then we’re out of here,” Zac said, ruffling Shepherd’s hair as he stood up. 

Shepherd ran off to his bedroom, leaving Zac alone with Spencer for a brief moment. He decided to take full advantage of that brief moment of privacy, and hurried to meet her just as she tucked her thermos into her bag and turned to leave. Sliding in front of her and blocking her path, he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. 

“Good morning to you, too,” Spencer said.

“Wish you were coming with us,” Zac replied, pulling Spencer closer and kissing her cheek.

“I know,” she said with a sigh. “You know I am capable of going out by myself, right? I go to work every day and you’re not there.”

Zac frowned at her. He knew his constant worrying and overprotective nature was annoying, but he seemed powerless to change it. He wanted Spencer to be happy, but more than that, he wanted her to be safe; it seemed sometimes that the two were mutually exclusive. If he tried to keep her safe, he would only smother her and drive her away. It was a fine line he had to walk.

“I know that,” Zac replied, his tone as patient and even as he could manage. 

He _did_ know that. It just didn’t make it any easier to watch her leave. Still, that was exactly what he had to do. With one last goodbye, she was out the door. Zac didn’t have time to mope for long, though, because within seconds Shepherd was back in the living room, his pout revealing that he was just as sad to see Spencer go. _Like father, like son,_ Zac thought.

Attempting to provide a distraction for both of them, Zac scooped Shepherd up onto his shoulders – the backpack made it a little difficult, but he managed – and gave him a ride down to the parking garage. Shepherd giggled the whole way, and Zac wished that he could so easily change his own mood.

The drive to Shepherd’s school was filled with noise, as usual – not much from the radio, but chatter from Shepherd about all the fun things they were doing at school for Thanksgiving. Zac had to promise, multiple times, to come inside and see the hand turkey Shepherd had drawn the previous week. 

Shepherd waited until Zac had held up his end up the agreement and was about to leave the before mentioning the awkward elephant in the room. “Daddy, why can’t you come to Georgia for Thanksgiving, too?”

Zac coughed and sputtered. It was the first time his son had really been old enough to comment on the strangeness of their holidays. “Well, I would, but I hate being stuck in a car for that long.”

It was a total lie, and Zac was sure that if not now, Shepherd would soon figure that out. For now, he only offered Zac a sagely nod, as though that were a perfectly reasonable answer. “What about Spencer?”

“What about her?” Zac asked, his voice trembling a little. He didn’t like where this line of questions was going at all.

“Well, where’s she going for Thanksgiving?”

“She’s going to have dinner with everyone at Gramma and Poppa’s house,” Zac replied.

Shepherd pouted. “But I have to go to Georgia with Mommy.”

His son had the sort of pout you couldn’t refuse – except that, in this instance, Zac really didn’t have a choice. As much as it pained him, he could do no more than pull Shepherd in for a hug and say, “I know, buddy. But you’ll be here for Christmas and we’ll make it the best Christmas ever, okay?”

“Just you and me? Will Spencer be there?”

Zac plastered on a smile purely for Shepherd’s benefit. “I hope so.”

That seemed to satisfy his son, and soon Zac had made his way back down the school’s hallway, just as the teachers were ushering out the last few lingering parents and beginning their classes. It wasn’t exactly the goodbye Zac had hoped for, but he supposed it could have gone worse. Since they had agreed that Kate could take Shepherd to her parents’ in Georgia for Thanksgiving that year, he wouldn’t get to see his son again until the following weekend. Zac wasn’t sure who that would be harder on – him or Shepherd. They would get through it, he was sure, but it didn’t stop them both from pouting and whining about it. 

For most of his drive to the office, Zac was consumed with worry about his Thanksgiving plans. He knew it wasn’t the wisest thing in the world to have invited Spencer to have dinner with his family, but even that knowledge hadn’t stopped him. He didn’t want her to leave, not even for the weekend. He wanted to spend every moment with her, and more than that, he wanted to make his family love her as much as he did. 

Zac could think of a million ways Thanksgiving dinner could go badly. But he knew that the second Spencer said she wanted to leave, he would. For all that he tried to be tough for her, he was really at her beck and call. He hoped she realized that.

With these thoughts in mind, he parked his car in front of the band’s office and walked inside. It was early still, so he didn’t expect anyone else to be around, but there was no point stopping back at his apartment when he had to come in to work eventually.

Just as he suspected, the office was completely void of any other presence. It was a little eerie to see their office so quiet; not that it was ever exactly bustling, but even just the three of them and their handful of employees tended to generate a lot of sound. The peace and quiet was kind of nice, he decided, settling in at his desk to check his email and get ready for the day.

There were always dozens upon dozens of emails and messages waiting for him every time he signed online. It was just a part of the job. Most of them, naturally, were from fans. He tried to answer as many of them as possible, but there were only so many ways you could thank someone for being a fan or respond to the always strange claim that your music saved their life. 

That day’s crop of messages were pretty boring – mostly the usual fan letters and a few questions about the upcoming album – and he worked through them quite quickly, leaving him with nothing to do. Zac found himself wandering around the bands’ forums, but that didn’t hold his attention for long. As much as he hated himself for doing it, he found himself venturing further, reading the latest news and gossip. 

What he found didn’t surprise him at all. In fact, he all but expected to see pictures of him and Spencer eating their dinner. That didn’t make it any more pleasant to see, though. If Zac was honest, though, the photos were actually pretty nice. Even from a distance and captured on a cell phone, he thought you could see how in love they were. 

He had a feeling, though, that if Spencer saw the pictures, she wouldn’t see it that way. Spencer would panic and freak out and maybe even leave him again. He hoped they had moved past that, but he still feared that any little blip on the radar would scare her away. And the next time it happened, he didn’t know if he would be able to convince her to return.

Below the photos were, of course, comments from fans. The girls who had taken the photos evidently felt no need to provide any remarks of their own, but plenty of other fans had taken it upon themselves to provide plenty of their opinions. Zac didn’t want to read them, but it was like watching a car wreck; he couldn’t look away.

The comments, surprisingly, weren’t that bad. Most of them were observant enough to realize that she was the same girl they had seen with him before – points for monogamy, he supposed. Several names and occupations were suggested for her, but none of them were correct, just the gossip mill at work again. To Zac’s relief, no one seemed to know their horrible truth. If the stalker knew, and they certainly seemed to, they hadn’t seen fit to spew their vitriol on this webpage. Maybe they hadn’t seen it yet. 

Zac heard footsteps coming down the hall, accompanied by Taylor’s loud laughter. He quickly emailed himself a link to the webpage, then closed the tab before Taylor or anyone else could walk in and see it. There was nothing bad about it, especially compared to some pictures and stories about their band that were scattered around the internet, but he still felt this strange urge to keep this discovery a secret.

Seconds later, Taylor walked into the room, his arms loaded down with coffee and energy drinks. Taylor was two things, Zac decided: predictable and addicted to caffeine. Wordlessly, he handed Zac a Monster and sat down at his desk.

“I don’t know how you can stand to come in here so early,” Taylor said, leaning back in his chair as he waited for his computer to boot up.

“Don’t have a choice, do I? Some of us actually have to get our own kids to school in the morning, Tay.”

Taylor sighed. “I didn’t mean that. I know, dude, I know. But how do you do it without espresso?”

Zac rolled his eyes. He knew his brother meant well, but he still had a way of being completely obtuse. He watched as Taylor tapped impatiently at his keyboard with one hand, his coffee clutched tightly in the other. Zac tried to imagine Taylor living _his_ life, and couldn’t even begin to picture it. Not that Taylor didn’t have his own share of problems, but they were different. And Taylor didn’t suffer anything quietly.

“You okay, man?”

Zac blinked, suddenly realizing that he had been staring at Taylor. That probably looked weird, but Zac was used to looking weird. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Something on your mind?” Taylor asked.

Zac opened his mouth, glanced at his blank computer screen where the photos had just been, and closed his mouth. Taylor might be one to complain about his problems, but he wasn’t. Maybe it wasn’t always the best course of action, but Zac didn’t know what else to do other than bottle everything up. These photos, for better or worse, would stay his secret for now.

“No. Nothing at all.”


	35. Braved A Hundred Storms

Spencer sat nervously in the passenger seat of Zac’s truck as he drove them out of town to the small suburb where his parents lived. She picked at the hem of her sweater dress and chewed on her bottom lip. It didn’t matter how many times Zac reassured her that Thanksgiving Day with his family would go just fine; her worries still would not go away. She had asked him a million questions in preparation for the day and struggled to memorize the names of all his brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and in-laws. Spencer was still certain she would forget something and screw the day up in some way.

She couldn’t remember any other time when she had been so nervous to meet the family of whomever she was dating. This was different, of course. She had never dated someone with such a large family or someone who was divorced. There was no precedent in her life for this day.

Finally, after a drive that seemed to have gone on forever, Zac pulled up to a seemingly innocuous looking driveway. It was almost invisible, in fact, except for the large gate that had been left open to allow them in. The driveway stretched on quite a while before she even caught sight of the house – the _huge_ house.

Spencer supposed she shouldn’t have been so surprised by that. The driveway was already full of other vehicles, too, which made her fear that they were late. She cast a nervous glance at Zac, and he reached across the console to take her hand in his.

“It’ll be fine,” he said, giving Spencer a small smile. “I promise. And if it’s not? There will be four billion people here, give or take. We can totally slip out unnoticed.”

She was certain that was intended to make her feel better, but it only barely worked. Still, she had come this far. Backing out now was just too cowardly for her to even consider. Steeling her nerves, Spencer stepped out of the Tahoe and opened the back door to remove the plastic container of yeast rolls she had made. It was her grandmother’s recipe, and although she had never made it before, she really wanted to put in a little extra effort. She only hoped that effort was actually edible.

Zac met Spencer at the front of his truck and wrapped his arm tightly around her, as though he could protect her from her own fears that way. It did make her feel a little better. When they reached the front door, he rang the doorbell, and together they waited. Spencer was still scared to death, but she knew it was far too late to back out then.

A moment later, the door swung open and Spencer was greeted with the sight of Isaac. She remembered _his_ name, at least. Other than the few other Hanson family members she had already met, Spencer didn’t really trust herself to get any of their names correct.

“Hey,” Isaac said. “Spencer, good to see you again. You guys are just in time, too. The turkey is almost done.”

“In other words, I’m just in time to do the carving?” Zac asked.

“Like we would trust you with a knife that big,” Isaac replied, laughing. 

He stepped back to allow them into the house, and Spencer decided that maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all. She could only hope the rest of the family was as friendly as Isaac. He had warmed up to her surprisingly easily, although she had only spoken to him a few more times since Zac’s birthday. 

Zac kept his arm around Spencer’s waist as they followed Isaac through the house and into the kitchen. Spencer only briefly glimpsed into the living room and saw that, just as she feared, it was full of people she didn’t know. The kitchen was equally full of people, because, as Zac had said, his family was huge. She did, at least, recognize Natalie and a few of her children gathered around the table, setting out the plates and silverware. Spencer wondered how there would even be room for everyone to eat; it was a big house, but not _that_ big.

“Oh, Zac,” a woman with long blonde hair who Spencer assumed was Zac’s mother said. “I’m glad you’re here. Can you help me get the turkey out of the oven?”

“Sure,” Zac replied, giving Spencer’s waist a slight squeeze. “Mom, this is… my girlfriend, Spencer. Spencer, this is my mom.”

“Call me Diana,” she replied. “I’d shake your hand, but mine are kind of dirty at the moment. Cooking, you know.”

“It’s fine,” Spencer said. “That reminds me, I brought some rolls. I hope that’s alright.”

“Of course. Just clear a spot on the counter for them, if you can.”

At that, Diana turned back to the oven and began to instruct Zac on how best to remove the turkey. If she had felt any particular way about meeting her son’s girlfriend, Spencer couldn’t tell. She seemed like a generally happy, pleasant woman, if a little overwhelmed at the moment. Spencer decided that their short encounter wasn’t enough to base any assumptions on. She tried to clear her mind of any worries, and set about clearing a spot for her rolls. With that done, she joined Natalie at the table.

“I’m glad you guys could make it,” Natalie said, collapsing into a chair and motioning for Spencer to do the same. 

“Yeah?” Spencer asked, then lowered her voice. “I was a little nervous about it, but… well, Zac’s family obviously means a lot to him.”

“We’re family people, alright,” Natalie replied. “I say that like I’m really a Hanson, but I suppose I am now. I’ve just got one brother, and it’s really just me, him and our mom. I always wanted a big family, though.”

“Well, you’ve certainly got one,” Spencer remarked, chuckling softly. “I guess I’m just not sure how everyone is going to feel about me being here.”

“You know Kate and I are best friends, right?” Natalie asked, and waited for Spencer to nod before continuing. “It’s not really easy for me to see Zac dating someone else, but… well, as Kate’s best friend, I’m allowed to say that she can be really tough to live with sometimes. And Zac’s like a brother to me, so I just want what’s best for him. Anyway, if I can be okay with you being here, and I am, then I can’t imagine why anyone else would have a problem with you.”

“I really appreciate that,” Spencer replied, sincerely.

With Natalie’s frank but kind words echoing in her mind, Spencer felt much better about sharing Thanksgiving with the family she had unknowingly butted into years before. Still, she was glad that, once they had filled their plates, Zac steered her into the adjoining room where they could eat alone. A few people wandered in and out, but mostly, it was just Zac and Spencer, balancing their plates on their laps at piano bench and enjoying each other’s company.

After they finishing eating, though, Spencer began to feel a little more social. She gathered up her courage and followed Zac into the kitchen for dessert. It seemed the entire family had converged on dessert at the same time and Spencer struggled to remember the names of everyone in the crowd around the plates and pans full of delicious looking desserts.

“It was Spencer, right?” Diana asked, suddenly appearing by Spencer’s side with yet another steaming pie in hand. “I don’t think Zac told us how you two met.”

It was the question Spencer had been dreading. She stuttered and searched for Zac, who had disappeared from her side at exactly the wrong moment. He must have heard the question, though, because from the other side of the counter, he spoke up.

“We ran into each other a few times in Nashville,” Zac said. “We lost touch after we came back here, though, until I spotted her at a concert a few months ago.”

It was a fairly innocent answer, at least to anyone who didn’t know the truth. Spencer didn’t know how many in the crowd around them knew what had really happened. Isaac and Mac did, at least, but despite a glimmer of recognition that seemed to pass over both of them, they didn’t seem all that bothered. Perhaps, finally, everyone was moving past their judgment about just how she and Zac had met.

“You’re a teacher, right?” Taylor asked, cutting through the awkwardness Spencer felt.

“A professor,” she corrected. “I teach English at the University of Tulsa.”

“Well, then,” Walker said, clapping a hand across Zac’s shoulder. “Smart _and_ beautiful. I can see why you’d like her, son. She’s everything you’re not.”

Everyone, even Zac, laughed at that. For a brief moment, all of Spencer’s worries faded away, until she felt a tiny pair of hands tugging on her dress. She turned around and found herself staring at Penny.

“Yes, Penny?” Spencer asked.

“Are you and Zac going to get married?”

Spencer gaped. “I… I don’t know, sweetheart.”

“Well, if you do, can I be the flower girl?”

Spencer glanced in Zac’s direction, but he seemed to have found himself swept up into a conversation with his brothers about their upcoming album. Only she, and the other women still at the counter, seemed to have heard Penny’s questions.

“I’ll think about it, alright?” Spencer finally managed to say, and that seemed a good enough answer for Penny.

“Do you have any children of your own?” Diana asked, simultaneously holding out a slice of pecan pie. 

Spencer accepted the pie, but her appetite drained out of her the second she heard the question. Of course Diana couldn’t have known what she was asking, Spencer reminded herself. Finally, she found the presence of mind to shake her head and reply, “No, no I don’t. I was… a little more focused on my career than starting a family, I suppose.”

“Well, it’s good to have goals,” Diana replied diplomatically.

Objectively, Spencer didn’t think that was an insult, but it still felt that way to her. She mumbled something about how wonderful the pie looked, then wandered off to the other room, hoping she would still have some solitude there.

To her relief, the room was still empty. She sat down at the piano bench, with her plate in her lap, and stabbed at the pie with her fork. Spencer didn’t know why it bothered her so much to think about the fact that no, she did not have any children. She had never particularly wanted or _not_ wanted them. There had been a time when she had made the definitive _not right now_ decision, and she hadn’t ever doubted that it was the right choice. Was she doubting it now? Spencer didn’t think so.

She did feel some guilt for hurting Zac, though. She understood why he felt the way he did about it, even if she didn’t agree. She didn’t _want_ to hurt him or make him feel unwanted, but she had. She couldn’t take that back. If they stayed together… 

Spencer surprised herself with that thought. She supposed it was just Marci’s upcoming wedding and Penny’s comments that seemed to have awoken her biological clock. Did she want to marry Zac? Spencer didn’t really know the answer to that. But if it happened… well, she could certainly picture the two of them living happily together and raising a child or two of their own. It really wasn’t a bad thought at all.

“Spencer?” An unfamiliar voice said at the door, jarring her out of her thoughts. 

She glanced up and saw a woman she recognized as Isaac’s wife Nikki standing in the doorway with a cookie in hand. Spencer cleared her throat. “Yeah?”

“Umm, can I come in? We haven’t really had a chance to get acquainted…” Nikki trailed off, blushing slightly.

Spencer recalled Zac mentioning that Nikki was shy, so it surprised her that she had sought her out. Although she would have preferred to stay alone and sulk, Spencer figured it would have been rude to decline Nikki’s offer of company. Spencer offered her a smile. “Yeah, come on in.”

Nikki walked in and took a seat in the small but overstuffed chair in the corner. She picked at her cookie for a moment and glanced around the room, as though she might find some idea for what to talk about written on one of the walls. She definitely was shy, Spencer decided.

“Sorry about everyone,” Nikki finally said. “They can really be a lot to handle, huh?”

“You can say that twice,” Spencer replied, chuckling. 

“I know I was really overwhelmed the first time I came out here and met the whole family. It was during this big music festival, too, so there were all kinds of Hanson fans around. Honestly, I nearly called the whole relationship with Ike off after one day here.”

“Oh, I definitely know that feeling,” Spencer replied, surprised to feel herself smiling a little. It was nice to know that someone else could relate to her, in a way.

“I know it’s different, but…” Nikki trailed off. “Well, Natalie and Taylor were already married with a kid before I even met Isaac, you know? And Kate was already in the picture, too. They were practically engaged by then. I was… kind of the odd woman out.”

“That would be me now,” Spencer replied with a smirk. “I’d say I can out-odd you in all possible ways.”

“Maybe,” Nikki said. “That wasn’t really what I meant. Just that… well, I can kinda relate to what you’re going through. And I wish I’d had someone who could have said that to me back then. So, maybe we could get together sometime? Just to talk about things.”

“Yeah,” Spencer replied. “I’d like that. Not that everyone else hasn’t been nice enough. But I could always use a few more allies, as it were.”

“Maybe next weekend? We could get lunch somewhere,” Nikki offered.

“That sounds great. It’ll be the last chance I get to relax before finals week.”

“What will be?” Zac asked, suddenly having appeared at the door.

“Nikki and I are going out to lunch next weekend,” Spencer replied. 

“Oh, cool,” Zac said, taking his seat by Spencer’s side.

She noticed that his plate was even more full of desserts than it had been dinner, but she didn’t comment on it. Neither of them were exactly chefs, so this was probably the best home cooked meal he’d had in a long time. Before Spencer could fight the thought off, she wondered if Kate had been a good cook. Surrounded by Zac’s family, she couldn’t help wondering how she measured up to Kate in every way. Surely everyone else was comparing the two of them.

“Well, I’ll leave you two alone,” Nikki said, standing up. “And I’ll give you a call in a few days to figure out our plans, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Spencer replied, giving Nikki a genuine smile.

“Making friends, huh?” Zac asked, giving Spencer a nudge. “I knew everyone would like you. Nothing to worry about at all.”

“Yeah, I guess not,” Spencer replied but the slight sigh that followed it gave her true mood away.

Zac frowned. “You alright? No one said anything bad, did they? I thought everyone was behaving, as much as Hansons are capable of behaving, anyway.”

“No,” Spencer said, shaking her head. “Everyone was fine. Just… well, Penny wants to be our flower girl and your mom asked if I had any kids. And I guess I just let it all get to me, more than either of them really meant for it to, I’m sure.”

Zac choked a little on his pie. “Our flower girl, really? She said that?”

“Yes, she did,” Spencer replied with a nod.

“Well, did you tell her she could be?”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry, did I miss your proposal? I wasn’t aware that we _needed_ a flower girl.”

Zac laughed. “Doesn’t matter to her. And no, I didn’t propose. It’s a little soon for that, don’t you think?”

“Well, we’re already living in sin,” Spencer replied with a smirk. “Might as well make an honest woman out of me.”

“I don’t think I could if I tried,” Zac replied with a smirk of his own.

Spencer groaned, but couldn’t help smiling. With just a few silly words, Zac could chase all of her worries away. She didn’t know if marriage and children truly were in their future, but for the moment, she wasn’t worried about that or anything else.


	36. Turn Me Into A Crumbling Fool

A week later, Zac found himself sitting in his office, despite it being a Saturday. Spencer had gone out to lunch with Nikki as planned, and when Zac realized he had some last minute work to do, he had no other choice but to pack up Shepherd and a few games for his DS, and head to the office. He had promised to finish the artwork for their Christmas merch that week, and there wasn’t much of the week left, so a Saturday full of work seemed to be his only option.

With Shepherd’s help, photographing and scanning his various paintings had proven fairly easy. Shepherd barely even seemed to mind standing still and holding up the canvases. Zac was lucky his kid was so adaptable, he supposed. Once that was done and all the artwork was loaded onto his computer, Zac sat down to work.

He worked for a few hours, hardly even noticing that lunch time was totally passing him by. He found a candy bar on his desk and decided that would have to do until he had finished working. He was just tossing the wrapper into the trash and settling back in to work when he heard the front door to the office opening and footsteps heading his way.

“Zac? You in here?” Taylor’s voice called out.

Zac leaned toward the door. “Yup, in here! Working on the Christmas stuff.”

“Oh, cool,” Taylor said. “I just dropped by to put in my chocolate order, and I thought I would stop in here when I saw your truck outside.”

Taylor was referring, Zac knew, to his traditional Christmas order from the candy shop around the corner. He always ordered some special flavors for Natalie and their kids for Christmas. The three of them bought so much chocolate from the shop that Zac was pretty sure they were entirely responsible for them staying in business. The thought of Christmas presents made Zac a little nervous, though. He hadn’t even begun to think about what he was going to buy Spencer.

As though he could read Zac’s mind, Taylor asked, “So, what are you getting Spencer for Christmas?”

“No clue,” Zac replied. “Hadn’t even thought about it.”

“Well, why don’t you take a break from working on that, and we’ll go pick something out.”

Zac raised an eyebrow. “Because I was supposed to have this done today? And how would you know what Spencer likes?”

“I wouldn’t,” Taylor replied with a shrug. “But I was already planning to do my Christmas shopping today. Might as well bring you and Shep along.”

“So I’m just an afterthought,” Zac remarked.

“Something like that,” Taylor said, grinning. “So, you coming or not?”

Zac glanced at his computer screen. It wasn’t perfect, but he _had_ only promised to have a rough draft finished that way. What he saw in front of him was definitely rough. Even so, he’d been at the office long enough to consider it a day’s work done. He saved the files and shut his computer down.

“Yeah, alright,” he finally replied. “Let’s go shopping, I guess.”

Shepherd was more than willing to leave the office, and soon he, Zac and Taylor were on their way to check out a few shops downtown to see if they could find good presents for their significant others. Zac had no clue what to buy for Spencer. Despite how well he felt like he knew her, he realized that there were still all sorts of details about her likes and dislikes that he _didn’t_ know. Taylor was full of suggestions, but they were mostly the sort of domestic things that Natalie was interested in. All of Shepherd’s suggestions were toys. Neither one was very helpful.

Eventually, they made their way into Dwelling Spaces. While Taylor, naturally, headed for the coffee bar, Zac decided to check out their book section. He picked out a few books on Oklahoma art and culture that he hoped might amuse Spencer and teach her a little about her new home. He realized that he hadn’t seen her read anything that wasn’t for class, but he figured that with Christmas break coming soon, she might have time for a little pleasure reading. As somewhat of an afterthought, he picked up a bag of their coffee and a mug with the outline of Oklahoma on it. With Spencer, he knew he couldn’t possibly go wrong with a gift of coffee.

Zac didn’t think all of that was quite enough to truly let Spencer know how much she meant to him, but it was a good start. He spotted a few toys that he could tell Shepherd would like, but of course he couldn’t buy them with Shep right there by his side. Zac made a mental note to come back and buy them later, then paid for the few items he had picked out and retrieved Taylor from the coffee bar.

“Finished already?” Taylor asked, sipping his coffee.

Zac shrugged. “Not really. It’s a start, though.”

“Well, I’ve only just begun,” Taylor replied. “The next time I talk about having another kid, remind me how much time it takes to do all this Christmas shopping, okay?”

Zac chuckled and followed Taylor out of the store with Shepherd by his side. While Zac was ready to call it a day, Taylor suggested that they go to Utica Square and take a look in a few shops there. Given the choice between shopping or working, Zac supposed that shopping wasn’t so bad. Aside from Thanksgiving, it was the first time he’d had with Taylor in quite a while where they were just hanging out and not talking business. It was kind of nice, he decided.

Minutes later, the three of them had made their way into a jewelry store. Zac held tightly onto Shepherd’s hand while also trying not to look really bored as Taylor scanned cases of sparkling earrings and rings. Zac figured Spencer liked jewelry too—at least, she always seemed well dressed—but he had no clue where to begin picking out something for her. He had never even trusted himself to pick out something Kate would like.

“Think you’ll be picking out a ring soon?” Taylor asked, nodding toward a case full of diamond rings.

Zac rolled his eyes. “You sound like your daughter, asking if she could be our flower girl.”

“Flower girl?” Shepherd asked.

“If… if I married Spencer,” Zac replied slowly. “Umm, if we got married, the flower girl would walk down the aisle in front of Spencer and toss flowers out of a little basket.”

“Why?”

Zac chuckled. “I don’t know, buddy.”

“Well, _is_ she going to be your flower girl?”

At that, Taylor laughed as well. Zac shot Taylor a frown, then looked back at Shepherd. “Maybe. _If_ we get married.”

“Don’t you want to marry her?” Shepherd asked. “She’s pretty cool.”

“If you think she’s so cool, maybe you should marry her,” Zac replied, ruffling Shepherd’s hair.

Shepherd considered it for a moment, then shook his head. “I think she’s too old for me. But you should marry her.”

“Okay, okay,” Zac replied, throwing up his hands. “Jeez, you’re all ganging up on me. Look, buddy. Marriage isn’t… something you should just jump into. I think me and Spencer need to take some time, really get to know each other, and decide whether or not we really want to be married before we do anything, alright?”

“Okay,” Shepherd replied, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

Of course that satisfied him, Zac thought. He was just a kid. While he might sort of understand the concepts of marriage and divorce, he wasn’t really capable of thinking that deeply about it. Whatever explanation Zac gave him would be enough.

Taylor finally stopped laughing and gave Zac a more serious look. “Well, even if you’re not buying an _engagement_ ring, she might still like some nice jewelry. Natalie always does.”

“Maybe,” Zac replied, shrugging. “I don’t know. She was kind of terrified enough by Penny’s question that I don’t think any sort of ring would be a good idea right now.”

“Earrings, then?” Taylor offered.

“I’ll think about it,” Zac said.

Luckily, Taylor saw fit to drop the subject then and focus on his own purchases. Zac didn’t know why everyone kept bringing up marriage to him lately. Perhaps it was because he and Spencer were going to her friend’s wedding the next week. Or perhaps it was just because she was the first serious girlfriend he’d had since the divorce. Surely everyone could see that Spencer was different from the other girls he had gone on one or two dates with. 

Things had progressed so quickly with Spencer, though. Zac knew it was kind of crazy that he was already, sort of, imagining marrying her. It was crazy that she had even moved in with him, although he reasoned that they had taken that step mostly for her protection. Still, she had only been back in his life for three months. It was a really short time compared to the three _years_ he had dated Kate before popping the question. _And look how that worked out_ , Zac thought to himself.

When had he gotten so cynical? He supposed that was the effect that divorce had on a guy.

When he thought about Spencer, though, that cynicism faded away. She just made him feel like somehow everything would be okay, even when all the evidence said otherwise. Even though their relationship had begun—and ended—under dubious circumstances, even though Kate hated her and even though someone was stalking them, he couldn’t help believing that Spencer was exactly who he was supposed to be with. As long as they were together, nothing else really seemed to bother him at all.

Knowing that he felt that way about her didn’t make considering marriage after three months seem so crazy. He just _knew_ that they should be together. It didn’t matter how long it took them to actually tie the knot. Zac would wait as long as it took Spencer to be as convinced as he was.

He could only hope that someday she would be that convinced. Zac knew Spencer had her doubts, but they seemed to be fading away the longer the two of them were together. Maybe someday she would feel as confident about their relationship as he did.

“Zac, you ready?” Taylor asked, swinging a tiny shopping bag in front of Zac’s face. “I think I’m done for the day. I’ll finish picking up the kids’ presents when we don’t have a spy with us.”

At the last, Taylor motioned toward Shepherd and Zac chuckled. His son was pretty talkative, Zac had to admit. He wouldn’t be surprised at all if Shepherd asked Spencer about their potential wedding when they got home that night. He wondered how she would navigate those questions— probably with a little more grace but just as much nervousness as he had.

“Yeah, I’m ready,” Zac replied, grabbing Shepherd’s hand again.

Taylor smiled. “Awesome. I’m thinking it’s time for a little snack…”

“Didn’t you just finish a coffee?”

“Yes I did,” Taylor replied, nodding. “Which means it’s time for my next coffee.”

Zac just shook his head as he followed Taylor out of the store and down the sidewalk. Only his brother. 


	37. Grace For My Transgressions

Spencer really enjoyed having one weekend free of obligations before finals week. While Marci and Amberly were off working on the last few details of wedding planning, Spencer was enjoying a day on the town with her newest friend, Nikki. She had been a little wary of the shy girl at first; shyness was so opposite her own personality, after all. But after a few hours spent wandering in and out of the shops in Utica Square, the two of them seemed to be finding some common ground.

It seemed that the two of them had been in every single shop in the square, and they had the shopping bags to show for it. Nikki had given Spencer a little insight into the personalities of her future in-laws, as she referred to them in spite of Spencer’s protests, and helped her pick out a few Christmas presents. There was a glittery princess crown for Penny, a fancy set of shot glasses for Isaac and an art book for Avery, among many other little goodies. 

Once it seemed they had shopped until they were about to drop, Nikki led the way to a cute little cafe Spencer hadn’t noticed before. It was decked out in bright pink and orange and the food looked just as wonderful as the décor. Truthfully, though, Spencer would have been happy just to sit down _anywhere_ and rest, even if it didn’t come with a meal.

After they had ordered their sandwiches, Nikki leaned back and chewed her lip a little. It was a nervous habit that Spencer had noticed Nikki fell back on whenever she wanted to say something but wasn’t sure of herself.

“So,” she finally began. “Not to pry, or judge or anything, but… well, you met Zac in Nashville, right?”

Spencer winced. “Does everyone know about that? Sorry, it’s just not the first time I’ve been asked that question.”

“Well, I don’t think anyone knows the details except for you and Zac,” Nikki replied. “But we all know that there was… someone.”

“And that someone was me,” Spencer replied with a nod. There was really no point denying it, she supposed. Nikki truly didn’t seem to be judging her for it, though. She just seemed curious.

“Yeah… can I admit something?” Nikki asked, then proceeded before waiting for an okay. “Isaac had already told me that he met you back then. And I guess he saw… or knew, or… something, that you were the one that Zac… well, you know.”

“Cheated with,” Spencer replied with a nod. “You can say it. I’d prefer not to dwell on it, but it is what it is. It happened, but it was years ago. I think we’re moving past it, even if no one else is.”

“Like I said, I’m not judging at all,” Nikki said.

She looked like she wanted to say more, but the waitress chose that exact moment to deliver their food. Spencer was grateful for the small distraction. Even if Nikki wasn’t judging her, and even if they _did_ seem to be moving past their previous relationship, she still didn’t really like to talk about it. It was, or at least it should have been, water under the bridge. The relationship they were building now was much more than its cheap, tawdry beginning, and Spencer wanted to focus on that.

After the two of them had eaten in silence for a few minutes, Nikki took a sip of her drink, then cleared her throat.

“The thing is…” she began. “I mean, I don’t know if you know about me and Isaac, but before we got married… well, things weren’t always serious between us, you know? We saw other people, we we took time off… you get the idea. And honestly, when it all began, I figured it was just going to be some random hookup. I mean, he picked me out of the crowd at a concert. That’s the kind of thing you hear about, but you don’t think it really happens. Anyway, I guess I’m saying I’m not in any position to judge you and Zac for whatever you did.”

Spencer nodded. “It wasn’t like I set out to break up his marriage anyway, you know? I didn’t even _know_ he was married when it all started, but when I found out, it was pretty obvious that it wasn’t the happiest marriage ever. I mean, just from what he told me.”

“Again, I’m not judging, but… well, I never really understood their relationship. They just didn’t seem to be matched well. Maybe I saw things differently since I didn’t see them when they first met, but I don’t know. Sometimes I felt like I was the only one who noticed how much they fought and just seemed to not even make each other happy, no matter what they did.”

“That was the impression I got,” Spencer replied with a nod. “That they just weren’t a good fit. That happens, I guess. And you get so used to being with that person that you ignore the fact that it isn’t even making you happy anymore. I’ve been there.”

“You make him happy, though,” Nikki said. “Anyone can see the way he lights up when you’re around. It’s cute.”

“He is pretty cute,” Spencer replied, smirking. “Honestly, he can frustrate the hell out of me sometimes, but I don’t know what I’d do out here without him. Somehow, he keeps me sane.”

“Hang onto that. It only gets crazier once the fans find out about you.”

Spencer suddenly felt a little ill. “Yeah, I’ve already noticed that. Honestly, how do you put up with them?”

“Ignoring them, mostly,” Nikki replied, giggling softly. “That sounds bad. I mean, I _was_ one of them, and some of my friends were even bigger fans. But if you just stay out of their way, don’t act like being with a Hanson makes you somebody special, and just… be yourself, quietly, they’ll be much more accepting of you.”

“That just seems far too easy,” Spencer said.

Nikki shrugged. “It seems to work for me. I have my life and Isaac has his career. They’re as separate as they can be, you know? Keep it that way and people will mostly respect it.”

Spencer nodded. The advice seemed sound, but practice had already shown her that it didn’t seem to matter how low of a profile she kept. At least one person already knew who she was and didn’t have _any_ respect for her. How could she expect any of the rest of the fans to behave more maturely?

Still, she wasn’t giving up on Zac. She would just have to fight a little harder to keep him, she supposed.

“Speak of the devil,” Nikki said, giggling and pointing over Spencer’s shoulder.

Spencer spun around and was surprised to see Zac, Taylor and Shepherd walking toward her. She thought they were supposed to be working, yet there they were piled down with shopping bags. Zac looked absolutely exhausted. 

As he approached the table, Zac leaned down and kissed the top of Spencer’s head. “Hey, baby. Enjoying your lunch?”

“Well, I was,” she replied, grinning. “Until some weirdos decided to crash the party.”

Zac pouted for a second, then laughed. He pulled up a chair from a nearby table and plopped down in it, pulling Shepherd into his lap. It didn’t look like a comfortable fit, but it amused Spencer. She loved how simple everything seemed; despite her fears and worries just a few moments before, the second Zac appeared by her side, she felt worlds better. 

“I’m going to go in and order a coffee or something,” Taylor said, then wandered off. 

A man after her own heart, Spencer decided. She didn’t really know anything about Taylor, but if he liked coffee and had the good sense to marry a girl as nice as Natalie, she couldn’t find any reason to dislike him. Glancing back at Nikki, she decided that she couldn’t find any reason to dislike _any_ member of Zac’s family—with the possible exception of Kate.

Spencer supposed it wasn’t fair to say that she _disliked_ Kate. She didn’t even know her. Like her own relationship with Zac, she knew that there were always multiple sides to any relationship. Spencer wasn’t glad that Zac and Kate’s hadn’t worked out, because she knew how awful divorce was, but at the same time, it had brought Zac to her. 

“So,” Zac said, interrupting her train of thought. “What did you buy me?”

Spencer rolled her eyes. “Who said I bought you anything?”

Zac pouted. “Well, fine then. I’ll just return all these things I bought for you…”

“Okay, okay,” Spencer said. “Maybe I bought you a few gifts. What about you? I thought you were supposed to be working today.”

Zac shrugged. “Blame Taylor.”

“Everyone does,” Nikki cut in, giggling. “It’s always safest to assume he’s to blame. You’ll learn.”

“She’ll learn what?” Taylor asked, suddenly appearing at their table again, a steaming cup of coffee in his hand.

Spencer dissolved into a fit of laughter, along with everyone else at the table, even Shepherd. Taylor remained blissfully oblivious, but even he was smiling as he pulled up a chair of his own. It felt good just to be with them, laughing, and not worrying about anything, Spencer decided. If only she could bottle that feeling up and pull it out any time that she started to doubt whether things with Zac were truly worth all the trouble.

But when he looked at her like he was right then, his entire face smiling and his hand gently rubbing her back, Spencer couldn’t imagine _not_ being with him.

“Seriously, though,” Zac said, trying to contain his laughter. “Did you girls have a good day? Bonding or whatever?”

“Yeah,” Spencer replied, shooting Nikki a smile. “Bonding, gossiping about you guys, all that fun stuff.”

“Hopefully she doesn’t scare you away,” Taylor said. “She’s been on tour with us. She could probably tell you some awful stories.”

Nikki grinned. “Mostly about you, Tay.”

“Is this what we’re doing here? Just picking on me?” Taylor asked, only barely looking genuinely hurt.

“As long as you’re the one getting picked on and not the new girl, it’s fine by me,” Spencer replied.

“Daddy,” Shepherd piped up, looking up from his DS for nearly the first time since he’d sat down. “I’m hungry.”

“Me too,” Zac replied. “Shopping wears a guy out, huh? Let’s order some lunch.”

Zac motioned for a waitress, and Spencer sat back and sighed. It really had been a pretty perfect day—relaxing, getting to know her new “family” a little better. What more could she ask for? When everything seemed so perfect, though, she still couldn’t shake that tiny, nagging bit of doubt in the back of her mind.

If things were going so well, something just _had_ to come along and mess it all up. That was how it always went.

It was a horribly pessimistic way to look at things, Spencer knew, but she couldn’t seem to rid herself of that little bit of worry. Whatever happened, though, she didn’t doubt that she would have Zac by her side. As long as he, and her new friends and family, were there, she could only hope that was enough to get her through whatever the world threw her way.


	38. When The Doors Close

The next weekend began with a flurry of activity. While Zac picked Shepherd up from school and dropped him, along with an overnight bag, off at his parents’ house, Spencer hurried back to their apartment to finish her own packing. She didn’t particularly like pawning Shep off on his grandparents, but after she and Zac discussed it, they had decided that was better than asking Kate to take him for an extra weekend just so that the two of them could go off to a wedding together. Spencer was certain that Zac was lying about how well Kate was adjusting to her being around, but he kept assuring her that Kate wasn’t going to cause them any more problems. Spencer tried to put those thoughts out of her mind and focus on the task at hand.

Marci and Brooks were holding their wedding at a fancy mansion outside of Oklahoma City, a little less than two hours away from Tulsa. As soon as Zac returned to the apartment, they would need to hit the road so they could get settled in their hotel. Marci had insisted that they come the night before so that Spencer could hang out with all the other girls on her last night as a single woman. Spencer felt a little like she was intruding, but Marci was adamant.

Spencer had just finished hanging their dress clothes in a garment bag when she heard the door open. Zac had entrusted her with the job of picking out his outfit, which had taken a little creativity on her part. Not surprisingly, he had very few actual suits, but she finally managed to dig out and iron a plain black suit that she thought would like nice with a pink dress shirt. 

“Finished packing?” Zac asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Almost,” she replied, smoothing the suit down before zipping up the bag. “Tie or no tie?”

“Considering the fact that I’m not even sure I own one that isn’t a silly bow tie?” Zac asked with a laugh.

“Well, that settles that,” she said, turning around and giving him a smile. “I think we’re ready to go. And at least one of us will look presentable.”

Zac chuckled. “That’s about the best we can ever hope for.”

Spencer pointed Zac toward the two small bags she had packed for them and took her purse and the garment bag in her own hands. They walked out of the apartment together, making one last check to be sure they had forgotten nothing, before settling into his truck for the drive. It wasn’t that long of a drive at all, but it was their first trip anywhere together. It was sort of a relationship milestone, Spencer thought. A trial run to see how well they could tolerate each other under pressure—as though living together and dealing with a stalker wasn’t enough pressure.

Figuring that they would arrive in Oklahoma City right around dinner time, Spencer and Zac decided to drive straight there without stopping unless they needed to. Spencer was just glad to have the chance to sit down and relax for a few hours while Zac did all the driving. She kicked off her shoes nearly as soon as they were in the truck, propped her feet up on the dashboard and sighed happily.

As she had predicted, the drive passed by quickly and easily. Soon they were pulling into the parking garage of a nice, upscale hotel in Oklahoma City. After checking in, they planned to have a look around for the nearest fast food place and enjoy a little to-go dinner in their room. While Zac carried in their luggage, Spencer checked in at the front desk and found that they would be on a floor reserved specifically for the wedding guests. That was handy, she thought. While the elevator carried them upstairs, she sent Marci a quick text to let her know they had arrived and to ask what her room number was.

When they reached their room, Spencer slid the key card into the door and held it open for Zac, since his arms were piled down with luggage. There was a distinct possibility that she had overpacked, considering the fact that they were only going to be there for one full day. She watched Zac set the bags down, then glanced around the room.

“Where’s the garment bag? With my dress your and suit?” She asked.

Zac’s brow furrowed and he looked around the room as well. “Oh… I must have left it in the truck.”

“Well, I’m going to go say hi to Marci while you go back down and get it, alright?”

“Sure thing,” Zac replied. “And when I get done with that, how about dinner?”

Spencer chuckled. “Yeah, sure. I’m pretty hungry, too. I’ll be in room 1414 if you want to come find me.”

The two parted ways, each heading in a separate direction. Spencer counted off the room numbers before reaching the corner where room 1414 lie. Judging by the lack of other doors around it, the room must have been a large suite, she thought. Spencer knocked on the door and a moment later, Marci answered with a smile on her face and a glass of champagne in her hand.

“Spencer!” Marci practically squealed. “I’m so glad you made it. Come on in, have a little bubbly!”

“I think someone’s already had enough for both of us,” Spencer replied, chuckling.

Marci just giggled and stepped back to allow Spencer into the room. It was, indeed, a nice suite—the bridal suite, she assumed. A few other girls she didn’t recognize, as well as Amberly, sat around the couch sipping their own glasses of champagne and sampling a box of chocolates. 

“Girls, this is Spencer. She’s a professor at TU,” Marci said, then pointed to each of the other girls. “Spencer, this is my sister Rowan, my cousin Sarah and my friend Tasha. And, of course, you know Amberly.”

Amberly smiled. “How was your drive here? Didn’t your man come?”

“It was alright,” Spencer replied. “I was just the passenger, so I got to relax. And Zac should be on his way up from the parking garage right now.”

“Can’t wait to meet him,” she said, her eyes sparkling and a strange smile on her face.

Spencer wasn’t quite sure what to make of that, but she really hoped that neither Amberly nor any of the other girls made a big deal out of who Zac was. She wondered if Marci had mentioned him to them. Then she felt silly for even thinking it; she wasn’t so special that all the bridesmaids needed a warning about who her boyfriend was. Then again, he was famous and they were being stalked. It was only natural to be a little paranoid, she figured.

“Well, I’m glad you both made it,” Marci said. “Are you sure you don’t want a glass of champagne?”

“Maybe later,” Spencer replied. “I think we’re going to go find some fast food and veg out in the room tonight. This week has been so stressful, I could use a nice break.”

“I’ll say. Have you started grading your exams yet?”

Spencer shook her head. “I’ve got until next Friday to have all the grades turned in. This weekend, I’m not even going to _think_ about exams or students or anything.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Marci replied, giggling.

Before either of them could say anything else, a knock came at the door. Marci rushed to answer it, revealing a sheepish and slightly nervous looking Zac standing there.

“Zac, come on in,” she said. “Girls, this is Spencer’s boyfriend, Zac.”

“As in Zac Hanson?” Tasha asked, her eyes wide.

So much for not making a big deal out of who he was, Spencer thought. 

Zac blushed slightly. “Yep, that’s me.”

“Now, girls,” Marci said. “He’s just a normal guy. Zac, this is Rowan, Sarah, Tasha, and Amberly.”

Zac glanced down the row of girls, pausing a little when he reached Amberly. His brow furrowed and he asked, “Have we met? You look kind of familiar.”

“No,” Amberly replied quickly. “I don’t think we have.”

“I can’t believe you’re dating _Zac Hanson_ ,” Tasha said, staring at Spencer with something that looked a lot like awe.

Spencer tried to smile. “Most days, I can’t either.”

Zac wrapped his arm around Spencer’s waist, as though he could sense how uncomfortable she was becoming with the conversation. “Well, I hate to run after we’ve just been introduced, but I am starving. You hungry, Spence?”

“Absolutely famished,” she replied, a little more quickly than she intended, but hopefully still believably. She tried to compose herself and looked back at the assembled bridesmaids. “I guess we’ll see you all tomorrow. It was nice to meet you.”

Marci walked Zac and Spencer to the door and held it open for them. She leaned in close to Spencer and said, “Sorry about that. I didn’t mention it to them because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, but…”

“It’s alright,” Spencer replied as sincerely as possible. “I get why it would surprise people. Like I said, I’m still getting used to it myself.”

“Well, you two go get some dinner, but come back by and visit for a while if you feel like it, alright?”

“Alright,” Spencer said. “See you later, hon.”

By the time she and Zac had made it to the lobby and looked up the location of the nearest Taco Bueno on their phones, all the awkwardness of his introduction to Marci’s friends had been nearly forgotten. It hadn’t been so bad, Spencer decided. She really could understand why the sudden appearance of Zac Hanson would shock someone who didn’t expect him. He shocked the hell out of her sometimes, after all, and she had known him for years.

After a short drive to the restaurant, they ordered their food to go and returned to the hotel. Even though she hadn’t done any of the driving, the long day on her feet at school was taking its toll, and Spencer began to yawn even before they reached their room again.

“Tired?” Zac asked as Spencer fumbled with the key card and balancing her food as the same time. “I bet you’re going to eat and then go right to sleep, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” Spencer replied, finally opening the door and walking into the room. “I probably should put in another appearance in Marci’s suite, though. Even if I just drink a glass of champagne and then leave, she’ll appreciate me being there, I suppose.”

“You guys are awfully close already,” Zac remarked as he sat down on the bed and began digging through his bag of food.

Spencer sat down next to him and did the same. “I suppose. Marci’s just… really friendly, I guess. She likes a person, and she really latches onto them.”

“I guess,” Zac said around a mouthful of nachos. “She seems nice, I guess. Her one friend looks really familiar, though…”

“Well, they both live in Tulsa,” Spencer said, shrugging. “I’m sure you’ve seen them around. They were both with me at the Kings of Leon concert, too.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ve probably seen her around town,” Zac replied, but he didn’t sound totally convinced. Still, he shrugged it off and continued eating.

Spencer had to admit, Zac had been right about the food at Taco Bueno. Before moving to Tulsa, she had never even heard of that particular restaurant. Zac’s smugness about the superiority of their food made her want to take him back to Nashville and introduce him to a few more of her favorite restaurants. She had to admit, she still missed Music City. It had been her home for so long, during the years when she had really grown up, that it would always be a part of her. Perhaps Zac would go home with her during Christmas break, if only for a few days.

“What are you thinking about?” Zac asked.

“Oh, just… Christmas plans,” she replied dismissively.

“Got anything special planned?”

Spencer shrugged. “Not really. I’d kind of like to go home for a while…”

“Yeah?” Zac asked. “You’ll be back for Christmas though, right?”

“Well, maybe…” Spencer began. “Maybe the two of us could go _after_ Christmas? That gives you a while to think about it and really make the plans, if you want to.”

To her surprise, Zac smiled and said, “I forced you to spend Thanksgiving with my family, so I think I owe you the next holiday. Just say when and we’ll go.”

“Let’s wait until we get home to plan it,” Spencer replied, crumpling up her burrito wrapper. “Right now, I’m going to go back to Marci’s room. I’ll be back as soon as possible, alright?”

“I’ll be here, eating the rest of your nachos,” Zac said, grinning. 

“Knock yourself out,” Spencer replied, grabbing her cell phone and keys. “See ya later.”

Zac hadn’t been kidding. Just before the door shut behind her, Spencer could see that he had picked up her abandoned bag of nachos. She just shook her head and walked on down the hallway to Marci’s room. She had to knock twice before the door finally swung open to reveal an even more tipsy looking Marci than before.

“Spencer!” Marci squealed out. “Come on in. I think we’ve still got a little champagne left…”

Spencer laughed and followed Marci inside. She could see that the other girls looked just as drunk. Most of them were giggling, but Amberly didn’t seem to be in such a good mood. Perhaps she was still having problems with her boyfriend or whoever. Spencer still hadn’t managed to get the full story out of her about exactly what the problem was in her love life. 

She had only just managed to squeeze into a spot on the couch when a flute of champagne was pressed into her hand by Rowan. Spencer gave her a smile and started to take a sip.

“No, wait,” Marci said. “I want to make a toast first. To… friends!”

It wasn’t much of a toast, but Spencer supposed it would do. She clinked her glass together with the others, then took a long sip. It was quite good, but that shouldn’t have surprised her; it didn’t appear that a single expense had been spared on this wedding.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating Zac Hanson,” Tasha said.

Spencer resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Unsure of what to say, she picked up a chocolate from the open box on the table and stuffed it into her mouth, then quickly washed it down with another sip of champagne. It didn’t seem to deter Tasha at all.

“I mean, that must be great… dating someone famous…” she continued. “What’s it like?”

“It’s… it’s really unbelievable,” Spencer replied.

It wasn’t really an answer at all, but it was the truth. Spencer didn’t think she would ever truly get used to some of the bad things about dating Zac, such as the stalking and questions like Tasha’s, but the good things were what she tried to focus on. She thought about how he had just promised, like it was nothing, to go back to Nashville and meet her family, and she couldn’t help smiling. He was definitely unbelievable.


	39. The Broken And The Borrowed

Spencer wasn’t surprised at all by how gorgeous Marci’s wedding was. She had been a little uncertain as she and Zac followed Marci’s directions outside of the city and down increasingly smaller roads, but it had all made sense when they saw the gorgeous ranch decked out with wedding decorations. It looked like a country winter wonderland—tons of wreaths and garlands, and everything covered in pale blue and silver.

It was enough to make Spencer, yet again, think about her own future wedding—or, more specifically, whether not or a wedding _was_ in her future.

She and Zac sat together on the bride’s side of the large, barn-like chapel, and Spencer couldn’t help noticing the way Zac held her hand through the entire ceremony. She wondered what he was thinking. Was he thinking about his own wedding so many years ago? She doubted it. He kept flashing her little secret smiles that suggested he was quite content with her. She hoped he wasn’t thinking of proposing. 

It occurred to her, though, as she watched Marci and Brooks take their vows, that she wouldn’t tell Zac no if he did.

She loved him and trusted him, quite literally, with her life. What more did she need to know? It might not be easy, and she would definitely insist on a very long engagement, but she knew there was no way she could tell him no. She would, someday, marry him.

After the ceremony, Spencer took Zac’s hand in her own and walked outside with him. The wedding was held fairly late in the day, so it was already growing cold and she couldn’t stop herself from shivering. Zac wrapped his arm tightly around her and they walked that way, cuddled up together, to the other side of the ranch, where the reception would be held.

Like the wedding, the reception looked incredible. The tables looked almost as though they were covered in actual snow. Spencer was relieved to find that they were not assigned to any particular seats; she only knew a few of the guests, but it didn’t take her long to spot a table of other TU employees who she at least knew by name. That seemed like a good place to sit, and so she steered Zac that way.

She had only just managed to sit down and introduce Zac to the others at the table when a hush fell over the room. Spencer was thankful that no one at their table seemed all that impressed by Zac’s existence. She let out a sigh of relief for that and watched happily as Marci and Brooks, along with the rest of the wedding party, made their grand entrance. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, although Spencer wasn’t sure why she had been so worried. It wasn’t her big day, after all.

The evening continued to go swimmingly from that point on. The food was wonderful, Zac managed to make a little small talk with the others at their table and the two of them even danced to a few songs. Spencer’s worry didn’t bubble up again until the DJ announced that it was time for the bouquet toss. 

“Well, go on,” Zac said, giving Spencer a slight nudge. “He said all single women.”

“I heard him,” Spencer replied, then sighed. She could see that Zac was serious, in spite of the smile on his face. He wasn’t going to let her get away with not participating in this little wedding tradition.

With a sigh, she stood up and joined the crowd of young women on the dance floor. There were a few who looked like teenagers and a couple of giggly younger girls, as well as both Rowan and Amberly. Spencer squeezed into a spot not too close to the front but not at the back, either. She didn’t really care whether she caught the bouquet or not, and she certainly wasn’t going to put any extra effort into attempting to do so.

The DJ turned up some cheesy pop song as Marci took her spot and glanced back at the crowd. She offered them all a huge smile, then turned her back on them and raised her bouquet high above her head. With what looked like quite a lot of force, she flung it over her shoulder… and directly into Spencer’s hands.

Spencer stared down at her hands in disbelief. She’d barely even put in the effort to _raise_ them, unlike the girls around her whose hands had been reaching for the ceiling. Yet the bouquet had found her. That was the only way she could possibly describe what had happened.

As the girls around her cheered, Spencer felt her face heating up. She quickly made her way back to the table, noticing the way Zac beamed at her as she approached.

“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?” Zac asked.

Spencer rolled her eyes and sat the bouquet on the table before taking her seat. “No, not at all. Especially considering I didn’t even _try_ to catch it.”

“I guess you’re just that good,” Zac replied, smirking. 

“Yeah, well, it’s your turn now,” Spencer said, pointing toward the dance floor, where Marci was sitting down in a chair with Brooks by her side.

Right on cue, the DJ announced that it was time for the garter toss. Zac just gave Spencer a huge grin and jumped up out of his chair to join the crowd of men. Of course he was less reluctant to participate than she was, Spencer thought. That shouldn’t have surprised her at all.

Zac found a spot near the front of the crowd and shot Spencer a big grin as he waited for Brooks to retrieve and toss the garter. Spencer watched with mixed emotions—both a sense of frustration with how much all the wedding talk seemed to amuse Zac and a tiny bit of hope that he would catch the garter, too.

Spencer really wasn’t surprised at all to see the garter sail effortlessly through the air and right into Zac’s outstretched hand.

Zac returned to their table a moment later, twirling the garter around his finger and smirking. “You think they’re trying to tell us something?”

“I wouldn’t get any ideas if I were you,” Spencer replied, trying to return his smirk. Her pride wouldn’t let her admit to him that if he _was_ getting certain ideas, she wouldn’t have minded all that much.

Zac took Spencer’s hand in his and gave her a more serious look. “Hey, I think it’s cool that we both caught the things, but it’s really just a silly tradition, you know? It’s not like we _have_ to get married now. Or ever. I mean, maybe someday, but…”

“But it’s too soon to really talk about now,” Spencer finished for him.

“Right,” Zac replied, leaning in and kissing her on the cheek. “For now, let’s just enjoy the rest of the night. How about another dance?”

“Sure,” Spencer said.

She let Zac lead her onto the dance floor just as a ballad was beginning. He pulled her in close, and she leaned her head on his shoulder as he found a nice, steady rhythm. She wasn’t surprised that he was such a good dancer. His moves weren’t _that_ impressive, but he had a lot of fun and clearly had rhythm; as a drummer, he sort of had to, she supposed. The slow dances were her favorite, though. She liked how protected she felt wrapped up in his arms. She couldn’t help giggling when he spun her around, bringing her face to face with Marci.

“Spencer!” Marci exclaimed. “Congrats on the bouquet. And the garter! Maybe I’ll be coming to your wedding next.”

“I suppose anything is possible,” Spencer replied with a laugh. “Congrats to you, though.”

“Thanks,” Marci said, giving Brooks a quick smile before glancing back at Spencer. “Sorry I haven’t had a chance to chat more. I’ve talked to family members today that I didn’t even remember _having!_ ”

“And here comes another one now,” Brooks added with a nod of his head.

Soon, Marci and Brooks were swept up in a conversation with another couple and Zac was spinning Spencer away in another direction. She couldn’t help giggling happily again. Aside from her minor bouquet-induced panic, the day had really gone perfectly. The night was shaping up to be perfect as well. She couldn’t stop smiling as Zac spun and twirled her all over the dance floor. 

Her mood only slightly soured when he spun her toward the table designated for the wedding party, and she noticed that only Amberly still sat there, seemingly brooding. She sipped from a wine glass and glared off into the distance, not even making eye contact with Spencer. Spencer tried to remember anything she might have done to offend Amberly the night before, but could think of nothing. Maybe it had nothing to do with her, though; Amberly had already seemed to be in a fairly bad mood the night before when she and Zac had arrived, and for several days before that. It was a shame that she couldn’t at least put aside whatever was bothering her for the night and enjoy her best friend’s wedding, though, Spencer thought.

Spencer tried to put Amberly’s apparent problems out of her mind and instead focus on how much fun she was having dancing with her boyfriend. They only paused to eat cake and drink champagne, then hit the dance floor all over again until both of them were too sore to continue. They were one of the very last couples to depart the reception after saying farewell to Marci and Brooks, who would be leaving a few days later for their honeymoon.

“So,” Zac said, leading the way into the hotel. “Planning our wedding yet?”

Spencer glared at him, but the grin on his face was infectious, and soon she was smiling as well. “Not yet. It was beautiful, though, wasn’t it?”

“To be honest, I didn’t really notice anything besides this one really hot redhead in a green dress. But she _was_ beautiful.”

She rolled her eyes and gave Zac a shove, but he followed her onto the elevator anyway. His cheesiness never failed to make Spencer laugh, but she truly didn’t mind it. He still had a few faults that bothered her, but she was certain that if pressed, he could have named plenty of things about her that bugged him as well. That was just it, though. Neither of them were perfect, but they didn’t need to be. They still, somehow, worked well together in spite of their flaws and differences.

“Seriously, though,” Zac said as he unlocked their hotel room. “I didn’t know anyone there but you, and I still had a good time. I hope you did, too.”

“I did,” Spencer replied, walking into the room and slipping out of her high heels with a sigh. “Thank you for coming with me.”

Zac shrugged off his jacket and kicked off his shoes. “No problem at all. I’ll go anywhere you ask me to.”

“Is that right?” Spencer replied.

“Well, probably,” Zac said. “I mean, I’d go anywhere you wanted to go together. Like, this trip to Nashville? That sounds like fun.”

“Does it?” Spencer asked, turning around and motioning for Zac to unzip her dress. “You don’t think it’ll bring back any bad memories, do you?”

“I guess it could,” Zac replied, tugging Spencer’s zipper down, then leaning in and kissing her shoulderblade. “But that just means we’ll have to make some better memories to replace the bad ones.”

Spencer spun around and kissed Zac on the lips. “Sounds like a good plan to me.”

“Yeah?” Zac asked, nudging her dress off her shoulders. “How about we start right now?”

She chuckled, but nevertheless allowed Zac to steer her toward the bed. 

****

The next day, Zac and Spencer stayed in bed as late as they possibly could and only made their way to the lobby a few minutes before checkout time. Afterward, they ate lunch at a cafe a few blocks from the hotel, then spent the afternoon exploring downtown Oklahoma City. Spencer had never been there before, and Zac wasn’t terribly familiar with it, so they had fun wandering in and out of shops and finding opportunities to take silly pictures of each other posing with the scenery.

Late in the afternoon, they finally decided that it was time to make their way back to Tulsa. They still had to pick Shepherd up from Zac’s parents, and Spencer had one last final exam to administer the following day, so she was looking forward to getting some sleep in her own bed before waking up early and heading to campus.

Zac insisted on driving again, assuring Spencer that he knew a different route that was a little more scenic and might make for an interesting drive. It was a little longer, he thought, but less busy, so it might not really be any longer of a drive than the larger highway. Spencer didn’t really care either way, as long as they didn’t get lost or stranded. She just settled into the passenger seat, curled up and dug into the small box of chocolates that had been a wedding favor.

They didn’t get to enjoy the scenery for long before it began to get dark. Spencer and Zac had passed the chocolates back and forth until the two of them had eaten them all. However delicious they might have been, they weren’t very satisfying and she was starting to long for a real dinner.

“Do you think there’s anywhere along here to stop for dinner?” She asked.

Zac shrugged. “I don’t know, honestly. There’s probably at least a gas station or something soon where we can get some snacks. I know it’s not much, but it’ll have to do. Check your phone and see if there’s a QuikTrip anywhere around.”

Spencer dug through her purse for her phone and began to pull up the map app to check, but quickly realized that she had no signal. 

“We really are in the middle of nowhere,” she said. “I don’t have a single bar here.”

“We’ll just have to keep our eyes open for an exit sign and hope there’s a gas station or something,” Zac offered, then glanced in the rearview mirror. “Which would be easier if this asshole would turn his headlights down so he wasn’t blinding me.”

Spencer glanced over her shoulder instinctively, and found herself blinded by the headlights as well. She couldn’t even make out the make or model of the car for certain, and between the dark tinted windows and the high beams, which were definitely not necessary that early in the evening, she couldn’t even tell what sort of person was driving it.

“He’s following pretty close, isn’t he?” Spencer remarked, turning back around and rubbing her eyes.

“Yeah,” Zac replied. “Probably someone’s grandma who needed her license taken away about ten years ago.”

“Must be,” Spencer said. She glanced out the windshield at the road ahead and saw that they were approaching a large road sign. Perhaps it would tell them about some sort of fast food at the next exit. She could only hope. She opened her mouth to speak, but her thoughts were drowned out by the sound of a car engine revving.

“What the fuck is he doing?” Zac asked, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. 

Spencer glanced behind them again, and although she still found herself blinded, she could clearly see that the other car was getting even closer to them. Zac accelerated too, but the other car remained close on their tail. There was no else around and the road was four lanes wide. If the guy was trying to pass them, he wasn’t doing a very good job, Spencer thought.

Suddenly, the car accelerated again and sped around them. It was too close, though, Spencer realized. Zac’s brow furrowed as he gripped the wheel tighter and tried to stay in his lane but give the other car enough room to pass. 

There simply wasn’t enough space. The car was going to hit them.


	40. Heaven Or Hell Or Somewhere In Between

Zac swerved hard to the side and Spencer held on tightly to the door handle. She knew there was no avoiding a crash; it was only a choice between letting the other car sideswipe them or landing in the brush beside the road. The tires squealed as Zac tried to come to the smoothest possible stop on the shoulder. Spencer watched out the window as the other car sped by, hardly more than a silver blur. Somehow, they had avoided being hit.

Neither Zac nor Spencer spoke for a moment, both trying to catch their breath. Zac reached across the car and pried Spencer’s hand off the seat and took it in his.

“You okay, baby?” He asked.

Spencer nodded, even though she still felt shaky. “Yeah, I think so. That was… that was really fucking close.”

“I don’t want to scare you more,” Zac said, “but I don’t think that was an accident.”

“What do you mean?” Spencer asked.

“I think they did that on purpose. They were trying to hit us or force us off the road. You don’t drive like that unless you’re _trying_ to cause a wreck.”

Spencer considered his words and replayed the scene in her mind. It _had_ seemed purposeful, she realized. Whoever was in that car wasn’t just a bad driver; they had been trying to hurt her and Zac.

“Do you think… it was the stalker?” She asked, already knowing the answer to her question.

Zac nodded. “It has to be. I mean, how many people out there could really want to hurt us like that?”

“I don’t really want to answer that question.”

“Fair enough,” Zac replied. “I just wish I’d been able to read their license plate before they sped off. It was what, a silver Cavalier? That’s something we can tell the police, at least. Maybe not very helpful, but they definitely need to know.”

“If you say it was a Cavalier, then I guess it was. I don’t know anything about cars. You can’t call the cops out here, though. No signal, remember? God, you’d think they really planned this.”

“I really think whoever it was _did_ ,” Zac replied, shaking his head. “Anyway, I’m fine, you’re fine and the truck’s fine. We can wait until we get home to call the Tulsa PD, since they’re already on the case.”

“Sounds like a good plan,” Spencer replied.

Zac gave a her weak smile. “Hey Spence?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m still glad I decided to go to the wedding with you,” Zac said, smiling.

Spencer gave Zac a weak smile of her own. She watched in something like awe as he put the SUV back in drive and pulled back onto the highway as though nothing had happened. She knew it all had to be bothering him, too, maybe even as much as it bothered her, but he didn’t let it show. His optimism was really turning into something that she admired.

She settled back into her seat and tried to relax as they drove on. The whole thing had unnerved her, though, and not just because of how close they had come to being seriously injured. How had the stalker found them? Were they _constantly_ being followed? If so, what stopped this mystery person from just breaking into their apartment? She didn’t feel safe at all. How would she be able to sleep at all when they got home? More importantly, why wasn’t Zac freaking out as much as she was? Even his optimism had to have a limit.

He was being unnaturally quiet, Spencer had to admit. A glance across the car showed that his brow was furrowed and his lips pursed tightly. She supposed maybe he was bothered after all, but just didn’t let it show in the same way that she did. She turned the radio up just to fill the car with something other than silence.

A few minutes later, Spencer spotted a sign for an upcoming exit with a few fast food restaurants. It looked like they were finally approaching civilization again, she thought, noting that she did finally have a few bars of cell signal. Zac took the exit and steered his truck into the parking lot of a Burger King, where he and Spencer ate a quick and mostly silent meal. 

She wanted to discuss what had happened and throw out all of her theories and worries, but she had a feeling Zac would just dismiss them. Not because he didn’t care, but because he just wasn’t the worrying type. He would be far more rational than she wanted him to be when she was on the verge of falling apart completely. 

A little over an hour later, they were finally in Tulsa again. The road they had taken lead them through the suburb where Zac’s parents lived. Spencer was amused to see, even from the road, that the entire house and tree and shrug outside seemed to be covered in Christmas lights. She wondered how much of the decorating Shepherd had helped with. 

Spencer walked to the door with Zac and leaned against him as he rang the doorbell. A moment later, a young girl Spencer remembered as Zac’s sister Zoe swung the door open.

“Hey,” she said, stepping back to let them in. “Mom just got Shep out of the bath, so they should be downstairs soon.”

They had hardly done more than step inside and close the door before the sound of small but heavy footsteps fell on their eyes. Shepherd came practically flying down the stairs and launched himself at Zac. Spencer couldn’t help giggling at it, and neither could Diana, who appeared just a few seconds behind Shepherd.

“Well, I guess someone missed me,” Zac said, effortlessly hefting his son up onto his shoulders. “You ready to go home, buddy?”

“Uh huh,” Shepherd said. “Oh, hi, Spencer.”

Spencer laughed, not minding at all that she was a bit of an afterthought to him.

“Here’s his bag,” Diana said, handing it to Spencer. “How was the wedding?”

“It was beautiful,” Spencer replied honestly. She didn’t see the need to mention what had happened _afterward_.

“I’m sure you had a great time,” Diana said, giving Spencer a little smile. Spencer assumed it was meant to imply that she’d like to be attending a wedding herself soon. 

After taking a few more moments to say goodbye, the three of them were back in Zac’s truck and on their way home. The whole way, Shepherd told them all about what he’d done all weekend, which had consisted, as Spencer suspected, primarily of helping put up all the Christmas decorations around his grandparents’ house.

It didn’t seem to take them very long at all to reach their downtown apartment. Spencer let out an audible sigh as they pulled into the parking garage. More than ever before, it really felt like she was coming home when she saw their apartment building looming before her. After stepping out of the truck, Zac tossed Spencer the keys and busied himself with gathering up all of their luggage. She picked up her toiletry bag and the goodie bag of wedding favors just to keep herself from feeling completely useless, and led the way into the apartment building, Shepherd walking by her side the whole way.

As soon as she was inside the door, Spencer headed straight for the kitchen and pulled a wine cooler from the refrigerator. It wasn’t much—they’d polished off the whiskey and Spencer didn’t care for the brands of beer Zac bought—but it would have to do for the moment. Perhaps if she drank the entire case she might feel a tiny bit tipsy and okay with the direction her evening had taken. She doubted it.

“Alright, Shep’s in bed. They must have really tuckered him out,” Zac said as he emerged from the hallway a moment later. He raised an eyebrow at Spencer. “Drinking, really? Don’t you have an exam tomorrow?”

“Yes and yes,” she replied. “Besides, this thing barely even has a proof at all. I’ll be lucky if I get _tipsy_. Drunk is out of the question.”

“So why bother?”

“Habit?” She offered, shrugging. “This is how I deal with stress, if you hadn’t noticed. God, that makes me sound like an alcoholic.”

“No, it makes you sound like someone who stayed in college too long,” Zac countered, smirking. “I’m gonna give the cops a call. I don’t know what, if anything, they can do tonight but I figure the sooner we tell them, the better.”

“Good thinking,” Spencer replied, walking to the couch and collapsing onto it. “I’ll be over here, wishing this had a higher alcohol content.”

Spencer didn’t much feel like reliving what had happened only a few short hours before, so she turned the television on at a low volume and tried to focus on it while Zac called the police. She could hear him talking, but she forced herself not to focus on his words. The whole event kept replaying itself in her mind anyway.

A few minutes later, his voice grew louder, and Spencer realized he was walking toward the couch. She leaned back to look at him and saw that Zac wore a strange expression on his face. She didn’t know what to make of it, but didn’t want to interrupt his conversation to ask.

“I’m going to put you on speakerphone, okay? So you can talk to both of us,” Zac said, leaning over the back of the couch and holding the phone out in front of him.

“That’s fine,” the officer said. “I’m not sure how we overlooked it, but we’re running the prints through _all_ of our databases now.”

Spencer’s brow furrowed. “All of them? As opposed to what?”

“In some cases, we only run fingerprints against our arrests database. It’s fine if we have reason to think a repeat criminal is responsible, but this isn’t necessarily one of those cases. Someone neglected to run these prints through the rest of our databases, such as people who were printed for government jobs, background checks, and things of that nature. I’m positive we’ll have that corrected by tomorrow.”

Spencer didn’t like the sound of that at all. She didn’t want to accuse the Tulsa Police Department of incompetence, but it certainly seemed that way. Still, this officer seemed to acknowledge their mistake and admitted that they were trying to fix it. That was something, she supposed.

“Okay, and you think that will turn up a result?” She asked.

“We can’t be certain of anything, but it’s most definitely worth trying. If you can remember anything else about the car, that will help us as well.”

“I really didn’t see any more than Zac saw,” Spencer admitted. “It was silver, a sedan, I suppose. Something small like that. Fairly new, I guess. I really couldn’t tell you about the make and model. It did have really dark tinted windows, though. We couldn’t see who was inside at all.”

“Anything else?” 

Spencer sighed. “No, that’s all. I wish I could think of more.”

“Well, every little bit helps. That won’t necessarily lead us to the stalker, but it can help us to verify their identity once we have a suspect. Thank you, ma’am.”

“You’re welcome,” Spencer replied. “And thank you for trying to find them.”

Zac agreed with Spencer and bid the officer goodnight before hanging up his phone and walking into the kitchen. Spencer wasn’t surprised to see him grab a beer from the refrigerator. She took another sip of her wine cooler and tried again to think of anything else she could have told the officer. It seemed there was something she was forgetting, some detail that would solve it all, but she just couldn’t figure it out what it might be.

“Is it just me or do the police seem a little…” Zac began, sitting down next to Spencer.

“Incompetent?” She offered. “Yeah, I got that impression, too.”

Zac shrugged. “I suppose they just didn’t realize it was so serious this time, you know? Honestly, my fans usually aren’t anywhere near this bad.”

“And that still isn’t reassuring at all. I just hope the police really do their job now.”

“Me too,” Zac replied, running his hand through Spencer’s hair. “You’ve still got that exam tomorrow, don’t you?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I do. I wish it weren’t so late now. I’d just call around and try to find someone to give it for me. I don’t even want to leave the apartment until I know they’ve caught that whackjob.”

“It’s just one day. Just a few hours. Then we can just stay here and be hermits until it’s all over, okay?” Zac wrapped his arm tightly around Spencer.

“Yeah, okay,” she replied. 

Zac gave her a smile. “You’ll be fine. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

She only wished it were as simple as Zac promising it. That didn’t make it true, she knew, but for the moment, it did make her feel a little bit better.


	41. Deep Down In My Bones

Despite her trepidation, Spencer knew she had to go back to campus the next day. The three of them fell surprisingly easily back into their routine, with Spencer waking up just a bit earlier than Zac and Shepherd and taking her time in the shower in the hopes that it would help her relax a bit. It seemed somewhat successful. At least, she found herself able to put on a smile as she joined the two of them in the living room while they finished their breakfast. Smiling was good, Spencer decided. Even if she couldn’t fully relax, smiling was good.

Her exam was an hour later than her usual Monday morning class, but she didn’t mind having the extra hour to do some grading. She planned to stick around for a few more hours after the exam to get even more of her grading done before Zac came to pick her up for lunch. Even if she hadn’t wanted to go to campus a bit early, she didn’t have much of a choice; Shepherd had insisted that she come along with him to school that morning.

On any other day, she would have appreciated his enthusiasm and happiness, but that day she just couldn’t shake her nervousness. She might have been smiling, but it was only surface deep. Zac sensed how she felt, Spencer was sure, and he held her hand as they drove on to the university. 

They sat quietly in the parking lot for several minutes. Spencer was surprised by Zac’s silence, but she supposed that he could see how worried she was and just didn’t know what to say or do. Finally, he cleared his throat and squeezed her hand a little more tightly.

“You sure you’re going to be alright today?” He asked.

She shrugged. “I don’t really have a choice, do I? I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” Zac said, but he didn’t sound convinced. “Text me as soon as you’re done with the exam. I’ll call you when I’m on my way. About noon, right?”

“Yeah, I should have most of my grading done by then,” Spencer replied. 

“Alright. And we’re going out for lunch, okay? I’m sick of staying in all the time.”

Spencer sighed, but tried to smile yet again. “Yeah, I know. Well, I suppose I better go on in. No sense delaying the inevitable any longer.”

“See you later,” Zac said, then leaning across the console to give Spencer a gentle kiss on the lips.

She resisted the urge to return the kiss in earnest, for fear that she would never make it out of the car at all, and bid Zac goodbye. She could feel his eyes on her even as she walked down the sidewalk toward the lecture hall doors. It felt good. She was getting used to feeling protected like that and enjoying it.

Just as Spencer had planned, she had about an hour to sit uninterrupted in her office and grade more of the exams she had given the previous week. With the wedding occupying her entire weekend, she hadn’t made much headway on all the grading, but she still had until that Friday to turn in her final grades. She wasn’t all that worried about it, but it was nice to have some time alone to focus on the work.

That hour passed all too quickly, however. Before Spencer even realized how much time had passed, her phone was alerting her that it was time to make her way down the hallway to her classroom. At least the stack of exams to grade looked a little bit smaller, she thought. She sat those aside and picked up the stack of blue books for her American Literature class to fill with their essay questions, then headed down the hallway toward her classroom.

The class was just beginning to shuffle into the room when Spencer made her way in. They looked even less excited to be there than she did—except for Mac, of course, who still wore his trademark smirk even that early in the morning. Spencer gave him the tiniest of smiles as she passed his desk and continued handing out the blue books. It took her only a few minutes to explain the exam and pull up the three questions on the smart board. Once that was done, she was free to sit at her desk at the front and relax, leaving all the panicking to her students.

Although two hours had been allotted for the exam, most of the students finished in far less time than that. She wasn’t surprised that Mac was one of the first ones to hand in his blue book. His voice low, he asked, “So, you coming around for Christmas, too?”

“Probably,” Spencer replied. “But do me a favor, please.”

“What?”

“Don’t take any of my classes next semester.”

Mac’s smirk grew. “No problem.”

He walked out of the room then, and most of the other students weren’t far behind him. Spencer didn’t mind that they had finished so quickly; she knew that didn’t always mean they hadn’t studied, although it certainly _could_ mean that. Either way, the sooner they finished, the sooner Spencer could return to her office to finish up her work for the day. Once that was done, the rest of the day would be spent with Zac, doing her best to forget about her worries. Every minute that brought her closer to the date with him, she grew a little bit more excited and less worried.

When the last student had finally handed in her blue book and walked out of the room, Spencer had to restrain herself from letting out an actual cheer.

She still had around about two hours left to work before she would get to see Zac, though. As she made her way back to her office, she pulled her phone out of her purse and fired off a quick text to let him know that she was done giving the exam. He texted back that he couldn’t wait to see her, and Spencer had to admit that she felt the same way. The only thing pushing her to finish those exams was knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel was Zac.

Spencer began to type another text to him, barely even paying attention to where she was walking. She tripped over a rough patch in the carpet and her phone went flying out of her hand and skittered across the floor. She frowned and scurried to catch it, only to see that the screen had gone black. Frantically pressing the buttons yielded no response at all from the phone, and Spencer was forced to admit that the fall must have jostled something important inside the phone out of place. 

She hurried on to her office, hoping that she wasn’t missing a text from Zac. She was fairly certain she remembered his phone number well enough to dial it from her office phone and let him know her cell was out of commission. Flinging the door open, she threw herself into her desk chair and grabbed the phone. She punched his number in, hoping she had remembered it correctly.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” she said, letting out a sigh of relief that it actually was Zac on the other end. “It’s me. I dropped my cell phone and put it totally out of commission. Had to call you back from my office phone.”

“That sounds like something I would do,” Zac said with a chuckle. “But you’re done with the exam now?”

“Absolutely finished,” she replied. “You know, except for all of the grading. I really hope I can get it finished in time for lunch.”

“I hope so too,” Zac said, chuckling. “Either way, you are coming out to lunch with me. Give me a call when you’re ready, and I’ll head that way.”

“That’s the plan. I’ll see you later.”

“Later, Spence.”

“See you later, Zac.”

She hung the phone up and stared down at the stack of papers on her desk. As much as she didn’t want to work on them, she knew she had to. She heaved a sigh as she picked up the stack of blue books she had been working her way through before the exam and grabbed the nearest red ink pen. Hopefully the second half of the stack would be better than the first, Spencer thought to herself as she flipped the first one open.

She had made her way through about a dozen or so exams when a knock came at the door. It was too early for Zac, and she hadn’t called him again, anyway. She doubted it was one of her students, either. They ought to have all known that it was really too late to plead their case; either they had earned the grade or they hadn’t. Perhaps it was Marci. Whoever it was, she didn’t want to leave them waiting forever. 

“Come on in!” Spencer called out, barely looking up from her desk. “It’s unlocked.”

She glanced up as the door swung open and found herself face to face with Amberly. She gave Spencer a strange smile. “Hey, Spencer.”

There was something odd about Amberly just then, but Spencer couldn’t figure out what it was. She didn’t seem as angry and brooding as she had at the wedding, but still didn’t seem happy either. Her face seemed almost entirely emotionless, and it made a chill run down Spencer’s back.

****

After ending his phone call with Spencer, Zac settled in to waste some time on a few video games. He was sure there were a dozen things he could and should have been doing at the office, but he deserved a day off. If he’d told anyone about their little car accident the day before, he was sure they would have agreed. A relaxing afternoon to themselves was exactly what he and Spencer needed.

There was a chance that he should have told someone about the car accident, Zac thought. But they had been fine, so it didn’t seem necessary to worry anyone. That was his general attitude toward the entire stalker situation, even though he knew it probably wasn’t the best attitude to have. He had been through all of this stalker stuff before—well, almost all of it. He couldn’t say that anyone had ever tried to cause him to wreck his truck before. Any physical harm his fans had caused him before was really just accidental. At least, Zac hoped it had been.

Maybe they _should_ have told someone else about the near wreck. The police knew, though. That was the important thing, Zac decided.

The more time that passed, though, the more Zac began to wonder if Spencer really was safe out on her own. Maybe he should have stayed with her on campus. He wasn’t sure she would have allowed him to, though. Even though it was obvious that she was scared, she was also stubborn. Besides, he only had a few hours to wait until he could pick her up, and then he wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not she was safe.

He kept his cell phone nearby for the rest of the morning, awaiting her call. Over an hour had passed without another word from her, and Zac was starting to get antsy. When his phone rang again, he answered it quickly, not surprised that it was his default ringtone since he hadn’t programmed her office phone into his contacts.

“Hey,” Zac spoke into the phone.

“This is Detective Mike Lewis from the Tulsa Police Department. May I speak with Zac Hanson?”

Zac had forgotten that the police had promised to call him back with the full fingerprint results. In his excitement over having a day off to spend with Spencer, it had completely slipped his mind. He cleared his throat and replied, “This is him.”

“I just wanted to call and tell you that we got the results back on those fingerprints, and we found a match.”

“Oh, you did?” Zac’s heart was pounding. He didn’t know why he was so nervous to hear the results; it didn’t mean they had caught a suspect, and chances were the fingerprints didn’t belong to anyone he even knew. Knowing the name behind the fingerprints might be totally meaningless and useless to him. Still, he wanted to know.

“Yes,” the detective replied. “We also found a car matching your description belonging to the suspect.”

“Umm, can you tell me who the suspect is?”

“Yes. Her name is Amberly Rogers.”


	42. Remove The Stain Of My Love

Zac nearly dropped his phone when the detective said the suspect’s name. His hand was trembling so hard that he had to focus nearly all of his attention on just keeping his grip on it. 

“Amberly Rogers, is that right?” He asked, even though he was sure he had heard the detective correctly.

“Yes, that’s her name. Is she someone you know?”

Zac wasn’t sure how to answer that. He had only met her once, so she was really much more Spencer’s friend. He could hardly even call her an acquaintance. He didn’t even know her last name; for all he knew, this was a different Amberly entirely. Then again, how many girls named Amberly could there be in Tulsa?

“I think, umm… yeah. She’s one of my girlfriend’s friends,” Zac finally managed to answer.

“Is there a chance she would have shown her the letters, and her fingerprints could have gotten on them that way?” Detective Lewis asked.

“No,” Zac replied. “I’m the only person besides her who has seen them. I’m sure of that.”

“Alright then,” the detective replied. “We’ll see if we can bring this girl in for questioning, and we’ll let you know when we have her in custody. It would be good if we could speak to Dr. Kerr as well.”

“I can give her a call,” Zac replied after a moment’s pause to realize just who _Dr. Kerr_ was. It felt odd to think of Spencer that way. 

“Thank you,” Detective Lewis replied. “We’ll most likely need to speak with both of you down at the precinct soon. We do appreciate how cooperative you’ve both been so far.”

Zac thought that was funny, since they hadn’t had much to cooperate with up to that point. Nevertheless, he thanked the detective and assured him that he would tell Spencer to call them as soon as she could. As soon as he ended the call, he slumped back on the couch in a daze.

There was something nagging at his mind, some half-formed memory that he couldn’t seem to pull to the forefront and make sense of. Amberly had looked familiar to him. He remembered that. She said they had never met before, though. Zac didn’t think much of it at the time, but now, he got the distinct feeling that she had lied.

Then it hit him. His friends had set him up on a lot of dates right after the divorce, despite his protests. He’d gone on the dates anyway, but he had no interest in any of the girls. Even if they were nice, and most of them were, they weren’t Spencer. He’d found some fault in all of them, some reason to call it off after one or two dates. 

One of those first girls had been named Amberly. It _had_ to be the same Amberly, Zac decided. It was too much of a coincidence. It was such an unusual name that he hated himself for not making that connection sooner. The strange name, the piercing green eyes… he didn’t know how he hadn’t recognized her right away. She hadn’t seemed _that_ devastated when he didn’t want a second date, but Zac was willing to admit that he didn’t pay that much attention to how those girls felt. He had bigger concerns at the time. It seemed impossible that some girl could go that crazy after one date with him, but he recalled well the warning Valerie had given him, and the warning she’d claimed to have received about him as well.

All along, Zac had known he was to blame for the stalker’s obsession. He hadn’t realized just how deep that obsession ran, and now that he did, he was terrified.

With shaky hands, he scrolled through his recent calls and pulled up the one he was sure was Spencer’s office phone number. He redialed it and pulled the phone to his ear. He had to hear Spencer’s voice, and the sooner the better. Zac wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell her that her friend was most likely stalking them, but he supposed she had a right to know. Besides, it wasn’t really up to him. She would have to talk to the police eventually. It was just easier if she heard it from him first, Zac decided.

If only she would answer.

The phone rang and rang, but no one answered. Finally, it clicked over to some campus voicemail system. Zac hung up before it could prompt him to leave a message. He didn’t know what to say, and he had a sinking feeling there was no use in leaving a message.

It was too late.

Zac wasn’t going to give up on Spencer that easily, though. He couldn’t just sit back and worry while she was out there at the mercy of some crazy woman. He had to try to save her. Jumping from the couch, he quickly redialed the number Detective Lewis had called him from. Zac wasn’t sure what he was going to tell him to convince him that Spencer was in trouble right then, but he had to try.

He’d worked too hard to get Spencer back into his life. If he was going to lose her, it was going to be his own damn fault, not some stalker’s.

****

Spencer stared at Amberly for a moment, still trying to read her face. There was just no emotion there—at least, none that she could place. It was eerie, but Spencer pasted on a smile and tried not to let it show that she was getting rather freaked out. Amberly was smiling, too, but it didn’t seem to reach her eyes. Spencer had a feeling her own smile didn’t either.

“Hey,” Spencer replied with fake cheer. “I didn’t know you were on campus today. Did you have an exam?”

“I had… some unfinished business, yeah,” Amberly replied, taking a few steps into the room and closing the door behind her. “What about you?”

“Just one exam today. My last one of the semester in fact,” Spencer replied. “Now I’m trying to finish grading all of these before I go out to lunch with Zac.”

Amberly’s smile fell, and Spencer briefly wondered if it was insensitive to mention her boyfriend when Amberly’s love life was obviously not going so well. She didn’t really feel like being friends with someone she needed to tread on eggshells around, but Amberly had been nice enough to her that Spencer didn’t think that was really reason enough to end the friendship, no matter how weird she was acting right then.

“Oh, I see,” Amberly replied. “You’re lucky, you know, to get a guy as great as him.”

That struck Spencer as odd. How did Amberly really know how great Zac was? She had to agree, though. She was very, very lucky to have him. It had taken her years to realize it, but that didn’t make it any less true.

“Yeah, I suppose I am,” Spencer replied. She sat down her ink pen and looked up at Amberly, giving her a genuine smile that time. She was still being weird, but just thinking about Zac made Spencer smile. She couldn’t seem to stop that reaction, and for once, she didn’t want to.

Amberly was still practically scowling, and Spencer opened her mouth to ask what was wrong. Before she could say a single word, Amberly spoke.

“The thing is… you really don’t deserve him.”

Spencer blinked. “I’m sorry, but it sounded like you said I don’t _deserve_ him.”

“You don’t,” Amberly replied, stepping in closer to the desk and leering at Spencer. “Do you think I don’t know what you’ve done? Lots of people know. _Lots._ Everyone ought to, though. And if you don’t do what’s smart—what’s right—then they will.”

Spencer could only stare dumbly up at Amberly. Where had all of this come from? Had Marci told Amberly the real story of Spencer and Zac’s relationship? How could that have upset her so much, though? Nothing about her reaction made sense. Then Spencer realized it. Her words were nearly identical to that of the stalker’s.

She had a feeling that wasn’t a coincidence at all.

“Look,” Spencer said, trying to remain calm and reasonable. Maybe she could talk Amberly down. She didn’t know if it was possible, but she had to try. “I don’t know what you know, or what you think you know, but… all of that is in the past, okay?”

Amberly tossed her head back and laughed. “Oh, I don’t _think_ I know. I do know. I know you’re the girl he cheated on Kate with. It’s so obvious, Spencer. And then you chased him here, because ruining his marriage and making him so obsessed with you that he wouldn’t date anyone else just wasn’t enough for you, was it? You had to have him all for yourself. Well, it’s over.”

“I didn’t… I didn’t chase him,” Spencer replied. There was so much else she wanted to say, but she was rooted to her seat in fear, unable to think of anything else but the simplest things. Amberly’s sudden transformation absolutely terrified her, and she feared there was no use trying to reason with her.

“I didn’t come here to debate with you,” Amberly practically growled. “I came here to give you a choice.”

She leaned ominously over the desk, and Spencer shivered. The dark gleam in Amberly’s eyes scared her. What had seemed like an argument at first suddenly felt like something much more dangerous. Spencer wondered how far Amberly was willing to go, but she didn’t really want to know. She couldn’t even bring herself to ask what that choice was. Her mouth hung limply, nothing coming out but a tiny squeak.

“Your choice is this,” Amberly said. “Either you leave him, now, and never see him again, or I tell everyone what you did.”

Spencer blinked. That was it? That was all she had to threaten her with?

“They already know,” Spencer said, finally finding her voice and her strength. Her legs shook a little, but she managed to stand up anyway. “Everyone who possibly matters either knows the whole truth or enough of it. What does it matter to me who you tell? I’m with him, and that isn’t changing, no matter what gossip you want to spread about me.”

Amberly laughed again and the sound was even more hollow and frightening than before.

“I’m not talking about just his family and friends,” Amberly said. “Of course they all know. Their little clan is so close, I’m sure they share everything. But I don’t think you get it, Spencer. You’re not going to be around to stop me from talking and telling the whole world.”

Spencer felt her legs give out from underneath her. She knew what Amberly had said, the words echoed in her mind, but still she could hardly believe it was true. This was a girl she had considered a friend; obviously, she had been wrong about that. But to think that she was capable of murder? That would have been too much to believe if she hadn’t heard it with her own two ears.

“Well?” Amberly said, tapping her fingers impatiently against the desk. “What are you going to do?”

Spencer shook her head. She could not, would not, leave Zac. It wasn’t an option anymore. Of that she was certain. The consequences of it didn’t matter, even if it seemed that Amberly had some rather nasty plans for her. She had spent too long denying her feelings for Zac and running from them. She was finished running.

Amberly shrugged. “Fine. You made your bed, I suppose. Get up.”

Spencer blinked.

“Get up!” Amberly growled. 

Not knowing what else to do, Spencer pulled herself to her feet. She glanced at the telephone, but Amberly must have noticed. Before Spencer could even consider picking the phone up, Amberly yanked the cord from the wall, ripping it so hard the exposed the bare wires. So much for that, Spencer thought. Her cell phone was useless, too. For the time being, until she could figure out how to escape, she was at Amberly’s mercy. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t see another option.

“Nice try,” Amberly said with a sneer. “Now come on. We’re going for a little drive.”

Spencer nodded and fumbled to pull her coat on. Amberly tapped her feet nervously, but she didn’t say another word as Spencer hurried to button her coat and pick up her purse. Spencer was thankful for that, at least. The silence gave her time to think. Unfortunately, she could think of nothing that would help her to escape. Just before stepping out from behind the desk to follow Amberly, she stole a glance at her computer screen. It was already twelve thirty. Zac should have been there, she thought.

But he wasn’t. No one was there but Amberly and whatever students were still on campus taking exams. When they walked out of the office, Spencer saw that the hallway was empty. That didn’t help her at all. She needed a crowd. She needed _witnesses_. 

There was no one. She was entirely alone with the girl who had been stalking her for months.


	43. The Scatter Of Light

The two of them stepped out onto the sidewalk, and for a moment the sun blinded Spencer. When her eyes adjusted, she saw that they were still alone. How could there be no students around in the middle of the day? It was eerie, Spencer thought, and it made her shiver. 

Amberly nudged her forward harshly. “Keep walking. I parked off campus, on the other side of the football field. Couldn’t risk anyone spotting me here.”

The extent to which Amberly seemed to have planned all of this out made Spencer shiver again. She didn’t dare ask what the rest of her plan was. The one bright side, Spencer decided, was all the distance they would have to cover to get to Amberly’s car. Maybe somewhere between here and there, they would run into someone, anyone. Figuring she had nothing left to lose, Spencer decided to keep Amberly talking as they walked along.

“So, what is it that you think I’ve done, exactly?”

“You ruined him,” Amberly answered matter-of-factly.

“That’s a little harsh, don’t you think?” Spencer couldn’t help her sarcasm. Even in the face of her potential death, she couldn’t slow down her mouth. It was her greatest downfall—aside from her feelings for Zac, she supposed.

“I’m not an idiot,” Amberly replied, and Spencer had to bite her tongue to keep from speaking again. “Anyone could see that he wasn’t happy with Kate, but he seemed determined to stay with her. Until you came along. And you didn’t even really want him, did you? You didn’t love him. Honestly, you were worse than Kate. She was a bitch, especially to the fans, but at least she probably loved him at some point. I don’t believe for a second that you ever did.”

Spencer opened her mouth to argue, but she knew it was useless. Amberly had made up her mind already, seemingly years ago. A little voice at the back of Spencer’s mind pointed out that Zac had been correct. It really had been a crazy Hanson fan after all. What neither of them had counted on was the fact that Spencer had _befriended_ the psycho fan. 

“You just _used_ him and left him heartbroken,” Amberly continued. “Wasn’t it enough to ruin his marriage? You don’t even know what you’ve done to him.”

“I’d say I’ve got a better idea than you do,” Spencer said, then immediately regretted it.

Amberly hardly even seemed to notice. “You know I went out with him once? Obviously, he barely even remembers me. I guess he only has eyes for you, but eventually, he’ll realize how bad you are for him. He’ll understand that he can live without you.”

Spencer’s heart dropped. “You… you went out with him?”

“Three years ago,” Amberly replied. “A friend of a friend set me up with him. I had only been waiting for that chance since I was thirteen. Why do you think I moved to Tulsa, anyway? If there was even the tiniest chance that I could get closer to him, I had to take it. Just my luck that I would befriend his little slut, too.”

Spencer bit back a growl at the insult. With every statement and admission she made, Spencer realized just how crazy and obsessed Amberly really was. The girl she thought she had known wasn’t real at all. Just beneath that bubbly exterior lived a desperate, delusional girl who had attached her psychosis to Zac years ago. With a sense of dread, Spencer realized there was no way she was going to listen to reason. She would have to find some other way to escape whatever Amberly had planned.

They passed by the library and a few students were milling around outside. Spencer wondered what they must have looked like to those students. Could they see the fear in her eyes and the murderous rage in Amberly’s? She briefly considered calling out to them, but she realized that if Amberly was armed, that could be the end. For the moment, it was easier to keep walking.

“I’ve loved him for years,” Amberly said, the statement seeming almost random to Spencer. “You barely even know him. It isn’t fair, you know. So many girls would kill to be you.”

Spencer didn’t feel quite up to pointing out the irony in Amberly’s choice of words. 

“Like I said, you just don’t deserve him,” Amberly continuing, apparently talking just for her own edification. “You know _nothing_ about him. Not like all of us. Not like me. I waited years, trying to get closer to him, and all you did was, what, stumble upon him in a coffee shop and decide you wanted to fuck him? And even if you didn’t know who he was then, I’m sure you were tickled pink when you found out. I bet you just loved the thought of being with someone famous, didn’t you?”

Spencer shook her head, but it didn’t even seem to register with Amberly.

“That’s why you came here, wasn’t it? Because fucking him and ruining his life wasn’t enough. You had to get your hands on his money, too. You’re so fucking selfish, Spencer. You couldn’t possibly love him like I do.”

It was all too much, and it made Spencer want to scream. Amberly couldn’t have been more wrong. Spencer hadn’t cared at all who he was when she found out. If anything, it amused her to know one of the little Hanson boys. The wife bothered her far more than the fame did; the fame barely even registered. Spencer didn’t dare tell Amberly and give her even more ammunition, but choosing to have the abortion was pretty good proof, if you asked her, that she wasn’t after his money. Some gold digger would have milked him for all the child support he was worth, but Spencer couldn’t be that kind of person. She wanted so little to be a part of his world, but that world was an intrinsic part of Amberly’s connection to him. That was the difference between the two of them, Spencer decided. She had gotten to know him as just Zac, the dirty long haired boy in her coffee shop, while Amberly only knew him as Zac Hanson.

Maybe Amberly had known more about him, had watched him grow up and felt some sort of connection because of that. Spencer didn’t want to discount how much that must have meant to her or to any of his fans. But her relationship with him was different. They had truly been through things _together_ , things that Amberly could never know as intimately as she seemed to think she did. The relationship Amberly had built up in her mind might have felt real to her, but it was nothing like what Spencer really had with him.

And she wasn’t ready to give that up. Not again.

Amberly was practically incoherent, just repeating her convictions over and over, and there was still no one around. If she had a chance at all, Spencer decided, this was it. They were nearing the football field, getting farther and farther from any part of campus where anyone might actually spot them together. Hoping that her high heeled boots wouldn’t fail her, she took a deep breath and broke into a run, trying to put as much distance between herself and Amberly as possible.

She didn’t have any more of a plan than that. She just had to get away from her. Spencer was scared to look back, scared that it would slow her down. It wasn’t necessary, though. She could hear Amberly’s feet slamming into the pavement, her sneakers making it far easier to run than Spencer’s boots. She called out to her, her voice sounding desperate.

“Spencer! There’s no use!”

Spencer was beginning to fear as much. Despite the sun shining down on her, there was a chill in the air and it was seeping into her bones and chilling what little air she seemed able to draw into her lungs. Reaching the gates to the football field, she was glad to see that they were open. She took the deepest breath that she possibly could and ran out onto the field. Immediately, she realized it was a mistake. The squishy turf did not combine well with her boots. With one wrong step, she felt her ankle twisting underneath her.

Amberly was on her in seconds, grabbing her arm and wrenching it back, pulling her to her feet. 

“Keep walking,” Amberly hissed.

Spencer did as she said. Although she cast about desperately, she could see no other choice. She could feel Amberly’s hand—no, that wasn’t a hand. That was a _knife_ , the tip just barely resting against her back, just enough pressure to remind her to keep moving.

“I told you,” Amberly said. “You made your choice. Stop being a fucking coward and accept it. You _can’t_ have him. I’m just going to make sure you don’t come crawling back to him again.”

Spencer nodded, but deep inside, she couldn’t and wouldn’t accept it. There still had to be a way out. There had to be a way to escape, even if there was a knife pressed just barely against her back. As they walked on, Amberly stayed tense and kept the knife digging into her back. Spencer wished she had run out onto the field. Now there really was no one around. Amberly could do anything to her now and there would be absolutely no witnesses.

After what seemed like forever, they stepped out onto the other side of the football field, into the large parking lot that was usually reserved for commuters and tailgaters. Now, it was almost completely empty except for a few cars scattered around. Spencer wondered how much further away Amberly had parked. She wondered what the plan was from there on it, although she truly didn’t want to know at all.

She spotted a figure in all black crossing the parking lot, and that made her stomach turn gain. Then her vision cleared and she realized what she was seeing. That wasn’t just any normal person in black. Although he had moved behind a car, out of sight, she was certain of it.

That was a campus police officer, and he was her only hope.

Spencer tried to remain calm so that Amberly wouldn’t anticipate her move. If she had any chance of getting away and getting to him in time, she had to make a quick escape. Despite the pounding pain in her twisted ankle, Spencer knew she had to run again. She yanked free of Amberly again, giving her a kick with her uninjured foot just for good measure.

She was free. 

Almost.

Amberly scrambled to retain her grip on Spencer’s arm. She growled again, the sound seeming to echo all through Spencer’s head. She pulled the knife from her pocket as Spencer scrambled to yank free of her grip again. The struggle loosened the buttons on her coat and Spencer managed to wiggle out of it, leaving Amberly grasping at nothing but wool. 

It didn’t matter, though. The knife was in her hand and she was lunging for Spencer, her eyes wild.

Strong arms wrapped around Spencer from behind and she screamed. Spencer couldn’t imagine that Amberly had an accomplice in her madness, but someone was gripping her so tightly that it hurt. She kicked and screamed, her mind hardly registering that whoever it was, they were dragging her away from Amberly. 

“Jesus Christ, Spence! Why don’t you struggle a little bit more? I don’t think you’ve bruised _all_ of my ribs yet.”

That was a familiar voice, Spencer realized. She shook her head, trying to clear away the hair that had flown into her face. Her heart was beating so loudly that she could hear it pounding in her head along with the last echoes of her screams. It took a moment for it all to fade away and for the scene in front of her to come into focus.

Men in black—actual police officers, not campus security, she realized—had Amberly surrounded, yanking the knife from her hand and pulling her arms back to secure them with handcuffs. The arms wrapped around her remained in place, holding her tightly even though the threat was gone.

Realization dawned on her. Spencer knew those arms well—very well. She turned her head and saw a familiar face staring back at her, worry written all over it.

“Zac,” Spencer gasped out. “My hero.”


	44. Us Against The Wind

In the end, Spencer and Zac didn’t make it to their lunch date. Most of their afternoon was spent at the police department, giving their statements about what had happened that day and over the last few months. Spencer hated rehashing it, and she had a feeling it wasn’t going to end after that day. It was a story she would be telling over and over again, to so many different people. She didn’t know if she could handle that.

The only thing that kept her going was the knowledge that it was over. 

A small part of her mind kept telling her that any number of other psycho fans could step up to fill Amberly’s shoes, but Spencer didn’t care how many more of them came after her. She had faced the worst possible scenario that day, and she had made her choice.

She had chosen Zac.

Nothing and no one would change that. Zac was stuck with her. Spencer didn’t think he would mind that very much. In fact, she was certain he would be glad to hear it.

She didn’t have much chance to speak to Zac, though, after extricating herself from his death grip and apologizing for the bruises sure to be forming on his shins. They had both been in shocked silence during the drive to the police station, and once there, had been taken off by two different officers to give their statements. Spencer wasn’t really sure that was necessary, but she supposed it did help them each to fill in their differing accounts of what had happened that day.

It all ended the same way, though—with Amberly brandishing a knife and Zac saving the day.

After hours of repeating her story over and over, Spencer briefly entertained the idea of changing it, just to see what would happen. She knew that was ridiculous, of course. Finally, the police said they had all they needed, and both she and Zac were allowed to leave.

They drove home in silence, only speaking at all when Zac pulled into the drive thru of a Taco Bueno. It wasn’t the lunch out on the town that he had promised her—it was a lot closer to dinner, in fact—but Spencer didn’t really care. If she had thought she wanted to stay secluded before, it was nothing compared to the way she felt in the aftermath of what had happened with Amberly.

Spencer had a feeling she was still somewhat in shock, which no doubt accounted for the fact that she was operating on autopilot. Zac was doing exactly the same, it seemed. They walked into the apartment silently and fell into an easy, but also silent, routine of dividing up their food and settling in to eat. Without a word, they both decided to forgo the kitchen counter and the table in favor of cuddling up on the couch. It wasn’t the most convenient way to eat, but Spencer didn’t care. She wanted and needed Zac by her side right then.

She hardly even noticed that she was crying into her salsa.

“Spence? Baby?” Zac asked, his voice soft. “I’m not gonna ask if you’re okay, because I know that’s a stupid question…”

She shrugged and dabbed at her eyes with a napkin. “No, I’m not okay. But I think… I think I’ll be better soon. Now that it’s really over, you know? I had this morbid thought earlier that there could be dozens of other fans waiting to do the same thing, but then I realized that I just don’t care.”

“You don’t care?” Zac repeated, his brow furrowing.

“No,” Spencer replied, shaking her head. “I mean, she was going to _kill_ me, Zac. She gave me a choice, you know. Either I left you or… well, you know. And it didn’t matter what she wanted to do. I wasn’t going to leave you.”

Zac smiled, and Spencer thought she could see a few tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. He grasped her hand and and said, “You know, that’s kind of foolish of you, but… possibly the sweetest thing you’ve ever said. Although I’m glad that neither of those options actually happened. So, so glad.”

“Me too,” Spencer replied, pushing her food aside and curling up against Zac. “I just don’t even understand how it happened. I mean, I get that she was crazy, but you’d think I would have noticed at some point.”

Zac shrugged. “You can’t blame yourself. She hid it well, I guess. It was just an amazing coincidence that you happened to meet her. But I don’t think either of us knew enough to guess that it was her behind it all.”

“Maybe not,” Spencer said. “I should have at least recognized her car, though.”

“And I should have followed my gut instinct and stayed on campus with you today. But it all worked out, somehow.”

“How did it, though?” Spencer asked. “You showed up at just the right moment.”

“That was good luck, I guess,” Zac replied. “The cops called while I was waiting for you to call. They ran the prints again and matched them to Amberly. Then they checked for any cars registered to her and found a silver Cavalier. And remember how she looked familiar to me?”

Spencer nodded. “You went on a date years ago. She told me.”

“Well, when I remembered that, I tried to call you, but I couldn’t get through. I guess you were already out of the office, or she’d already ripped the phone out. I called the cops, they called campus security… no one could find you.”

“I didn’t know what else to do but follow her,” Spencer said. “I figured it was better to be out of the office than stuck in there with her threatening me.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Zac said, kissing her forehead. “I probably would have done the same thing. Anyway, we—me, the cops and the campus security guys—were all over campus, looking for you, but I guess you guys were one step ahead of us most of the way.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” Spencer admitted. “Grabbing me like that. God, I thought she had some accomplice or something. I thought I’d seen someone, I guess it was one of the cops, but he didn’t see me. And then some guy had this death grip on me.”

Zac giggled. “Yeah, that was me. Sorry about that.”

“Seriously, those arms are like a vice,” Spencer said. “I guess all that drumming is a good workout, huh?”

“Yeah, must be,” Zac replied, still giggling. “What about you, though? Kicking me, elbowing me… I thought you were about to start biting! And not in a sexy way.”

Spencer laughed loudly. “Oh, you poor baby. I’m sure you’ll survive a few bruises. I’m just glad that and my sprained ankle are the only injuries we have to worry about.”

“Agreed,” Zac said, his face turning serious. “You have no idea how worried I was, baby. And then I saw that knife… what could I do? It was either grab you or grab her. Just… the thought that I could lose you—really _lose_ you…”

Spencer nodded. Despite her conviction that she wasn’t leaving Zac, she had been terrified of the thought that she might actually die that day. It hardly seemed real, though. Even when her heart was racing and even when the knife was actually coming toward her, it seemed more like a dream than something that was truly happening. Losing Zac… never being able to see him again… was an outcome Spencer refused to accept as possible.

“I hope you realize,” Spencer said, trying to stop sniffling, “that I’m not letting you forget that I almost took a butcher knife to the chest for you.”

Zac chuckled. “And the fact that I rescued you from it means nothing? Your knight in shining armor doesn’t get any credit at all?”

“I see no armor,” Spencer replied, smirking.

“Well, look a little closer,” Zac said, returning Spencer’s smirk.

He leaned in and pressed his lips gently to hers, and Spencer let out a soft sigh. She still couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment when being with Zac had begun to feel so right, but she couldn’t deny that it did. In a way, though she likely would never understand it, Amberly had brought the two of them even closer. They had clung to each other to get through her terrorism, and it had brought their true feelings for each other into stark relief. 

Whatever the future held, Spencer knew that she could cling to Zac to get her through it.

At that very moment, she found herself clinging to him in a different way, her hands pawing at his button-up shirt as he kissed down her jaw and neck. Although her hands were shaking, she somehow managed to loosen the buttons, and Zac paused his kisses long enough to shrug the shirt off. As soon as it was in the floor, he descended on Spencer again, pulling her blouse from her skirt’s waistband and beginning to work on its buttons.

“This poor couch,” Spencer murmured. “How about we give the bed some exercise for once?”

Zac laughed loudly. “As you wish.”

He wrapped his arms tightly around Spencer, and though she felt her heart flutter for a moment, she had to giggle when he lifted her completely off the couch and began to carry her to the bedroom. She wrapped her arms and legs around him and allowed him to carry her the entire way and deposit her softly on their bed. She could do nothing but smile up at Zac as she watched him pull his t-shirt over his head and unbutton his jeans. He’d barely even finished stepping out of them before he was crawling across the bed toward her.

Despite their rush to get into bed, once they were finally there, bodies pressed together, everything seemed to slow down. Their kisses were long and lingering, and Zac unzipped Spencer’s skirt almost painfully slowly. She placed her hands over his and helped him ease it off her hips, then kicked it off into the floor. 

“Love you so much,” Zac mumbled, pressing his forehead against Spencer’s.

“Love you, too,” she replied with a sigh. 

As content as she was to lay with him, barely touching, it wasn’t really enough. She needed to be closer to him, to feel him all over her and know that he wasn’t leaving, either. She placed her hand over his and guided it toward her bra, hoping he took the hint.

He did, and soon his lips had replaced his hand, trailing kisses all over her chest. The entire time, even as his lips roamed further south, his eyes remained on Spencer’s. In the past, she had closed her eyes to block him out, not wanting to truly believe she was with _him_. Now, though, she needed to see him. She needed to see the love in his eyes as he explored her body and brought her closer and closer to the edge. Spencer fought to keep her eyes open as long as she could, but eventually she yielded to the pleasure threatening to overtake her.

Zac trailed kisses up Spencer’s torso and chest, finally coming to rest on top of her and giving her a smile. She returned it lazily, her mind full of a delicious fog he had caused. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, then stared down at her, silently asking her permission. Spencer gave him a nod and ran her hands down his back, tugging at his boxers and pulling him closer all at the same time.

Spencer knew how cheesy it was to think that their bodies fit together perfectly, like they were made for each other, but she couldn’t seem to erase the thought from her mind as Zac entered her. He felt like _home_ ; with him was where she was meant to be. She would never doubt that again.

They moved together lazily, falling into a beautiful, perfect rhythm. At some point, Zac gripped Spencer’s hips tightly and rolled their bodies over. She moved slowly and gently on top of him, her body remaining pressed against his and her face buried in his neck. Zac loosened his grip on her hips only slightly, his own rolling upward to meet her motions.

It didn’t take long before Spencer felt herself toppling over the edge again, her entire body tensing against Zac and pulling him along with her. He let out a soft sound that seemed to be halfway between a moan and a whimper and kissed the side of Spencer’s face. She lay still on top of him for a moment, before finally catching her breath and rolling off of him.

Zac rolled over and wrapped an arm around Spencer. “I really do love you so much, Spence. I was so fucking scared today…”

“I know,” she replied. “And you know I love you, too. I think I proved that pretty well, didn’t I? Not sure what says love, or foolishness, more than letting myself be practically kidnapped because I refused to break up with you.”

Zac let out a soft chuckle, but his face stayed mostly serious. “Might have been foolish, but yeah, I think that definitely says love. Just promise me one thing?”

“What one thing?” Spencer asked.

“That you really won’t ever leave me.”

“Barring any other kidnappings?” Spencer asked, then shook her head. “No, I won’t. As long as you promise to always be there to save me from said kidnappings.”

“I promise,” Zac replied, his lips turning up in a smirk. “That is, if you promise not to stick your elbow in my ribcage again.”

Spencer laughed loudly. “Okay, you’ve got a deal.”

Zac grinned and leaned in to kiss her. They settled comfortably into each others’ arms and Spencer sighed happily. She wondered if anyone else had ever felt so content and so at peace just hours after being nearly kidnapped and murdered. It seemed strange, but to her, it made perfect sense.


	45. It's Just The Chance We Took

Spencer didn’t have any desire at all to return to TU’s campus after Monday’s events, but she knew that she didn’t really have much of a choice, practically speaking. She had left all of her exams, graded or otherwise, scattered around her desk. At the very least, someone had to return to get the exams. Her final grades could have been added to the computer system from the safety of her apartment; she needn’t set foot on campus at all.

She knew she had to, though.

If she didn’t face her fears right away, she didn’t think she would ever be able to. They would just build up and build up in her mind over the weeks of Christmas break, until she completely shattered under the weight of them. She certainly wasn’t about to resign, so she had little choice left but to suck it up and make her way back to the college.

Zac sensed her fear, of course, and he offered to go along with her. Shepherd had school that day, so they agreed that Zac would just stay on campus with her all day until they had to pick him up. Spencer knew that, although Zac framed it as the practical thing to do, he was really trying to make sure that he could be there to protect her.

In the past, that would have really bothered Spencer. Being stalked and having someone brandish a knife in front of her face kind of put things into perspective. Having an adorably overprotective boyfriend really wasn’t the worst thing in the world, she decided.

They slept in late that morning, since there was no particular time that Spencer _had_ to be on campus. Spencer crawled out of bed first and was already in the kitchen, enjoying her third cup of coffee, before Zac had even finished showering. Coffee cup in hand, she glanced around the kitchen, and saw that they really didn’t have anything suitable for breakfast, aside from some of Shepherd’s cereal. She supposed that the week’s events had really thrown off their routine; she couldn’t even remember the last time they’d bought any groceries, and their kitchen was suffering for it.

When Zac shuffled into the kitchen a few moments later, Spencer shut the freezer door and shook the empty Eggo box at him.

“I feel like you’re trying to tell me something…” he said. 

“Yeah,” she replied. “We need to pick up some groceries before we get Shepherd, or we’re all going to starve this weekend. And I’m starving right now. Your kid might like that chocolate crap, but I’m not touching it.”

“Alright, alright,” Zac replied, chuckling. “We’ll swing by Mickey D’s for breakfast and then leave campus early and pick a few things up before we have to go get the kid.”

With that decided, the two of them didn’t hang around the apartment much longer. Spencer finished her cup of coffee and gathered up what few graded papers and things she had scattered around while Zac brushed his hair and dressed himself. Spencer had to resist the urge to compliment him for fear of making him even more conceited, but she admitted to herself that he did look good that day in his tight jeans and leather jacket. He didn’t look like he belonged on a college campus at all, but she didn’t think he ever would.

Despite the nervousness that bubbled up inside of her, Spencer allowed Zac to take her hand and walk her through the parking lot and into her office. Since classes were finished for the semester, campus seemed even more of a ghost town than it had a few days before. Only a few professors and some students who had other commitments remained. During their short walk into the building, Spencer and Zac didn’t encounter a single one of those few people.

“So, this is where you spend every day, huh?” Zac asked, looking around Spencer’s tiny office.

“Well, no,” she replied. “I’m not really in _here_ that much. Just between classes. I teach in a couple different rooms in this building, so I’m always going back forth between here and there. Then I have to go to the library sometimes. And of course, the food court for lunch. I suppose it is a pretty small little workplace compared to, oh I don’t know, touring the entire _world_.”

Zac chuckled. “I didn’t mean that. It’s just, you know, anything that’s different from my norm seems foreign and kinda fascinating. Even if it is just a little college campus.”

“I could give you the full tour later, if it’s really that interesting.”

“Sure,” Zac replied, smiling. He glanced around for a moment more before settling into the chair Spencer had for students, though few of them ever hung around long enough to actually have a seat.

“You sure you won’t be bored here all day?” Spencer asked, sitting down in her own seat.

Zac shook his head and smiled, pulling a small paperback book out of his jacket. “I came prepared. And either way, I’ll be fine. I’m easy to please. I’ve got you, so what else do I need?”

Spencer rolled her eyes, but she couldn’t stop herself from smiling. Even Zac’s cheesiness was beginning to be one of the things she loved about him. That list only seemed to be growing by the day. As much as she would have preferred to just sit and talk to him, Spencer knew she needed to work. With one last glance at Zac, who had already dove into his book, she began, once again, to grade the huge stack of exams on her desk.

Somehow, the grading went faster than she expected. By the time her stomach started demanding lunch, she had only a tiny stack left to grade. It wouldn’t take long at all to finish those and enter all the final grades into the computer system, she decided. They had plenty of time for a long lunch break.

“So, you want that campus tour now?” Spencer asked. “Starting with the food court.”

“That sounds like the perfect place to begin _and_ end the tour,” Zac replied, giving her a big grin.

Spencer chuckled, but she had to agree with him. They hadn’t talked much while she had worked, and other than her coffee, she hadn’t had anything resembling food since they polished off their McDonald’s breakfast in the parking lot. It was definitely time for a break and a meal. She pulled her coat on, grabbed her purse and gave Zac a smile.

“Well, let’s go, then.”

Zac held his hand out to Spencer and she accepted it gratefully, only pulling away to lock her office door. Even that brief moment without her hand in his felt wrong. Being with him just felt so, so right. Spencer couldn’t stop a huge smile from spreading across her face as they walked hand in hand and side by side out of the building and onto the sidewalk.

“Spencer!” A voice called, and Spencer instinctively shuddered.

Maybe she wasn’t as ready to face her fears as she had thought. Although the rational part of her brain knew the voice belonged to Marci, it didn’t stop her heart from racing or some small voice in her mind from screaming out. Zac tightened his grip on her, pulling their bodies closer together as Spencer turned toward Marci.

“Hey,” Spencer said, plastering on a smile as Marci approached. “I didn’t realize you were on campus today.”

“Yeah, apparently some people scheduled tours for today, even though the semester is over. I just have one more this afternoon and then I’m done. What about you?”

Spencer found it hard to keep smiling, but she tried. “Oh, just finishing up my grading. I didn’t, umm, get to finish the other day…”

The fake smile fell from Spencer’s face as she remembered the reason _why_ she hadn’t finished her grading. She knew it was silly to think she could escape from that nightmare after just a few days, but she really wished it was over and that she would never have to think about Amberly again. There would be a trial in the future, of course, so she knew there really was no hiding from it. Even if it was over, the specter of it was going to loom over their relationship for ages.

Marci’s perpetual smile fell as well and she reached out to touch Spencer’s arm. “Spencer, I am so, so sorry about what happened. If I had had any clue that it was… she’s been my best friend for years, you know? I should have known…”

“No,” Spencer replied. “I mean, how could you have known? No one expects their best friend to be crazy. No offense to you, of course.”

“None taken,” Marci said and her smile truly seemed genuine. 

She opened her mouth to say more, then glanced over Spencer’s shoulder and frowned. Spencer spun around quickly, her heart racing again. Zac wrapped his arm tightly around her waist, as though that could shield her from whatever was coming, which appeared to be a small group of young girls. 

“Umm, you’re Zac Hanson, right?” One of the girls asked, blushing. The others were already giggling before Zac could even reply.

He smiled. “Last time I checked.”

That set the girls off into another round of giggles, and Spencer couldn’t help pulling away from Zac a little. He gave her a little pout, but his gaggle of fans were soon covering him with a barrage of questions and autograph requests. It was easy enough for Spencer and Marci to slip away and leave him alone to deal with them.

Standing a few feet away, Spencer looked at Marci and let out a little nervous laugh.

“It’s something else, isn’t it?” Marci asked.

Spencer nodded. “Yeah… it is. _He_ is.”

“I knew you loved him,” Marci said, smirking.

“Yeah,” Spencer replied. “I do. I really, really do. I think… I mean, that’s the only thing that makes all of this worth it, you know?”

“Worth being stalked, though? And almost… well, you know.”

Spencer nodded. “Not that I _want_ that kind of stuff to happen, but yes. Being with him… is worth whatever happens. I don’t know if anyone told you what really happened with Amberly…”

“No,” Marci replied, shaking her head. “All I know is that apparently she was obsessed with him and she tried to kill you. And that, obviously, she’s the one who’s been stalking you. The news isn’t really saying much else, and I haven’t been able to—haven’t really _wanted_ to—talk to her.”

“Good,” Spencer said. “I mean, I hope they keep quiet about it. But what she did… what she said… was that I had a choice. Leave him or she would, well, _make_ me leave him. And I chose him. I was just… so fucking sick of pretending I don’t love him and don’t want to be with him. My stubbornness really almost was the death of me, like I’ve always said. So yeah, he’s worth it.”

“Wow.” Marci looked genuinely stunned, and Spencer wondered if she had actually rendered her speechless. 

For a moment, the two of them watched Zac talk to the small crowd gathered around him. Despite the fact that the campus was nearly deserted, it seemed a few Hanson fans remained. Just his luck that they would find him, but Spencer could understand how they were drawn to him like a magnet. Even if he had been just some random guy, he would have pulled girls into his orbit like that. The best part, Spencer thought, was that for all his cocky jokes, he really didn’t even realize it. Even when he had literally stumbled upon her, all dirty and disheveled, he had taken her breath away and made her want to be close to him, and he’d had no clue of the effect he had.

Now that she was close to him, she was certain that she wasn’t going anywhere. If it meant constantly dealing with the crowds of giggling girls—or worse—then that was just what her life had become. She would learn to deal with it, like she had learned to deal with any other circumstance life had handed her.

She glanced back at Marci and noted that she seemed cautiously amused by the crowd of girls as well. It would have been easy to be angry at Marci for what Amberly had done. It wouldn’t have been right, Spencer knew, but it would have been easy. One of them _should_ have known how crazy Amberly was, but neither of them could be blamed for not connecting the dots. No one expects their best friend to be dangerously obsessed with a celebrity. 

The more Spencer thought about it, the more she realized that she wasn’t even angry with Amberly. She felt sorry for her. It had to have been hard on her—hell, it had to have been hard for even the less psychotic fans—to watch someone for so long and feel so close to them, then watch them fall in and out of love with other girls. Even a sane person could be hurt by that sort of thing. Someone with the mental issues Amberly had kept hidden… well, it was hard to be _angry_ when all of those issues suddenly bubbled up to the surface and broke free. Terrified, sure. But not angry.

Even though some of her fear remained, Spencer only needed to look at Zac to remember that it was all worth it. One look at his smile, the way he brushed back his hair self-consciously and cast a little glance at her, and she knew that she would never want to be anywhere but with him.


	46. Singing Songs Of Joy And Peace

Christmas had never really been Zac’s favorite holiday. Its proximity to his birthday, and the way it allowed him to act like a kid, meant that Halloween had won that title years ago. Halloween hadn’t been so great that year, though. He hadn’t truly worried that he was going to lose Spencer; even though it hurt to watch her walk away, he was fairly confident she was going to come back. He had been right and it made him complacent—complacent enough not to realize just how far their stalker might go.

It had only been a little more than two weeks since that day—the day when he had feared he was truly going to lose Spencer forever—and Zac knew it was going to be a lot longer before he was really over it. He wasn’t even sure it was possible to be _over_ something like that. 

When he’d met Amberly before the wedding, she looked familiar but he couldn’t place her. It had plagued him for the entire next day, but still he couldn’t figure it out. When the police called him, something clicked and he remembered the strange girl he’d gone on one date with not long after the divorce had been finalized. He hadn’t wanted to start dating that soon, but his friends and brothers had encouraged it, saying that he needed to get his mind off girls he didn’t and couldn’t have. 

As it turned out, he was right about the stalker being an obsessive fan, and his friends were wrong about Spencer being a girl he couldn’t have.

With Spencer by his side and the threat of Amberly safely removed from their lives, it was the perfect Christmas. It wasn’t going to replace Halloween as his favorite holiday, but it had definitely earned a few points.

Just like Thanksgiving, it hadn’t taken long for the two of them to sequester themselves in the little piano room off the kitchen. Zac knew his family was a little much for Spencer to handle. At Thanksgiving, they had mostly been curious to get to know her. Now they were all hovering and offering their sympathies.

Of course the news of what had happened with Amberly was everywhere. The police were doing a good job of keeping the major details out of the press, but rumors were still swirling around. He tried his best to stay away from all of the speculation, and he tried even harder to keep it away from Spencer. Their families knew the truth, though. If his family had wondered just how serious he was about Spencer before all of that, he didn’t think they were wondering anymore. As for her family, he supposed he would find out how they felt about him in a few days.

Zac didn’t really understand how it was even possible for him to be so happy when so many things had gone wrong, but he was. The path to finally being with Spencer hadn’t been an easy one, but he didn’t care. Any path that led him to her was worth it.

“Zac?” Spencer asked, drawing him out of his thoughts.

He glanced up from his seat at the piano and saw that at some point she must have slipped away for another drink. She handed him a glass of his dad’s rather potent eggnog as she sat back down next to him and he accepted it gratefully.

“Thinking hard, are we?” Spencer asked, smirking. “Writing a song?”

Zac shook his head, then turned around to face the piano. He set his drink on top of the piano and ran his hands idly across the keys. He glanced back at Spencer and smiled. “Nah, just thinking.”

“About what?”

He shrugged. “Just… everything that’s happened this year. Well, the last few months. It’s been pretty crazy, but… well, other than seeing someone come at you with a knife, I wouldn’t really take any of it back.”

“Me either,” Spencer replied, leaning in to kiss his cheek. She smelled like gingerbread with just a hint of alcohol.

Zac ran his fingers along the keys again, not playing anything in particular. “What’s your favorite Christmas song?” 

“River,” Spencer replied. “By Joni Mitchell.”

“Leave it to you to pick something that’s barely even a Christmas song at all,” Zac replied, smiling. He tapped a few keys tentatively. “I _think_ I know how it goes.”

“You know I just have to be different. Or difficult, some people might say.”

“I might be one of them,” Zac replied, his fingers finally finding a melody that he hoped was right. “But I’d say it with love.”

Spencer leaned against Zac as he played, swaying just a little to the music. He still wasn’t sure if he had it right, but she seemed to be enjoying it. He knew he wasn’t the best pianist in the world, but he enjoyed playing for Spencer, even if it was a little bittersweet. It would always be tied up with the memory of their second night together, the night that he supposed they had conceived their baby. Although he was no longer angry with her, it still made a little ball of sadness form in his chest when he thought about it. He hardly even noticed when Spencer began to sing softly.

 _It’s coming on Christmas,_  
 _They’re cutting down trees._  
 _They’re putting up reindeer_  
 _And singing songs of joy and peace,  
_ _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

 _But it don’t snow here,_  
 _Stays pretty green._  
 _I’m gonna make a lot of money_  
 _And and then I’m gonna quit this crazy scene.  
_ _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

_I wish I had a river so long_  
 _I would teach my feet to fly._  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._  
 _I made my baby cry._

Her singing voice was soft and unsure, and a little deeper than he expected. Then again, nothing about Spencer was really what he expected. That was part of her appeal, he supposed. She kept him guessing but always longing, in the best way, to solve the puzzle that was her. He didn’t think he would ever be able to guess all of her next moves, but it wouldn’t stop him from trying.

As she sang, Zac wondered if she chose this song because she could relate to it in a way. There was a sadness to it that just seemed to suit Spencer. She had never really struck him as a happy person; she was just a realist, she would say. To Zac, she seemed like more of a pessimist. It balanced out his optimism well.

 _He tried hard to help me,_  
 _He put me at ease._  
 _Lord, he loved me so naughty,_  
 _Made me weak in the knees.  
_ _Oh I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

 _I’m so hard to handle,_  
 _I’m selfish and I’m sad._  
 _Now I’ve gone and lost the best baby_  
 _That I’ve ever had.  
_ _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

_I wish I had a river so long_  
 _I would teach my feet to fly._  
 _Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on._  
 _I made my baby say goodbye._

Zac blushed as she sang, but he kept playing. He wanted to ask if she was singing about him, but he had a feeling she would avoid answering and probably make some sort of sarcastic joke about it. She would call him conceited and complain that he didn’t used to be that way. He supposed he didn’t, not until she came along and made him feel wanted and worthy.

The truth that he wouldn’t admit was that she _had_ made him cry. He didn’t think he would ever tell anyone that. He hated crying. He couldn’t even remember if he’d really cried over losing Kate. If he had, it hadn’t been more than a few tears, shed one or two at a time so that he hardly even noticed.

The longer that he went without Spencer in his life, though, the more acutely he felt the loss of her. When he had found out about the baby and left her for good, it didn’t feel like anywhere near the sort of closure he wanted it to be. The ache only increased, and he only longed more for a way to make it right and show her that he loved her. 

Zac didn’t know when he had realized he was in love with her. It was the sort of thing that crept up on him so slowly that one day he thought it to himself and paused for just a second to acknowledge it was true, then went about his life as though he’d always known it. Perhaps somewhere deep inside, he had always known it, from the first moment he saw her staring quizzically up at him from her coffee shop couch. 

He might not have known when it had become the truth, but he had no doubt that it was. The fact that Spencer felt the same was still a little unbelievable to him, but knowing how much she had risked by standing up to Amberly only reaffirmed that it was true. She loved him and despite the words she was singing, neither of them were going anywhere. 

_It’s coming on Christmas,_  
 _They’re cutting down trees._  
 _They’re putting up reindeer_  
 _And singing songs of joy and peace,  
_ _I wish I had a river I could skate away on._

The two of them sat in silence as the last few notes faded away, but that silence didn’t last long. 

“Daddy, daddy!” Shepherd cried out, running into the room and flinging himself into Zac’s lap. “Did you see what Uncle Ike and Aunt Nikki bought me?”

“No, I didn’t,” Zac replied. “Did I miss the presents?”

Shepherd shook his head. “We just started. You gotta come open yours soon, though.”

“Alright, we’ll be right there,” Zac replied, glancing at Spencer, then back at Shepherd. “So what did Uncle Ike get you?”

“One of the new Hobbit Lego sets!” 

“Oh, yeah? Well, I think I’m going to have to go have a little talk with him, because I’m _positive_ that’s what he said he was getting _me_.”

Shepherd and Spencer both giggled, but Zac knew that they also knew he was serious. There was a good chance he would spend more time playing with the miniature hobbits than Shepherd would. He might have grown up a lot in the last few years, but in certain ways, he was always going to be a big kid at heart.

“Well, maybe he bought you one of the other ones,” Shepherd offered, hopping off Zac’s lap and tugging at his arm. “Come on, let’s go open it and see.”

Zac chuckled, but he stood up and offered his other hand to Spencer. She took it, still clutching her eggnog tightly in her other hand. He knew she was still nervous about joining the rest of his family circus again, but the presents were a part of their Christmas tradition that no one was really allowed to skip out on.

Despite what some people had suggested, Zac had steered clear of buying any sort of jewelry for Spencer—especially not a ring. He had to admit, at least to himself, that he hoped someday to give her a ring, but he knew it was far too soon for that. Still, someday, he knew he would marry her.

Shepherd scurried on ahead of them, leaving Zac to guide Spencer a little more slowly toward the living room. He wrapped his arm around her waist as they walked along, stopping just inside the doorway, a safe distance from most of the madness. A glance at her face showed that she looked more amused by the scene in front of her than scared, though.

“Daddy!” Shepherd cried out again. “You guys are standing under the mistletoe.”

Zac and Spencer glanced up at the same time and confirmed that Shepherd was telling the truth. Zac had forgotten that his family always hung up a spring of fake mistletoe that he was certain was at least as old as he was. He wasn’t sure how he could have forgotten that; he’d gotten his first kiss under that very sprig when it hung over the kitchen doorway in their old house. And, he remembered with a hint of sadness, he’d used it to steal a kiss from Kate a few years later when she had come to visit with Natalie. 

Zac had accepted the fact that in one way or another, Kate would always be a part of his life. They had a child together, after all, and they had spent nearly a decade together. Even if that part of their relationship was over, she wasn’t going anywhere and neither were the memories of her. He wasn’t trying to replace her with Spencer, but he knew it was only natural for those memories of her to fade a little and be replaced by new memories with Spencer. 

“Well?” Spencer asked, raising an eyebrow. “I think you’re supposed to kiss me now.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Zac replied, smirking.

As he leaned in and pressed his lips to Spencer’s, Zac decided that, in spite of that bittersweet feeling that kept creeping up on him, this was his favorite Christmas yet. And with Spencer by his side, he had a feeling he was going to have a lot more wonderful Christmas memories.


	47. Turning The Pages

Being back in Nashville felt strange. For all her education, that was the only appropriate word Spencer could think of to describe it. She hadn’t been back since the beginning of August, when she, Abbey and her mother had packed up all her things and driven off to Tulsa. That seemed like it had been ages ago, and it had been even longer since she had been with Zac in her city.

While Tulsa was definitely beginning to feel like home, Nashville would always be her city. It might have been strange, but it was also rather nice to share it with him—really _with_ him.

They had driven out to Nashville a few days after Christmas, choosing to stay there rather than with either of her parents. Even though they had been divorced for years, and her father had even remarried while she was in college, she had never really learned how to divide her time and affection between them. It was harder, she supposed, since she had been nearly an adult when the divorce happened. She had a routine and a _life_ ; Shepherd, though, was young enough to be resilient and take whatever was handed to him, not knowing how unusual it was. She wished she could learn a little of that from him.

Her parents had both been a little skeptical of Zac. Spencer had expected that, and while she wouldn’t have admitted it, that was also a part of the reason why she chose for them to get a hotel room in Nashville and only drive to each of her parents’ homes for a short visit. How could they not be wary of this man who had put her life in danger? They would never really know, if she could avoid it, everything the two of them had gone through, but that couldn’t stop them from wondering just why she had chosen him.

Spencer also wouldn’t have admitted how many times she had wondered that herself.

Walking through Nashville with Zac only served to remind her how far they had come. She had no clue when she met him just how far their relationship would go. Nothing about Zac had been predictable, but Spencer didn’t think she would have him any other way. There might have been things she would undo if she could, but in the end, it had all been worth it.

They hadn’t had any specific plan for their New Years Eve together. Spencer had long since abandoned her partying ways and Zac admitted that he had never been much of a drinker or party animal. That was fine by her. Still, their wandering around town managed to bring them to the huge party the city held near Music Row. She and Abbey had attended the concerts there quite a few times, and although she sent her a text early in the evening, Abbey was too busy “networking” to join the two of them. Again, that was fine by Spencer. They had hung out the day before; she was perfectly content to just walk around with Zac, ignoring the crowd all around them.

Spencer hardly even noticed where their aimless wandering had led them until Zac stopped in his tracks. Glancing around, she saw that they were standing in front of the studio where she had met Zac three and a half years before. 

“You alright?” Spencer asked, looking up at Zac’s face, unsure what emotion she was seeing reflected in his eyes.

“Yeah,” Zac replied, shaking his head a little. “Just… a lot of memories here. But I guess you have even more, huh? Not just right here, but all over the city, I mean.”

Spencer nodded, then leaned against Zac. “Yeah, I do. Good and bad memories, and some that are kind of both. But that’s going to happen anywhere, you know? I’ve already got a few of those in Tulsa now, too.”

“How do you deal with it?” Zac asked. “The memories, I mean. Maybe it’s this time of year or something, but lately it’s like… like I’m drowning in all these memories. Things with you, things with Kate… just _everything_. Not that—not that me remembering things about being with Kate means anything.”

“I know what you mean,” Spencer replied. “I mean, I’ve got plenty of memories with Daniel here. And I’ll admit, being back here is bringing up those _and_ the memories with you, and it’s all a lot to deal with. Makes my head spin to think about how much things have changed since the last time the two of us were here, you know?”

Zac nodded. “Can we just… not stay _here_ , though? Let’s keep walking.”

“Absolutely,” Spencer said, nodding.

Arms wrapped around each other, they walked down the sidewalk away from the studio. Spencer didn’t consciously lead the way, because she didn’t really care where they went at all, but she could tell that Zac was letting her steer anyway. Eventually, they made their way back into the crowds and found the food booths, where they bought beer and cupcakes. It was a strange combination but it seemed like a good way to celebrate a new year, Spencer thought. 

With their food in hand, they struggled to stay by each others’ side, finally finding their way to a park where they could sit down on the ledge of some sculpture and enjoy their snack. There were still plenty of people milling around, but it was quiet enough to at least hear their own thoughts again.

They ate and drank in silence for a few minutes. Silence was unusual for the two of them, but Spencer didn’t really mind. She could tell that Zac was still lost in thought, though, and she had a feeling she ought to at least attempt to rescue him.

“You think any harder and you’re going to end up hurting yourself,” she said.

Zac gave a fake laugh, then sighed. “Sorry. It’s just like I said. A lot on my mind lately.”

“Me too,” Spencer replied. “I mean, it’s only been a few weeks and… I know I can act as strong and stubborn as I want, but that was fucking _terrifying_ , Zac.”

Zac sat his beer down and wrapped his arms around Spencer. His face buried in her hair, he said, “I’m so sorry, baby. I’m acting so pitiful when, compared to you, I have no right to be. I can’t even imagine… I mean, I thought I was going to lose you, but that’s… that’s not really the same thing at all.”

“It kind of is, though,” Spencer replied. “It was the thought of losing you that kept me from letting her win, you know? It’s crazy, but that scared me more than whatever else she was threatening. I just can’t even picture a life without you. And I don’t mean that I don’t _want_ to, but I just can’t even fathom what that would be like anymore.”

“I can’t either,” Zac admitted. “I don’t think I could have been half as brave as you, though. I mean, I wouldn’t have chosen to leave you. No way. But I would have run like a little bitch.”

Spencer chuckled, picturing her big, brave knight in shining armor running away from Amberly. Even if he thought that would have been his reaction, she highly doubted it. She could still remember his arms wrapped tightly around her, saving her life. That was bravery, whether he realized it or not.

More than that, it was brave of him to even be with her at all. To go after what he wanted, stubbornly. To pursue his own happiness. Spencer knew that it had cost him a lot, but she also knew that the two of them were happy—that _Zac_ was happy in a way he hadn’t been at all when she met him. And it took a hell of a lot of courage to get him to that point.

She didn’t even know how to begin telling him just how proud of him she was.

Somewhere in the distance, slightly muffled, she could hear the countdown beginning. She hadn’t even realized how close it was to midnight, but now it seemed it was upon them, a new year looming only seconds away.

“Hey, Spence,” Zac said softly, pulling back from their embrace.

“Yeah?” She asked, staring up into his eyes.

Rather than answer her with words, Zac leaned down and kissed her. In the distance, she could hear cheers and exploding fireworks as the countdown reached one. Zac tasted like the sugary cupcake and the bitter beer he’d washed it down with—not dissimilar to their first kiss a few miles away, she thought. 

But it was different now. 

He was hers now, and he was going to stay that way. Whatever the world threw at them, they were strong enough to withstand it. If the past three years hadn’t proven that, the past four months had. Although plenty of things and people had tried, she truly didn’t believe that anything could sever the bond they had taken so long to form. 


End file.
